Slow Cooker Tammy Joes

     Did you ever have an ingredient sitting around the house that you never seem to use? Something that sits in the cabinet mocking you. Something that makes you wonder what you were drinking that day? My ingredient is a jar of Tamicon Tamarind Paste. I bought it thinking it was Tamari. I finally decided I'd use it in a riff on the classic Sloppy Joe. The end result was surprisingly good. It was was sweet, savory and spicy, but not too much of any one of those. I have to think the tamarind isn't going to be a taste that everybody is going to love, but it's totally worth the try for something different. If you try it, let me know if you like it. If you don't, you probably did something wrong. As always, notes are in blue.

Tammy Joes

Ingredients

• 1 pound ground beef
• 1 can (10.75 ounce) tomato soup
• 1 bag (14 ounces) mixed frozen onions, green and red peppers, defrosted (if you don't have access to the frozen, use chop one onion, one green and one red bell peppers)
• 1-1/2 tablespoons tamarind concentrate (panipuri paste) (you're not likely to have this laying around the house. I got mine from a local Indian grocer. Amazon carries the brand I use) 
• 1 teaspoon sesame oil
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper

Directions

1. In a pan, brown the ground beef. Drain the excess oil. Put in a slow cooker.
2. Sautee the vegetables in the pan you used for the ground beef. Add them to the slow cooker. (if you're feeling lazy, you can just throw them directly in the cooker without the sautee)
3. Add all the remaining ingredients and stir to incorporate.
4. Cook on LOW for 3-4 hours.
5. Serve on a bun, with nachos, or over egg noodles or rice.

Good times!

Indian Spiced Stew

     I have to give thanks to my Mother-In-Law (henceforth, MIL). When The Spud was born, she bought a house 20 minutes away and moved down here to provide day care while The Wife and I worked. Since she's in the area, we have her over for dinner regularly. This particular visit, she inexplicably brought a pound and a half of cooked ground turkey. I was considering Indian food for dinner and decided to go with that theme with the turkey. This turned out to be a really good stew. We had it over some basmati rice and it made for a good, filling winter meal. If you're not a fan of carbs over carbs, you can certainly serve it without rice. No matter what, serve it with naan so you can slop up the dregs! As always, notes are in blue.

Indian Spiced Stew

Ingredients

• 1-1/2 pounds ground turkey (feel free to use ground beef or pork, you're not going to hurt my feelings. I used turkey because my mother-in-law (MIL) brought it for me to use up)
• 2 medium potatoes, cut into 1/2" cubes
• 1/2 large red onion, chopped
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 1" fresh ginger, grated finely
• 1/2 cup frozen peas
• 1 can (14.5 ounce) diced tomatoes, undrained (I used fire-roasted tomatoes.)
• 1 teaspoon cumin seeds (if you don't have the seeds, just use the same amount of cumin powder)
• 1 teaspoon ground coriander
• 1/2 teaspoon turmeric
• 1/2 teaspoon cayenne (add more if you want a bigger kick. I was cooking for The Wife and MIL and kept the heat down)
• 2 teaspoons garam masala
• 2 tablespoons freshly chopped cilantro (or 1 teaspoon dried)
• 2 teaspoons curry powder
• 1/2 cup plain yogurt
• 1 cup water
• 3 tablespoons olive oil
• 1/4 cup red wine (if you don't want the booze, just use water here)
• If you want more heat, chop up a hot green chili pepper or two 

Directions

1. Brown meat. Drain any grease and set aside.
2. In a deep pan (I used a 3 quart cast-iron deep pan. A Dutch oven would work well here too). heat oil. Add garlic, ginger, onions,peas and potatoes. Sautee for around 10 minutes. 
3. Add in reserved meat and everything else except for the yogurt. Mix it up and set to simmer. 
4. Simmer, covered, for about 20-25 minutes or until potatoes are tender. 
5. Add yogurt and cook for another 5 minutes.

Good times!

Kale, Chorizo and Potato Soup

This has been one of the goofiest winters on record. We've had a week of near sixty degree temperatures, then it rained hard for two days straight and everything flooded. This morning it snowed. This sort of weather makes it hard for me to plan meals. There are certain things I can make only if the weather permits. Soups, for instance. I generally won't make soup during the summer. Come winter, it's game on. Now that we have a snap of cold weather, I figured it was time to throw down some soup. I found this recipe lurking in one of my cookbooks. I tweaked it just a bit and was greatly satisfied with the results. It's a simple, hearty soup that's great with crusty bread. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Kale, Chorizo and Potato Soup
via Best-Ever Soups

Ingredients

• 8 ounces kale, stems removed
• 8 ounce chorizo sausage (Italian or Spanish, not Mexican. You want the salami type chorizo)
• 1 medium onion, cut in half and thinly sliced
• 1-1/2 pounds red potatoes, skinned
• 7-1/2 cups vegetable stock (we used chicken stock)
• 1 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
• Crusty bread

Directions

1. Place the kale in a food processor and process for a few seconds to chop it finely (or just take out a goddamned knife and chop it yourself. I know I'm lazy, but even I have my limits)
2. Prick the sausage *snicker* and place in a pan with enough water to cover (if you're using the onion option, add them here). Simmer for 10 minutes. Drain and cut sausage into thin slices.
3. Cook the potatoes in lightly salted boiling water for about 15 minutes or until tender. Drain and place in a bowl. Mash, adding about a cup of the cooking liquid to make a thick paste.
4. Bring the stock to a boil and add the kale, chorizo (and possibly onion) and lower heat. Simmer for 5 minutes. Add the potato paste, stir to incorporate and simmer another 20 minutes. 
5. Season with black and cayenne pepper.
6. To serve: Place a slice of bread in the bottom of each bowl, then pour over soup.

Good times!

Potentially Irresponsible Hot Pickled Green Tomatoes

     It's the end of the season. That means I've got an assload of green tomatoes and I need to find ways to use them. Last year I made some chow-chow which I thought was absolutely nasty. Fortunately, a co-worker loved it so it all found a home. We really enjoyed the hot pickles we've made in the past, so we decided on hot pickled tomatoes. The irresponsible part came about when I decided I'd just chuck the bulk of my surplus peppers in with the tomatoes. I'm going to tell you right now, I haven't tasted these. They're canned and marinating for now. If I eat them, I'll update you. Just know that if you make these and they suck or make your asshole fall out, don't come crying to me. This recipe will yield a bit over six QUARTS of pickled excitement.

Potentially Irresponsible
Hot Pickled Green Tomatoes
based on a recipe from Southern Living Little Jars, Big Flavors

Ingredients

• 5 pounds green tomatoes (cut medium ones into quarters, large into eights)
• 2 red onions, halved and sliced
• 2 pounds assorted banana peppers (sweet or hot, your choice) stemmed and sliced into 1/2" in rounds
• 2 pounds assorted hot peppers (I went batshit crazy and did a mix of cayenne, jalapeno and Thai bird), stemmed and sliced into 1/2" rounds
• 8 tsp canning and pickling salt, divided 
• 8 cups white vinegar (5% acidity)
• 4 cups water
• 1 cup sugar
• 2 tablespoons pickling spice
• 2 tablespoons mustard seeds
• garlic cloves
• bay leaves

Directions

1. Sterilize a half dozen quart jars. 
2. Get a huge bowl, (I'm not kidding. The biggest you can find).

   

   That's right. We used a punch bowl. 

   Throw all the veggies in there with 2 tablespoons (6 teaspoons of the salt). Toss all that to get the salt incorporated. Wait about half an hour then drain off all the water that built up in the bottom of the bowl. Toss the veggies again to make sure everything is evenly distributed. You don't want a jar of one tomato and the rest hot peppers (maybe you do. HILARIOUS!) Spill some. Make a mess. Swear a bunch and curse ever following my blog.
3. In a nonreactive pan, add vinegar, water, sugar and remaining salt. Bring to a boil until sugar and salt have dissolved. Lower the heat to low. Just keep the liquid hot.
4. In each quart jar add a bay leaf, a couple garlic cloves, a teaspoon of mustard seed and a teaspoon of pickling spice. Cram as much of the veggie mix into the jar as you can, keeping 1/2" headspace. Add hot liquid to jars until veggies are covered. Make sure to keep that 1/2" headspace.
5. Seal jars and process in a boiling water canner for 20 minutes (as always, double check with the National Center for Home Food Preservation to ensure you're not going to end up on the wrong side of a lawsuit)
6. Set jars on a cooling rack and hope you hear the thunking noise that lets you know the jars sealed. If they didn't you can either try reboiling them or put all the jars in the fridge for later use (don't be a dummy and put super hot jars into the fridge unless you're a big fan of replacing your shelves).

Good times!

Spud's Choice Hot Noggin Sauce

     First, a couple clarifications. We did NOT give any hot sauce to our The Spud. Also, for those who like to needlessly panic, that's a sweet red banana pepper on her noggin'. We know better than to handle our little tater with hot peppery hands. To review: No Spuds were harmed in the making of this sauce. This particular sauce came about as an attempt to use up surplus peppers. I chose only red colored peppers since that was what I had the most of. I ended up with what can best be described as a sriracha variant. The sauce starts sweet and a bit garlicky, then you get a serious punch of heat that quickly levels off before slowly fading. Much like sriracha, I see this being a multipurpose sauce, topping everything from eggs to meats. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Spud's Choice
Hot Noggin Sauce

Ingredients

(yields just shy of 3 half pint jars)

• 1 cup cayenne peppers, stemmed and roughly chopped
• 1 cup red jalapeno or Serrano peppers, stemmed and roughly chopped
• 1 cup bird or Thai peppers, stemmed and roughly chopped
• 1 cup red banana peppers, stemmed and roughly chopped
• 12 cloves garlic
• 1/2 cup white vinegar
• 3 tablespoons sugar
• 3 teaspoons seasoning salt

Directions

1. Load peppers and garlic into a food processor. Blend until a thick paste (the peppers, not you)
2. Dump the peppers into a nonreactive pot. Add the remaining ingredients and stir to incorporate.
3. Place on medium-high heat and bring to a boil, reduce to simmer and simmer for 5 minutes, stirring regularly.
4. If you plan to use the sauce right away, you're done. It will keep in the fridge for a couple weeks. If you plan to can the sauce, proceed to the next step.
5. Load sauce into 1/2 pint jars, leaving about 1/4" headspace. Seal with a 2 piece lid. Place in boiling water bath for 12 minutes. Remove to wire rack to cool. As always, make sure to refer to the National Center for Home Food Preservation for useful tips on how not to accidentally poison your friends and family.

Good times!

Slow Cooker Indian Style Chicken Chili

     Sometimes it's fun to make totally inauthentic food. We've all done it. Take some ingredients that follow a theme and just get stupid. That's what happened here. And I'll be damned, it worked! It is certainly no chili and definitely not genuine Indian food, it combines from both and makes for a very fragrant and satisfying meal. I didn't ramp the heat much for the base recipe, but you can certainly add more cayenne or chopped green chiles if you want more heat. Give it a try and see what you think. Or don't I know you only come here for my rugged good looks and roguish charm.

Slow-Cooker
Indian-Style Chicken Chili

Ingredients

• 1 lb. boneless, skinless chicken breast
• 1 cup dried red lentils
• 2- 14.5 ounce cans diced tomatoes, undrained
• 1/2 white onion, chopped
• 1 teaspoon garam masala
• 1 teaspoon cumin
• 1/2 teaspoon brown mustard seeds
• 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper (use more if you want more heat)
• 1 bay leaf

Directions

1. Load everything into a slow cooker.
2. Cook on LOW for about 7 hours. If needed, add 1/2 cup more water during cooking.
3. When done cooking, take out the bay leaf and discard. Shred chicken with two forks
4. Eat and be happy.

Good tines!

Too Damned Easy Sausage Gravy

     I wasn't always a fan of biscuits and gravy. In fact, I didn't even know it existed until I went to college and they served it at the cafeteria. Biscuit and gravy day was one of the few weekdays I would get up early. Now I make it at home and don't have to get up early to do it. I don't even have to wear pants. This particular recipe has some heat, as I use plenty of seasoning. It's good on biscuits, crescent rolls, eggs, hash browns, or just about anything breakfasty. It's super fast and easy to make and really dresses up a tube of store-bought biscuit dough.

Too Damned Easy Sausage Gravy

Ingredients

• 1 pound country sausage
• 3 heaping tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 1-3/4 cups milk
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
• 1/4 teaspoon Cajun seasoning
• 1/8 teaspoon cayenne 

Directions

1. In a medium saucepan, brown sausage. Do not drain the grease.
2. Lower the heat to low and add all the other ingredients. Stir until dry ingredients are totally incorporated into the milk. Adjust the milk/flour ratios if the consistency needs work. Just remember you may have to adjust the seasonings to account for increased flour and/or milk. 
3. Once it's the consistency you like, take it off the heat and get it on some biscuits!

Good times!

Clam Chowder

     I loves me some clam chowder. I fondly remember ordering at family restaurants and getting that sickly white, ultra-thick concoction that smelled faintly of a fire on a fishing boat. I couldn't get enough of that stuff. Then I grew up and realized that it wasn't really supposed to look or taste like that and I'm very lucky I didn't get food poisoning and die from dysentery.

Or snakebite. Always the damned snakebite.

     I was glad to find a recipe for clam chowder that I feel is a bit closer to the intended look and taste. I can't say for sure as I've never had clam chowder in New England. I imagine it would taste just like this, but everyone would be talking with funny accents about how they're going "to wahk theah dahg in Havahd Pahk aftah dahk." This soup was fantastic and will enter the regular rotation. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Clam Chowder
via Best-Ever Soups

Ingredients

• 3-3/4 oz salt pork or thinly sliced unsmoked bacon (let's just derail right away and use a half pound of bacon. BACON FTW!)
• 1 large onion, chopped (we used a Vidalia, figuring the sweetness would work well here)
• 2 potatoes, peeled and cut into cubes
• 1 bay leaf (remember to remove bay leaves before serving! Leave that bay leaf in there and you'll choke like the St. Louis Blues in a Stanley Cup Playoff)
• 1 fresh thyme sprig (none on hand. I used about 1/8 tsp. dried thyme)
• 1-1/4 cups milk
• 14 oz cooked clams, cooking liquid reserved (we used 3 cans at 6.5 oz each. Go big or go home. Unless you're already at home. Then maybe go outside)
• 2/3 cup heavy cream
• salt (I used pink Himalayan. Not even kidding), ground white pepper (a scant 1/8 tsp) and cayenne pepper (1/4 tsp)
• Finely chopped parsley, to garnish

Directions

1. Put the bacon (who are you fooling with the salt pork? We know you're using bacon) in a pan (we used the trusty enameled Dutch oven) and heat gently, stirring frequently, until the fat runs and the meat is starting to brown.
2. Add the chopped onion and fry over a low heat until softened but not brown.
3. Add the potato, bay leaf and thyme. Stir well to coat with fat, then pour in the milk and clam liquid; bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for about 10 minutes or until the potatoes are tender but still firm. Lift out the bay leaf (OR CHOKE AND DIE) and the thyme sprig (if you used it) and discard them.
4. Remove the shells from most of the clams (AHAHAHA, no. My butler was too busy synchronizing all of my Rolex watches. As previously stated, I used canned clams). Add all the clams to the pot and season to taste with salt, pepper and cayenne.
5. Simmer gently for 5 minutes more, then stir in the cream. Heat until the soup is very hot, but do not allow it to boil. Pour into a tureen (the butler knows where the tureen is kept, but as mentioned, he was busy with my Rolexes. I used regular bowls). Garnish with chopped parsley and serve. 

Good Times!

Slow Cooker Loaded Baked Potato Casserole

Once again we turn to the trusty slow cooker to burn through surplus ingredients. We had plenty of potatoes and green onions on hand. We also had some sour cream getting ready to go off. We didn't have any bacon, but we did have bacon bits. They worked, but game the dish a queasy pink hue. In the end, it worked. It had all the flavors you'd expect from a loaded baked potato. Would it have been easier to just pop a couple spuds in the oven and then put on the toppings? Yes. Yes it would. There's a lesson to be learned here, but I'll be damned if I know what it is. As always, notes are in blue.

Slow Cooker Loaded Baked Potato Casserole

Ingredients

• 2 pounds potatoes, washed and cut into 1/2" cubes
• 2 scallions, chopped
• 3 tablespoons bacon bits (if you're not down with bacon bits, feel free to use real bacon. You'll likely need about 1/2 pound, cooked until crisp and then crumbled into the mixture.)
• 1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
• 1 pound sour cream
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 tablespoon butter
• 1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
• salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. Mix all ingredients in a large bowl and dump unceremoniously into a slow cooker that has been sprayed with nonstick cooking spray.
2. Cook on LOW for about 5 hours (cooking time may vary. At five hours, give it a taste. You'll know right away if the potatoes aren't done)

Good times!

Kosher Dill Pickles

     First off, let me make it clear that these pickles are not truly Kosher. Our house would never pass a Kosher certification. The six pound pork shoulder in the freezer pretty much locks that one up. We don't even grow the veggies right. According to Leviticus 19:19 and Deuteronomy 22:19, we screwed up since we grew our cucumbers in a field with a bunch of other seeds. So, semantics (or Semetics "I'll be here all week! Try the veal and tip your servers! Don't forget the 9:30 show is nothing like the 6:30 show; you can't bring your kids to the 9:30 show!") aside, these are just some tasty pickles to nosh on as you see fit. Eat them from the jar, use them in a potato salad, or slap them on a hot dog (WITHOUT KETCHUP. Please, I'm begging you, don't put ketchup on a hot dog). As always, notes and changes are in blue. 

Kosher Dill Pickles
via Better Homes and Gardens Home Canning Cook Book

Ingredients

• 2-1/4 pounds 4-inch cucumbers (we just used whatever cucumbers we had on hand. No clue as to type. If they weren't 4 inches, we just cut them down to make sure they'd fit in a pint jar)
• Fresh dill heads (LOL WUT? No clue as to what they're asking for. I, for one, refuse to decapitate an innocent dill. We used a teaspoon of dill weed in each pint jar)
• Garlic cloves
• Hot red peppers (we used whole dehydrated cayenne)
• Pickling salt
• 4 cups cider vinegar

Directions

1. Wash cucumbers. Pack them in hot quart jars, leaving 1/2-inch headspace (we derail almost immediately. One, we used pint jars. Two, we used full sized cucumbers, so we cut ours into spears, then shortened them as needed to get them in pint jars. We did, however, wash them. I think.)
2. To each quart, add 2 heads fresh dill, 1 clove garlic, 1 hot pepper and 1 tablespoon pickling salt
   (if you're doing it our way, you'll be adding to each pint, 1 teaspoon dill weed, 1 clove garlic, 1 dried cayenne and 1-1/2 teaspoons pickling salt)
3. In a medium saucepan, combine vinegar and 3 quarts of water. Bring to a boil.
4. Pour boiling liquid over cucumbers, leaving 1/2 inch headspace. Adjust lids.
5. Process in boiling water bath (20 minutes for quarts, 15 for pints)
6. Yields will depend on how committed you are to violently jamming cucumbers into the jars.
7. As always, if you're not familiar with canning, go to the National Center for Home Food Preservation to avoid poisoning anyone.

Good times!

Master Ridley's Pepper Paste

     This particular concoction was my first foray into pepper sauces. I had a bumper crop of cayenne and needed to use them in bulk. The end result was my single most popular hot sauce recipe, at least among friends and coworkers. There is so much you can do with this. Toss it with melted butter and chicken wings and you'll never do hot wings any other way again. Mix it in chili for an extra punch. One of the guys at works just spreads it on his hamburger. You will not be the same after this. It has just enough heat and more than enough flavor. Since it's made with vinegar, it cans well, too. Just pack it in half-pint jars, making sure to work out the air bubbles. Then just process in a boiling water bath for 12-15 minutes (as always, consult the National Center for Home Food Preservation for tips on how not to get botulism). We actually have an open jar that's been in our fridge for over 2 years without going off. We just add leftovers from each season's batch. We figure in the next couple years it should achieve sentience. Remember, with great power comes great responsibility. And just who is Master Ridley, you ask? If you've read Fahrenheit 451, you'll know the reference: "Play the man, Master Ridley; we shall this day light such a candle, by God's grace, in England, as I trust shall never be put out."*

Master Ridley's Pepper Paste

Ingredients 
Ingredients can be easily multiplied for larger batches. A double batch of these ingredients should yield about a half pint of paste.

• 1 dried Guajillo pepper
• 10-12 Cayenne peppers (cut off and discard the stems and roughly chop. Don't remove the seeds unless you're a huge wuss. If that's the case, make sure you wear gloves and hike up your diaper, too)
• 2 grated baby carrots
• ½ teaspoon cumin
• 1 teaspoon seasoning salt
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 3 tablespoons white vinegar

Directions

1. Combine ingredients in a food processor and blend until smooth 
2. Another tablespoon of vinegar can be added if the sauce is too thick for your liking.

* Nicholas Ridley was a bishop burned at the stake for heresy in 1555
Good times!

Chicken in Spicy Red Sauce (lal shorve vala murgh)

     It's always nice to find a flavor-packed recipe that comes together quick enough to use as a mid-week meal. This particular recipe was a fine way to use up a big pack of discounted chicken thighs that was taking up room in the freezer. You are welcome to use any cut of chicken you'd like. While the recipe comes together in less than an hour, it does qualify as a PITA, since it requires constant vigilance until you get to the simmering stage. It's worth it. We served it up with a side of Stir-Fried Green Cabbage with Fennel Seeds. This makes for a satisfying meal that's mercifully low on calories. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Chicken in a Spicy Red Sauce
lal shorve vala murgh
via Madhur Jaffrey's Quick and Easy Indian Cooking

Ingredients

• 2-1/4 pounds chicken pieces
• 1 teaspoon salt or to taste
• Freshly ground black pepper
• 7 large cloves garlic, peeled and coarsely chopped
• 2 inch piece fresh ginger, peeled and coarsely chopped (we grated ours, since chopping ginger is more trouble than it's worth)
• 1/4 cup vegetable oil
• Generous pinch asafetida optional (this is a powder that's available at Indian grocers. Alternately, you can get it at The Spice House online.)
• 1 teaspoon cumin seeds
• 2 inch stick cinnamon
• 6 cardamom pods (didn't have the pods on hand. I did have cardamom seeds. I used about a dozen)
• 5 whole cloves
• 3 dried, hot red chiles (I used my own dried cayenne)
• 1/2 teaspoon ground turmeric
• 1/8-1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper (don't be a wuss, use 1/4)
• 1-1/2 cup canned, chopped tomatoes (I used canned whole tomatoes. They'll break up during the cooking)
• 12 ounces potatoes, peeled and cut into 1-1/2 inch chunks (I'm pretty sure we cut ours into 1/2 inch chunks because I don't read directions particularly well)

Directions

1. Sprinkle the chicken pieces lightly with salt and black pepper and set aside.
2. Put the garlic and ginger into a blender, along with 3 tablespoons water and blend into a paste.
3. Put the oil in a wide, nonstick pan and set over medium high heat (I used my enameled Dutch oven. I figured there's be a lot going on here and I didn't want everything spilling over the sides of my pan. The Wife will abide a small mess, but nothing extravagant). When the oil is hot, put in the asafetida if using. A few seconds later, put in the cumin seeds. Wait 10 seconds and put in the cinnamon stick, cardamom, cloves and chiles. Stir for a few seconds until the large spices begin to turn darker. Add the garlic and ginger paste. Stir and fry it for about 2 minutes. Add the chicken, turmeric and cayenne. Stir and fry for another minute (nothing like dozens of tiny time constraints to make you want to order a pizza). Add the chopped tomatoes, potatoes, 1-1/4 cup water and 1 teaspoon salt. Bring to a boil. Lower to a simmer. Cover and simmer gently for 25-30 minutes or until the chicken and potatoes are tender (I'd be more concerned with the chicken being done. An undercooked potato won't kill you). 

Good times!

Stir-Fried Green Cabbage with Fennel Seeds (Bhuni Bandh Gobi)

     We do enjoy our cabbage in our house. There is a certain glory to downing a couple big plates of cabbage and then retiring to the bed to try to blow the blanket off the bed. Indian cooking also provides some incredible gastric events. When you find an Indian cabbage recipe, you know you're in for something special. This is a very flavorful dish that makes a great side for chicken. The ingredients aren't something you are likely to have in the cabinet. Or maybe you're one of those people who always has cumin seeds on hand. You probably have Gruyere and lamb in your fridge, too. Nobody likes a show-off. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Stir-Fried Green Cabbage with Fennel Seeds
(Bhuni Bandh Gobi)
via Madhur Jaffrey's Quick and Easy Indian Cooking

Ingredients

• 1-1/2 pounds green cabbage
• 1/4 cup vegetable oil
• 3/4 teaspoon cumin seeds
• 1/2 teaspoon fennel seeds
• 1 teaspoon sesame seeds
• 1 medium-large onion, peeled and cut lengthwise into fine half rings
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/8-1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
• 1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice (fresh from the plastic bottle out of my fridge)
• 1/2 teaspoon store-bought garam masala (I am truly glad she specifies store bought. I know how to make home made garam masala but it is a PITA. I'm glad to spend the little bit of extra money to use pre-made)

Directions

1. Remove the coarse outer leaves of the cabbage. If you have a cabbage half, cut it in half again lengthwise, and then core the sections. Now cut each section lengthwise into very long shreds. A bread knife is ideal for this. You could also use a food processor (Or you do like I to and just cut shreds from the head until you have the core left over. I worry that a food processor could reduce the cabbage to mulch).
2. Put the oil in a wide, preferably nonstick pan, and set over medium-high heat. When the oil is hot, put in the cumin, fennel and sesame seeds. As soon as the seeds begin to pop (she's not fooling. Those little bastards really do pop! If you're not paying attention, you get a nice little scare when the seeds start exploding and spraying hot oil. Cooking is fun!), put in the onion. Stir and fry for 3-4 minutes or until onion has browned a bit.
3. Put in the cabbage. Stir and fry for about 6 minutes or until the cabbage has browned somewhat (this takes me closer to half an hour to get the cabbage brown. This is likely due to the fact that I tend to pack the shit out of any pan I use.

   

   Case in point.

4. Put in the salt and cayenne. Turn down the heat to medium-low and cook, stirring now and then for another 7-8 minutes or until the onions appear caramelized and soft (like I said, the it takes me close to half an hour from start to finish to get the cabbage to look the way they ask). Add lemon juice and garam masala. Stir to mix. 

Good times!

Slow Cooker Sweet & Spicy Orange Chicken

     When I want hilariously unhealthy slow-cooker recipes, I turn to Gooseberry Patch Super Fast Slow Cooking. Many of the recipes call for Velveeta by the pound. This particular recipe called for an entire jar of orange marmalade. My recent blood workup said my blood sugars were fine, so I figured I'd give it a spin. I ramped up the heat a little by doubling the cayenne. I also added a cornstarch slurry to thicken up the sauce. We wound up serving it over white rice. This isn't going to blow your mind. It's simple and tasty and that's about it. It does leave plenty of room for interpretation. I'd certainly make it again. As always, and notes or changes are in blue.

Slow Cooker
Sweet & Spicy Orange Chicken

Ingredients

• 4 to 6 boneless, skinless chicken breasts (we just used one of those 2.5 pound bags of frozen chicken breast planks)
• 12-ounce jar orange marmalade 
• 1/2 cup chicken broth
• 1-1/2 teaspoon curry powder
• 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper (I used 3/4 teaspoon because I am a total badass)
• Optional: 1/8 teaspoon ground ginger (I used 1/4 teaspoon because, again, I am a total badass)
• Salt and pepper to taste (I used bouillon powder for the chicken stock, so I didn't need any extra salt. A few good shots of fresh cracked black pepper works wonders here)
• 3 tablespoons corn starch mixed with 3 tablespoons cold water

Directions

1. Sprinkle chicken with salt and pepper (I totally missed this step when I made it. Doesn't matter because I left out the salt anyway. And now that I think of it, I'm calling bullshit. 
   
    The recipe clearly called for "salt and pepper to taste." Are they suggesting I taste raw chicken to see if it's seasoned correctly? What the hell is wrong with people?) Place chicken in slow cooker (if you're not already debilitated with food poisoning from licking raw chicken to see if it's properly seasoned.)
2. In a bowl, whisk together marmalade, broth and spices. Pour over chicken. Cover and cook on LOW for 5-7 hours, or HIGH for 3-4 hours, turning chicken halfway though cooking (that didn't happen).
3. 30 minutes before serving, add the cornstarch/water mixture to help thicken the sauce.

UPDATE: I have posted up the video that accompanies this recipe:

Good times!

Chicken Makhani

     The first Indian meal my wife ever had was Chicken Makhani. I took her out to an Indian restaurant. She was a little leery, thinking everything would be spicy and overwhelming. She tried the makhani and it began her love affair with Indian food. I've been cooking Indian around once a week now. One of The Wife's demands is that I replicate the restaurant's makhani. This recipe comes very close. We had to do some tinkering. The restaurant used yogurt, so we swapped it in here. We also kept it mild.  I was super pleased with the results here. The sauce was creamy and extremely flavorful. This is a good place to start if you have never had Indian food. There are quite a few notes and changes made in this recipe, so read carefully if the text is blue.

Chicken Makhani
via Madhur Jaffrey's Quick & Easy Indian Cooking

Ingredients

• 1/4 teaspoon sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
• 1/2 teaspoon garam masala (I stopped making it myself and just started buying it by the jar. In the end, it costs almost the same and is way less of a hassle)
• 3/4 teaspoon salt (as I watch my salt intake, I cut this back to 1/2 teaspoon)
• 1/4-1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper (we like the heat, so we went with the 1/2 teaspoon. I wouldn't ramp it up much more than that because you'll start drowning out the other flavors)
• 1 tablespoon tomato paste (we used 2 tablespoons)
• 3/4 cup heavy whipping cream (we subbed 3/4 cup plain yogurt)
• 1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice (we used bottled)
• 2 tablespoons chopped, fresh cilantro
• 1 fresh, hot green chile, finely chopped, with seeds (since we were trying to duplicate a restaurant recipe, we omitted the hot chile. The makhani we had was mild)
• 3 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 1/2 teaspoon cumin seeds
• 1/2 teaspoon black or yellow mustard seeds
• 2 packages (10 ounces each) frozen peas (omitted)
• 1-1/2 pounds boneless chicken

Directions

1. Combine sugar, ground cumin, garam masala, salt, cayenne and tomato paste. Slowly add 2 tablespoons water, mixing as you go. Add the cream (or yogurt, if that's what you're using) slowly and mix. Put in the lemon juice, cilantro and green chile (if using). Mix again and set the cream sauce aside
2. Put the oil in a large frying pan and set over medium-high heat. When the oil is hot, put in the cumin and mustard seeds. IF YOU WANT TO SKIP THE PEAS AND USE CHICKEN, SKIP STEP #3 AND GO TO STEP #4. 
3. After a few seconds, the mustard seeds will begin to pop. When this happens, put in the peas. Stir and fry the peas for 30 seconds
4. Add the chicken and stir and fry until cooked through.
5. Add the cream sauce. Cook on high heat for about 1-1/2 to 2 minutes or until the sauce has thickened (if you used yogurt instead of cream, it's going to be plenty thick already. Just cook it until everything is heated through). Stir gently as you cook. 

Good times!

Shells with Bell Peppers and Feta

     If I ever lose my copy of Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals, I'm hosed. I am constantly digging through this recipe book for recipes and ideas. We really liked this recipe. It's super easy to put together and leaves plenty of room for personal interpretation. It's also fairly healthy. This is one of those meals that is perfect for the middle of a busy week. As a bonus, it's good cold, too! As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Shells with Bell Peppers and Feta
via Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals

Ingredients

• 2-1/4 cups uncooked penne (we used 5 cups of medium shells)
• 3/4 cup chopped onion 
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 cup chopped sweet red pepper
• 1 cup chopped green pepper
• 1/4 cup sliced ripe black olives (you bet. Ripe from the can.)
• 1 teaspoon dried oregano
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper (I never understand measurements like this. 1/8 teaspoon? Really? Why not hold the jar of cayenne next to the bowl and call it a day? I used a full teaspoon)
• 1/4 cup water
• 1/2 cup crumbled feta cheese

Directions

1. Cook and drain pasta according to package directions (It's important to use the right package for directions. You don't want to accidentally cook your pasta according to the directions on a package of suppositories). 
2. In a nonstick skillet, sautee onion in oil for 1-1/2 minutes. Add garlic; cook 30 seconds longer.
3. Add the peppers; cook and stir for 2-3 minutes or until vegetables are tender.
4. Stir in olives, oregano, salt, and cayenne. Add water; cook and stir until mixture comes to a boil. Stir pasta into skillet. Remove from heat. Stir in cheese. 

Fruit Punch Hot Sauce

     Some time ago I held a little contest to determine the name of a hot sauce I had created. I picked a winner and then subsequently forgot all about it. I even managed to misplace the recipe. Having finally located the recipe, I am finally posting it! This is a cayenne sauce with a strong citrus base. It's excellent on seafood and chicken. I haven't tried it on anything else, but fully intend to. As far as heat, on a scale of 1 being no real heat to 10 being "Oh God, eventually this has to come out my anus," I'd give this a 4-5. As always, any notes are in blue.

Fruit Punch Hot Sauce

Ingredients

• 5 ounces cayenne peppers, seeded and roughly chopped
• 10 ounces red banana peppers, seeded and roughly chopped (not sure where you're going to find these; these peppers were mutants out of our garden)
• juice of 2 lemons
• 1/4 cup orange juice
• 1 medium tomato, roughly chopped
• 2 cloves garlic
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 2 cups cider vinegar

Directions

1. Throw everything into a blender and blend the living shit out of it.
2. Pour the blended mixture into a non-reactive saucepan and bring to a boil; boil for 2 minutes.
3. Strain mixture into bottles/cans (This will make a little over a pint of sauce)
4. If you are intending to store long term, process canning jars in a boiling water bath for 12 minutes for 1/2-pints and 15 minutes for pints (as always, please refer to the National Center for Home Food Preservation for detailed instructions and tips for giving everyone dysentery) 

Good times!

Sriracha Sauce via Hot Sauce!

     We have just been pepper fabulous all season in the garden. The cayenne came up late, but boy howdy did they make up for lost time. Naturally, we turned to the book Hot Sauce! for a recipe to burn through the inventory. Since Sriracha is one of my favorite sauces, we figured we would pull the recipe from the book to try. With a little doctoring we came up with a sauce that I feel is superior to Huy Fong Sriracha. That's a big claim, but I'm sticking to it. The recipe below is showing double the amount listed in the cookbook. We found out the hard way that even though the book says their measurements yield one cup, we called bullshit. We needed to double off everything to come up with a half pint. One warning, if you choose cayenne peppers it will be a Colossal Pain In The Ass to seed them; wear gloves unless you're a fan of screaming a lot. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Sriracha
via Hot Sauce!

Ingredients
(this recipe will yield 1/2 pint of sauce)

• 2 cups assorted fresh red chiles (habanero, jalapeno, serrano, and/or cayenne), stemmed, seeded and chopped (we use cayenne. If you choose cayenne, you're in for some work. Seeding them is fairly labor intensive. Make sure you wear some rubber gloves)
• 6-8 garlic cloves, chopped
• 4 tablespoons white wine vinegar
• 2 teaspoons sugar, plus more as needed (we used 3 teaspoons total)
• 1-2 teaspoons salt, plus more as needed (we used 2-1/2 teaspoons total)

Directions

1. Add all of the ingredients to a food processor and pulse until blended. Taste and adjust the amount of salt or sugar if needed (we felt it was needed. The adjustments are listed in the ingredients section)

   

   For added fun, leave the access chute open when you do this
   and see who can stay in the kitchen the longest!

2. Transfer the mixture to a saucepan and simmer over medium heat for 5 minutes, or until the sauce loses its raw vegetable smell.
3. Let cool, then pour into a bottle (we bottled it hot since we planned on water bath canning for long term storage. We processed half pint jars for 15 minute. As always, please consult the National Center for Home Food Preservation for more information. I won't be held responsible for you poisoning yourself)

Good times!

Too Damned Easy Cucumber Tomato Salad

     This is the point in the summer where we start trying to use our garden produce in vast quantities. That's where the wife's recipe for cucumber tomato salad comes into play. This recipe couldn't be any more simple. Just about any tomato will work, but we have been using these orange tomatoes since they are super sweet and mild.

Too Damned Easy
Cucumber Tomato Salad

Ingredients

• 2-3 large cucumbers, sliced
• 1 large onion, cut into about 1” pieces
• 3-4 tomatoes of your choosing, sliced

Vinaigrette:

• 1 cup white vinegar 
• ¾ cup water 
• ¾ cup sugar (or six packets of your favorite carcinogenic sweetener)
• 1 teaspoon salt 
• 1/8 teaspoon black pepper 
• dash cayenne pepper 
• dash parsley 
• dash basil

Directions

1. Mix vinaigrette ingredients in large bowl until sugar is dissolved. 
2. Add vegetables. 
3. Let marinate in refrigerator 1-2 hours.

Good times!

Slow Cooker Pork Loin and Hominy

     The school year is in full swing, which means the slow-cooker has been brought out for heavy use. Generally we throw together a few things in our cookers on Sunday and eat on them for lunches and dinners during the work week. I started this week with an idea that had been knocking around in my head for a couple of days. Pork and hominy seemed like a good mix, so I decided to use those as key ingredients and give it a generally Southwest feel. I used my own home-canned chili tomatoes. Any canned chili tomato will do. The recipe below is written assuming you're using plain old canned tomatoes. If you find pre-seasoned chili tomatoes, omit the chili powder, cumin and paprika. If you drain the liquid, this makes a decent taco filling. It's also good over rice. It doesn't have a ton of heat, so you can fine tune it as you need.

Slow Cooker Pork Loin with Hominy

Ingredients

• Pork loin, about 3 pounds
• 1 can white or yellow hominy, drained
• 1 can black eye peas or bean of your choice
• 1 quart canned tomatoes, undrained.
• 1 tablespoon chili powder
• 1 teaspoon cumin
• 1/4 teaspoon smoked paprika
• 3 cayenne peppers
• 2 chipotle peppers in adobo sauce
• 1 medium onion, roughly chopped
• 1 can cream of celery soup

Directions

1. Heat some oil in a large pan. Cook loin about 3 minutes on each side, until just starting to brown.
2. Pour tomatoes and spices into slow cooker. Lay the loin, fat side up, on top of the tomatoes. 
3. Spread remaining ingredients over top of loin.
4. Cook 4-5 hours on HIGH or until meat breaks apart easily with a fork.

UPDATE: I have added a YouTube video of the actual cooking process! How exciting! Or not. Depends on how low you set the bar.

Good times!