World's Best Ever (FIGHT ME) Deluxe Super Special Pasta Salad (with extra hyperbole!)

We're back from a long hiatus due to the world being a fundamentally nonstop torrent of shit. I won't go into it, but 2022 is shaping up to be one slobberknocker of a shitty year. Last weekend we decided we needed to distract ourselves and spent an entire Saturday in the kitchen. This culinary masterpiece is one of the many things we made. This is made from ingredients you're probably going to have around the house or at the very least, can get easily. The Spanish chorizo might be a small challenge. We have to order ours on Amazon as culinary tastes around here largely center on Natural Light or Horseshoes. That said, this is a Taste Delight and received rave reviews from The Wife. Naturally, the Spud stared in horror and refused to go anywhere near it. As always, notes are in blue.

 World's Best Ever (FIGHT ME)
Deluxe Super Special Pasta Salad

Ingredients

• 1 pound elbow macaroni
• 1 can garbanzo beans (15.5 ounces), drained and rinsed
• 1 can black olives (6 ounces), drained and sliced
• 1 can diced tomatoes (14.5 ounces), drained
• 1 jar marinated artichoke hearts (12 ounces) (DO NOT DRAIN)
• 1 Spanish chorizo (about 8 ounces), chopped
• 1 small red onion, chopped
• 4 ounces crumbled feta cheese

For the Dressing

• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 3 tablespoons red wine vinegar
• 1 tablespoon hot sauce (we went with a carrot/habanero sauce)
• 1 teaspoon dried Italian seasoning
• salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. Cook pasta to al dente. Or according to directions if you don't know what al dente is. Drain the pasta.
2. While the pasta is cooking, in a small bowl, whisk all the dressing ingredients until emulsified (the dressing, not you.)
3. In a HUGE bowl (not kidding here. This makes an alarming amount of pasta salad. You're going to have a hard time tossing it if the bowl isn't big enough.) dump in the pasta. 
4. Dump in everything else (including the dressing) but not the cheese. If you put in the cheese while the pasta is still hot, it's going to break down and you don't want that. 
5. Without sending the pasta salad flying all over the kitchen, carefully mix up the salad so the dressing and artichoke marinate coats everything. 
6. Put the salad in the fridge for an hour or two to let it cool off.
7. Add the cheese and give it one more toss. 

Good Times!

Kale, Chorizo and Potato Soup

This has been one of the goofiest winters on record. We've had a week of near sixty degree temperatures, then it rained hard for two days straight and everything flooded. This morning it snowed. This sort of weather makes it hard for me to plan meals. There are certain things I can make only if the weather permits. Soups, for instance. I generally won't make soup during the summer. Come winter, it's game on. Now that we have a snap of cold weather, I figured it was time to throw down some soup. I found this recipe lurking in one of my cookbooks. I tweaked it just a bit and was greatly satisfied with the results. It's a simple, hearty soup that's great with crusty bread. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Kale, Chorizo and Potato Soup
via Best-Ever Soups

Ingredients

• 8 ounces kale, stems removed
• 8 ounce chorizo sausage (Italian or Spanish, not Mexican. You want the salami type chorizo)
• 1 medium onion, cut in half and thinly sliced
• 1-1/2 pounds red potatoes, skinned
• 7-1/2 cups vegetable stock (we used chicken stock)
• 1 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
• Crusty bread

Directions

1. Place the kale in a food processor and process for a few seconds to chop it finely (or just take out a goddamned knife and chop it yourself. I know I'm lazy, but even I have my limits)
2. Prick the sausage *snicker* and place in a pan with enough water to cover (if you're using the onion option, add them here). Simmer for 10 minutes. Drain and cut sausage into thin slices.
3. Cook the potatoes in lightly salted boiling water for about 15 minutes or until tender. Drain and place in a bowl. Mash, adding about a cup of the cooking liquid to make a thick paste.
4. Bring the stock to a boil and add the kale, chorizo (and possibly onion) and lower heat. Simmer for 5 minutes. Add the potato paste, stir to incorporate and simmer another 20 minutes. 
5. Season with black and cayenne pepper.
6. To serve: Place a slice of bread in the bottom of each bowl, then pour over soup.

Good times!

Rigatoni With Tomato and Chorizo

     There was a long period of time during which I had no idea there was more than one type of chorizo. I was used to the Mexican-style of chorizo, which is like a ground meat. I couldn't figure out what to do when recipes called for "sliced chorizo." There was lots of swearing while I desperately tried to slice something the consistency of braunschweiger. I eventually was given an Italian cookbook where it dawned on me that the chorizo I wanted was Spanish chorizo, which is like salami. Everything changed. Now recipes like the one here weren't greasy messes. This recipe is just wonderful. It has a nice balance of sweet and spicy, with a touch of heat. Give it a try. I bet you'll like it as much as we did. If not, send me the leftovers. As always, notes or changes are in blue.

Rigatoni With Chorizo and Tomato
via The Essential Pasta Cookbook

Ingredients

• 2 tablespoons olive oil (I used 3 tablespoons of extra virgin. You may use as many virgins as you feel necessary)
• 1 onion, sliced (I used 1-1/2 Vidalia onions. I imagine most onions would work here)
• 8 ounces chorizo sausage, sliced (Spanish chorizo, not Mexican. As mentioned, you can't really slice Mexican chorizo. Plus, it's the totally wrong ingredient. We used a 10 ounce chorizo)
• 14 ounce can crushed tomatoes (I used a full quart of my home-canned tomatoes with garlic and basil)
• 1/2 cup dry white wine (I used 3/4 cup Charles Shaw Sauvignon Blanc. There's not much other use for Three Buck Chuck dry white wine)
• 1/2-1 teaspoon chopped chili, optional (Not optional for me! I used 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes)
• 12 ounces rigatoni (the box was 1 pound, so I used a full pound)
• 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
• 2 tablespoons freshly grated Parmesan

Directions

1. Heat the oil in a frying pan. Add the onion and stir over low heat until tender.
2. Add the sausage to the pan and cook, turning frequently (the sausage, not you. You'll look like a schmuck pirouetting in front of the stove while everything burns), 2-3 minutes. Add the tomato, wine, chili and salt and pepper to taste; stir. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer uncovered for 15-20 minutes. 
3. While the sauce is cooking, cook the rigatoni until al dente (You'll notice I'm not explaining this step. Seriously, if I have to instruct you on how to boil pasta, please go order a pizza before you start a fire in the kitchen). Drain the pasta and return to the pan. Add the sauce to the hot pasta. Toss well to combine (we always just toss it in our own bowls. If we mix it all up on the spot, the pasta gets gooey when we go to eat the leftovers later in the week). Serve sprinkled with the combined fresh parsley and Parmesan cheese. 

UPDATE:
Here's the YouTube video for this recipe!

Good times!

Griddled Chicken with Chorizo and Butter Bean Mash via Channel 4

     I think part of the reason I like cooking so much is that I don't really know what I'm doing. Having no actual training, I have no idea if I'm doing something wrong. Unless the food comes out totally inedible I'm calling it a victory. This sort of became my attitude towards cooking. "Close enough is good enough" became my motto. It's served me well so far.
     A prime example is this recipe I pulled off Channel 4 when I was just starting more serious cooking. I misidentified ingredients, I left stuff out. Changes were made. The results were indisputably delicious. It doesn't have to be right to be good. So here is one of my first real attempts at cooking. As always, changes and notes are in blue.

Griddled Chicken with Chorizo and Butter Bean Mash
via Channel 4

Ingredients

(The original recipe is only intended to serve one. Double all ingredients if you're serving for two. The butter beans should be fine for two people without doubling)

• 1 boneless, skinless chicken breast (preferably free-range or organic) (I used two. They were not free-range or organic. I guess technically frozen chicken breasts from Aldi count as "organic" inasmuch as they are not "synthetic.")
• Fine sea salt and freshly ground black pepper 
• 1 tbsp olive oil
• 2 ounces chorizo (Spanish sausage), sliced (So I grabbed out a tube of Mexican chorizo. This is when I learned that Spanish chorizo and Mexican chorizo were not at all the same thing.)
• ½ small red onion, peeled and sliced (I used yellow)
• ½ small red pepper, deseeded and sliced (pretty sure I used red peppers from a jar)
• ½ small yellow pepper, deseeded and sliced (Yellow peppers were nutty expensive. I used green.)
• ½ garlic clove, peeled and finely chopped (I used a whole clove.)
• ½ small red chilli, finely chopped (I used 1/2 teaspoon of red chili flakes)
• 1 tsp sherry vinegar (At the time I figured red wine vinegar was close enough)
• 3-4 fresh basil leaves, roughly shredded (Not something I had in the house. I went with 1/2 teaspoon dried basil.)

For the Butter Beans

• 14.5 ounce can butter beans, drained and rinsed in a sieve (I actually had a can of these lurking in the back of the cabinet!)
• ½ small garlic clove, peeled and finely chopped (I don't understand this "half a small garlic clove" nonsense. That's just weak. You can't live in fear. I used a whole clove).
• 2 tbsp olive oil

Directions

1. Heat a griddle pan (I used a nonstick fry pan. I had no idea what a griddle pan was at the time) on the hob (Hob? What the hell is a hob? Hobgoblin? Hobnails? I'm hoping they mean the stove, because there's not really anywhere else in the house to heat a pan). Carefully cut the chicken horizontally almost all the way through the middle and open out (butterflying was not in my skill set at the time. The chicken was getting cooked as is.) Season with salt and pepper.
2. Drizzle the chicken with half the oil and add to the pan. Fry for 4-5 minutes then turn over and cook on the other side for about 3 minutes more until the chicken is cooked through.
3. Add the remaining oil to a frying pan and cook the chorizo, onion and peppers for 5 minutes, stirring regularly. Add the garlic and chilli for the last minute of cooking time.
4. Tip the butter beans into a saucepan with the garlic and add 5 tbsp of water. Bring to the boil and cook for 2-3 minutes until then beans are hot, stirring occasionally. Remove from the heat, add the olive oil and blend with a stick blender until smooth. Season to taste.
5. Pour the vinegar into the pan with the chorizo and vegetables. Simmer for a few seconds. Stir in the basil and season.
6. Spoon the butter bean mash onto a plate and top with the chorizo sauce and chicken. Serve.

Good times!

Ingredients I Never Seem To Have In Stock

     I can't even count how many times I've gotten pumped to cook a recipe, then had to stop because I was missing a critical ingredient. Time and time again I tell myself that there are certain things that I must keep in stock if I'm going to be successful in the kitchen. Time and time again I completely forget to pick those things up at the grocery store. Some of you may ask "Why not just run to the store?" It's matter of principle. I screwed up by not having the item in stock. I am therefore entitled to a meltdown/tantrum until I can find a substitute for the item or an alternate recipe.

KHAAAAAAAn't find any smoked paprika!

Here's a few of my regulars:

Buttermilk
I almost never have this in the kitchen. The one time I bought it I never used it. It just sat in the fridge until it went off. I almost got completely derailed on St. Patrick's day when I went to make some soda bread and realized it called for buttermilk. There was no way I was going to put on pants and go to the market, so I just found out how to use milk and lemon juice to make ersatz buttermilk. Now I only need to worry about not having milk and lemon juice in the kitchen.

Heavy Cream
I am continually in need of heavy cream. I have lost count of the times I've found a recipe I really want to make and had to find something else because it asked for heavy cream. On those rare occasions where I do haul my carcass to the market in town, more often than not, they're out.

Gruyere
The bottom line is Gruyere is too damned expensive to just keep in the house. If I'm using Gruyere, it's because I planned the meal way in advance.  Maybe if I hit the lottery I'll consider keeping it in regular rotation.

Prosciutto
I love prosciutto. The problem is, it's not one of those things that pops into my mind when I'm making a grocery list. For me, prosciutto is a weekend special meal ingredient. It's also not something the local market carries, so if I want it, I'm driving half an hour round trip to go get it.

Spanish Chorizo
This isn't for lack of looking. For whatever reason, I can't get the cured chorizo anywhere near me. You know where I can find it? Target. Not even kidding. Unfortunately, that target is nearly a half hour away. However, there's a really good liquor store right down the street so it's not a total loss.

Good times!