Chicken Salad with a Kick

 Ah, chicken salad. A humble and often maligned dish. That's because it is pretty boring. I got lucky and was able to ramp chicken salad up. The nice people at Scott's Smoked Q (links at the bottom) were kind enough to send me a great big box of goodies to experiment with. (In full disclosure, they sent it to me and asked me to try everything out and post up my results. That was pretty much it. In the event you follow the link to their page and buy something, I will get a small commission.) 

    As we probably know, chicken salad ususally is mayonnaise based. This often turns off some people and occasionally leads to ugly fights over best brands or mayo vs. salad dressing. The world is already too divisive, so I have a simple solution. Ditch the mayo for this Alabama Q BBQ sauce. This works because the sauce is mayo based. But there's so much going on in this sauce, you wouldn't know. It has a vinegar tang up front, but finishes with a little spice. We also used their Original Rub on the chicken when cooking it to give it even more flavor. 

    I get that you may not have these rubs and sauces on hand, and you may not want to buy them. No worries, susbsitute your favorite rub or spice blend when cooking the chicken. Or just use a preseasoned rotisserie chicken. Go ahead and use mayo and whatever seasoning you like. It's all good. 

    That said, this is the route we took and we couldn't have been happier where it led. The Spud,who normally would not touch chicken salad, was more than happy to eat it when we swapped mayo for the Alabama Q sauce.

Ingredients

• 3 chicken breasts (about 1 lb total meat)
• Scott's Smoked Q Classic Dry Rub
• 1 small onion, chopped
• 1 stalk celery, chopped
• 1 tablespoon pickle relish
• 5 tablespoons Scott's Smoked Q Alabama Q sauce

Directions

1.  Apply the rub generously to the chicken and cook however you like (I smoked mine. Grilled would work, too. Or just chuck them in the oven at 375F [190C/Gas Mark 5] until the meat reads 165F/74C.)
2. Cut the chicken into small pieces. Throw them in a big bowl.
3. Add everything else into the bowl. Stir to incorporate ingredients and make sure the sauce has covered everything.
4. That's it. At this point you're done. Put it in a flour tortilla wrap with lettuce and shredded Italian cheese like we did. Throw it in a long roll like a lobster roll. Scoop it up with nacho chips. Just shovel it into your face with your grubby little hands. No one is looking. 

If you're want to check out Scott's Smoked Q, just click here

You can use the code "TFMCK" at checkout to save 10%!

I'm not saying this is the best way to have this, but this is how we did it, which makes it objectively the best method.
Good Times!

Apple & Raspberry Cookie Crumble Bars

 This recipe came from the desperate need to use up the last of our holiday cookies. We had a couple dozen sour cream cookies, so I figured I could grind them down and make a nice crust with them, so I did. Then I figured I could use more crumbs and make a crisp topping, which I did. Then I used a 5 year old jar of apples and some black raspberries from the garden and made something that I am very proud of. Serve it hot with a scoop of ice cream. Serve it cold and eat it like a bar cookie. Stand at the counter in your socks and underwear just grimly shoveling it into your face with a spatula; it's all good. I think you'll like it. If you don't, I don't want to know. I'm emotionally fragile. As always, notes are in blue. 

Apple Raspberry Cookie Crumble Bars

Ingredients

For the bottom and filling

• 2 cups cookie crumbs (this required about 2 dozen medium sized cookies)
• 1 stick butter (I used unsalted), melted
• 2/3 cup raspberries (I used black raspberries from our garden. Any raspberry will do)
• 1 pint apples in medium syrup (you can use your own, or try my recipe for Spiked Apples)
• 2/3 cup sweetened condensed milk
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 
• 1/2 cup brown sugar

For the topping

• 1 cup cookie crumbs 
• 6 tablespoons cold butter, cut into small pieces
• 2/3 cup oats
• 3/4 cup brown sugar

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F (190C, Gasmark 5)
2. Grease a 9x13" baking dish (we used nonstick cooking spray)
3. Pour in the 2 cups of crumbs and the melted butter. Mix to combine, then use a spatula to spread the mix into a layer on the bottom of the pan. Make sure use the spatula to compress the layer into a crust.
4. In a large bowl, mix the fruit, milk, vanilla,  and sugar. Pour onto crust and carefully spread into an even layer.
5. In another large bowl, mix the topping ingredients. Use a pastry cutter, or a couple of knives to cut the butter into the mix until you see pea-sized pieces in the mix.
6. Take the topping mix and carefully spread it evenly over the fruit layer. 

   

   Look at that beautiful top layer. LOOK AT IT.

   
   
7. Bake at 375 for 45 minutes.
8. Remove from oven and let cool if you want to be able to pick up and eat like a bar cookie. Otherwise serve it hot with a big old scoop of vanilla ice cream!

It's not fair how good that looks. 
Good Times!

Chicken Pot Pie Bake

 The rotisserie chicken at Sam's Club is a wonderful thing. For under five bucks, you get an entire cooked chicken ready to bend to your will. If you lack creativity, you can simply just rend the meat from the bone and eat like a savage. Alternately, you can use that cooked meat in any number of exciting recipes and then use the carcass to make a savory soup stock! Or you can just do the Midwest thing and bust open a can of cream soup and make a bake. That's what we did here. The only thing that we did to spice it up was add a packet of Sazon, as that makes most anything better. The Spud had seconds, which is a ringing endorsement. Fair warning: If you're storing leftovers, consider taking the baked shell off the top before storing it and heating it in the oven separately later. If you leave it on overnight, it suffers some sort of chemical breakdown on the bottom and gets all sticky and gooey. Give it a try and see what you think! If you don't like it, don't tell me. I'm emotionally fragile. As always, any notes are in blue.

Chicken Pot Pie Bake

Ingredients

• 3 cups cooked chicken, cubed
• 1 can (10.5oz) cream of chicken soup
• 1 can (15oz) mixed vegetables, drained
• 1 can (15oz) cut green beans, drained
• 1 packet Sazon seasoning 
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1/2 teaspoon onion powder
• 1 teaspoon dried parsley
• 1 tube (8oz) crescent rolls

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 400F (200C/Gas Mark 6)
2. Grease 13" baking dish
3. In a large bowl, mix all ingredients except crescent rolls.
4. Empty contents of bowl into backing dish.
5. Bake for 15 minutes.
6. Find someone brave enough to open the tube of crescent rolls, because those things are absolutely terrifying. 
7. Unroll the crescent rolls. and press together into a sheet. Take the dish out of the oven and lay that sheet over the top of the contents of the baking dish, making sure the dough reaches the edge of the dish. (obviously be careful, as the dish will be hot)
8. Return dish to oven and bake an additional 10-15 minutes, or until the top is golden brown.

Look at the Golden Deliciousness.
LOOK AT IT.

Good times!

Pork and Zucchini Curry

 Every now and then I get a burst of energy. Often, it turns out to be just gas, but this time it was legitimate creative energy. I got home early and saw the giant pile of garden veggies on the counter. I knew I had a pork loin in the fridge, so I figured I could make some stir fry. That immediately detoured into deciding I'd rather do Indian and make a curry. I knew I had a winner when the girls walked and The Wife immediately declared how good the house smelled. The Spud immediately identified there was Indian food cooking. This one was an absolute winner. It was simple as can be and if you don't have all the ingredients, is very flexible. Change out the protein with chicken or shrimp or even tofu. The little Masala spice pouches are a huge time saver. Everyone had seconds. Is it authentic? Probably not. Is it good? We think so. Give it a try and see what you think! Or don't. That works, too. As always, notes are in blue.

Pork and Zucchini Curry

Ingredients

• 1 pound pork loin, cut into 1" cubes
• 1 medium zucchini, chopped
• 1/2 medium onion, chopped
• A dozen cherry tomatoes, quartered (or one tomato, seeded and chopped. Or one can diced tomatoes, drained)
• 4 cloves garlic, finely chopped (I was in a hurry and used 1 teaspoon garlic powder)
• 1 inch grated ginger (Again, hurrying. 1 teaspoon ground ginger)
• 1 teaspoon fenugreek
• 1 teaspoon cumin seeds
• 1 teaspoon brown mustard seeds
• 2 teaspoons curry powder (I used a mix of sweet and hot)
• 1 teaspoon Kashmiri chili powder (cayenne will work fine here. Or omit if you're a big baby)
• 1 packet of Maggi Masala Magic (I highly recommend having this on hand if you regularly cook Indian style food. In a pinch, you could get by with garam masala)
• 1/2 cup dry white wine (if you don't use booze, go with an equal amount of water or vegetable stock)
• 4 tablespoons oil (I went with olive, canola, vegetable, or grapeseed would also work)

Directions

1. Heat oil in a large pan. add pork and sear on all sides until fully cooked, however long that takes. Remove pork and set aside.
2. Add a little more oil to the pan. Add the fenugreek, cumin, and mustard seed. When the seeds start to pop, add the garlic and ginger. Give it a stir.
3. Add the onions and zucchini. Sauté for about 4-5 minutes.
4. Add the tomatoes and sauté another 3-5 minutes.
5. Add the curry powder, chili powder, and Masala powder. Stir to make sure everything is coated.
6. Add the liquid of your choice and let simmer for a few minutes until it thickens up.

   

   PREPARE FOR THICKENING

7. Serve over basmati rice (or white rice if that's all you have. We also like to use the Masala Magic packets when we cook the rice.)

Wrong kind of Legendary Curry.
Good Times!

Peanut Butter Gochujang Chicken Noodle Soup

 I'm not entirely sure what inspired this particular recipe, other than the need to use up some leftover chicken. The day was cold and rainy, so soup seemed the way to go. Everything sort of fell in to place from there. We've done peanut soups before and really like them, so I figured I would go with that theme. We had a tub of gochujang paste on hand, so it seemed logical to add some. The rest is history. This recipe comes together in no time and all and is easily made vegetarian by leaving out the chicken (The Wife wisely suggested using tofu cubes instead) and using vegetable stock instead of chicken. In the end, it is warm and filling soup perfect for the cold weather. Anyway, feel free to give it a try and let me know what you think. Unless you don't like it and then please don't contact me. As always, notes are in blue.

Peanut Butter Gochujang
Chicken Noodle Soup

Ingredients

• 32 ounces chicken stock
• 32 ounces water
• 1/3 cup peanut butter (creamy or chunky depending on what you like)
• 2 tablespoons gochujang paste
• 2 cups pre cooked rotisserie chicken, shredded
• 1/2 teaspoon MSG  (if you're one of those people still convinced that MSG is bad, just use salt)
• 1 teaspoon dried cilantro (if you're one of those people still convinced that cilantro tastes like soap, just use basil)
• 1 lb. angel hair pasta
• lime wedges and/or peanuts for garnish

Directions

1. In a large pot, add stock and water. Bring to a low boil.
2. Stir in peanut butter, gochujang, and MSG. Stir until peanut butter and gochujang are completely incorporated.
3. Add chicken and pasta and boil for 4 minutes.
4. Remove from heat and stir in cilantro.
5. Serve with peanuts and lime wedges

Ultimate Peanut Butter & Jelly Zucchini Cake

Sometimes I get strange ideas in the kitchen. Like, I recently made some zucchini cookies and thought it might be a good idea to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with them. As The Wife and I were eating them, I mentioned how good they were and how hilarious it would be to make a gigantic cake version. So we did. And it was a colossal P.I.T.A., but totally worth it. There's a lot of play in this recipe. If you hate raisins, leave them out. Use dried cranberries. Throw chocolate chips in the batter. Use creamy instead of crunchy. Use apple butter instead of jelly. Throw in a layer of bologna slices (don't do that). Most importantly: GREASE THE BAKING PANS REALLY WELL OR THE CAKE WILL SELF DESTRUCT WHEN YOU GO TO REMOVE IT. If you're truly worried about the cake assembly. just use the batter to make about 5,000 cookies. (Cook at same temp, but about 10-12 minutes for cookies). Just remember the most important thing, if you hate it, I don't want to know. As always, notes are in blue.

ULTIMATE PBJ ZUCCHINI CAKE

Ingredients

• 2 eggs, beaten
• 1/2 cup vegetable oil
• 1/2 cup applesauce
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 2 cups flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
• 2-1/2 cups rolled oats
• 2 cups grated zucchini
• 1 cup raisins
• 1 cup crunchy peanut butter
• 1/2 pint jelly of your choice (we used a homemade cinnamon apple. Obviously, don't use KY or petroleum)
• Frosting or icing (optional, but at this point, why not?)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F (190C, Gasmark 5)
2. In a large bowl, combine eggs, oil, applesauce, and the sugars. 
3. In another large bowl, combine the baking soda, salt and spices, and oats.
4. Dump the bowl of dry ingredients into the bowl of the wet and mix to combine. (I hope you've got some form of electric mixer or highly muscular arms, because you're in for some work.) 
5. Add the zucchini and raisins and keep mixing.
6. Grease two 9"x13" baking dishes.
   
7. Divide the batter evenly between the two dishes.
8. Bake at 375 F for 30 minutes. If you have the baking dishes on two different racks, rotate the racks at 15 minutes. After 30 minutes, if a toothpick inserted into the cake comes out clean, you're done. If not, rotate the pans and give it another 5 minutes, repeating until finally done.
9. Remove from oven and let cool for about 15 minutes in the pans.
10. Take a knife or spatula and run it around the edge of each cake to loosen it.
11. BONUS FUN ROUND. You have a couple of options here. If you have a big enough spatula, you can attempt to take the entire cake out at once and transfer it to a wire rack to cool at bit.
    If you lack a steady hand or the equipment to remove the cakes all at once, do this:
    Take a wire cooling rack (you'll need two) and put it over the top of one of the baking pans. Flip it over and pray to the cosmic force of your choice that the cake drops out intact. Do the same with the other cake.
12. THIS STEP IS TOTALLY OPTIONAL AND COSMETIC. (If  you managed to slide your cakes out of the pan without flipping them, congratulations, move to step 13. If you flipped them to get them out and you're a stickler for appearance, you have some extra work and will keep going with this step). Using the same method, flip the cakes back over so it looks like it did in the baking dish. (Ideally, you want the rough top side facing up)

    

    This is what I'm talking about. 
    Ideally, you want both cakes arranged like this.

    
    
13. Take the peanut butter and spread half of it on each cake. It helps if the peanut butter is room temperature, for easier spreading.
14. Spread the jelly on ONE of the cakes. 

    

    Get ready, because the next step is stressful.

    
    
15. Flip the cake with just the peanut butter over on top of the other cake. Now you have the following stack: Cake bottom, layer of peanut butter, layer of jelly, layer of peanut butter, top cake layer.

    

    Thanks to the steady hands of The Wife, 
    this occurred with no screaming other than those of triumph.

    
    
16. GET THE CAKE INTO THE FRIDGE RIGHT THE HELL NOW. If the cakes are even a little bit warm, the peanut butter and jelly will start to break down and leak out. Refrigerate for at least an hour.
17. Once the filling is set, you have the option to ice it. We used some orange icing we had leftover from another recipe. Frosting/Icing this behemoth might be gilding the lily at this point, but you've come this far. Go big or go home.

NOW I AM BECOME DEATH, THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS.
Good Times!

Magic Healing Soup*

 Sometimes, you get sick. If you're me, you get sick 2-3 times during the school year. This year, I got Covid AND an ear infection at the same time, which was all sorts of exciting. One of the good things that did come of it, is one of the people who follows my page (for whatever reason) suggested a base soup recipe. It didn't have specific measurements, so I just sort of followed ingredients and used amounts I felt were appropriate. Then I added a couple of extras because that's what you do with online recipes. You make fundamental changes to them without trying the original recipe, then bitch about how it turned out. (I SUBSTITUTED CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR THE SMOKED SAUSAGE AND  IT CAME OUT AWFUL. ZERO STARS). Anyways, this soup cleared our sinuses in short order and was good enough that we made a second batch the next day. We could not deny we felt much better after eating this soup. Even The Spud cleared her bowl. Give it a try and see what you think. If you hated it, blame the person who suggested this type of soup in the first place. I am an innocent victim. As always, notes are in blue. 

Magic Healing Soup*
(please see disclaimer in above photo)

Ingredients

• 2 lbs chicken (use light or dark meat as preferred. We used breasts since it was what was on hand)
• 2 quarts chicken stock
• 2 potatoes, cut into 1/2" cube OR 1 can (16 oz) Black beans, rinsed and drained (or use both, nobody is looking)
• 1 yellow onion, chopped
• 1 zucchini, chopped
• 7-150 cloves of garlic, chopped. (There is no upper limit to garlic here. We are trying to heal, or at the very least keep vampires at bay.)
• 2 cups prepared salsa (Hot is good. Let's get those sinuses cleared!)
• 1 cup corn (canned or frozen is fine)
• olive oil
• 1/2 teaspoon ground coriander
• 1/2 teaspoon cumin powder
• 1 heaping teaspoon chipotle in adobo
• 1 packed Sazon for soups
• splash of lime juice (around a tablespoon)
• salt and pepper to taste
• Nacho chips for garnish (optional)
• Chili crisp for garnish (optional, but only if you're a big baby)

Directions

1. In a large pan, on medium high heat, add 3 tablespoons of oil and the onion, zucchini, and garlic. Sautee for 5-7 minutes until the veggies are translucent and starting to brown a bit. Turn off heat and set aside.
2. In a large (4-6 quart) slow cooker, put in potatoes (and/or beans), salsa, corn, and chicken.
3. Add the coriander, cumin, chipotle, Sazon, and salt and pepper over the chicken.
4. Add the sautéed veggie mixture to the slow cooker. 
5. Add the stock and lime juice. 
6. Cook on HIGH for 4-1/2 hours.
7. Remove chicken from cooker, shred (the chicken. I'm not looking for a guitar solo), then return the chicken to the slow cooker. 
8. Serve with tortilla chips to either eat on the side, or crumble into the soup. (We crumbled lime tortilla chips in and loved it). 
9. Throw a little chili crisp on top because chili crisp.

Good Times!

Bulgogi Style Pickled Eggs and Sausage

Boy, oh boy do we love pickled eggs. Everyone in the house adores them. The Spud would fight you for pickled eggs. She'd go Cool Hank Luke on pickled eggs. I've made them several different ways without a miss. I figured everyone in the house enjoys bulgogi, so I would use many of the same ingredients in making this batch. You really need to let these sit (IN THE FRIDGE) for minimum two weeks before the flavor really gets in the eggs. Throw these on the next charcuterie board to make a statement. Turn them into so diabolical deviled eggs. Or just pound them straight from the jar. Enjoy!

Bulgogi Style Pickled Eggs and Sausages

Ingredients

• 2 dozen eggs
• 2 cups white vinegar
• 1 cup water
• 2 tablespoons gochujang
• 2 teaspoons garlic salt
• 1 teaspoon grated ginger
• 2 teaspoons garlic powder
• 1 tablespoon soy sauce 
• 1 teaspoons sesame oil
• 1 teaspoon brown sugar
• 1 large white onion, halved and sliced
• 1 pack (12-16 ounces) smoked sausage, cut into 1" slices
• 2 empty sanitized quart jars with lids (or one half gallon jar if you have one)

Directions

1. Boil and peel the eggs using whatever method you think works best (regardless of the method used, 30% of my eggs always look like they were peeled with a shotgun).
2. In a pot, combine everything but the onion and sausage and bring to a boil. Remove from heat.
3. In each jar, start by putting down a layer of 3-4 eggs. Then add a layer of onion and sausage pieces. Repeat until about 1/2" from the top of the jar. (There is a very real possibility you won't be able to fit a full dozen eggs in the quart jar. I think we were able to get 10-11 eggs per jar. We lost a couple during boiling and The Spud stole at least one. However, you will be guaranteed that only the best looking eggs go in.)
4. Carefully pour the liquid into the jar until everything is submerged. Put on the lid and let cool. 
5. Once the jar has cooled, store in the refrigerator for at least two weeks before eating.

Good Times!

Clear the Fridge Pasta Salad

There comes a time in life when you get the call.  The call from a neighbor asking inviting you over for a cookout. Well, not one to ever show up empty-handed, I asked if he wanted me to bring anything. He said no. I said, that's not an option, please choose between mac & cheese or pasta salad. He went with the salad. So naturally I made six hundred pounds. It was pretty tasty and will make a solid addition to any cookout, picnic or pot luck. If you don't like Basalmic vinaigrette, feel free to swap in Italian or any dressing like that. I suppose you could even go totally wild and use ranch or Caesar dressing for a real gastric bludgeon. As always, if you try it, let me know what you think unless you don't like it. Then I don't want to hear about it. As always, notes are in blue.

Clear the Fridge Pasta Salad

Ingredients

• 2 lbs elbow macaroni
• 1 red onion, chopped
• 1 cup shredded carrot 
• 1 cup roasted red/orange/yellow pepper, chopped (feel free to use jarred roasted peppers if you don't want th extra work)
• 1 can black olives, drained and halved
• 3 ounces green olives, halved
• 1 jar (12 ounces) marinated artichoke hearts, drained and chopped
• 1 cup crumbled feta cheese
• 6 ounces mozzarella cheese, cut into small cubes
• 6 ounces pepperoni, diced
• 1-1/2 cups Basalmic vinaigrette dressing (we originally used a from scratch recipe then realized the bottled stuff was fine, Start with 1 cup of the dressing, then adjust to taste if you want more)
• Salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. Cook pasta according to directions, but stop and drain a minute before the suggested time. 
2. In a big foil pan, throw in everything and toss the living shit out of it.
3. Give it a taste. If you want more dressing or salt and pepper, add it. If you want less, you're screwed.I guess you can add more of everything else?

Good Times!

Renaissance Faire Garlic Mushrooms

 Back in the day, The Wife and I used to visit the Bristol Renaissance Faire in Wisconsin annually. Life has since gotten in the way. We moved a few hours away and have not made it back in over 15 years. We would go in costume and everything. One of The Wife's favorite treats there was garlic stewed mushrooms. I am not a fan of mushrooms, but she adored these. I have on and off attempted to approximate those mushrooms and this is the closest I've gotten. This does have a lot of liquid in it, so you could probably double off the mushrooms and onions and still be fine. Alternatively, have a good piece of crusty bread on hand and just dip in in the liquid. Either way, it's a fast and easy recipe for mushroom lovers. Just have a mint handy when you're done because these will give you breath that can slay a thousand elves.

Renaissance Faire Garlic Mushrooms

Ingredients

• 8 ounces mushrooms, sliced thick (or leave them whole if you really want. That's how they were at the faire)
• 1/2 large onion, chopped
• 6 cloves garlic, chopped
• 1 stick butter
• 1 cup beef stock (or vegetable stock if you don't do meat)
• 1/2 teaspoon smoked Cherrywood salt (in the event you can't find this, just throw in 1/2 teaspoon of salt and a few dashes of Liquid Smoke)
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic pepper
• 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
• 1 teaspoon cornstarch slurry (1/2 teaspoon corn starch, 1/2 teaspoon water, mixed)

Directions

1. In a medium saucepan, over medium heat, melt the butter. 
2. Add the onions and garlic and cook, stirring occasionally until the onions are translucent. 
3. Add the mushrooms, cook 2-3 minutes.
4. Add the stock, salt, garlic pepper, and Worcestershire sauce.
5. Bring to a simmer and let simmer for 5-7 minutes. 
6. Remove from the heat and mix in the slurry. 

Good Times!

One Pan Chicken and Rice

Certain recipes evoke core childhood memories. This is certainly one of them. Chicken and rice in a pan with some random veggies and pasta sauce. My mom used to make this regularly. She had no real printed recipe for it. Things just got thrown in a pan and heat was applied. Often, some of the rice would be crunchy and underdone. Other sections of the rice would be big clumps. However, it tasted good and was filling. The green olives were an odd addition, but they added a nice bit of zing to the flavor. 

Core Childhood Memory

It this gourmet? No, not at all. I use canned sauce here. I almost never used canned sauce. Everything in this recipe was about getting a meal together and on the table as quickly and easily as possible. This is comfort food, plain and simple. As always, notes are in blue.

One Pan Chicken and Rice

Ingredients

• 4 chicken breasts, about 2 lbs. (bone in or out, it doesn't really matter. You can even use thighs if you prefer. In any case, make sure they are skinless)
• 2 cups white rice
• 3 cups water or chicken stock
• 1 onion, cut into about 1" pieces
• 1 bell pepper, cut into about 1" pieces
• 1 can mushrooms (6.5oz), drained.
• 1/2 cup green olives
• 1 can (24 oz) pasta sauce (we used Hunt's Garlic & Herb)
• 2 teaspoons garlic powder
• 2 teaspoons dried Italian seasoning.
• Grated parmesan cheese

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F (190C, Gas Mark 5)
2. In a 9x13 baking dish add the rice and water/stock
3. Lay the chicken on top of the rice. 
4. Sprinkle the garlic and Italian seasoning over the chicken.
5. Distribute the vegetables around the pan. 
6. Pour the pasta sauce over the top of everything.
7. Cook uncovered for about 1 hour, or until the chicken and rice are both done. (a little bit of charring on the veggies is normal)
8. Garnish with parmesan cheese.

Everything benefits from a bit of cheese.
Good Times!

Slow Cooker Chicken and Potatoes in Garlic Cream Sauce

I have a love/hate relationship with my slow cooker. I love the convenience of being able to just set and forget a meal. I hate the fact that much of what comes out of it tastes much like anything else that comes out of it, and the fact that much of what comes out is not visually appealing. Did that make sense? Probably not. In any case, it seems I can get a slow cooker dish to TASTE good, but not to LOOK good. This one is no exception. It also requires a little stovetop work as well, which is usually a deal breaker for me. I just didn't think throwing raw onion would work here, though. That said, this dish smelled AMAZING and tasted really good. If it's not garlicky enough, throw some garlic powder in there. Go nuts. This is a pretty forgiving recipe. Some of you nicer people said it looked fine, but to me it looks like it was shaken out of a diaper.  And with that ringing endorsement, enjoy. As always, notes are in (blue.)

Slow Cooker Chicken and Potatoes
in Garlic Cream Sauce

Ingredients

• 6 potatoes (about 2 pounds), cleaned and quartered. (use whatever potatoes you want. We went with plain old russets. If you want to peel them, feel free. We generally don't.)
• 2 lbs boneless, skinless chicken breasts
• 1 can (14.5 ounce) cream of broccoli soup
• 1 envelope (1.2 ounce) Herb/Garlic soup mix
• 1 block (8 ounce) cream cheese, softened (we use neufchatel to keep the fat down)
• 1 onion, finely chopped
• 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
• 1 teaspoon hot sauce of choice (or red pepper flakes. Or nothing if you're a big baby.)
• Olive oil
• Smoked paprika
• Salt and pepper

Directions

1. In a pan, heat a couple tablespoons of olive oil to medium-high heat. Add the onions and cook until they turn golden.
2. In a bowl, add the onions, cream cheese, soup, soup mix, Worcestershire and hot sauces. Whisk until the cream cheese is completely incorporated. 
3. Rub the chicken with some paprika and salt and pepper. 
4. In a 5 quart slow cooker, put in the potatoes first. Then lay the chicken breasts on top of that. Pour the sauce over the chicken.
5. Cook on HIGH for about 4-1/2 hours. If you do LOW, probably go with 7-8 hours.
6. Keep an eye on it. You're wanting the potatoes to be done and the chicken cooked through. If it looks like it's starting to dry out at the halfway point, add a splash of water (or chicken stock, or even dry white wine if you're feeling rowdy.)
7. Give everything a gentle stir at the end to make sure the sauce is covering everything before serving.

Good Times!

Fruity Marshmallow Cereal Bars

Ah, the Rice Krispie treat. One of the true classics of snacking. It was one of the first things we learned to make in Home Ec. back in middle school. It is such a simple recipe. As such, it begs to be messed with. Different cereals, bonus mix-ins, perhaps some toppings? Anything goes and usually works. This particular iteration came about due to the fact that I had a bag and a half of fruit flavored marshmallows slowly congealing in my pantry. I also had a half a box of Froot Loops looking for a home. I also had a HUGE back of shredded, sweetened coconut that I bought for reasons that have now escaped me. I combined them all and came up with a gem. These things are colorful and sweet as hell, but the fruit flavor and addition of coconut level things out a bit. If you don't like coconut, leave it out. I'll never know.  However, you'll still end up with a slightly different take on a classic snack. Let me know what you think as long as it's positive. As always, notes are in blue.

Fruity Marshmallow Cereal Bars

Ingredients

• 5 cups fruit flavored mini marshmallows (Kraft makes these, as do a couple other companies. They should be available at most grocery stores or online)
• 5 cups Froot Loops cereal (feel free to try this with other fruit flavored cereals, like Fruity Pebbles or Oops, All Berries.)
• 5 tablespoons butter
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup shredded sweetened coconut

Directions

1. In a large mixing bowl, stir together cereal and coconut.
2. Line a baking sheet with parchment and grease the parchment. 
3. In a double boiler, at the butter and let it melt. Once the butter is melted, add the salt.
4. Add in the marshmallows one cup at a time, allowing them to completely melt.
5. Once the marshmallows are all melted, pour them into the mixing bowl and stir to get all the cereal and coconut evenly mixed into the marshmallow.
6. Pour out the mixture onto the baking sheet and level evenly. (we leveled ours to about 1" thick)
7. Allow to cool for a few hours, ideally in the refrigerator. 
8. Cut them into the shape of your choice and eat!

Gööd Times!

Cranberry-Apple Kugel

Kugel is one of those dishes I remember fondly from childhood. My grandmother would make it occasionally and it was always a treat. I took her recipe and changed it up to make it a little more Winter seasonable. The end result is a sweet and tart kugel that is the perfect end to most meals. The bonus of this recipe is that you can fine every ingredient at ALDI. The Fried Apples may be a problem outside of the fall/winter season, but there's workarounds. If you've had kugel before, this is a nice change from the raisin/pineapple you may be used to. If you've never had kugel before, you're in for a treat. As always, notes are in blue.

Cranberry-Apple Kugel

Ingredients

• 1 lb. wide egg noodles
• 4 cups fresh cranberries
• 1-1/2 cups sugar
• 1 can (14.5 oz) ALDI Fried apples with cinnamon. (this may be tough to find, especially out of season. If you can't find it, use an equal amount of canned apples, or in a pinch, apple pie filling)
• 1/2 cup butter, melted
• 3 eggs, beaten
• 1 lb. small curd cottage cheese

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F (191C, GasMark 5)
2. Cook noodles 1 less minute than suggested on the package. Drain and set aside.
3. Chop cranberries (if you have a food processor, just save yourself the anguish and pulse them a few times in there) Throw the cranberries in a large bowl. Add sugar and mix. Let that sit for a few minutes.
4. Add the apples, butter, eggs and cheese to the cranberry mixture. Stir to mix it all up. 
5. Add the noodles and toss to make sure everything is evenly incorporated. 
6. Dump it all in a greased 13x9 baking dish. Make sure it's distributed in an even layer.
7. Cook for 40 minutes or until the noodles on top start to get brown and crisp.
8. Remove from oven and let sit at least 10 minutes before slicing and serving.

Good Times!

Probably Not the Best Ever Slow Cooker Pork Loin and Veggies

 

Look, I'm not going to lie to you. This is probably not the "Best Ever" or "World's Greatest" slow cooker pork loin recipe. It's not going to set the world on fire or revolutionize cooking. What it will do is provide a simple, tasty, filling dinner that will satisfy everyone at the table. Except my child. "I DON'T LIKE COOKED CARROTS!" "I DON'T LIKE MUSHROOMS!" "THOSE POTATOES ARE GROSS." "I'LL EAT THE PORK IF I CAN DROWN IT IN BARBECUE SAUCE." As always, notes are in blue.

Probably Not the Best Ever
Slow Cooker Pork Loin and Veggies

Ingredients:

• 2 pound pork loin
• 5 medium potatoes, quartered
• 8 ounces sliced mushrooms
• 1 stalk celery, chopped
• 3 cloves garlic, finely chopped
• 8 oz. baby carrots
• 1 can (10.5 ounces) cream of mushroom soup
• 12 ounces beer (if you don't do alcohol, just fill up the soup can with water and dump it in)
• 3 teaspoons Lake Shore Drive seasoning from the Spice House. (if you don't have it, you should totally get it. It's a blend featuring  chives, scallions, green peppercorns, and shallots. Works with just about everything and ships free if you buy it in flatpack envelopes. No, they didn't pay or give me anything for this plug, which is an absolute shame.)

Directions:

1. Throw the pork loin in the cooker, fat side up. 
2. Throw the veggies in around the pork.
3. Pour on the soup and liquid of your choice.
4. Sprinkle on the seasoning.
5. Cook on LOW for 6 hours.

Good Times!

Breakfast Bites

 Now that we have our new oven, I can really get back to work in the kitchen. We've had some bags of shredded potatoes that I've been wanting to use up for some time. I've seen several iterations of these "breakfast muffins" before, so I figured I'd give it a whirl. I enlisted the help of The Spud on these and while she was happy to help cook them, she didn't seem keen on trying one. The Wife and I did, and were very happy with how they came out. There's a lot of wiggle room here with the ingredients. You can swap in our out pretty much any cheese you want. You can change the meat for crumbled bacon or sausage, or leave it out for a vegetarian option. If you add veggies, just make sure they're drained of all water. Water is your enemy here, as we discovered. Our potatoes were not completely drained, and while the sides and tops got crunchy, the bottoms did not. They were still quite tasty. I imagine if you made these in bulk they'd freeze well and could be easily reheated in the oven. Give it a try and tell me what you think! As always, notes are in blue.

Breakfast Bites
(yields 12)

Ingredients

• 24 ounces shredded potatoes (if using frozen, make sure they are defrosted and squeezed of all water possible. If using fresh potatoes, still make sure all excess water is squeezed out. Otherwise, the bottoms will not brown properly)
• 1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
• 3 T olive oil
• 4 ounces ham, chopped 
• 6 eggs
• 1 teaspoon Trader Joe's Everything but the Elote seasoning (if you don't have this, just use seasoned salt, or even just salt and pepper)
• 1/4 cup shredded Italian cheese
• salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 400F (200C, Gas Mark 6)
2. In a large bowl add potatoes (which you have squeezed of all water as humanly possible). shredded cheddar cheese, and the olive oil. Season to taste. Mix until the cheese is evenly incorporated through the potatoes.

   

   Doesn't everyone wear their winter coat while seasoning?

   
   
3. Take a 12 count muffin tin (don't use the mini-muffin tins here as I can't promise they'll come out right. Just use a standard muffin tray) and spray it with non-stick cooking spray. Take about 1-2 tablespoons of potato mixture and press them along the edges and bottoms of the muffin cups, creating little bowls. You should be looking at about 1/8"-1/4" (about 4-8mm) thickness all the way round. (if the potatoes are too thick, they may not get crispy when they cook)
4. Put the muffin tin in the oven and cook for 30-40 minutes (you're looking for a nice crispy bowl when these are done. Depending on the moisture level of your potatoes, this time may go up or down)
5. While the potato cups are cooking, in another bowl, add 6 eggs, the chopped ham, and your seasoning. Beat until everything is mixed well. 
6. Once your potatoes are done, take them out and lower the oven to 350F (177C, Gas Mark 4)
7. Start spooning the egg mixture into each potato cup, filling it to just below the lip of the cup (to prevent any spilling or overflow in the oven). Top with the Italian cheese.

   

   No muss, no fuss!

   
   
8. Put in the oven for 20-30 minutes until eggs are done
9. Take them out of the muffin tin before they adhere to the pan for all time. Let them cool on a wire rack if you plan to save them for later, or just cram them fresh from the oven directly into your greedy face, burning the shit out of the inside of your mouth just like you did with those pizza rolls, and you swore up and down you'd never make that mistake again. 

   

   Potential Mouth Blisters
   Good Times!

   
   

Slow Cooker Chicken and Potatoes in Pasta Sauce

 

Oh boy. Only 54 more wake ups until Summer Vacation. The Burn Out is real. Clearly based on the stellar content I've been posting (i.e. memes and various shitposting), I'm not finding much time or inclination to cook. Going without an oven for five weeks didn't help. We've leaned hard into the slow cooker. The upshot is we came up with a gem. You could eat this by itself as a stew, or over rice or pasta. It uses nothing but staple kitchen items so it won't be hard to put together (especially if you just use jarred pasta sauce) and isn't expensive. It is certainly filling and tasty. The Wife describes it as "kind of like cacciatore," which seems like a fair assessment.  Give it a try and let me know what you think. As always, notes are in blue. 

Slow Cooker Chicken and Potatoes in Pasta Sauce

Ingredients

• 4 medium potatoes, cut into 1" cubes (Peel them if you want. We generally don't)
• 1 medium onion, chopped
• 1 bell pepper, chopped (Pick whatever color you like. The Wife doesn't really like green peppers, so we used red bell peppers here)
• 4 cloves garlic, chopped
• 1 lb chicken (Another choice! Thighs or breasts? We went with breasts because we had more on hand and I like to save the thighs for any pressure cooking)
• 2-1/2 cups of pasta sauce. (I highly recommend this recipe for pasta sauce, but feel free to use your own, or even bust open a jar of store bought. I won't judge you.)
• 1 teaspoon dry oregano
• 1 teaspoon dry basil
• salt to taste

Directions

1. In a slow cooker (a 4-5 quart cooker will work), layer all the ingredients in order of appearance.
2. Cook on LOW for 6 hours. 
3. Shred the chicken with a fork.
4. Give everything a stir before serving.

Good Times!

Pasta with Sausage, Feta, and Spinach

 So our oven died a few weeks ago and we've been waiting for the new one to arrive. The loss of the oven has forced us to get creative. Normally we make burgers in the winter on a ridged baking sheet. It works great. However, no oven. I wound up outside grilling burgers in the middle of winter. I figured if I had to fire up the grill, I'd throw some brats out there, too. That's how I ended up with this recipe. I had a pack of feta spinach brats I mostly grilled out of spite. You may question the use of brats here, and that's understandable. Most brats I've had have a suspicious texture. The Wife calls it "gritty." My father would say you should never eat "gray meat" and it's a judgement. That said, the brats we got from our local place are magnificent and worked great here. If you can find them or something similar, do it. If not, best of luck. You'll figure it out. I trust you. This one is quick and easy and is pretty damned good, if I do say so myself. As always, notes are in blue. 

Pasta with Sausage, Feta, and Spinach

Ingredients

• 3 tablespoons olive oil
• 4 cloves garlic, finely chopped (you can use jarlic if you want. I won't tell anyone)
• 1 pint cherry tomatoes, halved
• 4 sausages, cooked and sliced into 1/2" discs (this is open to experimentation. Obviously, Italian sausage would be fine here. Kielbasa? Probably not. I went with a pack of delightful Spinach and Feta Bratwurst from Turasky Meats that I cooked on the grill. If you can find something similar, I'd highly recommend it)
• 1 package (8oz.) frozen spinach, defrosted and squeezed of all excess water
• 4 ounces feta cheese
• 1 cup heavy cream
• 1lb. pasta of your choice (I wanted to do rigatoni, but turns out we didn't have any. Wound up using farfalle. I guess use whatever you want. It should be fine. Hell, wrap it all up in lasagna noodles and bake it in alfredo sauce. Go wild.) 
• salt (this is mostly for cooking the pasta. The bratwurst had enough salt that I didn't feel the need to add any. Up to you, though, depending on your tastes)

Directions

1. Cook pasta to according to instructions (looking for al dente), drain and set aside.
2. In a large pan, heat oil over medium heat. Add the garlic and sauté a minute or so.
3. Add the tomatoes and sauté for 3-5 minutes, until the tomatoes start to break down a bit.
4. Add the spinach and cook to remove any excess water. 
5. Add the feta and sausages. Make sure to keep things moving in the pan so you don't burn anything.
6.  Add in the cream and bring to a simmer. (It's possible that the spinach will soak up a lot of the cream. Feel free to add a bit more if you like a thicker sauce. We used just enough that everything got a light coat.)
7. Add pasta to sauce and toss to combine.

Good times!

The Best Damned Brussels Sprouts You'll Ever Eat

 

Brussels sprouts are a truly divisive ingredient. You either love them or hate them. Naturally, my child hates them and runs screaming from the room if I suggest she eat some. She claims that her school cafeteria served them once and she did not like them, I contend that story is 100% bullshit. 

(UPDATE: It has been four years and I tried feeding these to the Spud again. This time she loved them and ate so many she got a bellyache. I cant win.)

 Fortunately, I watch a shit-ton of America's Test Kitchen and took some of their advice and came up with this absolute gem of a recipe. No joke. I could stand at the counter and eat the whole pound of these if left to my own devices. I imagine the gas would be absolutely spectacular. Try it and let me know!

The Best Damned Brussels Sprouts
You'll Ever Eat*
*Maybe

Ingredients

• 1 pound of Brussels sprouts, rinsed and cut in half
• 3 tablespoons bacon grease (you can make due with grapeseed or vegetable oil but you're going to lose a bunch of flavor)
• 1/2 cup chicken or vegetable stock
• Seasoned salt

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F (190C, Gas Mark 5)
2. In a large, oven proof skillet (I used my trusty Lodge cast iron skillet) melt the bacon grease on medium-high heat until it has coated the bottom of the pan.
3. Lay the Brussels sprouts, cut side down in the pan in a single layer. It is important that the cut side is making direct contact with the bottom of the pan.
4. Let the Brussels sprouts sizzle away on the pan for about 5-6 minutes. You're looking to get a really nice sear on the bottoms. 
5. Turn the heat off under the pan and slowly pour in the stock. Then sprinkle the top with the seasoned salt.
6. Put in the oven for about 8-10 minutes. You want the stock to completely cook off in there. 
7. Once the stock is cooked off, take them out of the oven and serve them up!

Good Times!