Pork and Zucchini Curry

 Every now and then I get a burst of energy. Often, it turns out to be just gas, but this time it was legitimate creative energy. I got home early and saw the giant pile of garden veggies on the counter. I knew I had a pork loin in the fridge, so I figured I could make some stir fry. That immediately detoured into deciding I'd rather do Indian and make a curry. I knew I had a winner when the girls walked and The Wife immediately declared how good the house smelled. The Spud immediately identified there was Indian food cooking. This one was an absolute winner. It was simple as can be and if you don't have all the ingredients, is very flexible. Change out the protein with chicken or shrimp or even tofu. The little Masala spice pouches are a huge time saver. Everyone had seconds. Is it authentic? Probably not. Is it good? We think so. Give it a try and see what you think! Or don't. That works, too. As always, notes are in blue.

Pork and Zucchini Curry

Ingredients

• 1 pound pork loin, cut into 1" cubes
• 1 medium zucchini, chopped
• 1/2 medium onion, chopped
• A dozen cherry tomatoes, quartered (or one tomato, seeded and chopped. Or one can diced tomatoes, drained)
• 4 cloves garlic, finely chopped (I was in a hurry and used 1 teaspoon garlic powder)
• 1 inch grated ginger (Again, hurrying. 1 teaspoon ground ginger)
• 1 teaspoon fenugreek
• 1 teaspoon cumin seeds
• 1 teaspoon brown mustard seeds
• 2 teaspoons curry powder (I used a mix of sweet and hot)
• 1 teaspoon Kashmiri chili powder (cayenne will work fine here. Or omit if you're a big baby)
• 1 packet of Maggi Masala Magic (I highly recommend having this on hand if you regularly cook Indian style food. In a pinch, you could get by with garam masala)
• 1/2 cup dry white wine (if you don't use booze, go with an equal amount of water or vegetable stock)
• 4 tablespoons oil (I went with olive, canola, vegetable, or grapeseed would also work)

Directions

1. Heat oil in a large pan. add pork and sear on all sides until fully cooked, however long that takes. Remove pork and set aside.
2. Add a little more oil to the pan. Add the fenugreek, cumin, and mustard seed. When the seeds start to pop, add the garlic and ginger. Give it a stir.
3. Add the onions and zucchini. Sauté for about 4-5 minutes.
4. Add the tomatoes and sauté another 3-5 minutes.
5. Add the curry powder, chili powder, and Masala powder. Stir to make sure everything is coated.
6. Add the liquid of your choice and let simmer for a few minutes until it thickens up.

   

   PREPARE FOR THICKENING

7. Serve over basmati rice (or white rice if that's all you have. We also like to use the Masala Magic packets when we cook the rice.)

Wrong kind of Legendary Curry.
Good Times!

Probably Not the Best Ever Slow Cooker Pork Loin and Veggies

 

Look, I'm not going to lie to you. This is probably not the "Best Ever" or "World's Greatest" slow cooker pork loin recipe. It's not going to set the world on fire or revolutionize cooking. What it will do is provide a simple, tasty, filling dinner that will satisfy everyone at the table. Except my child. "I DON'T LIKE COOKED CARROTS!" "I DON'T LIKE MUSHROOMS!" "THOSE POTATOES ARE GROSS." "I'LL EAT THE PORK IF I CAN DROWN IT IN BARBECUE SAUCE." As always, notes are in blue.

Probably Not the Best Ever
Slow Cooker Pork Loin and Veggies

Ingredients:

• 2 pound pork loin
• 5 medium potatoes, quartered
• 8 ounces sliced mushrooms
• 1 stalk celery, chopped
• 3 cloves garlic, finely chopped
• 8 oz. baby carrots
• 1 can (10.5 ounces) cream of mushroom soup
• 12 ounces beer (if you don't do alcohol, just fill up the soup can with water and dump it in)
• 3 teaspoons Lake Shore Drive seasoning from the Spice House. (if you don't have it, you should totally get it. It's a blend featuring  chives, scallions, green peppercorns, and shallots. Works with just about everything and ships free if you buy it in flatpack envelopes. No, they didn't pay or give me anything for this plug, which is an absolute shame.)

Directions:

1. Throw the pork loin in the cooker, fat side up. 
2. Throw the veggies in around the pork.
3. Pour on the soup and liquid of your choice.
4. Sprinkle on the seasoning.
5. Cook on LOW for 6 hours.

Good Times!

Spicy Pork, Mushrooms, and Noodles

I have to tell you, I've been a hot mess lately. Literally.  The blower on our house AC died the first hot day we tried to use it. The hoses on The Wife's truck's AC gave out. We've also been busy with having the roof of the garage torn off and reshingled, and we're still in the process of filling in the in-ground pool once and for all. In all that excitement, I've fallen off on giving you the High Quality Content that you all deserve. I thought for sure I had lost this particular recipe, but while The Wife was moving stuff around, it materialized. So here you have it. A simple recipe for spicy pork and noodles. We used some leftover pork from pork steaks we had cooked before. If you don't have precooked, you can just cook it up in the pan before you add in the veggies. The heat on this dish is easily adjustable. It's also easily made vegetarian by leaving out the pork and using sauteed tofu or some more veggies. 

Spicy Pork, Mushrooms, and Noodles

Ingredients

• 8 oz. Thai red rice noodles (we found them at ALDI. If you can't find them, just use fettucini)
• 2 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 1 cup sliced, cooked pork
• 1 cup sliced mushrooms
• 3 scallions, sliced
• 2 tablespoons spicy mustard (we used a couple packets of hot mustard from the Chinese restaurant. Look around, I'm sure you have some in a drawer somewhere. Maybe in the bottom of the lettuce crisper)
• 1 tablespoon black bean garlic paste
• 1 tablespoon hoisin sauce
• 1 tablespoon sriracha
• 1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
• 1/4 cup soy sauce
• 1 tablespoon white sesame seeds

Directions

1. Cook noodles a little shorter than the directions on the package call for (they will finish cooking at the end)
2. In a bowl, add the mustard, bean paste, hoisin, sriracha, pepper flakes, soy sauce and sesame seeds. Stir to mix.
3. In a large pan/wok, heat oil over medium high heat. Add mushrooms and scallions. Stir-fry for about 5-7 minutes.
4. Add the cooked pork and noodles to the pan. 
5. Pour sauce over everything and toss to coat. Lower heat to medium and cook another 3-4 minutes, tossing regularly, until the noodles are the desired tenderness.

Good times!

Spicy Vinegar Braised Riblets

As we have been sheltering at home for some weeks now, we have started to run out of really good meat. We still have what we call "garbage chicken" and a couple odds and ends. We decided to support our local businesses and put in an order to a seed and beef service in the area. We gave them a budget and told them to just give us an assortment of beef and pork. Once of the pork products we got was riblets. Very little fat, little ribs. They were adorable. I found a recipe to braise them, and then immediately ignored most of the recipe and happily went off in my own direction. The result was ribs with meat that was tender and falling off the bone. Flavor? HELLS YES. They were tangy from the vinegar with a nice bit of heat from the peppers and Cajun seasoning. This recipe is stupid easy and just about fool-proof. Enjoy!

Spicy Vinegar Braised Riblets

Ingredients

• 2 lbs pork riblets (you could probably use any pork ribs you want, we just liked the idea of little ribs!)
• Cajun seasoning
• 1 cup hot pepper infused vinegar (if you don't have this you can get by with a cup of white vinegar and a couple chopped jalapenos or a teaspoon or so of cayenne)
• 1 can (8 ounces) tomato sauce
• 1 tablespoon dried, minced onions

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 300F (150C, Gasmark 2)
2. Liberally sprinkle Cajun seasoning over both sides of riblets. 
3. Cut riblets into individual pieces and put in Dutch oven.
4. In a bowl, mix the vinegar, tomato sauce, and onions
5. Pour contents of bowl over riblets
6. Cover Dutch oven and put in oven for 75 minutes or until meat starts to fall off the bone

Good times!

The World Needs Another Cheese Dip Recipe

As the world slowly descends into utter madness, I realize what we need now, more than ever, is another Rotel-style cheese dip. There's a pretty good chance I've managed to create something that already exists, which begs the existential question:

If I created something that has already been created, but I had never known about it, was it still an original creation?

Honestly, who the fuck cares. It's really good dip and that's all that matters.

Objectively Original Cheese Dip

Ingredients

• 1 pound cooked and shredded/crumbled meat of your choice (Seriously, almost any meat will work. We used pork loin. Chicken, ground beef, ground turkey, fake crab, shrimp, go nuts. Maybe not like salmon or clams, but the sky's the limit. Or leave out the meat if it's not your thing)
• 1-10.5 ounce can cheddar cheese soup
• 1 -10 ounce can diced tomatoes with jalapenos, drained 
• 4 ounces cream cheese
• 1 cup shredded cheddar cheese

Directions

1. Throw everything in a slow cooker and cook on LOW for 2-3 hours, stirring occasionally
   OR
   Put everything in a deep saucepan and cook on medium heat, stirring regularly, for about 7-10 minutes, until the cream cheese and cheddar are incorporated. Don't let it simmer or it's going to scorch in the pan.
2. There is no step #2

Good times!

Pork Chops in Mulberry Sauce

Ah, the mulberry. Mulberry bushes are an absolute blight on my property. I have spoken at length on the mulberry in my post about making Mulberry Jam. The bushes are just as out of hand as they were when I wrote that post a couple of years ago, and now we have discovered we have a bush that produces WHITE mulberries! We thought they were unripe regular mulberries, but it turns out we are very stupid. Anyways, I have been looking at things to do with our regular load of mulberries (we are getting over a half pound daily), and I found an old Pol Martin recipe that used blackberries with veal chops. I modified it and here we are. The Wife and I were both really surprised at the flavor. We expected it to be noticeably sweet, but it turns out to be very subtle and a great compliment to the pork. This sauce would also work great with chicken. Give it a try and tell me what you think! Or don't I haven't really posted in like three months so you don't really owe me anything. As always, notes are in blue.

Pork Chops with Mulberry Sauce

Ingredients

• 4 pork chops, about 4 ounces each
• 2 tablespoons canola oil
• 1/2 small red onion, finely chopped
• 1 cup mulberries, stems removed (have fun with that. I recommend using fingernail clippers to just snip them off)
• 1-1/2 cups beef stock
• 1/2 cup dry white wine (we used Pinot Grigio. If you can't or don't use wine, just bump the beef broth up to 2 cups)
• 1/2 teaspoon Bavarian Seasoning from The Spice House (if you don't have access to it, just season with salt and pepper to taste)
• 1 tablespoon corn starch
• 2 tablespoons cold water

Directions

1. Heat oil in a pan. Cook chops on medium-high heat for about 3-4 minutes per side. Remove to a plate and keep them warm.
2. Add the wine to the hot pan to deglaze the pan (scrape up all the good bits that are at the bottom of the pan). Add the onion and mulberries and cook  on high for about 3-4 minutes. 
3. Add the beef stock and seasoning. Lower to a simmer and cook for about 5-7 minutes. 
4. In a small cup, mix the corn starch into the water. Pour the mixture into the sauce. Turn off heat. Stir until sauce begins to thicken.
5. Serve the pork chops and cover with a spoonful of the sauce and berries.

Good times!

BONUS! Here's the video of the recipe!

Multi-Cooker Pressure Cooker Posole (Pozole)

     Ah, posole (pozole). This is such a simple dish. At its core, just pork, hominy and peppers. Done well, it is one of the greatest winter comfort foods we can think of. Served with some corn bread or tamales, you really have something special. If you have a few hours to spend to make it right, do it. If you don't, it's time to drag out the multi-cooker. I took a Bon Appetit recipe and repurposed it for pressure cooking. The ingredients are fundamentally the same. However, the actual cooking process has been significantly changed. We found that the pressure cooker version tasted close enough to identical to the original recipe, but shaved over two hours off the time. Do yourself a favor and try this. As always, notes are in blue.

adapted from Red Posole with Pork from Bon Appetit 

Ingredients

• 3 pounds pork shoulder (Boston butt) (we used a 3 pound pork loin)
• 1 large white onion, sliced, plus chopped for serving
• 2 heads of garlic, chopped
• 1 bay leaf
• 3 whole cloves
• 10 guajillo chiles, ribs and seeds removed
• 6 dried chiles de árbol, ribs and seeds removed
• 3 15-ounce cans white hominy, rinsed
• Thinly sliced cabbage and radishes, dried oregano, and lime wedges (for serving)

Directions

1. In a pot (not the multi-cooker, we're talking about stove-top right now), add the chiles and three cups of water. Bring to a boil and let boil for 10 minutes. Pour peppers and water into a blender/food processor, or use an immersion blender to blend until smooth. Pour the mixture into your multi-cooker.
2. Add onions, garlic, bay leaf, cloves, and hominy to the multi cooker. Add salt, if desired (we have used adobo seasoning with good results; about 1 teaspoon). Lay the pork (fat side up) on top of the contents of the multi-cooker.
3. Add enough water to the multi-cooker to bring it a bit under the 2/3 full line.
4. Attach lid and set cooker to HIGH pressure for 1 hour. (on our Crock-Pot cooker, this is the MEAT/STEW setting)
5. After cooking, use a natural steam release for 10 minutes. Using a spatula, open the release valve and carefully let out the remaining steam.
6. Remove the pork and discard the fat. Shred the pork and return to the pot. Stir, and set to BROWN/SAUTEE for about 10 more minutes. 
7. Serve with the garnishes. 

Good Times!

Instant Pot Pork Shoulder In Turnip Gravy

So people have been yammering about the Instant Pot for quite a while now. They swear by it. As for me, I was too cheap to buy one. However, The Wife came through at Christmas and bought me a Crock Pot Multi-Cooker. It was less money than an actual Instant Pot, and basically does all the same things. I have to say, these things are great. They do legitimately save a bunch of time and are super easy to use. I used mine enough that I worked through most of the recipes in the manual and the recipe book I got along with it. It was time to try a recipe of my own and see how it worked. It worked great! I ended up with a hearty, tasty main course that unfortunately looks like canned dog food. I imagine maybe running an immersion blender in the gravy might help with the visuals, but I'm lazy like that. If you have one of these multi-cooker, I'd say give it a try. If you don't like it, it's probably something you did wrong. I've tried to explain the settings in a way that you could figure out what buttons to use if you have a different cookers. If there's confusion, just message me. As always, notes are in blue.

Pressure Cooker (Instant-Pot/Multi Cooker) 
Pork Shoulder in Turnip Gravy

Ingredients

• 4-5 pound pork shoulder, preferably boneless, cut in half
• 3 turnips, cut into 1" cubes
• 1 large potato, peeled and cut into 1" cubes
• 1/2 large yellow onion, chopped
• 1 tablespoon dried sage
• 2 cloves garlic, chopped
• 1-1/2 cup dry white wine (if you don't want the alcohol, substitute chicken or vegetable stock. As a last resort, you can just use water)
• 3 tablespoons vegetable oil
• salt and pepper
• 3 tablespoons corn starch
• OPTIONAL: 3-4 tablespoons of pepper jelly/jam (we used Darn Hot Berrily Hot Jam. Unfortunately, it looks like they don't make it anymore. However, they have a number of other items that would work here. Check them out at Darn Hot Peppers)

Directions

1. Add oil to pot and set pot to "SAUTEE/BROWN"
2. Add pork to pot and brown each piece on both sides, about 3-5 minutes per side. Remove pork to a plate.
3. In a large bowl, toss vegetables with sage, salt, and pepper (use however much salt and pepper you like. I used probably about 1 teaspoon of each. You could probably bump up to 1-1/2 teaspoons of salt if you like that sort of thing). Add vegetables to cooker and sautee, stirring occasionally, for about 5-6 minutes.
4. Add the liquid to the veggies and let it get to a boil (give it a couple minutes at the boil if you're using wine to get rid of the alcohol)
5. Lay the pork on top of the veggies. If you're using the pepper jam, spread it over the top of the pork. 
6. Put on the lid and set the cooker to HIGH pressure for 1 hour. (In our case, we used the MEAT setting and adjusted the time to an hour)
7. At the end of the cooking, use a NATURAL release for about 10-15 minutes, then open the valve to release any steam (be careful, there's still going to be a fair amount of steam in there)
8. Remove pork to a plate. Shred or slice depending on how you like to serve it. 
9. Get a plastic or vinyl masher and smash the living hell out of the veggies. Leaving in some chunks is fine.
10. Mix the corn starch with an equal amount of cold water. Add the mix to the cooker and set the cooker back on BROWN/SAUTEE until the mixture starts to bubble. Let it go for a minute or two, stirring, then switch the heat to WARM for serving.
11. You can either throw the pork back in the gravy or serve the gravy on the side. 

Good Times!

The Pork Hat Trick

     Man, do I love pork. I love pork in all its wonderful forms. It's so versatile; you can eat it for breakfast, lunch or dinner. Granted, the same could be said for Cap'n Crunch, but there you have it. I have been wanting to do some form of goofy pork loin in the smoker for a while now. I figured pork inside pork wrapped in pork was the way to go. This recipe, due to time and labor, qualifies as a certified Pain In The Ass. Mind you, it's totally worth it. I apologize in advance for the vagueness about cooking time. If you're using a smoker, you've already committed to a big hunk of time. Just check the temp regularly. Throw some chicken on the smoker, too. That will be ready before the pork so you'll have something to snack on. See how I take care of you? What do I get for it? Heartache. You're driving me to an early grave.

The Pork Hat Trick

Ingredients

• 2.5-3 pound pork loin
• 1 pound pork sausage with sage
• 1 pound thick cut bacon
• 3 sprigs dried rosemary
• 3 tablespoons Three Mustard Pepper Relish
• Uncle Joe's Rubdown
• olive oil
• apple juice

Directions

1. With a fillet or other sharp knife, butterfly the pork loin. How do you butterfly a pork loin? Follow this handy link to a fine set of instructions (that I did not write). You should end up with a 1/2" or so thick rectangle of pork.
2. Spread a layer of the mustard pepper relish evenly across the pork.
3. Spread the pork sausage in an even layer over the relish.

   

   I suppose you could just chuck it in the oven and bake it at this point.
   MEAT PIZZA

4. Sprinkle with the dried rosemary. 
5. Here's where things get fun. Roll up the loin, jelly-roll style. Then, wrap it with the bacon. Use what ever method you'd like for the bacon, weave it, drape it, you pick. Once you have the bacon situated, take some butcher's twine and go full bondage on that bad boy. You don't want it unraveling. Wipe down the twine with olive oil to keep the twine from burning.
   

   

   50 Shades of Pork

6. Sprinkle the rub onto the roast. If you don't have Uncle Joe's you're missing out and will have to use something else.
7. Get that bad boy out to your smoker. Smoke the loin until an instant read thermometer gives you around 160F. Occasionally spray the loin with apple juice to keep it moist. I smoked mine for three or so hours. Can't say for sure. I was drinking. Time may depend on how hot your smoker is running. Alternately, throw it in the oven at 375F until the desired temp is reached. 

   

   ACTION SHOT. 

8. Once the desired internal temperature is reached, take it off the heat and let it rest for 10-15 minutes. It's been through a lot and needs time to collect itself. Congratulate yourself on a job well done with your sixth Jim Beam and Mr. Pibb of the day.
9. After resting, slice that bastard up and eat until you're sick. Which is entirely possible if you didn't cook it long enough.

Good times!

RC-Tequila Carnitas

     I am a Goddamn genius. I'm just putting it out there right now. This recipe is proof of my towering intellect.  I have created a meal of such unsurpassed deliciousness that even the most accomplished chef would bow before it. I can say without fear of contradiction that this is one of the greatest things I have ever cooked. All bombast aside, this is truly a fantastic dish. It's also super easy to make, though it does take a while. I have always enjoyed the carnitas I would get at Mexican restaurants and wanted to make them at home. Granted, I don't think RC and bottom shelf tequila qualify as authentic Mexican, but such is life. It's good. So good. Change your pants good. Just make it. Then shower me with the praise I no doubt deserve.

RC-Tequila Carnitas

Ingredients

• 2 pound pork shoulder (Boston Butt)
• 1 sweet onion, cut in half and thinly sliced
• 2 cans cola (we used RC)
• 1/3 cup tequila (I imagine the tequila you use will slightly effect the flavor. We used Sauza white tequila)
• 2 tablespoons vegetable oil
• Salt, pepper, red pepper flakes, fennel seeds

Directions

1. Rub meat (*snicker*) with salt, pepper, red pepper and fennel. Set aside.
2. In a large enameled cast iron dutch oven, heat 2 tablespoons oil at medium-high heat. Add onion and cook for 5-7 minutes, stirring occasionally, until onions are golden brown. 
3. Turn up heat a bit and add roast, searing on each side for a couple minutes or until it starts to brown.
4. Add the cola and tequila. Liquid should be deep enough that at least half the meat is submerged. Bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer. 
5. Cover and put in oven preheated to 350F (180C, Gasmark 4) and cook for 3 hours. Check level of liquid, adding more if necessary to keep the roast about halfway in the liquid.
6. Reduce heat to 250F (130C, Gasmark 1/2) and cook another hour. 
7. Remove meat from dutch oven and use two forks to pull the meat into chunks (don't fully shred the meat. You want some nice quarter-sized chunks of meat)
8. Spread the meat on a baking sheet or in a Pyrex dish. Put under the broiler for 5-10 minutes or until the meat starts to crisp a bit on the edges.
9. Take any remaining liquid and onion from the dutch oven and stir it in with the meat. 

Better than the usual Good Times!

Clam Chowder

     I loves me some clam chowder. I fondly remember ordering at family restaurants and getting that sickly white, ultra-thick concoction that smelled faintly of a fire on a fishing boat. I couldn't get enough of that stuff. Then I grew up and realized that it wasn't really supposed to look or taste like that and I'm very lucky I didn't get food poisoning and die from dysentery.

Or snakebite. Always the damned snakebite.

     I was glad to find a recipe for clam chowder that I feel is a bit closer to the intended look and taste. I can't say for sure as I've never had clam chowder in New England. I imagine it would taste just like this, but everyone would be talking with funny accents about how they're going "to wahk theah dahg in Havahd Pahk aftah dahk." This soup was fantastic and will enter the regular rotation. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Clam Chowder
via Best-Ever Soups

Ingredients

• 3-3/4 oz salt pork or thinly sliced unsmoked bacon (let's just derail right away and use a half pound of bacon. BACON FTW!)
• 1 large onion, chopped (we used a Vidalia, figuring the sweetness would work well here)
• 2 potatoes, peeled and cut into cubes
• 1 bay leaf (remember to remove bay leaves before serving! Leave that bay leaf in there and you'll choke like the St. Louis Blues in a Stanley Cup Playoff)
• 1 fresh thyme sprig (none on hand. I used about 1/8 tsp. dried thyme)
• 1-1/4 cups milk
• 14 oz cooked clams, cooking liquid reserved (we used 3 cans at 6.5 oz each. Go big or go home. Unless you're already at home. Then maybe go outside)
• 2/3 cup heavy cream
• salt (I used pink Himalayan. Not even kidding), ground white pepper (a scant 1/8 tsp) and cayenne pepper (1/4 tsp)
• Finely chopped parsley, to garnish

Directions

1. Put the bacon (who are you fooling with the salt pork? We know you're using bacon) in a pan (we used the trusty enameled Dutch oven) and heat gently, stirring frequently, until the fat runs and the meat is starting to brown.
2. Add the chopped onion and fry over a low heat until softened but not brown.
3. Add the potato, bay leaf and thyme. Stir well to coat with fat, then pour in the milk and clam liquid; bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for about 10 minutes or until the potatoes are tender but still firm. Lift out the bay leaf (OR CHOKE AND DIE) and the thyme sprig (if you used it) and discard them.
4. Remove the shells from most of the clams (AHAHAHA, no. My butler was too busy synchronizing all of my Rolex watches. As previously stated, I used canned clams). Add all the clams to the pot and season to taste with salt, pepper and cayenne.
5. Simmer gently for 5 minutes more, then stir in the cream. Heat until the soup is very hot, but do not allow it to boil. Pour into a tureen (the butler knows where the tureen is kept, but as mentioned, he was busy with my Rolexes. I used regular bowls). Garnish with chopped parsley and serve. 

Good Times!

Hot and Sour Soup

     Once again I turn to my trusty copy of The Thousand Recipe Chinese Cookbook. This time it's for soup. You can never go wrong with soup. Unless you undercook something and give everybody dysentery. Then I suppose you've gone wrong. You could also spill a scalding hot bowl on your crotch. I suppose that would be wrong, too. OK, you can go wrong with soup. This particular soup is worth the risk. One of my favorite treats at a Chinese restaurant is the hot and sour soup. I am always on the lookout for a recipe that replicates that experience. This does not even come close. Don't let that scare you away. This soup is really tasty and pretty easy to make. We really screwed around with the recipe and were very pleased with the results. If you can manage to keep the sodium down, you've got a really healthy meal. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Hot and Sour Soup
via The Thousand Recipe Chinese Cookbook

Ingredients

• 3 or 4 dried black mushrooms (as I do not normally engage in witchcraft, I do not normally stock these. We went with a 15-ounce can of straw mushrooms. Keep the liquid if you use the canned!)
• 1/4 pound lean pork (none on hand. We went with an equal amount of ground turkey)
• 2 bean curd cakes (that's kind of a nebulous measurement, so we went with a 1 pound block of firm tofu, cut into about 1/2 inch squares)
• 1 scallion (we used 2 since the garden is overrun with them)
• 1 15-ounce can stir fry vegetables, drained. We're talking water chestnuts, bamboo shoots, baby corn, sprouts, etc.)
• 5 cups stock (we used a home made shrimp stock. Feel free to use the stock of your choice)
• 1 cup mushroom soaking liquid (obviously you're only going to have these if you used the dried mushrooms. If you used the can like we did, just pour in the liquid along with the mushrooms)
• 1 tablespoon sherry (none on hand, we used an equal amount of dry vermouth)
• 2 tablespoons white vinegar (since this was hot and sour soup, we used an equal amount of pique sauce. It was still vinegar based, but had an extra hot pepper kick)
• 1 egg
• 2 tablespoons corn starch
• 1/4 cup water
• 3/4 to 1 teaspoon salt (omitted. There's already enough sodium in here)
• 1 teaspoon soy sauce
• 1/4 teaspoon pepper (doesn't say what kind. I used a bit of black and about 1/2 teaspoon of red pepper flakes)
• A few dashes of Tabasco if you want more heat
• Sesame oil

Directions

1. Soak dried mushrooms. Reserve soaking liquid (or just open can and don't drain it)
2. Sliver mushrooms, pork and bean curd. Mince scallion. Beat egg lightly. Blend cornstarch and cold water to a paste (we didn't cut the mushrooms at all. We used ground turkey so no slicing there. I decided to simply chop the scallions just to be a bastard).
3. (The original recipe does not specify what to cook the soup in. I went with a 5-quart pot.) Bring stock and mushroom soaking liquid to a boil. Add pork (or turkey. Or both if you're feeling daring) and mushrooms (if you went with the canned mushrooms, just unceremoniously dump the entire contents of the can into the pot. If you're also using the optional can of stir fry vegetables, it goes in at this point, too) and simmer, covered, for 10 minutes. 
4. Add bean curd and simmer, covered, for 3 more minutes.
5. Stir in sherry (or vermouth), vinegar (or pique), salt (if using. It's your heart; do what you want), soy sauce and pepper. Pour in cornstarch paste to thicken. Stir gently. 
6. Slowly add beaten egg, stirring gently once or twice (no more than twice! It would be bad. Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light) Remove from heat. Sprinkle with sesame oil and scallions.

   

   Total protonic reversal.
   
   Good times!

Slow Cooker Apple Butter BBQ Ribs

     Cooking bone-in meat in a slow cooker is always an exciting prospect. The end result more often than not looks terrifying, with meat and gristle and bone all in a heap in the bottom of the cooker. I'm also leery about using really nice spareribs for a slow cooker recipe. However, this recipe gave me the opportunity to use up some surplus apple butter and bbq sauce I canned last season. I bit the bullet and gave it a try. Despite the fact that I entirely missed a step, the ribs were quite tasty. The Wife really liked them because she didn't have to fight to get the meat off the bone. She would never be able to survive in the wild. I don't know that I'd make this a lot, but it was certainly good and I would consider making it again if the grill and smoker were not available outside. As always, any notes and changes are in blue.

Slow Cooker Apple Butter BBQ Ribs
via Super-Fast Slow Cooking

Ingredients

• 4 pounds pork spareribs
• salt and pepper to taste (we used Uncle Joe's Rub Down instead)
• 1 onion, quartered
• 16 ounces apple butter (we used our own Too Damned Easy Apple Butter)
• 18 ounce bottle barbecue sauce (we used the sauce from our BBQ Jalapeno Peppers and Onions)

Directions

1. Sprinkle ribs with salt and pepper (as mentioned, we used the Uncle Joe's)
2. Place ribs on rimmed baking sheets. Bake at 350 (180F, Gasmark 4) for 30 minutes; drain. Slice the ribs into serving size pieces and place in the slow cooker. (holy shit. I didn't even see this step when I made these. I just chucked the frozen rib sections into the slow-cooker. I'm not even joking. If you don't believe me, watch the video below.)
3. Add remaining ingredients. Cover and cook on low for 8 hours.

Bonus Video! 

Good times!

Smothered Beef (or Pork, or Lamb if you're a Rockefeller)

     "Smothered" foods always struck me as unfortunately named. "Smothered beef" conjures images of someone in a field holding a pillow over a cow's face. This particular smothered dish comes by way of Madhur Jaffrey. This is just packed with all sorts of wonderful flavors and made for a tremendous meal when served over some basmati rice. If you haven't given Indian food a try, I can't recommend it enough. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Smothered Beef 
labdhara gosht
via Madhur Jaffrey's Quick and Easy Indian Cooking

Ingredients

• 1 pound boned shoulder of lamb (AHAHAHAHAHA! I'll have the butler get that out of the fridge as soon as he's done wiping my ass with hundred dollar bills. I used stewing beef. Pork will work, too) cut into 1 inch cubes
• 1 small onion, peeled and finely chopped
• 1 inch piece fresh ginger, peeled and finely chopped (we just grated it to save time)
• 1 medium sized tomato, peeled and finely chopped (can't be bothered peeling. We just chopped it)
• 1/2 cup finely chopped cilantro
• 1-2 fresh, hot green chiles, cut into fine rings (leave the seeds in there, you big baby)
• 1/4 teaspoon ground turmeric
• 2 teaspoons garam masala
• 1 teaspoon ground cumin
• 1/4 cup plain yogurt
• 1 tablespoon tomato paste
• 3/4 teaspoon salt, or to taste
• 3 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 4 cloves garlic, peeled and finely chopped
• 1/2 cup water
• Freshly ground black pepper

Directions

1. Put all the ingredients except the oil, garlic and black pepper in a bowl and mix well (I love recipes that are basically "throw all the shit together and apply heat.")
2. Put the oil in a Dutch oven and set over medium high heat. When the oil is hot, add the garlic and stir until the pieces turn medium brown.
3. Throw in the meat mixture and stir a couple times. Add the 1/2 cup water. Bring to a simmer and cover. Cook for about 90 minutes, or until the meat is tender. 
4. Uncover and turn heat to high until sauce is thick. Sprinkle in black pepper to taste.

Good times!

Slow Cooker Black Bean and Sausage Stew

     Black beans are great. They're versatile and super filling. I usually have three or four cans on hand at any given time. I also love smoked sausages. There's nothing like gaining six pounds in water after chowing down one of those sodium bombs.  When black beans and smoked sausages collide, good things happen.

Yup. Just like this, but with way more giggling.

     This particular recipe came out of the Slow-Cooker Magic in Minutes book. It's a fairly easy recipe, but does require moving some ingredients in and out of the cooker, which I absolutely hate. It's a small complaint, since this recipe is tasty and filling. It also benefits greatly from the addition of some hot sauce. Tabasco is great here. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Slow Cooker Black Bean and Sausage Stew
via Slow Cooker Magic in Minutes

Ingredients

• 3 cans (15 ounces each) black beans, rinsed and drained
• 1-1/2 cup chopped onions
• 1-1/2 cup chicken broth
• 1 cup sliced celery
• 1 cup chopped red pepper (for whatever reason, I didn't have red pepper available when I made this and went with green pepper. It worked fine.)
• 4 cloves garlic, minced
• 1-1/2 teaspoons dried oregano
• 3/4 teaspoon ground coriander (did you know that coriander is the seeds of cilantro? You do now! Never let it be said this isn't an educational blog)
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
• 1/4 teaspoon ground red pepper
• 6 ounces cooked turkey sausage, thinly sliced (I went ahead with the smoked pork sausage for that extra 62,000mg of sodium. Plus, I didn't slice it thinly. MADNESS. Also, feel free to use more sausage if you'd like. Probably not more than a pound, though)

Directions

1. Combine all ingredients in slow cooker, except sausage. Cover and cook on LOW for 6-8 hours.
2. Transfer about 1-1/2 cups bean mixture from slow cooker to blender or food processor, puree mixture (I have said it before and I'll say it again. I hate it when a slow cooker recipe has me taking stuff in and out of the cooker. I just want to throw it in and forget about it. This is time that could be spent drinking or smoking cigars)
3. Return blended mixture to slow cook. Stir in sausage. Cover and cook on LOW an additional 10-15 minutes.

Good times!

Three Pork Meat Sauce (Tre Sugo Di Maiale)

     We recently bought into a share of an organically grown pig. The result was over 20 pounds of fine pork products. We decided the way to celebrate was by making a meat sauce with our go-to red sauce recipe. The result was delicious. We used ground pork, bacon and a neck bone. I used to watch my dad make sauce with neck bones and had never tried it myself. I'm glad I did. Thanks dad! Naming it wasn't hard. It's a sauce with three kinds of pork! I decided to throw in the Google Translate Italian version of the name. I think it literally comes out as just "Three Pork Sauce." Regardless, you can't go wrong throwing this over a bowl of your favorite pasta! As always, any notes are in blue.

Three Pork Meat Sauce
(Tre Sugo Di Maiale)

Ingredients

• 1 quart prepared pasta sauce (it will add a bunch of cooking time to prep, but I suggest using this red sauce recipe)
• 1 quart canned whole tomatoes, undrained
• 1 pound ground pork
• 1 pork neck bone
• 6 ounces bacon, diced
• 1/2 large sweet onion, finely chopped
• 1 stalk celery, finely chopped
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 2 tablespoons chopped fresh basil
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 2 tablespoons red wine vinegar

Directions

1. In a large Dutch oven, heat oil. Cook neck bone 3-5 minutes on each side, until browned. Remove and set aside. Add bacon, onion and celery. Cook over medium heat until bacon is crisp. Drain excess oil (don't just throw it away! Strain it into a jar for later use. I always have bacon grease in the fridge for all sorts of uses). 

   

   I could probably stop right here and still be happy with the meal.

2. Turn heat to high. Deglaze the Dutch oven using the red wine vinegar. (Make sure to scrape up all the brown stuff off the bottom; you don't want to waste that extra flavor!) Bring heat to low.
3. In a separate pan, cook ground pork until browned. Drain excess grease.
4. Add ground pork and neckbone to Dutch oven. Add all remaining ingredients and bring to a boil. Reduce to a low simmer. Simmer with the lid off for at least one hour (the longer you simmer, the thicker the sauce will get. I let mine go for about two hours. Just stop simmering when it hits the desired consistency).

Good times!

Slow Cooker Cajun Stew

     Now and again I like to totally improvise a recipe. The inspiration came about from the desire to burn through a surplus of pork that had been building up in our freezer. I also had a can of okra I don't remember buying. I figured pork+okra=Cajun food. I suppose it could also equal porkra, which sounds like something Godzilla would fight.

From the 1964 classic, "Godzilla vs. Porkra"

     You can ramp the heat up or down on this recipe by changing out the spices. I used some generic Cajun seasoning along with some local stuff. Feel free to use whatever you want. Cayenne would certainly be at home here. Hell, go nuts and throw in some Old Bay seasoning. Serve it over rice. Or noodles, or on its own. I won't tell. Just enjoy it as much as I did!

Slow Cooker Cajun Stew

Ingredients

• 1 lb spicy ground pork sausage
• 1 lb boneless pork loin chops, cut into 1"cubes
• 13 ounces (one package) smoked sausage (I used a bacon and cheddar smoked sausage), cut into 1/2" thick slices
• 8 ounces peeled shrimp, tails removed
• 2 cups chicken stock
• 1 red bell pepper, cut into 1" pieces
• 1 green bell pepper, cut into 1" pieces
• 1 onion, chopped
• 1 can (14.5 ounces) diced tomatoes, undrained
• 3 sliced jalapenos
• 1 can (14.5 ounces) sliced okra, rinsed
• 2 tablespoons white vinegar
• 1 can (15 ounces) tomato puree
• 2 teaspoons Cajun seasoning
• 1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
• File powder (optional)

Directions

1. Cook ground pork sausage until browned, drain and add to 5 quart slow cooker.
2. Brown cubed pork 2-3 minutes, add to slow cooker along with smoked sausage.
3. In a saucepan, combine okra, diced tomatoes, jalapenos and white vinegar. Bring to a boil; reduce heat and simmer for 5 minutes then add to slow cooker.
4. Add all remaining ingredients except shrimp to slow cooker. Heat on LOW for 6 hours. Add shrimp during last 20 minutes of cooking.
5. Add file powder when serving, if desired.

Good times!

Pork Chops in Mushroom Sauce

     One of my biggest complaints about slow-cooker recipes is they often end up tasting very similar. I've had chicken recipes that taste like beef recipes that taste like pork recipes. It doesn't matter what the ingredients are, the meals all end up with an inoffensive flat taste. That's why this particular recipe took us by surprise. While the recipe ends up uniformly beige, there's actually a definable flavor. I imagine that's due to the Dijon mustard. Regardless of the reason, this made for a very tasty meal. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Pork Chops in Mushroom Sauce
via Taste of Home Slow Cooker

Ingredients

• 1 can (10.75 ounce) condensed cream of mushroom soup, undiluted
• 1/4 cup chicken broth
• 1/4 cup country-style Dijon mustard (never in my life have I heard of "country-style" Dijon mustard. I'm calling bullshit and just using regular old Dijon)
• 1 garlic clove, minced (feeling lazy, just used 1 teaspoon minced from a jar)
• 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon pepper
• 6 medium red potatoes, sliced (I used russet potatoes and everybody survived)
• 1 medium onion, halved and thinly sliced
• 6 boneless loin pork chops (5 ounces each) (I used 5. SO THERE)
• 8 ounces sliced mushrooms of your choice

Directions

1. In a 5 quart slow cooker, combine the soup, broth, mustard, garlic and seasonings. (I managed to stuff everything into a 2.5 quart slow cooker)
2. Stir in potatoes and onions; top with pork chops
3. Cover and cook on LOW for 3-1/2 to 4-1/2 hours or until meat is tender

"Sir, you are being chauffeured around in a $250,000 Rolls Royce. Buy your own damned mustard."
Good Times! 

Slow Cooker Thai-Style Peanut Chicken

     I'm on the fence about peanut butter based recipes. I do enjoy a good satay, but too much peanut butter can overwhelm me and make me run for some white bread and grape jelly. This recipe works around that by using an alarming amount of teriyaki sauce and red pepper flakes. This has, as the chefs would say, umami out the asshole. We swapped in chicken for the pork and were very happy with the results. As always, changes and notes are in blue.

Slow Cooker Thai-Style Peanut Chicken
via Taste of Home Slow Cooker

Ingredients

• 2 pounds boneless pork loin chops (we decided to use an equal amount of chicken)
• 1/4 cup teriyaki sauce
• 2 tablespoons rice vinegar
• 1 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
• 1 teaspoon minced garlic
• 1 tablespoon cornstarch
• 1/4 cup cold water
• 1/4 cup creamy peanut butter
• Hot cooked rice
• 1/2 cup chopped green onions
• 1/2 cup dry roasted peanuts (omitted)
• Lime juice, optional

Directions

1. Place meat in a 3 quart slow cooker (we used a 2.5 quart cooker. NOW WHAT!). In a small bowl, combine the teriyaki sauce, vinegar, pepper flakes and garlic; pour over meat. Cover and cook on LOW for 6 hours or until meat is tender.
2. Remove meat and cut into bite-sized pieces; keep warm (the meat, not you. I suppose you could put on a sweater if you're chilly). Skim fat from cooking juices, transfer juices to a small saucepan. Bring liquid to a boil. 
3. Combine cornstarch and water and stir until smooth. Gradually stir into the pan. Bring to a boil; cook and stir for 2 minutes or until thickened. Stir in peanut butter and meat. 
4. Serve with rice. Sprinkle with onions and peanuts (if you really want them). Drizzle with lime juice if desired.

Tie Peanuts...Get it?
Good times!