Chicken and Corn Dip

 Goodness, it's been a while since I've posted anything. I guess I've been busy? Lazy? Probably just lazy. Anyway, a few weeks back I threw together a little using odds and ends. It turned out well and for a change I had actually written everything down and not lost the paper I wrote it on. What a triumph. Long story short this dip is good hot or cold and is highly adjustable. Like it hotter? Add more hot. Don't eat meat? Put in tofu. Don't like cheese? Get away from me with that negativity. Try it and tell me what you think. Unless you don't like it and then I don't want to know. As always, notes are in blue.

Chicken and Corn Dip

Ingredients

• 1 cup creamed corn
• 1 cup diced or shredded fully cooked rotisserie chicken
• 1 cup shredded cheddar cheese (feel free to sub in the cheese of your choice. Pepper jack would probably be pretty good here)
• 8 ounce block cream cheese, softened
• 1 teaspoon dried minced onion (you can certainly use fresh onion if desired. If so, go with 1/2 finely chopped onion)
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 teaspoon dry cilantro (if you're one of those people who think it tastes like soap, sub with parsley or basil)
• 1 teaspoon hot sauce of choice
• 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes
• 1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
• Salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. In a medium pan, over medium heat, dump in everything and mix the shit out of it. Stop when the cheese is melted through and the cream cheese is smooth (not counting lumps from the other ingredients, those are fine)
2. Taste and adjust seasoning as needed/desired. Serve hot or cold with crackers or chips, or just scoop it out with your hands like an absolute fucking savage. 

Good Times!

The World Needs Another Cheese Dip Recipe

As the world slowly descends into utter madness, I realize what we need now, more than ever, is another Rotel-style cheese dip. There's a pretty good chance I've managed to create something that already exists, which begs the existential question:

If I created something that has already been created, but I had never known about it, was it still an original creation?

Honestly, who the fuck cares. It's really good dip and that's all that matters.

Objectively Original Cheese Dip

Ingredients

• 1 pound cooked and shredded/crumbled meat of your choice (Seriously, almost any meat will work. We used pork loin. Chicken, ground beef, ground turkey, fake crab, shrimp, go nuts. Maybe not like salmon or clams, but the sky's the limit. Or leave out the meat if it's not your thing)
• 1-10.5 ounce can cheddar cheese soup
• 1 -10 ounce can diced tomatoes with jalapenos, drained 
• 4 ounces cream cheese
• 1 cup shredded cheddar cheese

Directions

1. Throw everything in a slow cooker and cook on LOW for 2-3 hours, stirring occasionally
   OR
   Put everything in a deep saucepan and cook on medium heat, stirring regularly, for about 7-10 minutes, until the cream cheese and cheddar are incorporated. Don't let it simmer or it's going to scorch in the pan.
2. There is no step #2

Good times!

Guacamole So Good You'll Shit

     It is that time of year when people have parties where they gather around the television to lay their emotional well-being into the hands of a few dozen total strangers. Personally, I watch the Puppy Bowl. Whatever floats your boat. It is well known that snacketizers of all sorts are served at these festivities. I have come up with a snacketizer anyone would be proud to serve to their beer-soaked friends. This originally just started as a veggie filling for quesadillas, but quickly spiraled out of control. This is some uberguac with substance and a bit of heat. Serve it up at your next sports-based party. Your guests will eat it up. If they don't, it's not my fault. They're just uncultured swine not deserving of your friendship. As always, notes are in blue.

Guacamole So Good You'll Shit

Ingredients

• 1 can black beans, drained and rinsed
• 1/2 can corn, drained
• 2 roma tomatoes, chopped
• 1 red onion, chopped
• 1 large avocado
• 3/4 cup sour cream
• 1 teaspoon cayenne
• 1 teaspoon cumin
• 1/2 cup Jalapeno Sauce, divided (if you can't or won't use this recipe, you're just going to have to ballpark how much hot sauce you use. Don't use a half cup of some super hot sauce then come bitching to me when your asshole falls out)

Directions

1. In a large bowl, combine beans, corn, tomatoes and onion. Take 1/4 of the avocado and chop it. Add it to the bowl. 
2. Add 1/4 cup Jalapeno Sauce and toss contents of bowl (to incorporate everything. Don't actually toss everything out because that would be dumb)
3. Roughly chop up the rest of the avocado and put it in a food processor. Add sour cream, cayenne, cumin and remainder of Jalapeno Sauce. Pulse in the processor until completely smooth (the avocado mixture, not the actual food processor. If you managed to render the actual machine smooth, you managed to break fundamental laws of physics)
4. Take contents of food processor and scoop it out into the bowl with the bean mix. Stir it all up until everything is thoroughly mixed together. 
5. Get a bunch of tortilla chips and go batshit crazy, because this is really good.

Good times!

Cheeseburger Jalapeno Poppers

     Year after year I can count on my garden to produce insane amounts of peppers. There's only so many peppers I can pickle or make into relish. Surplus peppers are almost always stuffed and frozen for later. Banana peppers normally end up Sriracha Stuffed, but I wanted to do something different for my jalapenos. This particular mix really does taste like a cheeseburger! I might actually use that meat mix for other recipes. I'm resourceful like that. If you go to make these, don't be a dummy like me. Remember not to touch your eyes or nostrils. Also, assembly is messy, so have paper towels on hand. I can guarantee you'll love these and they will be a hit at any party!* As always, any notes are in blue.

Cheeseburger Jalapeno Poppers
(banana pepper poppers if you're a wuss)

Ingredients

• 1 lb. ground beef
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 2 teaspoons dried minced onion
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese
• 1 tablespoon yellow mustard
• 2 tablespoons ketchup (or catsup if you prefer)
• around 2 dozen larger jalapeno peppers (if you're a big baby and heat is an issue, you can use banana peppers, but you won't fill as many since they tend to be a bit bigger than jalapenos. I did a mix of the two for my most recent batch since The Wife is breast feeding and I have this image of The Spud breathing fire)

Directions

1. Cut the ends off the peppers and core them out, being careful to not cut through the sides of the peppers. Make sure to remove all the seeds. Set peppers aside. 
2. Heat oil in a pan. Add beef and cook until browned. About halfway into the cooking, add the onion and garlic powder.
3. Once the meat is browned, drain off the grease and make sure the meat is broken into very small pieces. Mix in the mustard, ketchup and cheese. Stir until cheese has melted completely into the meat. You may need to keep the heat on low for this.
4. Take the meat off the heat. (BONUS FOR RHYMING)
5. Fill each pepper with the still warm meat mixture. If you let it cool, the cheese will start to set and make it very hard to get into the peppers. Use whatever method you feel is best to fill the peppers. If you've got really small fingers, you'll do fine. I generally do it Civil War style and load a small charge of meat in and then ramrod it in with a chopstick. Fill the peppers to the top.
6. If you have one of those jalapeno popper racks, this step is easy. 

   

   I'm talking about one of these guys.

   Fill a rack and put them in the oven at 375F (190C, Gasmark5) for about 20-25 minutes or until the peppers start to blister. Make sure you put a drip pan under this or you're in for a world of hurt come cleanup as these will leak grease. If you don't have this rack, or are using banana peppers, lay a sheet of foil or silpat mat on a baking sheet. Cook about the same amount of time, turning the peppers once so they blister evenly. 
7. Remove peppers from oven and let set for 5-10 minutes
8. Bonus idea: cook bacon halfway and then wrap it around the peppers, securing it with toothpicks. Finish cooking and you have bacon-cheeseburger poppers!
9. Bonus idea #2: Wrap peppers in canned biscuit dough for a greasy cheesburger popper in a bun!

Good times!

* I totally can not guarantee that.

Sriracha Stuffed Banana Peppers

     I know I've been on a Thanksgiving kick for the past couple of weeks, but I wanted to get this recipe out there. I made it once to burn through some spare peppers and it was a hit. We made a bunch of these yesterday and have frozen them for later use. It is super simple for use as an appetizer or side dish. You can swap the pork with pretty much any ground meat. Feel free to swap out the cheese, too. Pepper jack cheese would give even more kick to this recipe. As always, any notes (there won't be changes since this is entirely my recipe) will be in blue.

Sriracha Stuffed Banana Peppers

Ingredients

• A dozen or so large banana peppers (use Hungarian Wax peppers for a little extra kick)
• Bottle of Sriracha sauce
• 1 pound ground pork
• 1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F
2. Cut the tops off the peppers and carefully core out the seeds and pith
3. Brown the pork in a frying pan on the stove top (I sadly realized that if I didn't specify stove top, somebody was going to throw the pork in the oven and hope for the best). Drain excess grease.
4. Add shredded cheese to pork and mix until cheese is melted

   

   This is the consistency you're looking for.

5. Put a squirt of Sriracha in each pepper (use more or less according to how big of a stud/wuss you are)
6. Pack the pork/cheese mixture in each pepper until just barely overfull
7. Put peppers on a greased cookie sheet
8. Put tray in oven and cook until peppers start to get soft and/or char (about 15-25 minutes)
9. Remove from oven and let rest for 5-10 minutes

These also freeze well for later use. Simply stop at step 6 of the directions and store in a freezer bag or container.

I originally didn't have an actual photo of the dish, so I provided this whimsical picture of
 beloved  British animated character Peppa Pig.

Good times!

Monday Meal: Honey-Roasted Onion Tart (via Bon Appetit Magazine)

     It's Monday, so that means it's time for another recipe. An appetizer, as a matter of fact. This one's a bit fancy, and asks for things you may not normally keep in your kitchen. That's fine. Creative substitution is standard operating procedure for a MCK. One item you may not have in your kitchen, or is simply difficult to find is: 

Yeah, I didn't know what this was, either.

     Creme Fraiche is basically a sour cream with butterfat. If you can't find it in your local store, you have a couple of options. Make it yourself. 

• Simply head over to Serious Eats for a super easy recipe

•  Just use regular sour cream and don't tell anyone

     The other thing you may not have on hand is fresh thyme.  If you have dried thyme in the house, just remember that a teaspoon of dried is about the same as a tablespoon of fresh. If you don't have any thyme, maybe you should just order out. (See what I did there? You've been  a wonderful audience, I'll be here all week.) Seriously, you can get away with basil or oregano in place of thyme. Enjoy!

 

Ingredients

• 1 sheet sheet frozen puff pastry (half of 17.3-ounce package), thawed
• 3 bacon slices, cut crosswise into 1/2-inch pieces (I used peppered bacon, it was wonderful)
• 1/4 cup honey
• 1/4 cup dry white wine
• 2 large sweet yellow onions (about 1 1/2 pounds), cut into 1/4-inch-thick rounds
• Nonstick vegetable oil spray
• 3/4 cup crème fraîche
• 1/2 teaspoon fine sea salt (regular salt is acceptable)
• 1/8 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
• 1 teaspoon fresh thyme leaves

Preparation

• Position rack in top third of oven and preheat to 375°F. Using lightly floured rolling pin, roll out puff pastry on lightly floured surface to 14x10-inch rectangle. Fold 1/2 inch of pastry edges in toward center on all sides, forming 13x9-inch rectangle. Transfer pastry to large rimmed baking sheet. Press firmly on pastry edges with fork to form rim. Chill crust.
• Cook bacon in small skillet over medium heat until brown and crisp. Transfer to paper towels to drain. Reserve 1 tablespoon bacon drippings from skillet. Whisk honey, wine, and reserved 1 tablespoon bacon drippings in large bowl. Add onions; toss to coat. Coat another large rimmed baking sheet with nonstick spray. Spread onion mixture in even layer on sheet. Roast 30 minutes. Turn onions over, allowing rings to separate. Roast until onions are caramelized, turning often for even browning, 30 to 45 minutes. Remove from oven; cool onions slightly.
• Increase oven temperature to 400°F. Mix crème fraîche, sea salt, 1/4 teaspoon black pepper, and nutmeg in small bowl. Using offset spatula, spread crème fraîche over crust to folded edge. Arrange onions atop crème fraîche. Sprinkle with bacon. Bake tart until crust is light golden brown and topping is bubbling, 20 to 25 minutes. Sprinkle with thyme and serve.

Honey-Roasted Onion Tart (via Bon Appetite)

• Nutritional Information

  One serving contains:
  Calories (kcal) 334.4
  %Calories from Fat 56.9
  Fat (g) 21.1
  Saturated Fat (g) 9.0
  Cholesterol (mg) 36.3
  Carbohydrates (g) 30.3
  Dietary Fiber (g) 1.8
  Total Sugars (g) 15.0
  Net Carbs (g) 28.6
  Protein (g) 5.6
  Sodium (mg) 401.0