The Best Damned Brussels Sprouts You'll Ever Eat

 

Brussels sprouts are a truly divisive ingredient. You either love them or hate them. Naturally, my child hates them and runs screaming from the room if I suggest she eat some. She claims that her school cafeteria served them once and she did not like them, I contend that story is 100% bullshit. Fortunately, I watch a shit-ton of America's Test Kitchen and took some of their advice and came up with this absolute gem of a recipe. No joke. I could stand at the counter and eat the whole pound of these if left to my own devices. I imagine the gas would be absolutely spectacular. Try it and let me know!

The Best Damned Brussels Sprouts You'll Ever Eat

Ingredients

• 1 pound of Brussels sprouts, rinsed and cut in half
• 3 tablespoons bacon grease (you can make due with grapeseed or vegetable oil but you're going to lose a bunch of flavor)
• 1/2 cup chicken or vegetable stock
• Seasoned salt

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F (190C, Gas Mark 5)
2. In a large, oven proof skillet (I used my trusty Lodge cast iron skillet) melt the bacon grease on medium-high heat until it has coated the bottom of the pan.
3. Lay the Brussels sprouts, cut side down in the pan in a single layer. It is important that the cut side is making direct contact with the bottom of the pan.
4. Let the Brussels sprouts sizzle away on the pan for about 5-6 minutes. You're looking to get a really nice sear on the bottoms. 
5. Turn the heat off under the pan and slowly pour in the stock. Then sprinkle the top with the seasoned salt.
6. Put in the oven for about 8-10 minutes. You want the stock to completely cook off in there. 
7. Once the stock is cooked off, take them out of the oven and serve them up!

Good Times!

Salmon and Penne in Garlic Pesto Sauce

 There's some good recipes floating out there, if you're willing to suffer through pages of scrolling. Alternately, just find the "jump to recipe" button. While looking for inspiration for dinner, I happened across a recipe from Salt & Lavender for a salmon pasta in garlic sauce. It looked good. I decided to make it and like any good online cook, I immediately made changes without trying the original recipe. Mostly I wanted to use a jar of pesto that I've had since 2014. I also wanted way more garlic than the recipe called for. I'm sure their recipe is wonderful, and I'm sure mine is as well. Feel free to try it! I don't necessarily endorse using eight year old pesto, though.

Salmon and Penne in Garlic Pesto Sauce

Ingredients

• 1 pound penne
• 1 pound salmon fillets
• 3 tablespoons butter
• 2 tablespoons flour
• 1 tablespoon garlic powder
• 1 cup chicken/vegetable stock (water will do in a pinch, but you'll lose some richness in the sauce.)
• 2 cups heavy cream
• 2 tablespoon lemon juice
• 1 cup grated parmesan cheese (I used the stuff from the container. I never have fresh on hand.)
• 1/2 cup jarred pesto (I used a walnut/oregano pesto I made back in 2014. Miraculously, we did not die.)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F (190C, Gas Mark 5)
2. According to directions on pasta box, cook penne until al dente. Drain and set aside
3. Pat salmon dry with paper towels, then season with salt and pepper on both sides (the salmon, not the paper towels)
4. Put salmon on baking sheet and cook in oven about 10-12 minutes, or until fish starts to get flaky. 
5. While fish is cooking, heat butter in a large pan/pot (I used a 5 quart enameled Dutch oven and needed every last bit of it) When the butter has melted and starts to bubble, add flour and mix to form a roux. Stir constantly until the roux starts to darken.
6. Add the garlic powder and keep stirring.
7. Add the stock and lemon juice. Then stir in the cream. Finally add the pesto and Parmesan. Stir until completely incorporated and just starting to bubble. 
8. Crumble the salmon in to the sauce and add the penne. Mix everything thoroughly. 

Good Times!

Crab Rangoon Pizza

 I'm not sure where the inspiration came for this one. Probably from the bag of fake crab that had been in the freezer for an uncomfortable amount of time. Apparently, I'm not the first person to come up with this idea, but by the time I had figured that out, it was too late. The recipe was already scrawled on the back on an envelope. The Wife and I were both really surprised how good this was. Even The Spud condescended to take a tiny bite before going back to her crackers and cheese. I can't say the flavor was 100% authentic to a restaurant crab rangoon. You'd probably need to go a little heavier on the cream cheese. I don't recommend that, as it would make the topping way too thick. However! You could do it and just bump up the rest of the ingredients. Then forget about the flatbread as a crust, turn the topping into a dip, and use the bread for dipping. DAMN, I AM A GENIUS. I do recommend hitting it with a little hot sauce or crushed red pepper, it really brings it together. Let me know what you think, as long as it's positive. As always, notes are in blue.

Crab Rangoon Pizza
or Dip If You're So Inclined

Ingredients

• 4 ounces cream cheese, softened
• 1/2 pound artificial crab meat aka "crabuluxe," roughly chopped (don't even think about using real crab meat here. You know damned well the crab rangoon you're getting from the local place is using the fake stuff)
• 2 green onions, finely sliced
• 1 teaspoon ponzu sauce
• 1 teaspoon fish sauce 
• (in the event you don't have either of those, you could probably get away with equal amounts of soy sauce or Worcestershire sauce)
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese
• 1/4 cup shredded cheddar cheese
• 1 artisan flatbread, 7 ounces (ALDI has them. If you can't get to an ALDI, find something comparable at your local store)
• Optional: sriracha, or hot sauce of your choice. Even crushed red pepper would work

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 425F (220C, Gasmark 7)
2. In a bowl, put in everything except the shredded cheese and the flatbread. Mix thoroughly.
3. Place the flatbread on a baking tray. Evenly spread the cream cheese mixture over the bread.
4. Sprinkle the shredded cheeses evenly over the top of the cream cheese mixture.
5. Put in the oven for 10 minutes, or until cheese is completely melted.
6. If you're using optional hot sauce/peppers, throw it on and get to work!

Good Times!

World's Best Ever (FIGHT ME) Deluxe Super Special Pasta Salad (with extra hyperbole!)

We're back from a long hiatus due to the world being a fundamentally nonstop torrent of shit. I won't go into it, but 2022 is shaping up to be one slobberknocker of a shitty year. Last weekend we decided we needed to distract ourselves and spent an entire Saturday in the kitchen. This culinary masterpiece is one of the many things we made. This is made from ingredients you're probably going to have around the house or at the very least, can get easily. The Spanish chorizo might be a small challenge. We have to order ours on Amazon as culinary tastes around here largely center on Natural Light or Horseshoes. That said, this is a Taste Delight and received rave reviews from The Wife. Naturally, the Spud stared in horror and refused to go anywhere near it. As always, notes are in blue.

 World's Best Ever (FIGHT ME)
Deluxe Super Special Pasta Salad

Ingredients

• 1 pound elbow macaroni
• 1 can garbanzo beans (15.5 ounces), drained and rinsed
• 1 can black olives (6 ounces), drained and sliced
• 1 can diced tomatoes (14.5 ounces), drained
• 1 jar marinated artichoke hearts (12 ounces) (DO NOT DRAIN)
• 1 Spanish chorizo (about 8 ounces), chopped
• 1 small red onion, chopped
• 4 ounces crumbled feta cheese

For the Dressing

• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 3 tablespoons red wine vinegar
• 1 tablespoon hot sauce (we went with a carrot/habanero sauce)
• 1 teaspoon dried Italian seasoning
• salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. Cook pasta to al dente. Or according to directions if you don't know what al dente is. Drain the pasta.
2. While the pasta is cooking, in a small bowl, whisk all the dressing ingredients until emulsified (the dressing, not you.)
3. In a HUGE bowl (not kidding here. This makes an alarming amount of pasta salad. You're going to have a hard time tossing it if the bowl isn't big enough.) dump in the pasta. 
4. Dump in everything else (including the dressing) but not the cheese. If you put in the cheese while the pasta is still hot, it's going to break down and you don't want that. 
5. Without sending the pasta salad flying all over the kitchen, carefully mix up the salad so the dressing and artichoke marinate coats everything. 
6. Put the salad in the fridge for an hour or two to let it cool off.
7. Add the cheese and give it one more toss. 

Good Times!

Slow Cooker Buffalo Chicken Soup

Lately we have been in survival mode. We've had some drama around the homestead and work has been one nightmare after another for me and The Wife. Among other things, I had a sinus infection that led to over three weeks of coughing. Scorpia summed it up very succinctly:

Well, more of a challenge of a last few months.

Last Sunday, I finally had the energy to throw together something new. This recipe is about as easy as you could want. We used ALDI frozen chicken breasts. I didn't even defrost the meat, I just chucked it in frozen. If you're a vegetarian, feel free to leave the meat out. This would make a fine potato soup. If you're feeling tired and lazy, this is the way to go. It's a perfect soup for this weather. It's thick and spicy and definitely takes the edge off a cold day. Try it and let me know what you think, unless it's negative, then don't. I probably couldn't handle it at this point. As always, notes are in blue.

Slow Cooker Buffalo Chicken Soup

Ingredients

• 6 potatoes, cut into small (1/4") cubes. Peeling them is optional
• 1 medium onion, finely chopped
• 2 stalks celery, finely chopped
• 1 medium carrot, peeled and grated
• 1 pound chicken (boneless skinless thighs or breasts. I used breasts for this recipe)
• 2 packs (2 ounces each) Buffalo Chicken Soup/Dip Mix (I got mine at Aldi. I'm sure most grocery stores have it. If you don't like spicy, do one packet. If you do like spicy, use the two recommended and then dump in some Frank's or Tabasco)
• 32 ounces chicken stock
• 1 block (8 ounces) Neufchatel cheese (or you can use regular cream cheese)

Directions

1. Throw everything but the cheese into a 5 quart or larger slow cooker in the order listed above. 
2. Cook on HIGH for 4 hours.
3. Shred the chicken (I just got in there with a couple of forks and tore it up)
4. Add the cheese and stir until it is incorporated. 
5. Turn to LOW and cook another 30 minutes.

Good times!