World's Best Ever (FIGHT ME) Deluxe Super Special Pasta Salad (with extra hyperbole!)

We're back from a long hiatus due to the world being a fundamentally nonstop torrent of shit. I won't go into it, but 2022 is shaping up to be one slobberknocker of a shitty year. Last weekend we decided we needed to distract ourselves and spent an entire Saturday in the kitchen. This culinary masterpiece is one of the many things we made. This is made from ingredients you're probably going to have around the house or at the very least, can get easily. The Spanish chorizo might be a small challenge. We have to order ours on Amazon as culinary tastes around here largely center on Natural Light or Horseshoes. That said, this is a Taste Delight and received rave reviews from The Wife. Naturally, the Spud stared in horror and refused to go anywhere near it. As always, notes are in blue.

 World's Best Ever (FIGHT ME)
Deluxe Super Special Pasta Salad

Ingredients

• 1 pound elbow macaroni
• 1 can garbanzo beans (15.5 ounces), drained and rinsed
• 1 can black olives (6 ounces), drained and sliced
• 1 can diced tomatoes (14.5 ounces), drained
• 1 jar marinated artichoke hearts (12 ounces) (DO NOT DRAIN)
• 1 Spanish chorizo (about 8 ounces), chopped
• 1 small red onion, chopped
• 4 ounces crumbled feta cheese

For the Dressing

• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 3 tablespoons red wine vinegar
• 1 tablespoon hot sauce (we went with a carrot/habanero sauce)
• 1 teaspoon dried Italian seasoning
• salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. Cook pasta to al dente. Or according to directions if you don't know what al dente is. Drain the pasta.
2. While the pasta is cooking, in a small bowl, whisk all the dressing ingredients until emulsified (the dressing, not you.)
3. In a HUGE bowl (not kidding here. This makes an alarming amount of pasta salad. You're going to have a hard time tossing it if the bowl isn't big enough.) dump in the pasta. 
4. Dump in everything else (including the dressing) but not the cheese. If you put in the cheese while the pasta is still hot, it's going to break down and you don't want that. 
5. Without sending the pasta salad flying all over the kitchen, carefully mix up the salad so the dressing and artichoke marinate coats everything. 
6. Put the salad in the fridge for an hour or two to let it cool off.
7. Add the cheese and give it one more toss. 

Good Times!

Pasta with Zucchini and Shrimp

     Our garden has been zucchini fabulous this season. Even in late October, it's still producing. We have been desperately searching for ways to use it up. There's only so many zucchini breads or zucchini boats you can eat. The recipe we settled on turned out to be extremely easy and tasty. While we made some adjustments for what was actually on hand, I think we're actually pretty close to the intended recipe here. We're calling it a winner. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Pasta with Zucchini and Shrimp
Originally Maccheroni alla Chitarra con Gamberi e Zucchini
via The Geometry of Pasta

Ingredients

• About 1/2 pound maccheroni all chitarra (that's the same thing as medium shells, right? Because that's what I used)
• 2-3 zucchini (about 2/3 pound) (they must have some weak-ass garden where they are, because our zucchini are about 2/3 pound EACH. That's just how badass we are. We used one zucchini and one small yellow squash)
• 4-1/2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
• 1 garlic clove, cut into matchsticks
• 1/2-2/3 pound raw shell-on prawns, shelled (prawns! La-de-da! Unfortunately, my chauffeur had the flu so I couldn't get to my man on the coast. I had to make due with a bag of frozen shrimp from Wal-mart. Scandalous.)
• 3-1/2 tablespoons butter
• 10 basil leaves, torn or shredded

Directions

1. Top and tail the zucchini, then cut across into half to make them a manageable length. Slice each section lengthwise in thin, 1-2 millimeter slices, then stack the slices and cut into julienne strips the same width as the pasta will be when cooked. You could lightly season these with salt a few minutes, but it isn't really necessary.

   

   Yeah, it's totally not going to happen like that.

   (Now the previous instructions as we did it: Cut the ends off the zucchini. Run the bastard through a mandoline with the julienne blades in. Don't worry about how long you cut them. Carry on.)
2. Put the pasta on. (I would, but it doesn't go with my outfit at all)
3. A few minutes before the pasta is cooked, heat a wide saucepan over medium heat. Add the oil and garlic, which should fry a little, but not color. 
4. Add the zucchini, prawns (shrimp), and salt and pepper to taste. Fry until prawns are half cooked, then add the butter. Sautee until the sauce is luscious (Whoo! Somebody had their thesaurus out when they wrote this!) and the zucchini is wilted, but with some bite.
5. Drain the pasta and toss into the sauce, increasing the heat to high for the last 30 seconds. Stir in the basil and serve.

Good times!

Pasta with Cherry Tomato and Red Pepper

     We truly enjoy pasta in our house. There's nothing finer than a finely crafted pasta dish. If that's what you're looking for, you're probably on the wrong website. I can, however, provide you with a tasty and simple pasta recipe. Our garden has been producing tomatoes and peppers like crazy, so we were looking for ways to use them up. A basic, olive oil-based pasta dish seemed just the thing. It totally was. This is a fresh, light recipe that has a bit of a kick from the red pepper flakes. Give it a try and see what you think. Maybe less oil? Maybe add some shrimp? Get creative. As always, notes are in blue.

Pasta with Cherry Tomato and Red Pepper

Ingredients

• 1 pound pasta of your choice (don't pick something goofy like giant shells or lasagna noodles)
• 1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil (insert obvious virgin joke here)
• 2 medium red bell peppers, cored and sliced
• 2 cups cherry tomatoes, cut in half
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes
• shredded Parmesan for topping

Directions

1. Cook pasta until al dente. Drain and set aside.
2. In a large saucepan, heat olive oil over medium-high heat. Add the garlic and sautee for a couple of minutes, until garlic starts to brown.
3. Add the bell pepper. Sautee for 2-3 minutes. Add the tomatoes and red pepper flakes. Sautee another 3-5 minutes. 
4. Add the pasta and toss over medium-low heat for 2-3 more minutes to incorporate ingredients. Garnish with Parmesan.

Good times!

Rigatoni With Tomato and Chorizo

     There was a long period of time during which I had no idea there was more than one type of chorizo. I was used to the Mexican-style of chorizo, which is like a ground meat. I couldn't figure out what to do when recipes called for "sliced chorizo." There was lots of swearing while I desperately tried to slice something the consistency of braunschweiger. I eventually was given an Italian cookbook where it dawned on me that the chorizo I wanted was Spanish chorizo, which is like salami. Everything changed. Now recipes like the one here weren't greasy messes. This recipe is just wonderful. It has a nice balance of sweet and spicy, with a touch of heat. Give it a try. I bet you'll like it as much as we did. If not, send me the leftovers. As always, notes or changes are in blue.

Rigatoni With Chorizo and Tomato
via The Essential Pasta Cookbook

Ingredients

• 2 tablespoons olive oil (I used 3 tablespoons of extra virgin. You may use as many virgins as you feel necessary)
• 1 onion, sliced (I used 1-1/2 Vidalia onions. I imagine most onions would work here)
• 8 ounces chorizo sausage, sliced (Spanish chorizo, not Mexican. As mentioned, you can't really slice Mexican chorizo. Plus, it's the totally wrong ingredient. We used a 10 ounce chorizo)
• 14 ounce can crushed tomatoes (I used a full quart of my home-canned tomatoes with garlic and basil)
• 1/2 cup dry white wine (I used 3/4 cup Charles Shaw Sauvignon Blanc. There's not much other use for Three Buck Chuck dry white wine)
• 1/2-1 teaspoon chopped chili, optional (Not optional for me! I used 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes)
• 12 ounces rigatoni (the box was 1 pound, so I used a full pound)
• 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
• 2 tablespoons freshly grated Parmesan

Directions

1. Heat the oil in a frying pan. Add the onion and stir over low heat until tender.
2. Add the sausage to the pan and cook, turning frequently (the sausage, not you. You'll look like a schmuck pirouetting in front of the stove while everything burns), 2-3 minutes. Add the tomato, wine, chili and salt and pepper to taste; stir. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer uncovered for 15-20 minutes. 
3. While the sauce is cooking, cook the rigatoni until al dente (You'll notice I'm not explaining this step. Seriously, if I have to instruct you on how to boil pasta, please go order a pizza before you start a fire in the kitchen). Drain the pasta and return to the pan. Add the sauce to the hot pasta. Toss well to combine (we always just toss it in our own bowls. If we mix it all up on the spot, the pasta gets gooey when we go to eat the leftovers later in the week). Serve sprinkled with the combined fresh parsley and Parmesan cheese. 

UPDATE:
Here's the YouTube video for this recipe!

Good times!

Sausage and Peppers Diavolo

    Fra Diavolo is one of my favorite ways to enjoy pasta. The simple combination of olive oil, garlic and red pepper is just fantastic. It's just the right combination of richness and heat. I figured that base could be used for any number of recipes. I'm pretty sure I've had chicken diavolo before. Maybe not. I'm not 100% sure. I might have hallucinated it. Regardless, I had a lot of bell peppers left over from the garden last season, so we decided to dig some out of the freezer and use them in this recipe. I figured combining sausage and peppers with pasta diavolo was a sure thing. I was right. This was delicious. If you don't like it, obviously you cooked it wrong or possibly have a damaged palate. I forgive you. This time. As always, any notes are in blue.

Sausage and Peppers Diavolo

Ingredients

• 12 ounces Farfalle (that's what we cooking types call bow-tie pasta. Nothing impresses your dinner guests like pretentiousness) 
• 1 pound Italian sausage, casings removed (the choice of sweet or hot sausage it up to you. Either will work here)
• 1 yellow bell pepper, chopped
• 1/2 red bell pepper, chopped
• 1/2 red onion, chopped
• 1/2 cup olive oil (use extra virgin if you happen to have a surplus of virgins in your house)
• 4 cloves garlic, finely chopped
• 1 teaspoon red pepper flakes (you can use less if you're a wuss)
• 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
• 1/2 teaspoon dried basil 
• grated Asiago cheese for garnish

Directions

1. In a large, non-stick pan, brown Italian sausage and break into crumbles. On medium-high heat, this will take about 5-8 minutes. Make sure to drain off any excess oil. Add the garlic, onion and peppers about half way through.
2. Cook pasta according to directions (the directions for the pasta, not the directions for anything else. Following instant pudding directions here would not be helpful)
3. Drain pasta and return to pot. Add the sausage and pepper mix. Add the olive oil, red pepper, basil, and Parmesan. Toss to ensure everything is evenly coated.
4. Throw a big helping on a plate and top with grated Asiago.

Good times!

Herb Salad with Feta, Roasted Red Peppers and Toasted Nuts

     When it's the holiday season, I tend to eat like I may never get the chance again. I stuff my face to the point of actual physical discomfort. Then I gain 18 pounds in water weight and want to die. I am absolutely not going to to a "detox." I am not going to punish myself with "green smoothies," which sounds like something I get when I have too much dairy. No. I eat a salad or two and all is well. Just make sure it's a salad with something going on. I don't want a bowl of lettuce. This is a great salad. I can't for the life of me remember where I got the recipe. If anybody knows, tell me so I can give credit where credit is due. Anyways, the salad has feta. That's all that really matters here. As always, any notes are in blue.

Herb Salad with Feta, Roasted Red Peppers and Toasted Nuts

Ingredients

• 1 5 oz container herb salad mix (or just use 5 ounces of any greens you like)
• 1 cup coarsely chopped roasted red peppers from jar, dried on paper towel
• ½ cup walnut halves or pecan halves, toasted
• 1 10.5oz jar feta cheese in oil with herbs and spices (I only had a container of plain feta in the fridge. I just added some olive oil and herbs myself)
• 1 tablespoon red wine vinegar

Directions

1. Combine salad mix, peppers and nuts in large bowl 
2. Drain feta, reserving oil and spice mixture, sprinkle feta over salad 
3. Whisk 3 tablespoons reserved oil mixture with red wine vinegar in small bowl 
4. Drizzle dressing over salad and toss to coat 
5. Season with salt and freshly ground black pepper

Good times!

Three Pork Meat Sauce (Tre Sugo Di Maiale)

     We recently bought into a share of an organically grown pig. The result was over 20 pounds of fine pork products. We decided the way to celebrate was by making a meat sauce with our go-to red sauce recipe. The result was delicious. We used ground pork, bacon and a neck bone. I used to watch my dad make sauce with neck bones and had never tried it myself. I'm glad I did. Thanks dad! Naming it wasn't hard. It's a sauce with three kinds of pork! I decided to throw in the Google Translate Italian version of the name. I think it literally comes out as just "Three Pork Sauce." Regardless, you can't go wrong throwing this over a bowl of your favorite pasta! As always, any notes are in blue.

Three Pork Meat Sauce
(Tre Sugo Di Maiale)

Ingredients

• 1 quart prepared pasta sauce (it will add a bunch of cooking time to prep, but I suggest using this red sauce recipe)
• 1 quart canned whole tomatoes, undrained
• 1 pound ground pork
• 1 pork neck bone
• 6 ounces bacon, diced
• 1/2 large sweet onion, finely chopped
• 1 stalk celery, finely chopped
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 2 tablespoons chopped fresh basil
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 2 tablespoons red wine vinegar

Directions

1. In a large Dutch oven, heat oil. Cook neck bone 3-5 minutes on each side, until browned. Remove and set aside. Add bacon, onion and celery. Cook over medium heat until bacon is crisp. Drain excess oil (don't just throw it away! Strain it into a jar for later use. I always have bacon grease in the fridge for all sorts of uses). 

   

   I could probably stop right here and still be happy with the meal.

2. Turn heat to high. Deglaze the Dutch oven using the red wine vinegar. (Make sure to scrape up all the brown stuff off the bottom; you don't want to waste that extra flavor!) Bring heat to low.
3. In a separate pan, cook ground pork until browned. Drain excess grease.
4. Add ground pork and neckbone to Dutch oven. Add all remaining ingredients and bring to a boil. Reduce to a low simmer. Simmer with the lid off for at least one hour (the longer you simmer, the thicker the sauce will get. I let mine go for about two hours. Just stop simmering when it hits the desired consistency).

Good times!

Turkey, White Bean and Kale Soup

     One of the big problems after Thanksgiving is figuring out what to do with the leftover turkey. There's only so many turkey sandwiches you can eat. One of the first things I do with the turkey is strip all the meat and then boil the carcass. This leaves me with an extremely rich stock for later use. I wound up using it for this recipe. It's sort of a riff on Tuscan White Bean Soup. I was fairly pleased with the outcome. If you like extra heat, it benefits greatly from a shot or two of Frank's hot sauce. Obviously, you could easily substitute chicken and chicken stock if you don't have turkey on hand.

Turkey, White Bean and Kale Soup

Ingredients

• 1 quart turkey stock
• 1-1/2 cup chopped cooked turkey
• 1 can (15.5 ounce) great northern beans, drained and rinsed
• 4 cups kale, spines removed, chopped
• 1 medium red onion, chopped
• 2 stalks celery, chopped
• 1 clove garlic, chopped
• 1 tablespoon fresh basil, chopped
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes
• 1/2 cup heavy cream
• 1 cup orzo
• 1 tablespoon Ukrainian Village seasoning (from the Spice House) 

Directions

1. In a large pot, add stock, turkey, beans and seasoning. Bring to a simmer.
2. Heat oil in a saucepan, add onion, celery, basil and garlic. Sautee 3-5 minutes or until onions are tender. Add kale, sautee 2 more minutes (the color of the kale will brighten during cooking.  When you see that, you know it's ready).

   

   This is what I'm talking about.

3. Add contents of saucepan to soup pot. Add pepper flakes and orzo and bring to low boil for about 5 minutes. Lower to simmer.
4. Stir in cream. Simmer another 2-3 minutes or until orzo is tender.

Good times!

Chicken with 40 Cloves of Garlic

     We love garlic. A lot. If garlic truly possesses all the health benefits attributed to it, the wife and I should be functionally immortal. So when we find a recipe that calls for 40 cloves of garlic, we are duty bound to have it. There's plenty of versions of this recipe; we used the recipe from Barefoot In Paris, by Ina Garten. It is a fairly labor intensive recipe, so it qualifies as a PITA. Peeling 40 cloves of garlic sucks. However, the end result is totally worth the effort. If you want to cook to impress, this is a good way to do it. You're just not going to be kissing anybody for a while. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Chicken with 40 Cloves of Garlic
via Barefoot In Paris
by Ina Garten

Ingredients

• 3 whole heads of garlic, about 40 cloves (about? Screw that. The recipe isn't called "Chicken with about 40 Cloves of Garlic. It says 40. I'm using 40)
• 2 (3.5 pound) chickens, cut into eights (I don't normally keep whole chickens in the house. I used 6 enormous breasts. I like enormous breasts)
• Kosher salt
• Freshly ground black pepper
• 1 tablespoon unsalted butter (I just used regular stick margarine)
• 2 tablespoons good olive oil (good call there. The evil olive oil is prone to otherworldly moaning and floating around the room)
• 3 tablespoons Cognac, divided
• 1-1/2 cups dry white wine
• 1 tablespoon fresh thyme leaves (I used 1 teaspoon dry)
• 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 2 tablespoons heavy cream

Directions

1. Separate cloves of garlic and drop them in a pot of boiling water for 60 seconds. Drain the garlic and peel. Set aside.
2. Dry the chicken with paper towels. Season liberally with salt and pepper on both sides. Heat the butter and oil in a large pot or Dutch oven over medium-high heat. Working in batches 

   

   Sorry. Carry on.

   saute the chicken in fat, skin-side down first, until nicely browned, about 3-5 minutes on each side. Turn with tongs or spatula. Do not pierce the skin. If the fat is burning, turn the heat down to medium. When a batch is done, transfer it to a plate and continue with the next batch.
3. Remove the chicken to a plate and add all the garlic to the pot. Lower the heat and saute for 5-10 minutes, turning often (the garlic, not you. You'll just end up dizzy) until evenly browned. 
4. Add 2 tablespoons of the Cognac and all of the wine, return to a boil and scrape the brown bits from the bottom of the pan. 
5. Return the chicken with the juices to the pot and sprinkle with the thyme. Cover and simmer over low heat for about 30 minutes, until all the chicken is done.Remove the chicken to a platter (plate, whatever) and cover with aluminum foil to keep warm.
6.  In a small bowl, whisk together 1/2 cup of the sauce from the pot and the flour, and then whisk it back into the sauce in the pot. Raise the heat, add the remaining tablespoon of Cognac and the cream and boil for 3 minutes. Add salt and pepper to taste. Pour the sauce and garlic over the chicken and serve hot.

Molho Sauce via Hot Sauce!

     I'm so happy the wife got me the Hot Sauce! cookbook. I've been using it to go through the boatload of peppers that have been coming out of the garden. Normally, I'd just be packing them in vinegar and calling it a day. Now I can start putting them to much better use. This particular sauce is apparently regularly found in Brazilian and Portuguese kitchens. It is pretty versatile. Molho is a rich, thick sauce that can be added to foods or used as a topping. The heat is fairly mild when you first make it. The longer it sits, the more heat it gets. The heat is not up front like many sauces. It builds slowly through the oil. As always, notes or changes are in blue. 

Molho
via Hot Sauce!

Ingredients

• 1/2 cup olive oil
• 1 medium yellow onion, thinly sliced
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 medium ripe tomato, peeled, seeded and chopped
• 2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
• 3 fresh serrano chiles, chopped (no serrano on hand, we went with jalapeno. The heat and flavor profile are similar)
• 1 teaspoon minced fresh cilantro
• salt

Directions

1. Heat the oil in a saucepan over medium heat. Add the onion, stirring until it softens. Add the garlic, stir for a minute, then reduce the heat to low and add the tomato and vinegar. Add the chiles, cilantro and salt to taste. Bring sauce to a boil, then remove from the heat.
2. When cool, pour into a blender and puree (you can also use an immersion blender if you have one. If you don't have either, I'm not sure what you're going to do. Sorcery is not out of the question)
3. Transfer to a bottle. If not consuming right away, store in the refrigerator. If storing for longer periods, store in a cool, dark place (I processed mine for 15 minutes per half pint in a boiling water bath. I'm not sure how it will hold for the long haul. There's not much vinegar in there to get the acid up. If I kill myself with food poisoning, I'll let you know right away. In the meantime, check out the National Center for Home Food Preservation for more information. Anything they say will certainly supersede anything I tell you here. When you're canning, better to be safe than vomiting uncontrollably in front of your horrified family)

Good times!

Monday Recipe: Salmon and Shrimp in Chili-Lime Tomato Sauce

     Normally I like to work from a recipe. I may make omissions and substitutions or add something here and there, but I like to have that framework to build on. Sometimes, I just wing it. This was one of those times.  Last week I wanted something fairly low in calories but big on flavor. I wanted to feel like I was really eating something substantial.  I figured that chili-lime was a classic combo. However, I decided on an alternative lime source. I thought Rose's Lime juice from the bar would be a nice compliment to the sriracha and sweet onion. I was right. This was fantastic and healthy to boot!

Salmon and Shrimp in Chili-Lime Tomato Sauce

Ingredients

• 4 salmon fillets
• 1/2 lb. medium shrimp, cleaned and de-tailed
• 1 large, sweet onion, diced
• 1 rib celery, diced
• 3 cloves garlic, chopped
• 2 pints tomatoes, roughly chopped
• 1 teaspoon dried basil
• 1 tablespoon Sriracha sauce
• 1 teaspoon Rose's Lime Juice
• 1 tablespoon heavy cream
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1 tablespoon grapeseed oil

Directions

1. Heat olive oil in pan, add garlic, celery and onion. Saute until tender. 3-5 minutes.
2. Take medium saucepan. Add tomatoes.  Stir in basil, Sriracha, and Rose's Lime. Blitz with an immersion blender until smooth. Add onion, celery and garlic. Bring to boil, lower to simmer and let simmer uncovered for about 25 minutes.
3. While sauce is simmering, heat grapeseed oil in pan and cook salmon on medium heat until fish flakes easily with a fork. Add shrimp near end of cooking time and cook until pink.
4. Take immersion blender and blend sauce until smooth, add heavy cream and stir. 
5. Put salmon on plate, place shrimp on salmon. Cover with tomato sauce.

Serves 4 (or two really hungry people)

Good times!