Cinnamon Raisin Sweet Rolls

     Let me come out and warn you right off the bat that this recipe is a P.I.T.A. There's a bunch of steps, and rolling and brushing and separating and dividing. It also takes like 3 hours start to finish including rising time. I will also tell you these things are the bomb-diggety, yo. They are just wonderful. They are soft and chewy and gooey and frosted and wonderful. I mean holy shit, wow, are they good. They just are a colossal pain in the ass to make. Totally worth it, though. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Cinnamon Sweet Rolls
via Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals

Ingredients

• 2 medium potatoes, peeled and diced
• 1 package (.25 oz) active dry yeast
• 1/2 teaspoon plus 1/4 cup sugar, divided (I realized that I have no recollection of including the 1/4 cup sugar. I did not realize it until I re-read the recipe. That tells me it probably wasn't necessary. Or maybe it was and I just forgot. Who knows.)
• 1/2 cup evaporated milk
• 1/4 cup honey
• 3 tablespoons canola oil (omitted)
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon butter flavoring (omitted)
• 4 tablespoons butter/margarine only if you're following my changes
• 5 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 egg whites, lightly beaten, divided
• 1-1/4 cups packed brown sugar
• 1/2 cup raisins
• 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• For Glaze
• 1-1/2 cups confectioners' sugar
• 3 tablespoons milk
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions

1. In a saucepan, cook potatoes in 1-1/2 cups water until very tender. Drain, reserving 3/4 cup of cooking liquid. Mash potatoes; set aside 1 cup (if you have extra, find some use for it. My suggestion is loading it on a spoon and unceremoniously launching it at your spouse)
2. In a mixing bowl, dissolve yeast in warm reserved liquid. Add 1/2 teaspoon sugar; let stand for 5 minutes
3. Add the milk, honey, oil (if using), salt, butter flavoring (or butter), sugar, 2 cups flour (screwed up again here. I totally didn't add any flour in this step. I added it all at once later. No harm done as far as I can tell), and potatoes. Beat until smooth. Stir in enough remaining flour to form a soft dough. Turn out onto a floured surface and knead until smooth and elastic, 6-8 minutes (or just throw the dough hook on the KitchenAid and let it do the work). Place in a bowl coated with non-stick cooking spray, turning once to coat. Cover and let rise in a warm place until doubled, about 90 minutes.
4. Punch dough down. Turn onto a lightly floured surface. Roll into an 18"x13" rectangle (my rectangle was 20"x14" because I'm a total badass). Brush with some of the egg whites.
5. Combine brown sugar, raisins and cinnamon; sprinkle over dough to within one inch of the edges. Roll up jelly-style, starting with the long side. Pinch seam to seal. Cut into 18 slices (we ended up with 16 slices because I didn't feel like measuring. I just started cutting shit in half). Place cut side down (technically if you're slicing dough, everything except the ends is cut on both sides) in two 9" square baking pans (I willfully ignored this and used to regular baking sheet which resulted in these wonderful round rolls). Brush with remaining egg white, Cover and let rise until doubled, about 30 minutes.
6. Bake at 350F (180C, Gasmark 4) for 20-25 minutes or until golden brown (we went 23 minutes and were very pleased). Cool on a wire rack.
7. Combine glaze ingredients and drizzle over cooled rolls. 

Good times!

Middle Class Daube De Boeuf

     When I received a copy of Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking, I will admit I rolled my eyes a bit. While I have dabbled in French cooking, it never struck me as particularly middle class. Most of what I saw from watching The French Chef on PBS was always insanely complicated and used ingredients I couldn't even pronounce, much less afford. After a bit of reading, I found that there are some rustic recipes hiding in there. I did a baked daube provencal some time ago that was absolutely fabulous. I figured I couldn't go wrong doing a daube from this book. That is, unless I didn't have the ingredients it called for. I had no stewing beef and no suitable wine. I wasn't going to waste my therapeutic bottles of Moscato for cooking. Given the amount of work required to make beef stew here, I'm classifying this recipe as a P.I.T.A.. Changes were made. I imagine if Julia Child were alive and saw me abusing her recipe, she'd likely die on the spot.  I'd like to think she'd salute my ingenuity and creativity, but more than likely I'm looking to get my ass beat in the afterlife if she ever finds me. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Middle Class Daube De Boeuf
via Mastering the Art of French Cooking

Ingredients

• 3 lbs lean stewing beef cut into 2-1/2 inch squares, 1 inch thick (we used 3 lbs of ground beef. 73/27, no less. I'm not made of money)
• A large, glazed earthenware bowl (no)
• 1-1/2 cup dry white wine, dry white vermouth, or red wine (we opted for a bottle of O'Fallon Cherry Chocolate Beer, because I'll tell you, that shit ain't fit for drinking. We figured it might work for cooking)
• Optional: 1/4 cup brandy, eau de vie, or gin (while I don't normally skip the opportunity for extra booze, we figured to err on the side of caution and just stick with the beer)
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 2 teaspoons salt
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon thyme or sage (we opted for the sage)
• 1 crumbled bay leaf (no matter how much you crunch it, it will never be enough. Heed the warnings of my mother: unattended bay leaves mean certain death)
• 2 cloves mashed garlic
• 2 cups thinly sliced onions
• 2 cups thinly sliced carrots
• 1/2 lb lean bacon cut into 1-inch slices 1/4-inch thick and 2 inches long, approximately (Definitely use lean bacon or you're going to be fishing out nasty bacon fat from the final product. As for slice size, we just cut a pack of bacon in half and used them as is)
• 1-1/2 cups (6 ounces) sliced fresh mushrooms
• 1-1/2 lbs ripe, red tomatoes, peeled, seeded, juiced and chopped (we just peeled them, smashed the shit out of them, and willfully ignored the other steps)
• A 5-6 quart fireproof casserole 3-1/2 inches deep  (we went with the trusty cast iron enameled Dutch oven)
• 1 cup sifted flour on a plate (we used the flour, but about 3 tablespoons, and not on a plate. I'll explain later)
• 1-2 cups beef stock or canned beef bouillon (we used 2 cups of water and a beef bouillon cube)

Directions

1. Place the beef in the bowl and mix with the wine, optional spirits, olive oil, seasonings, herbs and vegetables. Cover and marinate at least 3 hours (6 if refrigerated), stirring up frequently (we took only the vegetables and herbs and threw them in a bowl with the marinade. Since we were not adding meat at this point, we totally ignored the 3 hour requirement and soldiered on)
2. Simmer the bacon for 10 minutes in 2 quarts of water (If you've ever seen the movie "Better Off Dead," you'll understand my reluctance to boil bacon. We just gave it a 3 minute zap in the microwave)
3. Prepare the mushrooms and tomatoes (already did. They're floating in the marinade)
4. Remove the meat from the marinade and drain in a sieve (we browned the ground beef and drained the excess oil. We then mixed about 3 tablespoons of flour in with the meat)
5. Preheat oven to 325F (170C Gasmark 3)
6. Line the bottom of the casserole (or Dutch oven) with 3-4 strips of bacon. Strew a handful of the marinade vegetables, mushrooms and tomatoes over them. Piece by piece, roll the beef in the flour and shake off excess. Place closely together in a layer over the vegetables (we took the ground beef and flour mixture and spread a layer over the veggies). Cover with a few strips of bacon, and continue with layers of vegetables, beef and bacon. End with a layer of vegetables and 2-3 strips of bacon.
7. Pour the wine from the marinade and enough stock or bouillon almost to cover the contents of the casserole (it took us all the marinade liquid and 2 cups of stock to get the required level of liquid)
8. Bring to simmer on top of the stove, cover closely, and set in lower third of preheated oven. Regulate heat so liquid simmers slowly for 2-1/2 to 3 hours (we used the full 3). The meat is done when a fork pierces it easily (obviously don't use this method if you went with the ground beef)

Good times!

Chicken in Spicy Red Sauce (lal shorve vala murgh)

     It's always nice to find a flavor-packed recipe that comes together quick enough to use as a mid-week meal. This particular recipe was a fine way to use up a big pack of discounted chicken thighs that was taking up room in the freezer. You are welcome to use any cut of chicken you'd like. While the recipe comes together in less than an hour, it does qualify as a PITA, since it requires constant vigilance until you get to the simmering stage. It's worth it. We served it up with a side of Stir-Fried Green Cabbage with Fennel Seeds. This makes for a satisfying meal that's mercifully low on calories. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Chicken in a Spicy Red Sauce
lal shorve vala murgh
via Madhur Jaffrey's Quick and Easy Indian Cooking

Ingredients

• 2-1/4 pounds chicken pieces
• 1 teaspoon salt or to taste
• Freshly ground black pepper
• 7 large cloves garlic, peeled and coarsely chopped
• 2 inch piece fresh ginger, peeled and coarsely chopped (we grated ours, since chopping ginger is more trouble than it's worth)
• 1/4 cup vegetable oil
• Generous pinch asafetida optional (this is a powder that's available at Indian grocers. Alternately, you can get it at The Spice House online.)
• 1 teaspoon cumin seeds
• 2 inch stick cinnamon
• 6 cardamom pods (didn't have the pods on hand. I did have cardamom seeds. I used about a dozen)
• 5 whole cloves
• 3 dried, hot red chiles (I used my own dried cayenne)
• 1/2 teaspoon ground turmeric
• 1/8-1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper (don't be a wuss, use 1/4)
• 1-1/2 cup canned, chopped tomatoes (I used canned whole tomatoes. They'll break up during the cooking)
• 12 ounces potatoes, peeled and cut into 1-1/2 inch chunks (I'm pretty sure we cut ours into 1/2 inch chunks because I don't read directions particularly well)

Directions

1. Sprinkle the chicken pieces lightly with salt and black pepper and set aside.
2. Put the garlic and ginger into a blender, along with 3 tablespoons water and blend into a paste.
3. Put the oil in a wide, nonstick pan and set over medium high heat (I used my enameled Dutch oven. I figured there's be a lot going on here and I didn't want everything spilling over the sides of my pan. The Wife will abide a small mess, but nothing extravagant). When the oil is hot, put in the asafetida if using. A few seconds later, put in the cumin seeds. Wait 10 seconds and put in the cinnamon stick, cardamom, cloves and chiles. Stir for a few seconds until the large spices begin to turn darker. Add the garlic and ginger paste. Stir and fry it for about 2 minutes. Add the chicken, turmeric and cayenne. Stir and fry for another minute (nothing like dozens of tiny time constraints to make you want to order a pizza). Add the chopped tomatoes, potatoes, 1-1/4 cup water and 1 teaspoon salt. Bring to a boil. Lower to a simmer. Cover and simmer gently for 25-30 minutes or until the chicken and potatoes are tender (I'd be more concerned with the chicken being done. An undercooked potato won't kill you). 

Good times!

Shepherds Pie

     Shepherds Pie is a deceptive dish. It looks like it would be really simple. However, there's a fair bit of work that goes in to making this dish. It doesn't quite qualify as a PITA, but it's close. This particular version comes from my dear friend, Gordon Ramsay* over at Channel 4. While this dish is not terribly difficult to make, it is a bit labor intensive. It's worth the effort, as you end up with a delicious meal. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Shepherds Pie
via my close, personal friend, Gordon Ramsay

Ingredients

• 2 tbsp olive oil
• Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper (I actually have sea salt on hand! Amazing!)
• 1 lb. minced lean lamb (um...no. I'll be using lean ground beef. I'm not made of money)
• 1 large onion, finely grated
• 1 large carrot, finely grated
• 2 cloves garlic
• 2 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
• 1 tbsp tomato puree (I hope that meant tomato paste, because that's what I used)
• Handful of thyme sprigs, leaves picked (not a chance. I used 1 teaspoon dried)
• 1 sprig of rosemary, needles chopped (I used dried here, too)
• 1 cup red wine (I used a dry. I hate drinking dry wines, so I use them for cooking)
• 1-1/4 chicken stock
• 2 pounds Desiree potatoes, peeled and cut into chunks (I don't think that kind of potato is even real. I think Ramsay just made that up and figured nobody would call bullshit. I just used Russets)
• 3 tablespoons butter
• 2 egg yolks
• Parmesan, for grating (or a handy plastic jar, for shaking, since I don't keep block Parmesan on hand)
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• Sea salt & freshly ground black pepper

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 350F (180C, Gasmark 4)

2. Heat the oil in a large pan until hot. Season the meat and fry in the oil over moderate to high heat for 2-3 minutes. Stir the onions and carrot into the mince then grate the garlic in as well. Add the Worcestershire sauce, tomato puree (paste) and herbs and cook for 1-2 minutes, stirring constantly. Pour in the red wine and reduce until almost completely evaporated (if you opened a new bottle of wine for this recipe, just go ahead and drink it while you cook. That way, if you screw up, you'll be too shitfaced to care). Add the chicken stock, bring to the boil and simmer until the sauce has thickened

3. Meanwhile, cook the potatoes in boiling salted water until tender. Drain, then return to the hot pan over low heat to dry out briefly. Pass them through a potato ricer (that's a gadget I do not own. I just went ahead and mashed them with my trusty masher) then beat in the egg yolks, followed by about 2 tbsp grated Parmesan. Check for seasoning (don't just point to it on the counter and shout, "There it is!" Add it to the potatoes if needed). 

4. Spoon the meat into the bottom of a large ovenproof dish. Using a large spoon, layer the mashed potato generously on top of the meat, starting from the outside and working your way into the middle (if you try to layer from the middle out, you'll rip a hole in the universe. True story). Grate some extra Parmesan over and season. Fluff up the mash potato with a fork to make rough peaks. Bake in the oven for approximately 20 minutes, until bubbling and golden brown.

Good times!

*Gordon Ramsay is currently unaware I even exist. 

Cranberry Cheese Danish

     I'm not sure what compelled me to try out this recipe. A quick look will tell you this recipe is going to be a Pain In The Ass. However, my love for Danish trumps my laziness. I decided to give this recipe a go. It originally called for blueberries, which I did not have on hand. I wound up using some cranberries we had in the freezer. You could certainly use raspberries or blackberries. The end result will be well worth it. This is a great bit of pastry. The cranberries complemented the lemon icing perfectly. It was everything I could do to keep the wife from just standing at the counter and eating the whole thing at once. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Cranberry Cheese Danish
via Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals

Ingredients

• 3/4 cup 1% cottage cheese (there's no telling what the other 99% is)
• 1/3 cup sugar
• 1/3 cup 1% milk (I used 2% just to be difficult)
• 1/4 cup canola oil (I used corn oil)
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/2 teaspoon salt

Filling

• 4 ounces reduced-fat cream cheese (as always, I used Neufchatel)
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1 egg, separated 
• 1 teaspoon grated lemon peel (I'm assuming they meant fresh. I didn't have fresh. I used 1/2 teaspoon dried lemon peel from a jar)
• 1 cup fresh or frozen blueberries (we substituted cranberries we inexplicably stashed in the freezer some time back)
• 1 tablespoon water

Glaze

• 1/2 cup confectioners' sugar
• 2 teaspoons lemon juice (that is NOT enough liquid to do anything other than give you a chewy ball of sugar. It took us 4 teaspoons of lemon juice to get the sugar into a usable consistency. The extra lemon flavor worked great with the cranberries, too. This goes to prove that I'm a friggin' genius)

Directions

1. In a blender or food processor, cover and process cottage cheese until smooth (did I just really get told to put the lid on the blender or food processor before running? I can't even turn the damned processor on with the lid off! Do they think I'm stupid? Do they think I'm going to say, "Holy shit! I think I'll run the blender with the lid off!" *BLAM!* "Fucking A! Look at the the cottage cheese on the ceiling! That's great!") Add sugar milk, oil and vanilla; process until smooth (Wait! They didn't tell me to take the lid back off! How the hell am I going to get the rest of the shit in there?)
2.  Combine the flour, baking powder and salt; add to cheese mixture. Process until dough forms a ball (I was leery about doing this in the processor. I transferred it all to the Kitchenaid). Dough will be sticky. Turn onto a floured surface; knead 4-5 times. Place in a bowl; cover and refrigerate for 30 minutes.
3. In a mixing bowl, beat cream cheese and sugar until smooth. Add egg yolk, lemon peel and vanilla; mix well. 
4. Turn dough out onto a 17"x13" piece of parchment paper. Roll dough into a 16"x12" rectangle. Transfer with paper to a baking sheet. Spread cream cheese mixture lengthwise in a 3-1/2" wide strip down the center of the dough; sprinkle with berries. 

   

   Looking berry good! I'm not apologizing for that pun.

5. On each long side, cut 1" wide strips about 3-3/4" into center. Fold alternating strips at an angle across berries. Pinch ends to seal and tuck under (I tucked on the top just to be an asshole). Beat egg white and water; brush over dough.
6. Bake at 400F for 20-22 minutes or until golden brown (we went about 25 minutes. Cooking times may vary). Remove to a wire rack.
7. Combine glaze ingredients; drizzle over warm pastry. Refrigerate leftovers.

Good times!

Braided Butternut Squash Bread

     It's a good thing The Wife is really good at braiding bread. Her challah is supreme. This time we used her preternatural braiding abilities to make a braided butternut squash bread. I found the original recipe at Allrecipes. We wound up making this bread because we've had a surplus of frozen butternut squash and have been on a crusade to find fun ways to use it. This is certainly a great way to use butternut squash. After the bread came out of the oven, we just stood there like morons, vacantly shoving hot bread in our mouths until we were through half a loaf. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Braided Butternut Squash Bread
via Allrecipes.com

Ingredients

• 1 butternut squash, peeled, seeded and cubed (I always wonder why we have to be told to peel a butternut squash. Do you think there's anybody out there who just can't get enough butternut squash peel?)
• 1 (0.25 ounce) package active dry yeast
• 2 tablespoons warm (110F) water
• 1/3 cup warm (110F) milk
• 1/4 cup butter, softened
• 2 eggs
• 3 tablespoons brown sugar (we used 4 tablespoons. You could probably do 5 or 6 if you wanted a really sweet bread)
• 1/4 teaspoon salt (we followed a suggestion to go with 3/4 teaspoon salt to bring out the butternut squash flavor)
• 3 cups all-purpose flour (the dough is totally unworkable with this much flour. It's almost still liquid. We wound up using 4-1/2 cups flour)
• 1 tablespoon water

Directions

1. In a large saucepan, cover cubed squash with water. Bring water to a boil and cook until tender, about 15-20 minutes. Let cool and mash. Reserve 1 cup for use and freeze the remainder for later use (or just tell me I only needed 1 cup of boiled, mashed squash so I didn't have to cook all of it! What if I didn't want all that extra mashed squash? Why doesn't anybody consider my feelings? THIS IS WHY I DRINK)
2. In a small bowl, dissolve yeast in warm water (2 tablespoons of water). Let stand until creamy, about 10 minutes (this is the first time I've ever seen yeast described as "creamy." I'm not sure I'm comfortable with it)
3. In a large bowl (I used the Kitchenaid for this, so I just used the mixing bowl) combine the yeast mixture with milk, butter, 1 cup mashed squash, 1 egg, brown sugar, salt and 2 cups of the flour; stir well to combine. Stir in remaining flour, 1/2 cup at a time (I used 1/4 cup at a time just to be spiteful), beating well after each addition. When the dough has pulled together, turn it out onto a lightly floured surface and knead until smooth and elastic, about 8 minutes (I just used the dough hook on the mixer for this. I don't have time for needless manual labor)
4. Lightly oil a large bowl; place dough in bowl and turn to coat with oil. Cover with a damp cloth and let rise in a warm place until doubled in volume, about 1 hour. 
5. Deflate the dough ("Deflate?" It makes it sound like you're working with an air mattress. When I work with dough, I "punch it down." It's what Chuck Norris would do)

   

   Told you so.

6. This section describes how to cut the dough and get it braided. I consider it a Pain In The Ass (PITA) and will not waste the time or space typing it. Instead, I'm going to just link you the YouTube video the wife used to learn. It obviously works. You're going to want to split the dough in half first. You're looking to make 2 loaves here. Once you figure out the braiding, cover the loaves and let rise for another 30 minutes on a greased baking sheet.
7. In a small bowl, beat together remaining egg and 1 tablespoon water. Brush loaves with egg wash. Bake for 20-25 minutes at 350F (we went with 25 minutes and the bread came out great)

Good times!

Tomato and Roasted Pepper Chutney

     Over the summer, chutneys became one of our go-to ways to process surplus veggies. If you were following us this summer, you'll know we were absolutely laden down with bell peppers and tomatoes. Whenever we have crazy amounts of produce to use, we usually end up consulting Preserve It! This book has a few wonderful chutney recipes. Fair warning, making chutney does qualify as a PITA (Pain In The Ass). It's time consuming and requires a fair amount of attention. The result is totally worth it, though. This stuff is great on crackers with cream cheese or brie. It's also good on bagels. If you do decide to process this for long term storage, I once again recommend consulting the National Center for Home Food Preparation for information on how not to accidentally make someone's anus fall out. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Tomato and Roasted Pepper Chutney
via Preserve It!

Ingredients

• 1 red bell pepper
• 1 orange bell pepper (no orange peppers on hand. We just used another red pepper)
• 1 yellow bell pepper
• 3 lb. ripe tomatoes, plunged into boiling water for 1 minute and then peeled
• 2 onions, coarsely chopped
• 2-1/4 cups granulated sugar
• 2 cups white wine vinegar

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 400F. Place the peppers on a baking sheet and cook for about 25-30 minutes, until they begin to char slightly. Remove from the oven, put in a plastic bag and leave to cool.
2. Remove the pepper stems, skins and seeds (we core, stem, seed and slice the peppers before actually cooking them. It just seems more logical. Also, peeling the peppers has never failed to be a total Pain In The Ass). Coarsely chop the tomatoes. Transfer the peeled tomatoes, roasted peppers and onions to a food processor; pulse briefly until chopped but not mushy.
3. Transfer the mixture to a preserving pan (couldn't even tell you what that is)  or a large, heavy-bottomed, stainless steel saucepan (I do have one of those!) with the sugar and vinegar. Cook over low heat, stirring continuously, until the sugar has dissolved. Bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer and cook for about 1 to 1-1/2 hours, stirring occasionally, until it starts to thicken and turn sticky (try to read that last bit again without snickering). You may need to increase the heat a little toward the end of cooking, but stir continuously so the chutney doesn't stick to the bottom of the pan. 
4. Ladle into warm, sterilized, half-pint jars, leaving about 1/4" head space, and making sure there are no air gaps. Cover and seal with a two part lid. Process in a boiling water bath for 12 minutes (If you want to do pint jars, boil for 15-16 minutes. You can thank me now for changing this step from the cookbook. The book says to process in the water bath, THEN put on the lids. I assure you, that won't work unless you're some sort of sorcerer). Store in a cool, dark place. Allow the flavors to mature for 1 month. Refrigerate after opening.  

Good times!

Chicken with 40 Cloves of Garlic

     We love garlic. A lot. If garlic truly possesses all the health benefits attributed to it, the wife and I should be functionally immortal. So when we find a recipe that calls for 40 cloves of garlic, we are duty bound to have it. There's plenty of versions of this recipe; we used the recipe from Barefoot In Paris, by Ina Garten. It is a fairly labor intensive recipe, so it qualifies as a PITA. Peeling 40 cloves of garlic sucks. However, the end result is totally worth the effort. If you want to cook to impress, this is a good way to do it. You're just not going to be kissing anybody for a while. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Chicken with 40 Cloves of Garlic
via Barefoot In Paris
by Ina Garten

Ingredients

• 3 whole heads of garlic, about 40 cloves (about? Screw that. The recipe isn't called "Chicken with about 40 Cloves of Garlic. It says 40. I'm using 40)
• 2 (3.5 pound) chickens, cut into eights (I don't normally keep whole chickens in the house. I used 6 enormous breasts. I like enormous breasts)
• Kosher salt
• Freshly ground black pepper
• 1 tablespoon unsalted butter (I just used regular stick margarine)
• 2 tablespoons good olive oil (good call there. The evil olive oil is prone to otherworldly moaning and floating around the room)
• 3 tablespoons Cognac, divided
• 1-1/2 cups dry white wine
• 1 tablespoon fresh thyme leaves (I used 1 teaspoon dry)
• 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 2 tablespoons heavy cream

Directions

1. Separate cloves of garlic and drop them in a pot of boiling water for 60 seconds. Drain the garlic and peel. Set aside.
2. Dry the chicken with paper towels. Season liberally with salt and pepper on both sides. Heat the butter and oil in a large pot or Dutch oven over medium-high heat. Working in batches 

   

   Sorry. Carry on.

   saute the chicken in fat, skin-side down first, until nicely browned, about 3-5 minutes on each side. Turn with tongs or spatula. Do not pierce the skin. If the fat is burning, turn the heat down to medium. When a batch is done, transfer it to a plate and continue with the next batch.
3. Remove the chicken to a plate and add all the garlic to the pot. Lower the heat and saute for 5-10 minutes, turning often (the garlic, not you. You'll just end up dizzy) until evenly browned. 
4. Add 2 tablespoons of the Cognac and all of the wine, return to a boil and scrape the brown bits from the bottom of the pan. 
5. Return the chicken with the juices to the pot and sprinkle with the thyme. Cover and simmer over low heat for about 30 minutes, until all the chicken is done.Remove the chicken to a platter (plate, whatever) and cover with aluminum foil to keep warm.
6.  In a small bowl, whisk together 1/2 cup of the sauce from the pot and the flour, and then whisk it back into the sauce in the pot. Raise the heat, add the remaining tablespoon of Cognac and the cream and boil for 3 minutes. Add salt and pepper to taste. Pour the sauce and garlic over the chicken and serve hot.

Beef Wellington and Sauteed Potatoes

     There are times when I feel like working outside of my comfort zone. Those are times when I want to dabble in recipes outside what would be considered my skill set, if not my budget. Beef Wellington is one of those recipes. It just sounds fancy and expensive. Fortunately, my close, personal friend Gordon Ramsay has provided me with an excellent recipe. I took that recipe and screwed around with it to fit my budget and what I had on hand. The end result? I call it a success. I've never actually had a proper Beef Wellington, so I can't say how close I got. I do know it looked and tasted great, so that's what really matters. Be warned, this recipe does qualify as a PITA (Pain In The Ass). As always, notes and substitutions are in blue. 

Beef Wellington and Sauteed Potatoes
via my close, personal friend, Gordon Ramsay

Ingredients

• 1 lb beef fillet (most boneless roasts work. We're not dumping the money on a fillet) 
• 1 lb flat mushrooms (mushrooms are actually pretty round, so we had trouble with this. We wound up using baby bellas)
• 4-8 slices Parma ham (we just gleefully ingored this and used thinly sliced peppered turkey) 
• English (Dijon) mustard for brushing meat 
• 8 oz puff pastry (save yourself the trouble and just buy a box of ready-made puff pastry) 
• 2 egg yolks 
• Approx 8 Charlotte/New potatoes (those are potatoes that we never have in the house. I think we used some form of gold potato)
• 1 clove garlic, crushed 
• 1 sprig thyme (we went with rosemary and thought it was great) 
• Salt and pepper 
• Olive oil 
• Mustard vinaigrette, optional (so optional we didn't even bother considering using it)

Directions

1. Pre-heat the oven to 400F.

2. Heat some oil in a large pan and quickly fry the seasoned beef all over until it's brown. Remove and allow to cool. (The point of this is simply to sear the beef and give it a nice crust, you don't want to cook the meat at this stage). Allow to cool and brush generously with the mustard.

3. Roughly chop the mushrooms and blend in a food processor to form a puree. Scrape the mixture into a hot, dry pan and allow the water to evaporate. When sufficiently dry (the mixture should be sticking together easily), set aside and cool.

4. Roll out a generous length of cling film (that's UK for plastic wrap. They have different terms for things that we don't use. i.e. boot=trunk, lift=elevator, tallywhacker=pecker froynaden=butter knife), lay out the four slices of Parma ham (or turkey), each one slightly overlapping the last. With a pallet knife (pallet knife. See what I'm talking about? I use a pallet knife for spreading caulk. I just used a spatula, which in the UK, means "kneecap") spread the mushroom mixture evenly over the ham.

5. Place the beef fillet in the middle and keeping a tight hold of the cling film from the outside edge, neatly roll the parma ham and mushrooms over the beef into a tight barrel shape. Twist the ends to secure the cling film. Refrigerate for 10 -15 minutes, this allows the Wellington to set and helps keep the shape.

6. Roll out the pastry quite thinly to a size which will cover your beef. Unwrap the meat from the cling film. Egg wash the edge of the pastry and place the beef in the middle. Roll up the pastry, cut any excess off the ends and fold neatly to the 'underside'. Turnover and egg wash over the top. Chill again to let the pastry cool, approximately 5 minutes. Egg wash again before baking at 400F for 35 - 40 minutes. Rest 8 -10 minutes before slicing (the Wellington, not you. Stop being so lazy).

It's almost as if I know what I'm doing.

7. Par boil the potatoes in salted water. Quarter them and leave the skin on. Sauté in olive oil and butter with the garlic and thyme, until browned and cooked through. Season. Remove the thyme and garlic before serving (that is not happening in our house. Garlic and herbs are never left behind).

8. Serve hearty slices of the Wellington alongside the sautéed potatoes. A classic mustard vinaigrette makes a great dressing (which we would not be bothered to make since this recipe was a Colossal Pain In The Ass).

Whoever made this meme needs to be punished savagely
for failing to use an apostrophe in "it's."
Good Times!

Avgolemono (Greek Egg, Lemon and Rice Soup)

     With the weather turning cold, the Wife is demanding soup. One of her favorites is Avgolemono. We used to get this soup from a Greek restaurant when we lived up north. It is thick and extremely rich. The texture can be a bit off-putting to some people, but those people are lame and need to get over it. This recipe calls for constant vigilance to make sure you don't end up with scrambled egg soup. Thus, this recipe qualifies as A Pain In The Ass. For the life of me, I can't recall where I got this recipe. If anybody recognizes it, let me know and I'll give credit where credit is due. As always, notes are in blue.

Avgolemono
Greek Egg, Lemon and Rice Soup

Ingredients

• 8 cups chicken stock 
• 1 cup orzo pasta or rice (we've always used rice)
• 4 eggs, separated
• Juice of 3 lemons or 9 tablespoons lemon juice (go with fresh if you can. It's not quite as good with the bottled lemon juice)
• Freshly ground black pepper

Directions

1. Bring stock to boil and add rice or orzo. Simmer until tender, about 20 minutes. 
2. When orzo/rice is nearing tenderness, whisk egg whites in separate bowl until medium peaks. Add egg yolks and lemon juice, whisking continuously. 
3. When orzo/rice is finished, transfer 2 cups of the hot stock to the egg/lemon mixture, adding slowly in a constant stream and beating vigorously to prevent the eggs from solidifying. 
4. Take he soup off the heat and add the beaten mixture back into the pot, whisking to incorporate. Serve immediately with fresh ground black pepper. 

Good times!