Chicken and Broccoli with Lemon Vinaigrette

The Wife really likes lemon. I mean really, really likes lemon. She also really likes broccoli. And pasta. She also likes reading Jane Austen books, so I guess nobody's perfect. I'm not sure where I'm going with this.  Anyway, we had a pound of broccoli and a bag of lemons that weren't going to survive much longer so I went to work making a new recipe. I figured I would go with the whole salty/tart vibe. The result was a very tasty pasta dish. Though I served it hot, I imagine this would be a pretty good cold pasta dish for summer. Give it a try! Tell me what you think. As long as it's positive feedback. I figure as long as nobody is paying me to do this, I don't have to listen to any negativity. As always, notes are in blue.

Chicken and Broccoli
with Lemon Vinaigrette

Ingredients

• 1/2 cup olive oil (use as many virgins as you like)
• 1 teaspoon balsamic vinegar
• 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
• juice of 4 medium lemons
• 1/2 teaspoon dried basil
• 2 small crowns broccoli (about 1 pound)
• 1-1/2 pound chicken (I used breast meat. There's no reason you can't use thighs if you prefer)
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 teaspoon capers, drained
• 1/4 cup grated Parmesan
• 1 pound rotini pasta
• 1/4 cup shredded Parmesan (for garnish)

Directions

1. Combine first 5 ingredients in a bowl. Whisk to incorporate.
2. In a large pan, heat 1/4 cup of the vinaigrette. Add garlic and capers. Cook for about 3 minutes. Add the chicken. Cook until chicken is cooked through and juices run clear. 
3. Drain the liquid from the chicken and cook another minute or two until the chicken starts to get a bit of brown.
4. Cook the broccoli however you prefer (Some like to steam it. We prefer to give it a quick boil. Use a microwave bag of frozen if you want. I won't tell anyone.)
5. Cook the pasta until al dente (I went to school with him. Nice guy). Drain the pasta and return it to the pot you cooked it in (If you didn't cook the pasta in a pot, I guess you're screwed. Just throw everything out and order a pizza)
6. Now that you have a pot full of drained pasta, add the chicken, broccoli, a generous 1/2 cup of the vinaigrette (you'll have some extra vinaigrette. That's fine. You can use more on the pasta if you'd like or maybe use it as a salad dressing), then add the 1/2 cup grated Parmesan. Give it all a stir until the cheese incorporates. The pot should still be hot enough to melt the cheese.
7. Garnish with the shredded Parmesan when serving.

Good times!

Slow Cooker Provencal Lemon and Olive Chicken

     I'm always leery of slow cooker recipes with fancy names. The word "Provencal" in this recipe stood out like a flashing warning sign. I have a very hard time imagining rustic French chefs plugging in their Crock-Pots and loading them up for the day. That's what is commonly referred to as "juxtaposition." However, this recipe included green olives and lemon, which The Wife loves dearly. Happy Wife, Happy Life. I gave the recipe a try. I have to admit, it was pretty good. It certainly had a nice tang and plenty of flavor. The chicken was remarkably tender and moist. We served it up with some potatoes and had a very nice dinner. We'll call this one a winner. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Slow Cooker
Provencal Lemon and Olive Chicken
via Crock Pot Chicken

Ingredients

• 2 cups chopped onion
• 8 skinless chicken thighs (about 2.5 pounds) (None on hand. Went with an equal amount of boneless, skinless chicken breasts)
• 1 lemon, thinly sliced and seeds removed
• 1 cup pitted green olives (I hope they meant those pimiento stuffed green olives from the jar, because that's what I used)
• 1 tablespoon olive brine from jar or 1 tablespoon white vinegar (I went with the olive brine)
• 2 teaspoons herbes de Provence (I'll be damned. I actually had a jar of herbes de Provence on hand!)
• 1 bay leaf (please remember to remove it when done cooking or someone will choke to death. Every bay leaf is a fatality waiting to happen. Or at least that's what my mother always said.)
• 1/2 teaspoon salt (I used pink Himalayan salt because that's what badasses do.)
• 1/8 teaspoon black pepper
• 1 cup chicken broth
• 1/2 cup minced fresh parsley (None on hand. I used 2 teaspoons dried)

Directions

1. Place onion in slow cooker. Arrange chicken over onion. Place lemon slice on chicken. Add olives, brine, herbes de Provence, bay leaf, salt and pepper. Slowly pour in the chicken broth.
2. Cover and cook on LOW for 5-6 hours or HIGH for 3-3.5 hours or until chicken is tender. Stir in parsley before serving.

Good times!

Chile Shrimp with Butter Beans and Lemony Couscous

     I'm always a bit leery about picking a recipe based solely on reviews. I've worked in retail long enough to know that people generally only come forward with complaints. That's because most people are fucking morons. This particular recipe came out of a Food & Wine magazine. I checked online and it had a 2-1/2 star review by the public. If Roger Ebert has taught me anything, it is that 2-1/2 stars does not mean it is bad, or even below-average. It means it did what it set out to do, but some people (fucking morons) will not like it. Those are likely the same people who ate paste as children. The Wife and I loved this dish. It had a great combo of flavors. It had heat from the chile, and a salty, lemony bite that appealed to The Wife. As a bonus, this dish comes together in a hurry, so it's great for a weeknight dinner. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Chile Shrimp with Butter Beans
and Lemony Couscous
via Food & Wine

Ingredients

• 2/3 cup couscous
• 3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
• 1 pound shelled and deveined medium shrimp (as I never have fresh shrimp in the house, I went with a pound of frozen. I kept the tails to make shrimp stock for later use)
• 1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper
• 2 tablespoons unsalted butter (that's the same thing as margarine, right? Because that's what I used)
• One 15-ounce can butter beans, rinsed and drained
• 2 tablespoons capers
• 1 1/2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice (fresh from the bottle!)
• 1 tablespoon chopped parsley (we hadn't started growing our own yet, so I used 1 teaspoon of dried)

Directions

1. In a bowl, stir the couscous with 3/4 cup of boiling water (if you want a little more depth, boil the shrimp tails in this water for 10 minutes before you add the couscous. Make sure to remove the tails before adding the couscous, because leaving them in would be dumb) Cover with a lid and steam for 5 minutes. Fluff with a fork.
2. Meanwhile, in a nonstick skillet, heat 2 tablespoons of the oil. Add the shrimp and crushed red pepper and cook over moderately high heat until golden, 2 to 3 minutes; transfer to a plate. Add the butter to the skillet. Add the beans, capers and lemon juice and cook, stirring, for 2 minutes.
3. Fold the bean mixture, parsley and remaining 1 tablespoon of olive oil into the couscous; season with salt and pepper. Serve topped with the shrimp.

Good times, baby!

Lemon Bars

     I never quite understood the excitement over lemon bars. Don't get me wrong; I enjoy a good lemon bar. It's just that people seem to go nuts over them. If there's lemon bars on the table in the break room, people just go batshit insane like somebody is in there giving away gold ingots.

HOLY SHIT, LEMON BARS!

     Anyways, The Wife had a hankering for lemon bars, and I happened to find a recipe from Allrecipes in a magazine. As luck would have it, I had all the ingredients on hand. I just neglected to use them all. As I mention in the recipe, I'm pretty sure I forgot some flour. What I got was more like lemon curd on a crust. Don't get me wrong, it was pretty good. The addition of some lemon extract gave it a little extra zing. The Wife certainly liked it. She's been sneaking to the fridge and cutting off pieces at every opportunity. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Lemon Bars
via Allrecipes

Ingredients

• 2-1/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup confectioners' sugar, plus extra for dusting
• 1 cup butter, softened
• 4 eggs
• 1-1/2 cup white sugar
• 1/2 cup lemon juice
• 1 tablespoon lemon zest
• 1 teaspoon lemon extract

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350F
2. Mix 2 cups of flour and confectioners' sugar together. Cut in the butter. Mix well until the dough resembles pie crust consistency (no clue as to what that is supposed to look like. It was crumbly). Press the dough into a 9"x13" baking pan.
3. Bake 15-20 minutes or until golden brown (we ended up cooking this about 25 minutes).
4. Beat together eggs, sugar, 4 tablespoons flour (in retrospect, I'm fairly sure I totally forgot to add the flour here. It looked and tasted fine and nobody died. No harm, no foul), lemon rind and lemon extract for at least 1 minute. Pour the mixture over the baked crust.
5. Bake the bars another 20 minutes or until the lemon topping has set (we went closer to 25 minutes). Dust with confectioners' sugar after the bars have cooled. 

Good times!

Lemon Chicken with Broccoli

     Chicken and broccoli is just one of those classic combinations that you find everywhere. Those two ingredients lend themselves to dozens and dozens of recipes across numerous cultures. I have no numbers to back that up, but it sounds impressive so just go with it. This recipe is pretty simple and certainly healthy, coming in at around 260 calories per serving. You could probably ditch the crackers and replace it with panko and save yourself a few extra calories. This is certainly a winning work-week dinner. As always, any notes and changes are in blue.

Lemon Chicken with Broccoli
via Betty Crocker 300 Calorie Cookbook

Ingredients

• 2 cups (4 ounces) uncooked bow-tie (farfalle) pasta (naturally, I went with shells instead)
• 1/4 cup crushed round buttery crackers (I will gladly endorse Ritz crackers here for a fat paycheck)
• 1 teaspoon grated lemon peel (I just used an equal amount of dried lemon zest)
• 1 lb boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut into 1/4" strips (it is clear from the picture that I willfully ignored this direction and cut the chicken into chunks. TAKE THAT, BETTY CROCKER!)
• 2 cloves garlic, finely chopped (lazy, as always, I used 2 teaspoons minced garlic from a jar)
• 2 cups frozen broccoli florets or broccoli cuts, thawed and drained
• 1 can (10.5 ounces) condensed low-fat, low-sodium cream of chicken soup (I actually make it a point to use this kind of soup in recipes. Otherwise, the sodium gets totally out of hand and I inflate like a tick)
• 1 cup chicken broth
• 1/2 cup fat-free (skim) milk (Not happening. I can't stand skim. I used 2%)
• 2 tablespoons lemon juice (I hope they meant from a bottle, because that's what I used)
• 1/8 teaspoon pepper

Directions

1. Heat oven to 350F. Spray 13x9" glass baking dish with cooking spray (I used a Corningware dish here just to be spiteful)
2. Cook and drain pasta as directed on package (Really? They could have saved everyone time by just changing "uncooked pasta" to "cooked pasta" up in the ingredients. And don't start any crap with amount changing because of cooking. It would have been just fine. This is just Betty Crocker intentionally giving me shit). Meanhwile, in a small bowl, mix crushed crackers and lemon peel; set aside.
3. Spray 10-inch skillet with cooking spray (I used a 12 inch skillet. I am done with being bullied by a fictional cook); heat over medium-high heat. Add chicken and garlic; cook 2-3 minutes, stirring frequently, until chicken is brown. Remove from heat; stir in pasta and remaining ingredients. Spoon chicken mixture into baking dish. Sprinkle with crumb mixture.
4. Cover with foil; bake 25 minutes. Bake uncovered 10-15 minutes longer or until hot and bubbly. 

Good times!

Bacon and Lemon Herbed Turkey

     Nothing says Thanksgiving like a well-made turkey perfectly carved and served up on a fancy platter. One out of three isn't bad. I can give you well-made. The rest is up to you. I know many people love that crispy golden skin on a turkey. I don't really care about that. For me, the skin is there to help store all sorts of good things to flavor the meat. I've messed around with a couple versions of this type of turkey, but I feel this is the final iteration. I am very pleased. The meat is suspiciously tender and is infused with hints of lemon, bacon and herbs. This, my dear friends, is a winner. As always, any notes are in blue.

Bacon and Lemon Herbed Turkey

Ingredients

• 1 turkey (we used a 13 pound bird for this recipe)
• 1 pound thick cut bacon (use whatever kind you want. Applewood smoked, hickory, whatever)
• 1 lemon, thinly sliced
• 2 sticks butter, separated
• 1 tablespoon dried Italian herbs (basil, oregano, thyme, marjoram, rosemary and sage)
• 1 large onion, quartered
• Uncle Joe's Rub Down

Directions

1. Make sure the bird is defrosted and all the fun stuff is removed from inside. (I'll normally throw those spare parts in the roaster with the bird and serve them to the dogs later. I'll save the neck to throw at the unruly neighborhood children)
2. Take your hand and slide it between the skin and the meat of the bird. Gently work your hand around to separate the skin from the meat the best you can without tearing the skin. (This whole process feels genuinely wrong. I always apologize to the bird when I do this)

   

   I know we've only just met...

3. Mix one of the sticks of butter with the herbs until the herbs are evenly distributed through the butter. Start grabbing handfuls and get your hand back in under the skin. Spread the butter around under the skin the best you can. 
4. Gently lift the skin and lay the lemon slices between the meat and skin. Do the same with a quarter pound of the bacon (It's going to get crowded under the skin. Don't worry too much about having it be neat and tidy under there. The important part is to get it evenly distributed without tearing the skin)
5. Take the other stick of butter and the onion and put it in the cavity of the bird.
6. Shake a coat of Uncle Joe's Rub Down over the skin of the bird (feel free to use any rub or seasoning mix you like. I'm just partial to this stuff)
7. Take the remaining bacon and use it to cover the bird (I absolutely can't be bothered to make a bacon weave)

   

   See? No weave and it looks fine. I can't be bothered with frippery.

8. Load the bird into a roaster and cover it with a tinfoil tent (if you have time, feel free to make yourself a hat to block government mind-control rays. It never hurts to be careful)
9. Load the bird into an oven preheated to 325F. Cook until a meat thermometer reads an internal temperature of 165F (This took about 4 hours for our bird. It may take more or less time depending on your stove, size of the bird, altitude, relative humidity, astrological sign, etc. You could always use the old trick of seeing if the leg just pulls off. That usually means the turkey is done. Or has leprosy. It's not an exact science)
10. Once the bird has reached the required temperature, take it out and let it rest for 15 minutes or so (You've already violated it quite a bit. Give it a moment or two before you attack it with the knife. This is a good time to make sure everything else for your meal is done, or to have a cocktail or six)
11. Take the bacon off the top of the bird and set it aside for later snacking. Pull the skin off the bird and clear off the remaining bacon and lemon from under the skin. (Do not be alarmed when you see that you do not have a golden, crisp skin. It's going to be pretty squishy. Just pull it off. You want to get at the now tender and delicious meat).
12. Inexpertly maul the turkey and throw the meat on a platter. Eat until sleepy.

Good times!

Avgolemono (Greek Egg, Lemon and Rice Soup)

     With the weather turning cold, the Wife is demanding soup. One of her favorites is Avgolemono. We used to get this soup from a Greek restaurant when we lived up north. It is thick and extremely rich. The texture can be a bit off-putting to some people, but those people are lame and need to get over it. This recipe calls for constant vigilance to make sure you don't end up with scrambled egg soup. Thus, this recipe qualifies as A Pain In The Ass. For the life of me, I can't recall where I got this recipe. If anybody recognizes it, let me know and I'll give credit where credit is due. As always, notes are in blue.

Avgolemono
Greek Egg, Lemon and Rice Soup

Ingredients

• 8 cups chicken stock 
• 1 cup orzo pasta or rice (we've always used rice)
• 4 eggs, separated
• Juice of 3 lemons or 9 tablespoons lemon juice (go with fresh if you can. It's not quite as good with the bottled lemon juice)
• Freshly ground black pepper

Directions

1. Bring stock to boil and add rice or orzo. Simmer until tender, about 20 minutes. 
2. When orzo/rice is nearing tenderness, whisk egg whites in separate bowl until medium peaks. Add egg yolks and lemon juice, whisking continuously. 
3. When orzo/rice is finished, transfer 2 cups of the hot stock to the egg/lemon mixture, adding slowly in a constant stream and beating vigorously to prevent the eggs from solidifying. 
4. Take he soup off the heat and add the beaten mixture back into the pot, whisking to incorporate. Serve immediately with fresh ground black pepper. 

Good times!

She Simmers Caribbean-Style Sauce via Hot Sauce!

     Apparently I need to visit the Caribbean at some point. So many wonderful sauces come out of that area! This particular riff on the style is out of the Hot Sauce! cookbook. I love this sauce so much. There is so much going on here, flavor-wise. It is reminiscent of a jerk sauce, but to me has a fun mix of flavors. The best way I can explain it is everything in here is fighting to get noticed. Imagine a bar-room brawl and all the spices are slapping each other around. Then the habanero busts in the front door and starts breaking chairs over everyone and throwing them out windows. It's just like that, but in your mouth. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

She Simmers
via Hot Sauce!

Ingredients

• 6 fresh red, yellow, or orange habanero chiles (I used mostly red and one orange. They were also frozen from last season. As long as they were fresh at one time you should be fine)
• 1/2 cup freshly squeezed orange juice (for all of the freshly squeezed juices, you can more than likely get away with bottled, but the flavor will not be quite the same. The main reason I did the freshly squeezed was because my aunt Ruthie bought us an electric reamer for our wedding. As much as that sounds like a marital aid, it's not. Just Google "orange reamer" and settle down, you pervert)
• 1/2 cup distilled white vinegar
• 2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
• 2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lime juice
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 2 teaspoons freshly ground black pepper (I will tell you right now, grinding them by hand is a Colossal Pain In The Ass. Next time I'll just use the coffee bean grinder. I just have to remember to clean it out or the wife will be Righteously Pissed when she goes to make coffee)
• 4 garlic cloves, minced
• 2 tablespoons minced fresh ginger
• 1 tablespoon curry powder
• 1 teaspoon ground allspice
• 1/2 teaspoon ground or freshly grated nutmeg (I went with the ground)
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

Directions

1. Stem and seed the habaneros, reserving the seeds. Combine the chiles and all of the remaining ingredients in a blender and puree until silky. Taste and add a sprinkling of the seeds if you want to ratchet up the heat (be careful when you're doing this. It doesn't take too many seeds to change the heat level from "pleasant burn" to "OH MY GOD, THIS WILL EVENTUALLY REACH MY SPHINCTER.")
2. Pour into bottles. (I processed mine in a half pint jar for 15 minutes in a boiling water bath for long term storage. As always, please read up on canning at the National Center for Home Food Preservation before attempting canning. This sauce can tear up your insides just fine without the help of harmful bacteria.)

Good times!

Lemon-Pepper Chicken and Squash with Lemony Couscous

     The garden is in full swing. We are starting to bring in around 3-5 pounds of produce daily. More importantly the wife is successfully keeping the squash bugs at bay.

I question her methods, but there's no denying their effectiveness.

     This has led to the problem that we now find ourselves struggling to find uses for the veggies before they go off or we are forced to can them. I suppose there are worse problems to have, like accidentally inhaling a bug while bike riding, but I love to complain. Anyways, we decided to just freestyle a recipe to burn through some surplus squash and zucchini and a container of leftover chicken. The end result had just the right hints of sweet and tangy. It was super easy to make and I would certainly make it again.

Lemon Pepper Chicken & Squash
with Lemony Couscous

Ingredients
Chicken

• 8 ounces shredded cooked chicken
• 8 ounces (about 2 small or 1 large) zucchini or yellow squash, cubed (we used both. We like to live on the edge)
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• Juice of 1 lemon
• 1/2 teaspoon cracked black pepper or pepper melange
• 1/2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 1/2 teaspoon lemon pepper
• 1 inch piece candied ginger, minced

Couscous

• 3/4 cup uncooked couscous
• Juice of 1 lemon
• A little less than 1 cup water
• 2 teaspoons butter

Directions

Chicken

1. Melt butter in a large skillet. Sautee garlic and ginger until garlic just starts turning brown. Add zucchini/squash and sautee 3-4 minutes.
2. Add chicken, and remaining ingredients from chicken section. Mix and sautee another 3-4 minutes.
3. Set aside and keep warm.

Couscous

1. Put lemon juice in a one cup measuring cup. Top with enough water to make one cup. 
2. Put water and butter in a saucepan and bring to a boil; stir in couscous, cover. Turn off the heat and let stand at least 5 minutes. Fluff before serving.

Throw a scoop of couscous on a plate and top with a scoop of the chicken mixture. 

I found that adding a couple of dashes of Tabasco really made for some
Good times!

Lemony Chicken and Orzo Soup (via Bon Appetit)

     I do so enjoy soup. I enjoy it even more when the recipe is really easy. A handful of simple ingredients and less than an hour to come together make for a no-brainer midweek recipe.

Lemony Chicken and Orzo Soup
via Bon Appetit

Ingredients

• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1 medium leek, white and pale-green parts only, halved lengthwise, sliced crosswise 1/2-inch thick
• 1 celery stalk, sliced crosswise 1/2-inch thick
• 12 ounces skinless, boneless chicken thighs
• 6 cups low-sodium chicken broth
• Kosher salt, freshly ground pepper
• 1/2 cup orzo
• 1/4 cup chopped fresh dill
• Lemon halves (for serving)

Directions

1. Heat oil in a large heavy pot over medium heat. Add leek and celery and cook, stirring often, until vegetables are soft, 5-8 minutes. 
2. Add chicken and broth; season with salt and pepper. Bring to a boil, cover, reduce heat, and simmer until chicken is cooked through, 15-20 minutes. Transfer chicken to a plate. Let cool, then shred chicken into bite-size pieces.
3. Return broth to a boil. Add orzo and cook until al dente, 8-10 minutes.
4. Remove pot from heat. Stir in chicken and dill. Serve with lemon halves for squeezing over.

Good times!