Spicy Vinegar Braised Riblets

As we have been sheltering at home for some weeks now, we have started to run out of really good meat. We still have what we call "garbage chicken" and a couple odds and ends. We decided to support our local businesses and put in an order to a seed and beef service in the area. We gave them a budget and told them to just give us an assortment of beef and pork. Once of the pork products we got was riblets. Very little fat, little ribs. They were adorable. I found a recipe to braise them, and then immediately ignored most of the recipe and happily went off in my own direction. The result was ribs with meat that was tender and falling off the bone. Flavor? HELLS YES. They were tangy from the vinegar with a nice bit of heat from the peppers and Cajun seasoning. This recipe is stupid easy and just about fool-proof. Enjoy!

Spicy Vinegar Braised Riblets

Ingredients

• 2 lbs pork riblets (you could probably use any pork ribs you want, we just liked the idea of little ribs!)
• Cajun seasoning
• 1 cup hot pepper infused vinegar (if you don't have this you can get by with a cup of white vinegar and a couple chopped jalapenos or a teaspoon or so of cayenne)
• 1 can (8 ounces) tomato sauce
• 1 tablespoon dried, minced onions

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 300F (150C, Gasmark 2)
2. Liberally sprinkle Cajun seasoning over both sides of riblets. 
3. Cut riblets into individual pieces and put in Dutch oven.
4. In a bowl, mix the vinegar, tomato sauce, and onions
5. Pour contents of bowl over riblets
6. Cover Dutch oven and put in oven for 75 minutes or until meat starts to fall off the bone

Good times!

Spud's Choice Hot Noggin Sauce

     First, a couple clarifications. We did NOT give any hot sauce to our The Spud. Also, for those who like to needlessly panic, that's a sweet red banana pepper on her noggin'. We know better than to handle our little tater with hot peppery hands. To review: No Spuds were harmed in the making of this sauce. This particular sauce came about as an attempt to use up surplus peppers. I chose only red colored peppers since that was what I had the most of. I ended up with what can best be described as a sriracha variant. The sauce starts sweet and a bit garlicky, then you get a serious punch of heat that quickly levels off before slowly fading. Much like sriracha, I see this being a multipurpose sauce, topping everything from eggs to meats. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Spud's Choice
Hot Noggin Sauce

Ingredients

(yields just shy of 3 half pint jars)

• 1 cup cayenne peppers, stemmed and roughly chopped
• 1 cup red jalapeno or Serrano peppers, stemmed and roughly chopped
• 1 cup bird or Thai peppers, stemmed and roughly chopped
• 1 cup red banana peppers, stemmed and roughly chopped
• 12 cloves garlic
• 1/2 cup white vinegar
• 3 tablespoons sugar
• 3 teaspoons seasoning salt

Directions

1. Load peppers and garlic into a food processor. Blend until a thick paste (the peppers, not you)
2. Dump the peppers into a nonreactive pot. Add the remaining ingredients and stir to incorporate.
3. Place on medium-high heat and bring to a boil, reduce to simmer and simmer for 5 minutes, stirring regularly.
4. If you plan to use the sauce right away, you're done. It will keep in the fridge for a couple weeks. If you plan to can the sauce, proceed to the next step.
5. Load sauce into 1/2 pint jars, leaving about 1/4" headspace. Seal with a 2 piece lid. Place in boiling water bath for 12 minutes. Remove to wire rack to cool. As always, make sure to refer to the National Center for Home Food Preservation for useful tips on how not to accidentally poison your friends and family.

Good times!

Beef and Broccoli in Sweet and Pungent Sauce

     My town has one major flaw. Lots of drunks on lawnmowers. Okay, two major flaws. Drunks on lawn mowers and plastic fires. Okay, three major flaws. Drunks on mowers, plastic fires and no plows in the winter. Okay, four major flaws. Drunks on mowers, plastic fires, no plows and dogs running loose everywhere...
     I guess I'm getting off track here. My town has some serious shortcomings. The one I was trying to get to was the lack of Chinese carryout. I have to drive 30 minutes round trip to pick up carryout from the nearest Chinese restaurant. That's crazy. I have taken it upon myself to learn Chinese cooking so I can just make this stuff at home. This is a recipe for the classic beef and broccoli. The sauce was something I hadn't had before. Sweet and pungent. Not that orange sweet and sour, but something entirely different. It was fantastic. It's a bit labor intensive and bordering on a PITA, but it's totally worth trying.  Unless you live near a Chinese restaurant, in which case pick me up some egg foo young. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Beef and Broccoli
in Sweet and Pungent Sauce
via The 1000 Recipe Chinese Cookbook

Ingredients

• 1 pound beef stew meat, cut into 1/4" slices
• 1 egg
• 1 clove garlic
• cornstarch
• oil for frying
• 1 pound broccoli florets (preferably fresh, but if you use frozen, defrost and drain first)

For sauce

• 3/4 cup water
• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 1/2 cup cider vinegar
• 2 tablespoons tomato sauce
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 teaspoon fish sauce
• 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
• 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes
• a few drops of sesame oil
• 1 tablespoon corn starch
• 1 tablespoon soy sauce
• 1/4 cup water

Directions

For beef 

1. Beat egg in a bowl. Add garlic. 
2. Dip beef in egg mixture, dredge in corn starch to coat. 
3. In a pan (I used my cast iron skillet), heat about 1/2" vegetable oil. Add beef slices, a few at a time and fry until golden. Remove to paper towel to drain.

For sauce

1. In a medium saucepan (you'll be using vinegar, so make sure the pan is nonreactive), bring water to a boil. Add sugar and stir. Cook until sugar is dissolved. Add vinegar and cook for a minute or so. Add tomato sauce, garlic, fish sauce, ginger, red pepper flakes and sesame oil. Stir and cook another minute.
2. Blend cornstarch, soy sauce and cold water to a paste. Stir into sauce to thicken. 

For broccoli

1. Steam or boil broccoli to whatever consistency you prefer.

Once the beef, sauce and broccoli are done, toss all together over low heat until sauce covers beef and broccoli evenly. Serve over white rice.

Good times!

Kosher Dill Pickles

     First off, let me make it clear that these pickles are not truly Kosher. Our house would never pass a Kosher certification. The six pound pork shoulder in the freezer pretty much locks that one up. We don't even grow the veggies right. According to Leviticus 19:19 and Deuteronomy 22:19, we screwed up since we grew our cucumbers in a field with a bunch of other seeds. So, semantics (or Semetics "I'll be here all week! Try the veal and tip your servers! Don't forget the 9:30 show is nothing like the 6:30 show; you can't bring your kids to the 9:30 show!") aside, these are just some tasty pickles to nosh on as you see fit. Eat them from the jar, use them in a potato salad, or slap them on a hot dog (WITHOUT KETCHUP. Please, I'm begging you, don't put ketchup on a hot dog). As always, notes and changes are in blue. 

Kosher Dill Pickles
via Better Homes and Gardens Home Canning Cook Book

Ingredients

• 2-1/4 pounds 4-inch cucumbers (we just used whatever cucumbers we had on hand. No clue as to type. If they weren't 4 inches, we just cut them down to make sure they'd fit in a pint jar)
• Fresh dill heads (LOL WUT? No clue as to what they're asking for. I, for one, refuse to decapitate an innocent dill. We used a teaspoon of dill weed in each pint jar)
• Garlic cloves
• Hot red peppers (we used whole dehydrated cayenne)
• Pickling salt
• 4 cups cider vinegar

Directions

1. Wash cucumbers. Pack them in hot quart jars, leaving 1/2-inch headspace (we derail almost immediately. One, we used pint jars. Two, we used full sized cucumbers, so we cut ours into spears, then shortened them as needed to get them in pint jars. We did, however, wash them. I think.)
2. To each quart, add 2 heads fresh dill, 1 clove garlic, 1 hot pepper and 1 tablespoon pickling salt
   (if you're doing it our way, you'll be adding to each pint, 1 teaspoon dill weed, 1 clove garlic, 1 dried cayenne and 1-1/2 teaspoons pickling salt)
3. In a medium saucepan, combine vinegar and 3 quarts of water. Bring to a boil.
4. Pour boiling liquid over cucumbers, leaving 1/2 inch headspace. Adjust lids.
5. Process in boiling water bath (20 minutes for quarts, 15 for pints)
6. Yields will depend on how committed you are to violently jamming cucumbers into the jars.
7. As always, if you're not familiar with canning, go to the National Center for Home Food Preservation to avoid poisoning anyone.

Good times!

Master Ridley's Pepper Paste

     This particular concoction was my first foray into pepper sauces. I had a bumper crop of cayenne and needed to use them in bulk. The end result was my single most popular hot sauce recipe, at least among friends and coworkers. There is so much you can do with this. Toss it with melted butter and chicken wings and you'll never do hot wings any other way again. Mix it in chili for an extra punch. One of the guys at works just spreads it on his hamburger. You will not be the same after this. It has just enough heat and more than enough flavor. Since it's made with vinegar, it cans well, too. Just pack it in half-pint jars, making sure to work out the air bubbles. Then just process in a boiling water bath for 12-15 minutes (as always, consult the National Center for Home Food Preservation for tips on how not to get botulism). We actually have an open jar that's been in our fridge for over 2 years without going off. We just add leftovers from each season's batch. We figure in the next couple years it should achieve sentience. Remember, with great power comes great responsibility. And just who is Master Ridley, you ask? If you've read Fahrenheit 451, you'll know the reference: "Play the man, Master Ridley; we shall this day light such a candle, by God's grace, in England, as I trust shall never be put out."*

Master Ridley's Pepper Paste

Ingredients 
Ingredients can be easily multiplied for larger batches. A double batch of these ingredients should yield about a half pint of paste.

• 1 dried Guajillo pepper
• 10-12 Cayenne peppers (cut off and discard the stems and roughly chop. Don't remove the seeds unless you're a huge wuss. If that's the case, make sure you wear gloves and hike up your diaper, too)
• 2 grated baby carrots
• ½ teaspoon cumin
• 1 teaspoon seasoning salt
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 3 tablespoons white vinegar

Directions

1. Combine ingredients in a food processor and blend until smooth 
2. Another tablespoon of vinegar can be added if the sauce is too thick for your liking.

* Nicholas Ridley was a bishop burned at the stake for heresy in 1555
Good times!

Vinegar Braised Chicken and Onions

    Cooking in a Dutch oven is awesome. It feels like high-end slow cooking. It also makes wonderful meals. You may remember me raving about the Baked Daube Provencal I made last year. Maybe you didn't. OK, it's more than likely you didn't. Go read the post now, I'll wait. Back? All right. Anyways, I found this recipe in an issue of Bon Appetit. Naturally, I had to make some changes to compensate for lack of requested ingredients. I figure onions are onions and I can't be bothered to make a special trip to the store. I was a bit leery of this recipe. A bunch of vinegar and raisins added in there didn't sound like a great idea, but it worked. We served it up with an Oven Gratin of Potatoes. I'd definitely make this one again. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Vinegar Braised Chicken and Onions
via Bon Appetit

Ingredients

• 2 pounds cipolline or pearl onions (Didn't have either of these. I used two pounds of yellow and red onions)
• Kosher salt
• 3 tablespoons olive oil
• 8 ounces pancetta (Italian bacon), cut into 1/4-inch pieces (Nope. I used regular bacon.)
• 4 garlic cloves, peeled, crushed
• 5 pounds skin-on bone-in chicken pieces (breasts, thighs, and/or legs; breasts halved crosswise)
• Freshly ground black pepper
• 3/4 cup balsamic vinegar
• 3/4 cup red wine vinegar
• 2 cups low-sodium chicken broth
• 1/2 cup golden raisins
• 2 bay leaves

Directions

1. Cook onions in a large pot of boiling salted water until tender, 5-8 minutes. Drain and let cool. Trim root ends; peel (I totally ignored most of this step. I just peeled and sliced the onions and moved on).
2. Meanwhile, heat oil in a large heavy pot over medium heat. Add pancetta to pot and cook, stirring occasionally, until fat is rendered and pancetta is brown, 8-10 minutes. Using a slotted spoon, transfer pancetta to a large bowl.
3. Add onions to same pot and cook, stirring occasionally, until beginning to brown, 8-10 minutes. Add garlic and cook, stirring often, until fragrant, about 3 minutes. Transfer onions and garlic to bowl with pancetta.
4. Season chicken with salt and pepper. Working in batches, add chicken to pot skin side down and cook, turning, until browned on all sides, 10-15 minutes per batch; transfer to bowl with onions.
5. Carefully drain fat from pot and return to medium-high heat. Add both vinegars to pot and bring to a boil, stirring and scraping up any browned bits from bottom of pot. Add broth, raisins, bay leaves, and reserved chicken, pancetta, onions, and garlic to pot. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, and simmer, partially covered, until chicken is fork-tender, 35-40 minutes.
6. Using a slotted spoon, transfer chicken and onions to a large platter. Skim fat from cooking liquid and discard. Remove bay leaves (remember what my mom taught us: bay leaves left in a dish will lead to a choking death every time), and season sauce with salt and pepper. Spoon sauce over chicken and onions.

Good times!

Sriracha Sauce via Hot Sauce!

     We have just been pepper fabulous all season in the garden. The cayenne came up late, but boy howdy did they make up for lost time. Naturally, we turned to the book Hot Sauce! for a recipe to burn through the inventory. Since Sriracha is one of my favorite sauces, we figured we would pull the recipe from the book to try. With a little doctoring we came up with a sauce that I feel is superior to Huy Fong Sriracha. That's a big claim, but I'm sticking to it. The recipe below is showing double the amount listed in the cookbook. We found out the hard way that even though the book says their measurements yield one cup, we called bullshit. We needed to double off everything to come up with a half pint. One warning, if you choose cayenne peppers it will be a Colossal Pain In The Ass to seed them; wear gloves unless you're a fan of screaming a lot. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Sriracha
via Hot Sauce!

Ingredients
(this recipe will yield 1/2 pint of sauce)

• 2 cups assorted fresh red chiles (habanero, jalapeno, serrano, and/or cayenne), stemmed, seeded and chopped (we use cayenne. If you choose cayenne, you're in for some work. Seeding them is fairly labor intensive. Make sure you wear some rubber gloves)
• 6-8 garlic cloves, chopped
• 4 tablespoons white wine vinegar
• 2 teaspoons sugar, plus more as needed (we used 3 teaspoons total)
• 1-2 teaspoons salt, plus more as needed (we used 2-1/2 teaspoons total)

Directions

1. Add all of the ingredients to a food processor and pulse until blended. Taste and adjust the amount of salt or sugar if needed (we felt it was needed. The adjustments are listed in the ingredients section)

   

   For added fun, leave the access chute open when you do this
   and see who can stay in the kitchen the longest!

2. Transfer the mixture to a saucepan and simmer over medium heat for 5 minutes, or until the sauce loses its raw vegetable smell.
3. Let cool, then pour into a bottle (we bottled it hot since we planned on water bath canning for long term storage. We processed half pint jars for 15 minute. As always, please consult the National Center for Home Food Preservation for more information. I won't be held responsible for you poisoning yourself)

Good times!

Too Damned Easy Cucumber Tomato Salad

     This is the point in the summer where we start trying to use our garden produce in vast quantities. That's where the wife's recipe for cucumber tomato salad comes into play. This recipe couldn't be any more simple. Just about any tomato will work, but we have been using these orange tomatoes since they are super sweet and mild.

Too Damned Easy
Cucumber Tomato Salad

Ingredients

• 2-3 large cucumbers, sliced
• 1 large onion, cut into about 1” pieces
• 3-4 tomatoes of your choosing, sliced

Vinaigrette:

• 1 cup white vinegar 
• ¾ cup water 
• ¾ cup sugar (or six packets of your favorite carcinogenic sweetener)
• 1 teaspoon salt 
• 1/8 teaspoon black pepper 
• dash cayenne pepper 
• dash parsley 
• dash basil

Directions

1. Mix vinaigrette ingredients in large bowl until sugar is dissolved. 
2. Add vegetables. 
3. Let marinate in refrigerator 1-2 hours.

Good times!

She Simmers Caribbean-Style Sauce via Hot Sauce!

     Apparently I need to visit the Caribbean at some point. So many wonderful sauces come out of that area! This particular riff on the style is out of the Hot Sauce! cookbook. I love this sauce so much. There is so much going on here, flavor-wise. It is reminiscent of a jerk sauce, but to me has a fun mix of flavors. The best way I can explain it is everything in here is fighting to get noticed. Imagine a bar-room brawl and all the spices are slapping each other around. Then the habanero busts in the front door and starts breaking chairs over everyone and throwing them out windows. It's just like that, but in your mouth. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

She Simmers
via Hot Sauce!

Ingredients

• 6 fresh red, yellow, or orange habanero chiles (I used mostly red and one orange. They were also frozen from last season. As long as they were fresh at one time you should be fine)
• 1/2 cup freshly squeezed orange juice (for all of the freshly squeezed juices, you can more than likely get away with bottled, but the flavor will not be quite the same. The main reason I did the freshly squeezed was because my aunt Ruthie bought us an electric reamer for our wedding. As much as that sounds like a marital aid, it's not. Just Google "orange reamer" and settle down, you pervert)
• 1/2 cup distilled white vinegar
• 2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
• 2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lime juice
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 2 teaspoons freshly ground black pepper (I will tell you right now, grinding them by hand is a Colossal Pain In The Ass. Next time I'll just use the coffee bean grinder. I just have to remember to clean it out or the wife will be Righteously Pissed when she goes to make coffee)
• 4 garlic cloves, minced
• 2 tablespoons minced fresh ginger
• 1 tablespoon curry powder
• 1 teaspoon ground allspice
• 1/2 teaspoon ground or freshly grated nutmeg (I went with the ground)
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

Directions

1. Stem and seed the habaneros, reserving the seeds. Combine the chiles and all of the remaining ingredients in a blender and puree until silky. Taste and add a sprinkling of the seeds if you want to ratchet up the heat (be careful when you're doing this. It doesn't take too many seeds to change the heat level from "pleasant burn" to "OH MY GOD, THIS WILL EVENTUALLY REACH MY SPHINCTER.")
2. Pour into bottles. (I processed mine in a half pint jar for 15 minutes in a boiling water bath for long term storage. As always, please read up on canning at the National Center for Home Food Preservation before attempting canning. This sauce can tear up your insides just fine without the help of harmful bacteria.)

Good times!

Pique Sauce via Hot Sauce!

     We're still looking for fast and simple ways to use up the peppers that are starting to pile up. Naturally, I turned to Hot Sauce! for some inspiration. I found a base recipe for Pique, a Puerto Rican style hot sauce that couldn't be easier to put together. If you've eaten at Steak & Shake, you've no doubt seen that jar of peppers and vinegar on the table. Fundamentally, that's Pique. It's just peppers and some herbs floating in white vinegar. There's a lot of freedom to pick and choose the peppers and herbs. It's also nice because it's not likely to spoil, seeing as the liquid is entirely vinegar!

Pique
via Hot Sauce! by Jennifer Trainer Thompson

Ingredients

• 10-12 fresh chiles (try different colors, lengths, and shapes, such as green serrano, red Tabasco, and yellow habanero) (we went with cayenne on one batch and jalapenos for another)
• 6 cloves of garlic, peeled
• 4 cups distilled or white wine vinegar
• 5 or 6 sprigs mixed fresh herbs (we used lemon basil and oregano with the cayenne and cilantro and parsley with the jalapenos)
• Whole peppercorns in assorted colors

Directions

1. Bring a pot of water to a boil. Cut off the stems and a bit of the top of the chiles (or if you prefer the look of the stem, make a slice in the chiles) so the vinegar can get inside (we like the look of the whole pepper and went with the slice)
2. Add the chiles and garlic to the boiling water, leaving them there for a few minutes to soften up the chiles. Divide the garlic and chiles between sterilized bottles that will hold 6 cups total. 
3. Heat the vinegar to just below boiling in a non-reactive saucepan.

   

   Remember our talk on reactive pans?

   Pour the vinegar into the bottles. Add a few sprigs of herbs to each for flavor and looks (add the peppercorns at this step if you're using them), making sure to push them down below the surface of the vinegar (or just add the herbs first and pour vinegar in carefully). 
4. Seal the bottles and allow to sit for 2 weeks in a spot that's not too sunny, turning occasionally (the bottles, not you) before using. The longer the sauce sits, the hotter it gets. 

Good times!

Jalapeno Sauce via Hot Sauce!

     Our garden is producing peppers at such a rate that we have had to get creative in using them up. I can only freeze so many peppers. It was only a matter of time before I turned to a book the wife got me for Christmas. She knows I love hot sauces, so she figured she'd be irresponsible and give me a manual on how to make them at home. That manual, Hot Sauce!, is indispensable to someone starting out making hot sauces. Up to this point, I have only ever really made a couple pepper pastes, fondly called Master Ridley, Latimer (bonus points if you understand why I used these names), and a concoction known as Shrieking Anus Paste. It was time to branch out. My first attempt at a new recipe would be the Jalapeno Sauce from the book. It made sense since the garden is dropping a dozen large jalapenos a day. So how is this sauce? It has a very bright flavor, almost like salsa verde, but with a fierce punch of heat right up front. The flavor and heat play well together.

This is a fairly accurate depiction of my wife trying out the sauce.

     In the end, the overall flavor of the sauce is more than worth the initial burn. I popped a can of this when a friend came over for dinner. He and my wife ate over half a pint of this stuff, just scooping it up with nachos. The thickness of the sauce will vary from batch to batch, depending on the size of the peppers you use. The larger the peppers, the more this will lean toward a very thin salsa. Smaller peppers and it becomes more of a straight sauce. As always, any changes or notes will be in blue.

Jalapeno Sauce
via Hot Sauce! by Jennifer Trainer Thompson

Ingredients

• 12 fresh jalapeno chiles, stemmed and cut into chunks (use bigger peppers if you want a thicker sauce)
• 1 medium yellow onion, peeled
• 2 cups distilled white vinegar
• 1 cup water
• 2 garlic cloves, peeled
• Juice of 1 lime
• Pinch of salt
• 1/2 cup fresh cilantro leaves (we worried the cilantro would overpower the sauce, so we went with a little over 1/4 cup)

Directions

1. Combine all of the ingredients in a blender and puree.

   

   Fire in the hole!

2. Transfer the puree to a nonreactive saucepan (if you're not familiar with the term, enameled or stainless steel pans are nonreactive. What happens if you use a reactive pan?) 

   

   It's probably better if you don't use a reactive pan.

   Bring to a boil, then lower the heat and simmer for 10 minutes.
3. Let cool, then pour into bottles. You can eat it right away or place in sealed bottles for future use (we packed ours in half pint jars and processed in a boiling water bath for about 15 minutes. Again, read up on canning if you haven't done it before. I will continue to state that I'm not responsible when you inevitably poison yourself.)

Good times!

Yellow Squash and Tomato Chutney

     At the end of last summer, we found ourselves with an alarming surplus of produce. We had more squash and tomatoes than we knew what to do with. Fortunately, we have learned the benefits of canning our own food. This weekend, it was nice to pop open a jar of food we canned last year and enjoy the tastes of last summer. One of our favorite things to can has become chutney. It's versatile and delicious. The Yellow Squash and Tomato Chutney recipe I'm sharing today comes from PreserveIt! from DK Publishing.
     I'm not going to give all the details for canning. It would take forever. However, go to the National Center for Home Food Preservation for full details on how to safely can food. PreserveIt! also has lots of good information on safely processing food for canning. Please take the time to read up and familiarize yourself with the procedures involved in canning. Safety first. Always remember, if you poison yourself by preserving the food incorrectly, I had nothing to do with it.
As always, notes and substitutions are in blue. 

Yellow Squash and Tomato Chutney
via PreserveIt!

Ingredients

• 1 lb. summer squash, trimmed and diced
• 1/2 lb. onions, coarsely chopped (we used sweet onions, figuring it would be a nice complement to the overall flavor)
• 3/4 lb. ripe tomatoes, coarsely chopped
• 1-3/4 cups granulated sugar
• 1-1/4 cup white wine vinegar
• 1 garlic clove, peeled and finely chopped
• 1/2 inch piece of fresh ginger, peeled and finely chopped (I have no recollection of using ginger in this, but if I did, it wasn't fresh. I never have fresh ginger on hand. It would have been a comparable amount of ground ginger, or a piece of candied ginger. Maybe I'll consider making this sober next time.)
• 1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper
• Good pinch of sweet paprika (what qualifies as a good pinch? Maybe it's regional. I probably used a bit less than a 1/4 teaspoon)
• Good pinch of ground white pepper (again with the good pinch! Can I do a bad pinch? Is that where I spill it all over the place trying to get it out of the jar with my fingers?)
• 1/2 teaspoon sea salt 

Directions

1. Put all the ingredients in a preserving pan or large, heavy-bottomed, stainless-steel saucepan
2. Bring slowly to a boil, stirring to dissolve the sugar. Reduce the heat and simmer for 2-1/2 hours or until a wooden spoon drawn across the base of the pan leaves a trail. Stir frequently toward the end so the chutney doesn't burn (or you could be OCD like me and stir every 15 minutes or so). If necessary, turn up the heat toward the end of cooking and boil rapidly until thick and glossy (every time I've made chutney I've had to do this. It always takes me longer than the stated time to get the desired results. I think on average, my total cooking time on this is closer to 3 hours. As always, start with the original recipe suggestion, then go from there). 
3. Pack the chutney into warm, sterilized mason jars (use half-pint or pint jars, a quart jar of chutney is going to take forever to process in a boiling water bath). Leave 1/4 inch headspace (if you've never canned, headspace is referring to the space between the top of the food in the jar and the rim of the jar. If you over fill, the jar can pop the lid or burst when you process it), make sure there are no air gaps in the ingredients (just poke around in the jar with a chopstick or butter knife to work out the air bubbles). 
4. Seal with a two-part top and process in a boiling water bath for 10 minutes (for half-pint jars. Do closer to 12-13 for pints. Then comes the best part, you take the jars out and put them on a towel. When you hear a loud, metallic "thunk!" the jars have sealed. We love that sound.)
5. Store in a cool, dark place. Allow to sit for one month before opening. Refrigerate after opening.

Good times!