Too Damned Easy Taco Sloppy Joe

 Sometimes inspiration hits in an unlikely way. In my case inspiration usually comes by way of desperation. Midweek meals are always a challenge during the school year, which is why we usually do a few slow-cooker meals on Sunday and just eat them during the week. However, that strategy often leads to waste, as we get tired of the lack of variety during the end of the week. So if we're cooking midweek, it has to be simple. This week, we could not decide between tacos or Sloppy Joe. I decided in a fit of laziness to combine them. This was made easier by the amazing product Dos Rios Fully Cooked and Seasoned Taco Meat. 

I kid you not. This stuff is $2.50 for a 1lb. chub at our local grocery. You can barely find ground beef at that price. You don't need to season it, you don't need to drain it. It's precooked so you only need to defrost and heat it up. With the addition of two more ingredients you have a sandwich filler, a tortilla filler, a great topping or dip for nachos. Hell, add it your scrambled eggs. Without further delay I present to you (with, as always, notes in blue):

Too Damned Easy
Taco Sloppy Joe

Ingredients:

1. 1 pound chub of Dos Rios taco meat (if you don't have it or can't find it, I weep for you. You're going to have the extra steps of cooking and draining ground beef and adding taco seasonings)
2. 1/2 cup salsa of your choice (we went with Chi-Chi's Thick and Chunky Hot Salsa)
3. 1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese

Directions:

1. In a saucepan, add all ingredients. 
2. Heat at medium heat while stirring regularly. 
3. Keep stirring over medium heat until cheese is melted through.
4. That's it. You're done. Go eat.

Good Times!

Too Damned Easy Vodka Sauce with Peppers

I find myself apologizing more than anything on this page. Work and life have most definitely gotten in the way of keeping up with my food pages. My school keeps switching between fully remote and hybrid learning, so I'm constantly shifting gears. The Wife's school has voted to go back to 4 days a week with full classrooms despite the fact that positivity numbers are through the roof. We've moved the Spud back to fully remote since her school will no longer guarantee social distancing of any kind. I won't even go into the nightmare of election anxiety. It's just been a shitstorm and I forgot about one of my core coping therapies: cooking. I got myself into the kitchen yesterday and I threw this recipe together from scratch. I may be falling apart at the seams mentally, but this was just the best vodka sauce I've ever had. I don't normally crow about my own cooking, but this was restaurant good. And I'm not talking Olive Garden. I'm talking a real Italian restaurant. Anyways, it was delicious and I hope you'll enjoy it as much as we did. Everybody take care and be well. As always, notes are in blue.

Too Damned Easy Vodka Sauce with Peppers

Ingredients

• 1 yellow bell pepper, diced
• 1 red bell pepper, diced (there's nothing stopping you from using 2 of one color, or even green, if you prefer)
• 1/2 yellow onion, chopped
• 5 cloves garlic, minced
• 3 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 can, 28 ounces, crushed tomatoes
  
• 2 ounces vodka (omit if you don't do alcohol, but then it's not vodka sauce anymore)
• 1 tablespoon dried oregano
• 1 teaspoon dried basil
• 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes
• salt and pepper to taste
• 1/2 cup heavy cream

Directions

1. In a pot (I used a 5 quart enameled Dutch oven), heat olive oil over medium high heat. 
2. When oil is heated, add peppers, onion, and garlic. Sautee for 5-8 minutes until the onions are translucent and the peppers still have just a bit of snap left in them. Take care not to let the garlic or anything else burn.
3. Add the tomatoes, vodka, oregano, basil, red pepper flakes, salt and pepper. Simmer for about 10 minutes.
4. Stir in heavy cream. Remove from heat and serve over pasta of your choice. 

Good times!

Too Damned Easy Turkey Pot Pie

Remember when you were a kid, and you wanted a pot pie? And your mom would have to preheat the oven? Then you'd have to wait like another 45 minutes for the pot pie to cook? Then you'd be so hungry that when it finally came out of the oven, you wouldn't wait and you'd take a bite and burn the living shit out of the roof of your mouth? Good times. This recipe won't take quite as long, but can still blister the hell out of the roof of your mouth if you don't wait. We cannibalized a different recipe to make this. In retrospect, the pie to biscuit ratio seems off. There is way more biscuit than filling. I'd recommend at least adding some more gravy and possibly increasing the amount of the fillings. The flavor is fine, it's just a bit biscuity. As always, notes are in blue.

Too Damned Easy Turkey Pot Pie

Ingredients

• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1 stalk celery, finely chopped
• 1/2 pound frozen hash brown O'Brien potatoes, thawed
• 1 6 oz. can mushrooms, drained and chopped
• 1 medium carrot, shredded
• 2 cups cooked turkey, chopped (cooked chicken would work just as well. You can use puffin for all I care.)
• 1/4 teaspoon marjoram
• 10 ounces gravy (in retrospect, I feel you could add another 6 ounces and be fine, if you prefer a more gravy-based pot pie)
• 1 can Pillsbury Grand buttermilk biscuits (we used their Sweet Hawaiian. You can use any flavor. Also feel free to use a non-name brand equivalent. I promise not to tell anyone)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 400F  (200C, Gasmark 6)
2. Heat oil in cast iron skillet. (Don't have a cast iron skillet? Philistine. In that case you're going to need to prep everything but the biscuits in a pan, then transfer to an oven-safe dish)
3. Add celery, potatoes, mushrooms, and carrots. Saute for 5-7 minutes.
4. Add turkey, gravy, and marjoram. Simmer for 2-3 minutes.
5. Lay biscuits over the contents of the pan. (If you're not using cast iron, transfer the contents of the pan to a 9" round oven safe dish and then lay the biscuits down on top)
6. Cook in oven at 400F for 14 minutes or until biscuits are golden brown.

Good Times!

Crispy Orange Beef and Broccoli

Summer is finally here and that means I actually have some time to devote to my food pages. I decided to start off the season with something that captures summer. It has fruit and heat. It is also my third iteration of this type of recipe. The spicy orange theme of quasi-Chinese food is always a favorite in my house. This particular recipe is a cut down version of my Too Damned Easy Spicy Orange Chicken and Broccoli.  This version is actually a bit simpler.  As always, notes are in blue.

Crispy Orange Beef and Broccoli

Ingredients

• 1 pound beef stew meat, sliced thin (leave the meat a bit frozen when slicing to make things easier for you)
•  4 tablespoons vegetable oil
• Corn starch
• 1/2 pound frozen broccoli, thawed (fresh will work, too. You'll just need to chop it up into smaller pieces)
• 2 tablespoons soy sauce
• 1 cup orange marmalade
• 2 teaspoons Sriracha hot sauce (use less if you're a big baby, or more if you're a sexual powerhouse, just like me)
• 4 green onions, sliced diagonally , for garnish

Directions

1. In a large wok (or pan or whatever), heat the oil over medium high heat.
2. In a large bowl, pour in some corn starch. Dredge the beef in the corn starch so all the pieces are evenly coated.
3. Once the oil is hot, working in batches, fry the beef until crispy, about 3-5 minutes per batch. Remove each batch to a paper towel to drain excess oil.
4. When the beef is done, turn down the heat to medium and add the soy sauce. 
5. When the soy sauce begins to bubble, add the marmalade and Sriracha. Stir constantly until the sauce is completely mixed. Let it simmer for about 3 minutes.
6. Add the beef back to the pan and stir to coat.
7. Add the broccoli and stir to coat. Cook for another 4-5 minutes or until the broccoli is the consistency you like.
8. Serve over rice and garnish with the green onion.

Bonus: What booze to have with this

• The Wife recommends Redd's Cranberry Ale
• I suggest a Chardonnay in the $3-5 range. 

Good Times!

Too Damned Easy Sausage and Peppers

Man, oh, man does life get in the way. It has been way too long since I've updated my blog. Why? The Spud. The Job. Sinus infections. All the random stuff that stops me from making anything other than the occasional post. So my plan is to dig through all my drafts for blog posts and get them  up, even if it means I don't have all the photos. Take this recipe for instance. This sausage and pepper recipe is a regular feature in our house and yet the only photo I have is of the ingredients. I assure you that they will combine nicely and make a great entree or an exceptional topper for pasta. It's basically a 30 minute recipe and is great for a nice mid-week meal.

Too Damned Easy Sausage & Peppers

Ingredients

• 4 bell peppers, cut into half-inch strips (we used red and orange, but feel free to use green or whatever color you want)
• 1 medium yellow onion, sliced
• 1 pound Italian sausages, cased (sweet, mild, or hot depending on your taste)
• 1 24-ounce can of pasta sauce 
• 4 ounces of mushrooms, sliced (feel free to use canned, since we're keeping it simple)
• 2 cloves garlic, minced (just go ahead and use a couple tablespoons of jarred. At this point we're not really looking for Michelin Stars)
• 3 tablespoons olive oil

Directions

1. Heat olive oil in a large pan.
2. Add the sausages for 5-7 minutes, turning occasionally, until browned. Remove sausages and put them somewhere safe from marauding spouses and animals.
3. Add garlic, peppers, and onions and sautee over medium heat 3-5 minutes, or until veggies start to get tender.
4. Add mushrooms and sautee another 2 minutes or so. 
5. Slice the sausages and add them back to the pan. 
6. Pour in the pasta sauce and bring to a simmer. Simmer for 5-7 minutes.

Good Times!

Too Damned Easy Spicy Orange Chicken and Broccoli

     If I ever made a list of all-time favorite fast-food/carry-out dishes, Panda Express's Orange Chicken would have to be on it. It is so wrong, but so damned right. This recipe is nothing like it, apart from being called "orange chicken." Sorry. The only reason I even made this was because we couldn't figure out what to make for dinner. The Wife wanted pasta, and I just wasn't feeling pasta. Then I remembered a jar of orange marmalade lurking on the top shelf of a cabinet. I had long threatened to use it on something other than toast. Thus, this recipe was born. Possibly the goofiest thing I used in this recipe was Sunny Delight for the sauce. However, it gives you an orange citrus flavor punch that can't be denied. Feel free to use orange juice instead. You could probably even omit the sauce entirely and it would still be fine. I tried it with and without the sauce and enjoyed it both ways. Flavor-wise, I was very pleased with the result. Sweet orange flavor with a nice bit of heat. As always, notes are in blue.

Too Damned Easy
Spicy Orange Chicken
and Broccoli

Ingredients

• 1-1/2 pounds breaded chicken tenders (our local market sells bulk bags of breaded chicken tenders like you get in the cups at Wal-Mart or Casey's gas stations. Sort of like popcorn chicken style.  For a buck or so a pound, they're great. If you can't find them, find something similar. Hell, even Tyson nuggets would work.
• 3/4 cup orange marmalade
• 1 tablespoon Sriracha hot sauce
• 1 pound frozen broccoli

for sauce:

• 1/2 cup Sunny Delight (give or take, depending on how thick you'll want the sauce. Also, feel free to use orange juice if you don't like Sunny D. I thought it added a nice flavor)
• 2 tablespoons corn starch
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
• 2 teaspoons Sriracha hot sauce
• 1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes

Directions

1. Cook chicken according to directions
2. Cook broccoli however you prefer (steaming, microwave, whatever. We just boiled ours for a few minutes)
3. While steps 1 and 2 are going, in a small saucepan, combine all the ingredients for the sauce (if you want it thinner, add a little more liquid.) Cook over medium heat, whisking constantly, until the sauce is your desired consistency (I went for that slightly thick and sticky sauce like you get at Panda Express).
4. Toss hot chicken and broccoli in a large bowl with the marmalade and Sriracha.
5. Add the sauce to the chicken mix and toss again.
6. Serve over white rice.

Good Times!

Too Damned Easy Sausage Gravy

     I wasn't always a fan of biscuits and gravy. In fact, I didn't even know it existed until I went to college and they served it at the cafeteria. Biscuit and gravy day was one of the few weekdays I would get up early. Now I make it at home and don't have to get up early to do it. I don't even have to wear pants. This particular recipe has some heat, as I use plenty of seasoning. It's good on biscuits, crescent rolls, eggs, hash browns, or just about anything breakfasty. It's super fast and easy to make and really dresses up a tube of store-bought biscuit dough.

Too Damned Easy Sausage Gravy

Ingredients

• 1 pound country sausage
• 3 heaping tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 1-3/4 cups milk
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
• 1/4 teaspoon Cajun seasoning
• 1/8 teaspoon cayenne 

Directions

1. In a medium saucepan, brown sausage. Do not drain the grease.
2. Lower the heat to low and add all the other ingredients. Stir until dry ingredients are totally incorporated into the milk. Adjust the milk/flour ratios if the consistency needs work. Just remember you may have to adjust the seasonings to account for increased flour and/or milk. 
3. Once it's the consistency you like, take it off the heat and get it on some biscuits!

Good times!

Too Damned Easy Pickled Cabbage

     Ah, the humble cabbage. Really, there's not a whole lot I can say other than to head into a bunch of cabbage fart jokes. That's too obvious, so we'll get to it. Fermentation is all the rage right now and everybody is fermenting all sorts of things. Unfortunately, I don't follow current trends (as anybody who has seen my wardrobe or listened to my music can attest). I am also lazy and impatient. Fermenting takes time. If I want sauerkraut, I would have to put in the time. That's not happening. Instead, I made this pickled mixture. It's got a nice tang, some big flavor and a bit of a snap. There's room for interpretation, too. This stuff makes a great side dish, or cut up some smoked sausage and mix it in for a gastric bludgeon! By no means do you actually have to boil can this stuff. If you plan on eating it right away, skip steps 4 and 5 and serve it up. I think the extra time gives it some extra flavor. Plus, I like looking at the cans. As always, notes are in blue.

Too Damned Easy
Pickled Cabbage

Ingredients

• 2 medium heads cabbage, cut into 1/2-inch wide ribbons
• 6 banana peppers, sliced into 1/2-inch wide rings (if you want to add a bit of spice, use Hungarian Wax peppers instead)
• 1 medium white onion, quartered and sliced
• 12 peppercorns
• 1 tablespoon fennel seeds
• 1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
• 2 cups cider vinegar (make sure it has 5% acidity)
• 2 cups water

Directions

1. Toss cabbage, peppers and onion in a large bowl. Make sure everything is evenly distributed.
2. In a large, non-reactive pot, combine vinegar, water, peppercorns, red pepper flakes and fennel seeds. Heat to a boil.

   

   We've discussed the issue with non-reactive pots. 

3. Add the vegetables and stir for 3-5 minutes (you want everything mixed in the vinegar. You don't want to overcook the veggies though. They should still have some snap when you can them).
4. With a slotted spoon, load vegetables into quart jars. Top with the hot liquid, leaving 1/4 inch head space (make sure to load the peppercorns, pepper flakes and fennel seeds in there, too. Nothing is wasted here).
5. Seal jars with a canning lid and ring and process in a boiling water bath for 15 minutes. As always, refer to the National Center for Home Food Preservation to see how to not accidentally kill anyone. Properly sealed jars should be good for around a year (don't quote me on that. If you make yourself sick, we never met). 

Good times!

Too Damned Easy Elvis Pie

     Sometimes I get a bit reckless in the kitchen and just start throwing things together. This pie is a prime example. We had a jar of marshmallow cream sitting in the cabinet that had mocked us for far too long. I took it and a couple other ingredients and came up with a damned fine dessert. It got its name due to the fact that it features peanut butter and bananas (sort of. It's banana cream. I would have certainly added banana slices if I had any on hand). I figure you can't go wrong with an Elvis themed dessert.

Too Damned Easy
Elvis Pie

Ingredients

• 1 9" graham cracker pie crust
• 1 can (21 ounce) banana creme pie filling (a lot of people have expressed difficulty in locating this. If you can't find it, make a batch of instant vanilla pudding and cut up a banana or two into it)
• 4 tablespoons marshmallow cream (marshmallow fluff, whatever it is you call it)
• 4 tablespoons creamy peanut butter (make sure the peanut butter is at room temperature or you're going to have a hell of a time trying to spread it over the marshmallow)
• 1/2 cup chocolate chips

Directions

1. Spread a layer of marshmallow cream on the bottom of the pie crust (not the underside or you're in for a lot of disappointment). You're looking for a layer a little over 1/8" thick.
2. Spread a layer of peanut butter over the marshmallow. It should be the same thickness as the marshmallow layer.
3. Dump the can of banana cream pie filling on top and spread it evenly over the peanut butter layer.
4. Sprinkle the chocolate chips over the top.
5. Set in the freezer for about an hour for it to set up.

Yes, I know this is Bruce Campbell, but he makes an excellent Elvis.
Good times!

Too Damned Easy Cookie Stuffed Brownies

     The more I do this whole food blog thing, the more fancy recipes I see. One thing I have always been mystified by is the baking layers inside of layers trick. I always figured it was too complicated to bother with. It never occurred to me that the process could be dumbed down so far that even I could convincingly pull it off using nothing but a couple boxes of mix. It can be done! The Wife was terrified when I went to make these, knowing exactly how bad they would be for us. Naturally, they tasted fantastic and we greedily shoved one after another into our faces. I anticipate you'll do the same. Shovel them into your own face, I mean. It would just be weird if you tried shoveling them into ours. As always, notes are in blue.

Too Damned Easy
Cookie Stuffed Brownies

Ingredients

• 1 - 10 ounce box of store bought chocolate chip cookie mix (ideally the cheapest you can find. I found one on special for 80 cents)
• 1 - 18 ounce box store bought brownie mix (I went with Duncan Hines Dark Chocolate Fudge brownie mix I found on sale for 99 cents. Such a deal!)
• Glass of wine. (You deserve it for putting together a dessert for under two bucks. Take the money you saved and get a couple bottles of Boone's Farm)

Directions

1. In a bowl, prepare cookie dough according to directions on the box. Take 12 teaspoons of dough and roll them into balls. Go ahead and eat the rest of the dough right out of the bowl.
2. In another bowl, prepare brownie batter according to directions on the box (use the "cake" style brownie that uses an extra egg, if they give you that option in the directions. Otherwise, just add another egg and hope for the best)
3. Spray a muffin pan with nonstick cooking spray. Fill each muffin cup with half the brownie batter.
4. Put a ball of cookie dough into each muffin cup, pressing it down into the brownie batter

   

   At this point you would be forgiven for just getting a spoon and eating it as is.

5. Us remaining brownie batter to completely cover the cookie dough in each cup. If there's any brownie batter, go ahead and eat that right out of the bowl, too.
6. Cook according to the directions on the brownie box (for us it was 350 for about 20 minutes), or until a toothpick inserted into the the cup comes out clean.

Good times!

Too Damned Easy Ceviche

     I discovered ceviche at our favorite Mexican restaurant. As you know, I count all of my calories, so I was looking for something that wouldn't break the bank. I found their Ceviche Bowl. It was just vegetables and shrimp with some crackers on the side. I had it and was hooked. I figured there's not much to making it they way they do, so I'd try to make it at home. For the $12 they charged at the restaurant, I can buy enough ingredients to make four! I know that many versions of ceviche use fish that is cooking in the acids of the citrus, but I'm keeping it simple and just parroting what I got in the restaurant. As always, any notes are in blue. 

Too Damned Easy Ceviche

Ingredients

• 12 ounces frozen shrimp, defrosted and tails removed (Don't throw the tails away! Boil them in some water and make yourself some shrimp stock to freeze for another day!)
• 2 avocados, cut into into 3/4" cubes (if you did this without first pitting the avocado and scooping it from the shell, just put everything away and go order a pizza)
• 1/2 large red onion, chopped
• 2 medium roma tomatoes, chopped
• 1 medium cucumber, peeled and diced
• 1 tablespoon lime juice (the stuff from the little plastic lime is fine)
• 2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
• 2 medium jalapenos, diced (if you're a wuss and can't handle the heat, throw the seeds away. If you are a stud like myself, leave them in)
• 1 teaspoon salt (I actually had some pink Himalayan salt on hand and went with that)

Directions

1. Put all ingredients except avocado and salt in a large bowl. Toss to incorporate ingredients (I will not be held responsible for overenthusiastic tossing)
2. Add avocado and sprinkle salt. Lightly toss to incorporate (I held the avocado back because it tends to get mushed up if you toss it too much. Ideally you want the cubes of avocado to remain cube-shaped. This is one of the few times where I actually worry about presentation. To me, ceviche should taste and LOOK clean)
3. Serve up in a small bowl or goblet with nacho chips (or as I've seen in several restaurants, with packs of Saltine crackers)

Good times!

Too Damned Easy Baked Brie and Chutney

     I subscribe to several cooking magazines. Occasionally I will find recipes and make them exactly as described. More often than not, I will modify the recipe to fit what I have in the house and what I am willing to spend money on. Naturally, certain recipes never make it into the rotation because of these restrictions. One recipe in particular involved brie, fruit preserves and puff pastry. I generally don't stock these items. However, as luck would have it, I found very reasonably priced (nine bucks for almost two pounds!) brie at the Sam's Club in town. I didn't feel like looking for the actual recipe, so I decided to wing it with what I had. I grabbed some of my chutney and a tube of ALDI biscuit dough and went to work. The end result was much greater than the sum of its parts. This looked super fancy and tasted amazing. The melted brie mixed with the chutney for a sweet and mild taste. The biscuit dough held it all together perfectly. I hope you enjoy this as much as we did! As always, notes are in blue.

Too Damned Easy
Baked Brie and Chutney

Ingredients

• 6-8 ounce piece of brie, rind removed
• 2 tablespoons roasted pepper and tomato chutney (feel free to use some other chutney or preserve. You're not going to hurt my feelings)
• 1 7.5 ounce tube of buttermilk biscuits

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 400F. Lightly grease a baking sheet.
2. Take half the biscuit dough, wad it up and roll it out big enough that you can lay the brie on and have enough dough to fold up the sides of the brie. 
3. Put the brie on the dough (duh). 
4. Spread the chutney over the top of the brie.
5. Wad up the other half of the dough and roll it out to the same size as the first piece. Lay it over the top. Tuck the bottom dough under the top. Use a sharp knife to make three slashes on the top of the dough (this will vent any steam and makes this look way fancier than it actually is.)
6. Cook for 20-25 minutes or until golden brown. (If you're feeling ultra-fancy, give the dough an egg wash before putting it in the oven)

BONUS: Watch in horror as we make this recipe on YouTube!

Good times!

Too Damned Easy Slow-Cooker BBQ Green Beans and Sausage

     I am so proud of the wife. She finally just chucked aside the recipe books and winged it. She was looking for a green bean recipe for a slow cooker when she suggested adding Italian sausage. Then she made a bold choice and grabbed a half pint of my BBQ jalapenos and onions. The result? A spicy and delicious dish that could serve as a side or even a main course. As always, any notes are in blue.

Too Damned Easy
Slow Cooker BBQ Green Beans and Sausage
via The Wife

Ingredients

• 1 pound green beans (we used fresh that we got out of the garden. The wife just gave them a wash and trim. You could certainly get by with a pound of frozen)
• 1 pound sweet Italian sausage
• 1/2 pint BBQ Jalapenos and Onions

Directions

1. Put green beans into slow cooker
2. Slice sausage into 1" pieces. Fry in a skillet with a bit of oil until brown. Add sausage to slow cooker.
3. Pour BBQ peppers and onions over the top.
4. Cook on HIGH for 4 hours.

Good times!

Salata Horiatiki (Country Greek Salad)

     If there is any one salad I love above all others, it is the Greek salad. The combination of flavors is wonderful. There are a ton of variations on this salad, but this one from The Best Traditional Recipes of Greek Cooking is one of my favorites because it is Too Damned Easy.  It comes together in minutes and is a visually impressive dish. I, personally, would add anchovies to this, but the Wife isn't a huge fan of the little fishies, so I generally leave them off. Other than that, there isn't much I would change here. This is a winner as-is. As always, notes are in blue.

Salata Horaitiki (Country Greek Salad)
via The Best Traditional Recipes of Greek Cookingby Maria Mavromataki

Ingredients

• 3-4 tomatoes
• 2 medium cucumbers, sliced
• 1 onion, sliced
• 5 ounces black olives
• 2 medium green bell peppers, seeded and cut into big pieces
• 2-3 tablespoons red wine vinegar
• 3-4 tablespoons olive oil
• Salt, oregano
• 7 ounces feta cheese, cut into chunks (our ALDI only sells crumbled feta, so that's what we used)

Directions

1. Wash and slice the tomatoes in quarters and place them in a bowl. Add cucumber, onion, olives and peppers
2. Dress the salad with the vinegar, olive oil, salt and oregano
3. Add feta, toss and serve

Good times!

Too Damned Easy Banana Cream Pie

     I enjoy pie. I generally do not enjoy the work required to make pie. I tend to look for shortcuts. This recipe is basically one giant short cut. It made a tasty pie, though. The wife especially liked it frozen entirely through. She just carried the slice around and ate it like a Popsicle.

Too Damned Easy
Banana Cream Pie

Ingredients

• 9" graham cracker pie crust
• 1-20 ounce can banana cream pie filling
• 1 large banana, sliced
• 1 container whipped topping

I hope you weren't expecting something fancy.

Directions

1. Spread a layer of whipped topping along the bottom of the pie crust
2. Add a layer of sliced bananas
3. Spread the banana cream pie filling over the sliced banana layer
4. Add another layer of sliced banana over the top
5. Refrigerate until firm or freeze for a frozen pie
6. Top with more whipped topping

I told you it was too damned easy.
Good times!

Too Damned Easy Stuffing Balls

     Sometimes you come across a recipe of such deceptive simplicity it boggles the mind. Years ago, while visiting friends in Kentucky, we went to a little restaurant called Cloud's Country Cooking in Salvisa. I was intrigued by their special of the day: Dressing Balls with Corn Pudding. I ordered it and was not disappointed. However, every time I came back there, it wasn't on the menu. I was left with no choice but to make them myself. Same for the corn pudding. It turns out the Dressing Balls were easier to replicate than I expected! I used chicken (they used turkey) and I changed up the name to "Stuffing Balls" since stuffing/dressing is a regional distinction. These are a whole lot of fun to serve. There's a lot you could do with these. If you were truly daring, you could even take my Chicken Cordon Bleu Stuffing Casserole and make them into stuffing balls! As always, any notes are in blue.

Too Damned Easy
Stuffing Balls

Ingredients

• 2 boxes pre-packaged stuffing (we generally choose some form of herb mix stuffing)
• 1-1/2 pounds pre-cooked chicken, chopped
• Gravy of your choice (I found a decent gravy recipe on Allrecipes to use)

Directions

1. Prepare stuffing according to directions (we make ours in the microwave as this tends to leave the stuffing damp and mushy, which is what were looking for in this recipe)
2. Throw the chopped chicken into the stuffing. Grab a handful of the chicken and stuffing mix (I hope you waited for the stuffing to cool. This step is hard to do with first and second degree burns on your hands) and form the mixture into a ball roughly the size of a tennis ball. (If you want to be truly fancy, make a pocket in a wad of stuffing and put some chicken in there. Then form a ball around the chicken center. Now you have a sort of Reverse Stuffed Cornish Hen thing going on)
3. Put onto a lightly greased baking sheet and cook at 350F for about 20 minutes. You are looking to create a nice, crunchy outside.

   

   Ready for the oven! Notice the consistent sizing of the stuffing balls.
   That's what happens when you cook after three Jim Beam and Ginger Ales.

4. Move stuffing balls to a plate and top with gravy.

Stuffing Balls with a heaping side of Jalapeno Corn Pudding!
Good Times!

Too Damned Easy Cucumber Tomato Salad

     This is the point in the summer where we start trying to use our garden produce in vast quantities. That's where the wife's recipe for cucumber tomato salad comes into play. This recipe couldn't be any more simple. Just about any tomato will work, but we have been using these orange tomatoes since they are super sweet and mild.

Too Damned Easy
Cucumber Tomato Salad

Ingredients

• 2-3 large cucumbers, sliced
• 1 large onion, cut into about 1” pieces
• 3-4 tomatoes of your choosing, sliced

Vinaigrette:

• 1 cup white vinegar 
• ¾ cup water 
• ¾ cup sugar (or six packets of your favorite carcinogenic sweetener)
• 1 teaspoon salt 
• 1/8 teaspoon black pepper 
• dash cayenne pepper 
• dash parsley 
• dash basil

Directions

1. Mix vinaigrette ingredients in large bowl until sugar is dissolved. 
2. Add vegetables. 
3. Let marinate in refrigerator 1-2 hours.

Good times!

Too Damned Easy Chocolate Pudding Macaroon Pie

     Now that the school year is in full swing, time is of the essence during the week. When I get home, I need dinner to come together in less than an hour if at all possible. I need all the time I can get to focus on unwinding, smoking cigars and drinking bourbon in preparation for the next day. It is this time-consciousness that has caused me to start writing these "Too Damned Easy" recipes. Some of these recipes may seem ridiculous in their simplicity, but you'll thank me when you are able to put together a decent meal after work that doesn't take much time or effort. These are recipes that you should have all the ingredients for at any given time. Okay, maybe you won't have macaroons on hand. Get creative. Bust up whatever cookies are laying around. Throw some Cap'n Crunch in there. Get crazy. As always, any notes are in blue.

Too Damned Easy
Chocolate Pudding Macaroon Pie

Ingredients

• 9" graham cracker pie crust (store bought. If you're making it from scratch here, you're missing the point of this recipe)
• 10-12 macaroons of your favorite flavor, broken up into small bits (for whatever reason, I had a can of cappuccino macaroons, so that's what I used)
•  1 box instant chocolate pudding
• Milk for instant pudding
• Whipped topping, optional (I had better not find out you made it from scratch. You'd better be busting out a container of Cool Whip. I would have used it, but I didn't have any in the house and I sure as hell wasn't making a special trip to the store for a throw-together dessert)

Directions

1. Take broken-up macaroons and lay them in an even layer in the pie crust. 

   

   Like so.
   I assure you, no matter how much that looks like ground beef, it is actually cappuccino macaroons in there.

2. Make the chocolate pudding according to the instructions on the box (this is where you double check that you're using INSTANT pudding or you're going to be sorely disappointed later when you have a bowl of chocolate macaroon soup)
3. Pour the pudding into the pie crust, making sure to completely cover the macaroons.
4. Refrigerate for at least an hour. Top with whipped topping when serving.

Good times!

Too Damned Easy Utilitarian Tuna Salad

     Everybody should have a couple recipes in their personal repertoires that are super easy to put together. Something that takes virtually no effort. I'm talking something you should be able to do blindfolded.

Like this, except cooking blindfolded would be an actual useful skill.

     For me, one of those recipes is tuna salad. I picked this recipe up from watching my mom make it. It's not exactly like hers. My mom makes it with a bit more Miracle Whip, so it's creamier. She also likes to put in a chopped hard-boiled egg. This particular tuna salad does very well on sandwiches and leaves plenty of room to mess around with the recipe. Add, subtract, do what you want. If you don't already have a go-to tuna salad recipe, this should be a solid template to work from. As always any notes will be in blue.

Too Damned Easy Utilitarian
Tuna Salad

Ingredients

• 1 rib celery, diced small
• 1/2 large or 1 medium sweet onion, diced
• 3 cans tuna in water, drained
• 3 tablespoons mayonnaise (or Miracle Whip, or whatever ersatz mayo substitute you enjoy)
• 1 teaspoon pickle relish
• 1/2 teaspoon yellow mustard
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
• 3 dashes Worcestershire sauce
• 1 chopped hard-boiled egg, optional
• salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. Combine all ingredients in a large bowl. Stir until all ingredients are combined (that's it. There is literally nothing more to preparing this recipe).  

Good times!