Too Damned Easy Vodka Sauce with Peppers

I find myself apologizing more than anything on this page. Work and life have most definitely gotten in the way of keeping up with my food pages. My school keeps switching between fully remote and hybrid learning, so I'm constantly shifting gears. The Wife's school has voted to go back to 4 days a week with full classrooms despite the fact that positivity numbers are through the roof. We've moved the Spud back to fully remote since her school will no longer guarantee social distancing of any kind. I won't even go into the nightmare of election anxiety. It's just been a shitstorm and I forgot about one of my core coping therapies: cooking. I got myself into the kitchen yesterday and I threw this recipe together from scratch. I may be falling apart at the seams mentally, but this was just the best vodka sauce I've ever had. I don't normally crow about my own cooking, but this was restaurant good. And I'm not talking Olive Garden. I'm talking a real Italian restaurant. Anyways, it was delicious and I hope you'll enjoy it as much as we did. Everybody take care and be well. As always, notes are in blue.

Too Damned Easy Vodka Sauce with Peppers

Ingredients

• 1 yellow bell pepper, diced
• 1 red bell pepper, diced (there's nothing stopping you from using 2 of one color, or even green, if you prefer)
• 1/2 yellow onion, chopped
• 5 cloves garlic, minced
• 3 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 can, 28 ounces, crushed tomatoes
  
• 2 ounces vodka (omit if you don't do alcohol, but then it's not vodka sauce anymore)
• 1 tablespoon dried oregano
• 1 teaspoon dried basil
• 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes
• salt and pepper to taste
• 1/2 cup heavy cream

Directions

1. In a pot (I used a 5 quart enameled Dutch oven), heat olive oil over medium high heat. 
2. When oil is heated, add peppers, onion, and garlic. Sautee for 5-8 minutes until the onions are translucent and the peppers still have just a bit of snap left in them. Take care not to let the garlic or anything else burn.
3. Add the tomatoes, vodka, oregano, basil, red pepper flakes, salt and pepper. Simmer for about 10 minutes.
4. Stir in heavy cream. Remove from heat and serve over pasta of your choice. 

Good times!

Orange Whip Pie

     I think everybody has a few boxes of Jell-O that have been sitting in their cabinet for untold years. In my case, it was orange flavored. I don't even like orange Jell-O. I don't know how it got there. Fortunately, I found a recipe that used it! This recipe is phenomenally easy and quite tasty. I've made a few modifications, the most notable is the use of a pie crust in the pie mix. This is because I'm cack-handed and managed to bust the first crust while loading it with filling. I just dumped everything back in the bowl and crushed up the crust in it. I feel it added a nice bit of texture to the filling! I also give the option of adding some booze to make it more true to the beverage for which it's named. If you're interested here's a bonus recipe:

Orange Whip
- 4 ounces orange juice

- 1 ounce rum

- 1 ounce vodka

- 2 ounces cream

Blend with immersion blender until thick and frothy. Serve over ice in a Collins glass

     This recipe is also flexible if you don't like orange. You could easily leave out all the orange stuff and swap in cherry Jell-O and maybe use a bit of vanilla extract. Anyways, I served it and it was a hit with all three people (The Wife, The Mother-in-Law and The Spud) who tried it. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Orange Whip Pie
adapted from Velvety Orange Gelatin Pie (which is a terrible name)
via Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals

Ingredients

• 1 package (.3 ounce orange gelatin)
• 1/2 cup boiling water
• 1 can (14 ounces) sweetened condensed milk
• 1 cup lo-fat sour cream
• 3 tablespoons fresh grated orange peel (too lazy to grate oranges. I used 2 teaspoons dried orange peel)
• 1 8-ounce carton whipped topping (you know, Cool-Whip)
• 1/4 teaspoon orange extract
• 1 nine inch graham cracker pie crust (just go and buy one. They're like a dollar)
• another 9" pie crust, or 6-8 decent sized graham crackers, crushed. 
• If you're feeling adventurous and want the true Orange Whip experience:
  1 ounce vodka
  1 ounce rum
  If you use booze, use a little less water

Directions

1. In a large bowl, dissolve gelatin in boiling water. 
2. Stir in milk, sour cream, orange peel (and the booze if you're using it)
3. Fold in whipped topping (and the crushed graham cracker if you're doing it my way. The Right way)
4. Spoon into crust. Cover and refrigerate for at least 4 hours.

Good Times!

Sparkling Basil Lemonade via BHG

     The Wife found a punch bowl and set of cups at a garage sale years ago and it has sat quietly in a cabinet since the day of purchase. On several occasions she has threatened to use it, but never had until now. We were having a party for our 10th wedding anniversary and she was determined to find a way to use the punch bowl. She searched around and found a recipe from Better Homes and Gardens. The original recipe called for jalapeno slices, but she figured that might be a little off-putting for our guests so she made an executive decision to replace them with lemon slices. It was the right decision. The basil and lemon made for a refreshing and delicious drink that benefited greatly from the addition of vodka! She did a double batch and we were only left with maybe a pint after the party. This recipe will definitely be made again. As always, any changes and notes are in blue.

Sparkling Basil Lemonade
via Better Homes and Gardens

Ingredients

• 4 cups water
• 3 cups sugar
• 2 cups fresh basil leaves (about 1-1/2 ounces) (we used a combo of lemon basil and regular basil)
• 2 1 liter bottlesclub soda, chilled
• 2 cups lemon juice (we used bottled lemon juice)
• Ice cubes
• 1 fresh jalapeno chile pepper, sliced* (omitted, replaced with thin lemon slices)
• Fresh basil leaves
• Vodka

Directions

1. For basil syrup, in a large saucepan combine water, sugar, and basil. Bring to boiling over medium-high heat. Reduce heat. Simmer, uncovered, for 20 minutes. Strain syrup and discard leaves. Cover and chill syrup for 2 to 24 hours (totally forgot how long the syrup needed to chill. It got thrown in the freezer for about an hour)
2. For lemonade, in a very large punch bowl combine chilled syrup, club soda, and lemon juice. Serve over ice and garnish with jalapeno slices (lemon slices in our case) and fresh basil leaves.

Good times!

Wife's Choice Bloody Mary Mix

     The Wife isn't a big drinker, but she does enjoy a Bloody Mary something fierce. This is fortuitous considering the vast overstock of tomatoes we are enjoying right now. We've long considered juicing the tomatoes, but I felt that was a fairly boring way to use up produce. Once we decided on a format that worked well with booze, my opinion changed. This particular mix has just enough of a kick without being overly spicy. It pairs wonderfully well with bison grass vodka, but feel free to use your vodka of choice. A pepper or bacon vodka would probably be great here as well. As always, any notes will be in blue.

Wife's Choice Bloody Mary Mix

Ingredients

• Around 6-7 pounds of tomatoes (enough to make 2-3 quarts of juice)
• 2-1/2 teaspoons dill weed
• 2-1/2 teaspoons celery seed
• 1-1/4 teaspoons fresh cracked black pepper
• 2-1/2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
• 1-1/4 teaspoons Tabasco sauce
• 1-1/2 teaspoons salt
• Lemon juice
• Salt

Directions

1. Run tomatoes through a mill to juice them. Run the pulp through the mill a second time to get all possible juice from the tomatoes (if you have a juicer, even better. We used the food mill attachment for the Kitchenaid)
2. Pour the juice into a large non-reactive pot. Bring to a low boil and reduce to a simmer; add all the seasonings and stir well (feel free to adjust seasonings to taste. You're not going to hurt my feelings)
3. Using quart jars, put 1 teaspoon of lemon juice and 1/2 teaspoon salt in each jar. Fill jar with Bloody Mary mix to within 1/2" of top. 
4. Seal jars and process in boiling water bath for 45 minutes. Remove to a wire rack to cool and wait for the rewarding "thunk" noise when they seal up for good. (As always, if you're not familiar or comfortable with canning, you should head over to the National Center for Home Food Preservation and read up on canning. Remember: if you poison yourself, it's totally not my fault)

BONUS RECIPE:

Bison Grass Bloody Mary

1. In a pint glass filled about 1/4 with ice, add 1-1/2 ounces of Sobieski Bison Grass Vodka (unflavored vodka will obviously work, but the bison grass adds a nice earthy and herbal flavor that works perfectly with the Bloody Mary mix)
2. Top glass with Bloody Mary mix; stir
3. Garnish with a piece of celery

Good times!

Middle Class Bartending: Pumpkin Cocktails

     The holiday season is fast approaching, and that can mean only one thing: Heavy Drinking. There is going to be a lot of interaction with all sorts of relatives and friends and booze can make that interaction go smoothly. At the very least you won't remember if it didn't. In honor of the arrival of fall, I present to you two pumpkin themed cocktails that are very popular in my home.

Pumpkin Nog

Ingredients

• 1.5 parts Vanilla Vodka
• .5 parts Pumpkin Schnapps
• 2 parts Pumpkin Liqueur
• Nutmeg (optional)

Directions

1. Pour all ingredients into a cocktail shaker with ice
2. Shake and drain into an Old Fashioned glass
3. Float a small dusting of ground nutmeg on the surface (optional)

The VanPelt*

Ingredients

• 1 part Vanilla Vodka
• 1 part Pumpkin Schnapps
• Cinnamon (optional)

Directions

1. Pour all ingredients into a cocktail shaker with ice
2. Shake and drain into a martini glass
3. Float a very small dusting of of cinnamon on the surface (optional)

*I absolutely refuse to tag the suffix "-tini" onto any cocktail. No, I can't tag it on "Martini" because then it would be "Martinitini." If you are drinking some neon drink with a slab of fruit hanging off of it, and a cutesy name and "-tini" slapped on to it, you likely belong to a demographic I do not.

Good times!

Middle aged, single and desperate? That's what I'm talking about!

Good times!