Altoids Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream

     Every now and then I get wild hair and decide to drag out the old ice cream maker. There's a pretty good recipe for vanilla custard ice cream in there that I used as the base of this recipe. I had a taste for mint chocolate chip. I had the chocolate chips, but no mint. I don't really keep that kind of extract in the house. I do, however, keep Altoids. I read somewhere that you can substitute crushed Altoids when you need mint. That's what I did. I crushed up some Altoids and added green food coloring for that unmistakable "Shamrock Shake Green" tint. This made for some fantastic ice cream. It's a bit of a P.I.T.A. to make. If you want ice cream fast, just head to the Dairy Queen. Pick me up a Dilly Bar while you're there. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Altoids Mint Chocolate Chip
Ice Cream

Ingredients

• 1/4 cup sugar
• 4 egg yolks (I really despise having to de-yolk the eggs. It means I end up having to find stuff to do with the whites)
• 1-1/4 cups milk
• 1-1/4 cups whipping cream
• 1-1/2 teaspoons vanilla
• 1/2 cup mini chocolate chips (use more if you'd like. 1/2 cup of chips isn't really visible, but they're in there!)
• 10 drops green food coloring
• 10 crushed peppermint Altoids (Yes. Altoids. Just trust me on this)

Directions

1. Beat egg yolks and sugar until light (I started making this around noon, so it was already light. I guess I was supposed to start this sometime after sunset). Add the crushed Altoids to the milk and heat the milk to just boiling. Slowly beat the milk into the egg/sugar mix (be careful that the milk isn't too hot or it's going to cook the eggs when you pour it in. Also, don't dump it all in at once. That's bad, too. Or so I've heard. I don't make mistakes like that).
2. Pour the mixture into a saucepan and cook, stirring constantly until thick enough to coat the back of a spoon (this takes a while. Be patient. Have a glass of wine or six). Cool completely. 
3. Add the whipping cream and vanilla to the custard. Combine thoroughly. Refrigerate until cold.
4. Toss the mixture in the ice cream maker of your choice. Once it starts mixing, add the food coloring and chocolate chips. Process about 30 minutes. Throw it in the freezer if you want it a bit harder. (Take note of the fact that I took the moral high ground and did not make an obvious erection joke.)

Good times!

UPDATE: This was just too good looking not to add to the post.

Too Damned Easy Elvis Pie

     Sometimes I get a bit reckless in the kitchen and just start throwing things together. This pie is a prime example. We had a jar of marshmallow cream sitting in the cabinet that had mocked us for far too long. I took it and a couple other ingredients and came up with a damned fine dessert. It got its name due to the fact that it features peanut butter and bananas (sort of. It's banana cream. I would have certainly added banana slices if I had any on hand). I figure you can't go wrong with an Elvis themed dessert.

Too Damned Easy
Elvis Pie

Ingredients

• 1 9" graham cracker pie crust
• 1 can (21 ounce) banana creme pie filling (a lot of people have expressed difficulty in locating this. If you can't find it, make a batch of instant vanilla pudding and cut up a banana or two into it)
• 4 tablespoons marshmallow cream (marshmallow fluff, whatever it is you call it)
• 4 tablespoons creamy peanut butter (make sure the peanut butter is at room temperature or you're going to have a hell of a time trying to spread it over the marshmallow)
• 1/2 cup chocolate chips

Directions

1. Spread a layer of marshmallow cream on the bottom of the pie crust (not the underside or you're in for a lot of disappointment). You're looking for a layer a little over 1/8" thick.
2. Spread a layer of peanut butter over the marshmallow. It should be the same thickness as the marshmallow layer.
3. Dump the can of banana cream pie filling on top and spread it evenly over the peanut butter layer.
4. Sprinkle the chocolate chips over the top.
5. Set in the freezer for about an hour for it to set up.

Yes, I know this is Bruce Campbell, but he makes an excellent Elvis.
Good times!

Too Damned Easy Cookie Stuffed Brownies

     The more I do this whole food blog thing, the more fancy recipes I see. One thing I have always been mystified by is the baking layers inside of layers trick. I always figured it was too complicated to bother with. It never occurred to me that the process could be dumbed down so far that even I could convincingly pull it off using nothing but a couple boxes of mix. It can be done! The Wife was terrified when I went to make these, knowing exactly how bad they would be for us. Naturally, they tasted fantastic and we greedily shoved one after another into our faces. I anticipate you'll do the same. Shovel them into your own face, I mean. It would just be weird if you tried shoveling them into ours. As always, notes are in blue.

Too Damned Easy
Cookie Stuffed Brownies

Ingredients

• 1 - 10 ounce box of store bought chocolate chip cookie mix (ideally the cheapest you can find. I found one on special for 80 cents)
• 1 - 18 ounce box store bought brownie mix (I went with Duncan Hines Dark Chocolate Fudge brownie mix I found on sale for 99 cents. Such a deal!)
• Glass of wine. (You deserve it for putting together a dessert for under two bucks. Take the money you saved and get a couple bottles of Boone's Farm)

Directions

1. In a bowl, prepare cookie dough according to directions on the box. Take 12 teaspoons of dough and roll them into balls. Go ahead and eat the rest of the dough right out of the bowl.
2. In another bowl, prepare brownie batter according to directions on the box (use the "cake" style brownie that uses an extra egg, if they give you that option in the directions. Otherwise, just add another egg and hope for the best)
3. Spray a muffin pan with nonstick cooking spray. Fill each muffin cup with half the brownie batter.
4. Put a ball of cookie dough into each muffin cup, pressing it down into the brownie batter

   

   At this point you would be forgiven for just getting a spoon and eating it as is.

5. Us remaining brownie batter to completely cover the cookie dough in each cup. If there's any brownie batter, go ahead and eat that right out of the bowl, too.
6. Cook according to the directions on the brownie box (for us it was 350 for about 20 minutes), or until a toothpick inserted into the the cup comes out clean.

Good times!

Loaded Oatmeal Cookies

     Sometimes you find recipes in odd places. This particular recipe came by way of a book I found at a garage sale last fall. When I dropped fifty cents on Southern Recipes and Legends, I didn't expect to find any real gems. Mostly I thought the legends would be fun to read. Once you get past the shaky editing, you start to find some recipes that are genuine winners. A particularly good one was for Bonnie Doone Plantation Thanksgiving Cookies. That's a hell of a mouthful to say. The cookies are also a hell of a mouthful. They are packed with all sorts of goodies. There's chocolate, oats, cranberries, raisins, walnuts (if you want them). I wound up renaming them Loaded Oatmeal Cookies. They are super easy to make and the recipe yields over 3 dozen cookies. As always, any notes and changes are in blue.

Loaded Oatmeal Cookies
aka Bonnie Doone Plantation Thanksgiving Cookies
via Southern Recipes and Legends by Nancy Rhyne

Ingredients

• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 3/4 cup brown sugar
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 egg
• 2-1/2 cups rolled oats
• 1 cup raisins
• 2 cups cranberries, pitted and mashed slightly (we substituted 1 cup of craisins)
• 1 cup chocolate chips
• 1 cup melted butter
• 1 cup chopped walnuts (omitted)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F (190F, Gasmark 5)
2. Combine all ingredients (I certainly hope you have a Kitchenaid or something similar, because this batter will be stiff. Mixing it by hand is going to be a chore). 
3. Drop by teaspoon (I assure you, you don't want to do this. Go by tablespoons. You'll still end up with 40 or so cookies) onto a greased cookie sheet. 
4. Bake for 10-12 minutes (this is pretty accurate. Do not go by the consistency of the tops of the cookies; they will be very soft right out of the oven. Lift one up and check the bottom. If it's golden brown, it's done. The cookie will set up once it cools off).

Good times!

Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookies

     I don't know why I don't bake cookies more often. Actually, I know exactly why: the wife and I tend to stand in the kitchen and stuff them mindlessly into our faces until we swell up like ticks. Fortunately, I've got my trusty copy of Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals to hook me up with 90 calorie cookies! If you like the chocolate/peanut butter combo, these are right up your alley. The peanut butter flavor really comes through. If you wanted to really do peanut butter overload, you could always swap in peanut butter chips! As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookies
via Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals

Ingredients

• 1 cup chunky peanut butter (I used creamy. Fair warning, if you use natural peanut butter, the batter will be extremely oily. This is nothing to worry about; the cookies will come out fine)
• 1/4 cup canola oil (I used corn oil)
• 3/4 cup packed brown sugar
• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 2 eggs
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/3 cup baking cocoa
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup miniature chocolate chips (I used full sized and learned why I shouldn't. The cookies are pretty small. Full sized chips tend to just fall out when you're scooping the dough. Either make the cookies bigger or use the miniature chips).

Directions

1. In a large mixing bowl, combine peanut butter and oil. Add brown sugar and white sugar; mix well. Add vanilla an eggs; mix well (I did all the mixing in the Kitchenaid).
2. In  another bowl, combine flour, cocoa, baking soda and salt. Add to peanut butter mixture; mix until blended. Dough will be sticky (as I said, my dough was more oily than sticky). Stir in chocolate chips.
3. Drop by rounded teaspoons 2 inches apart on ungreased baking sheets. Flatten slightly with a glass (I have made these cookies three times and only now have I noticed the part with the glass. Obviously, you can just skip that. No need to dirty a glass unless it's to put booze in it).
4. Bake at 350F (180C, Gasmark 4) for 8-10 minutes or until set and tops are cracked (if you want a softer cookie, take them out at 8 minutes. If you prefer a crunchy cookie, go the full 10) Cool for 2 minutes before removing to wire racks (no fooling with this part. When the cookies come out, it's going to look like they're not done. They will be notably soft. They will firm up during the cooling).

Good times!

Chocolate Chip Banana Muffins

     I am a sucker for deals. One of my favorite deals is the sack of ripe bananas at the grocery store. They will pack nearly 3 pounds of ripe bananas into a sack and charge you one dollar. How can I walk past that? Most of the time we end up dehydrating them for banana chips. Sometimes they end up in banana bread. This time they ended up in muffins with chocolate chips. The recipe for these muffins came from my much abused copy of Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals. These muffins came out great. They were moist with a great banana flavor. These will serve as a great quick breakfast during the work week. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Chocolate Chip Banana Muffins 
via Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals

Ingredients

• 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 3/4 cup whole wheat flour
• 1/2 cup wheat bran (this is on the master list of Shit That Is Never In My Pantry. I substituted with 1/2 cup additional whole wheat flour)
• 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
• 3/4 teaspoon baking powder (am I the only one who repeats "baking powder, baking powder" to themselves as they walk to the pantry, then come back to the counter with baking soda anyway?)
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2 eggs, lightly beaten
• 1/4 cup fat-free milk (you might as well just use water at that point. I used 2%)
• 1-1/3 cup (2-3 medium sized) mashed ripe bananas 
• 1/3 cup unsweetened applesauce (we used our own homemade applesauce, which is sweetened. I see no harm in sweetened applesauce here unless you have a dietary concern about the additional sugar)
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/2 cup miniature chocolate chips (we used an additional 1/4 cup, but did not add it to the batter. We stuffed those chips in our faces as we made these muffins)
• 1/3 cup chopped pecans (omitted. We're not huge fans of nutty breads or muffins)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F (190C, Gasmark 5)
2. In a large bowl, combine the first seven ingredients (don't think I didn't consider being an asshole and listing the ingredients out of order up top just to screw things up. I didn't. Or did I?)
3. In another bowl, combine the egg and milk; stir in the bananas, applesauce and vanilla. Stir into dry ingredients until moistened. Stir in chocolate chips. 
4. Coat muffin pans with nonstick cooking spray; fill 3/4 full with batter. Sprinkle with pecans (if using pecans. Otherwise just jam another handful of chocolate chips into your mouth)
5. Bake for 18-22 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean (this time ours finished in 20 minutes. Cooking times may vary). Cool for 5 minutes before removing from pan to a wire rack.

Good times!

Butterscotch Maple Chocolate Chip Layer Cake

     I'm not sure what came over me when I did this. I was all of a sudden consumed with the idea of making a layer cake. I grabbed a box of cake mix and decided to screw around with it. Naturally, I added booze. Maple Crown Royal has become a staple in my kitchen. Then I decided to do something different. If you haven't heard of Inbru, you need to check it out. It's a totally natural coffee flavoring made from California rice hulls.

Prepare to be amazed with the power of SCIENCE!

You just add them to your coffee grounds while brewing and *POOF!* your coffee is flavored for zero calories. I had heard rumors that you could use Inbru in baking, so I gave it a try. I added their Butterscotch Drop flavor. It worked wonderfully. You could smell the aroma of Butterscotch throughout the house. It imparted a fantastic flavor to the cake. If you're patient and let the cake sit a while, the flavor deepens and really adds a fantastic dimension to a plain old yellow cake. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Butterscotch Maple
Chocolate Chip Layer Cake

Ingredients
Cake

• 1 box yellow cake mix
• substitute 1/4 cup water from the cake mix with Maple Crown Royal
• 2 teaspoons Inbru Butterscotch Drop coffee flavoring
• 1/2 cup miniature chocolate chips

Chocolate Buttercream Frosting (I got this recipe from Sweet Savory Life. Definitely check out the page, there's lots of great stuff to be found! The recipe yields around 3 cups, which is way more then you'll need unless you have a heavy hand with the frosting. I had about a cup left over)

• 1 cup unsalted butter (2 sticks or ½ pound), softened (but not melted!)
• 3½ cups confectioners (powdered) sugar
• ½ cup cocoa powder
• ½ teaspoon table salt
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract or 1 teaspoon almond extract (I went with vanilla)
• 4 tablespoons milk or heavy cream (I used milk. I figured it was plenty rich already)

Directions

Frosting

1. Cream butter for a few minutes in a mixer with the paddle attachment on medium speed. Turn off the mixer. Sift 3 cups powdered sugar and cocoa into the mixing bowl. Turn your mixer on the lowest speed (so the dry ingredients do not blow everywhere) until the sugar and cocoa are absorbed by the butter. Increase mixer speed to medium and add vanilla extract, salt, and milk/cream and beat for 3 minutes. If your frosting needs a more stiff consistency, add a little more sugar. If your frosting needs to be thinned out, add additional milk 1 tablespoon at a time.

Cake

1. Begin preparing cake according to directions on box. Remember to swap 1/4 cup of the Crown in for the water. 
2. While batter is mixing, add the Inbru. 
3. Add the chocolate chips and mix until they are distributed through the batter.
4. Divide the batter between two greased 9" cake pans.
5. Cook cakes according to directions on box.
6. When cakes have cooled, remove from pans. (Be patient here. The chocolate chips will make the bottoms stick to the pan a bit. Give it time and you'll get the cakes out without destroying them). Here's where things become difficult. With a good, long bread knife, cut horizontally across one of the cakes to remove the rounded top. Spread a layer of frosting across the flat surface.

   

   Try to cut as level as possible or you get a slightly lopsided cake.
   Just like mine!

7. Lay the other cake on top of the frosted layer. Frost the sonofabitch! Give it a couple hours before you eat it to really let the butterscotch flavor develop!

Good times!

Chocolate Concoction

     Slow-cooker cook books often have recipes that are a bit sketchy health-wise. Often they are packed with sodium to the point of causing a cardiac event at the dinner table. Every now and then you come across a slow-cooker cook book that is full of hilariously unhealthy recipes. Gooseberry Patch Super Fast Slow Cooking is one of those books. Recipe after recipe is absolutely packed with salt and sugar. I love this book. Most of the meals will cause me to gain 4-7 pounds in water from a single meal. While this recipe is not packed with sodium, it is a fat and sugar bomb. If you're counting calories, you'll need a scientific calculator for this one. It is phenomenally rich; we can only eat about three forkfuls before we need a drink of water to move it along. As always, any notes and changes are in blue.

Chocolate Concoction
via Gooseberry Patch Super Fast Slow Cooking

Ingredients

• 1 box 18.25 ounce devil's food cake mix
• 16 ounce container sour cream (we tried to mitigate the damage of this dessert by using low fat sour cream)
• 3.9 ounce package instant chocolate pudding mix (more damage control here by using sugar-free pudding mix)
• 1-1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
• 4 eggs, beaten
• 1 cup water
• Optional: French vanilla ice cream (if you're having ice cream with this, you might as well just go ahead and stab yourself in the pancreas)

Directions

1. Beat all ingredients (except ice cream, if using) until smooth.
2. Pour into a slow cooker that has been sprayed with non-stick vegetable spray.
3. Cover and cook on LOW for 6-8 hours
4. Serve with ice cream if you really hate yourself.

Good times!

Marbled Chocolate Cheesecake Bars

     It's been a while since I've dug into my trusty copy of Taste of Home Every Day Light Meals for something other than a bread recipe. This particular dessert was very rich, closing in on a touch heavy. Don't get me wrong, it was damned good. Just have a glass of milk or bourbon or something to help it on its way. The recipe called for egg whites, but I wasn't feeling that and just used whole eggs. It seemed to work out fine. As always, any changes or notes are in blue.

Marbled Chocolate Cheesecake Bars
via Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals

Ingredients

• 3/4 cup water
• 1/3 cup butter
• 1-1/2 squares (1-1/2 ounces) unsweetened chocolate (we used 2 ounces because I didn't feel like breaking the piece in half. I'm lazy like that)
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1-1/2 cups packed brown sugar
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 egg
• 1 egg white (I didn't really want a bunch of leftover yolks, I just omitted this)
• 1/2 cup reduced fat sour cream (we used Greek yogurt)

Cream cheese mixture:

• 1 package (8 ounces) reduced fat cream cheese (as always, we went with Neufchatel)
• 1/3 cup sugar
• 1 egg white (didn't feel like separating eggs, we just used another entire egg)
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• 1 cup (6 ounces) miniature semi-sweet chocolate chips

Directions

1. In a small saucepan, combine water, butter and chocolate. Cook and stir over low heat until melted; stir until smooth. Allow to cool.
2. In a large mixing bowl, combine the flour, brown sugar, baking soda and salt. Add egg, egg white (if using) and sour cream. Beat on low speed until just combined (I used the Kitchenaid, any electric mixer will do. You can do it by hand if you're feeling particularly industrious). Stir in chocolate mixture until smooth.
3. In another mixing bowl, beat cream cheese, sugar, egg white (or just egg if you're hardcore like me) and vanilla; set aside.
4. Spread chocolate batter into a 15"x10"x1" baking pan coated with non-stick cooking spray. Drop the cream cheese mixture by tablespoonfuls (that doesn't sound right. Tablespoonsful? This is going to bother me) over batter. Cut through batter with a knife to swirl (Protip: read the recipe all the way through. I generally do not. Which is why I ended with a nice layer of cream cheese right across the top of the cake. It still tasted good, though). Sprinkle with chocolate chips.
5. Bake at 375F for 20-25 minutes (we went 25 minutes) or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean. Cool on a wire rack.

Good times!

Tiramisu Parfaits

     I really need to start posting more dessert recipes. Dessert is the final challenge of the meal! For my father-in-law's birthday, the wife and I cooked him Italian pinwheel rolls, linguine with white clam sauce, escalope of chicken, and zucchini boats. He made a herculean effort to get through dinner, finishing off a big helping of everything. Then came dessert. Like a champ, he powered through it, leaving nothing but a napkin stuffed into the glass. It's subtle signs like that which let you know a recipe is a good one! This particular recipe is another winner from Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Tiramisu Parfaits
via Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals

Ingredients

• 4-1/2 teaspoons instant coffee granules
• 1/3 cup boiling water
• 2 cups cold fat-free milk (2% for me, same as always)
• 2 packages (1 ounce each) sugar-free instant vanilla pudding mix
• 4 ounces fat-free cream cheese
• 1 package (3 ounces) ladyfingers, split and cubed (could not find the soft kind ANYWHERE. We used half a package of the cookie-style ladyfingers. It was about 3.5 ounces.)
• 2 cups fat-free whipped topping (we used an entire tub of Cool-Whip. That's like 2 cups, right?)
• 2 tablespoons miniature chocolate chips (not only were the chips not mini, I didn't measure them either. I just sprinkled them completely at will)
• 1 teaspoon baking cocoa (again, I didn't measure. I just eyeballed it)

Directions

1. Dissolve coffee in boiling water; cool to room temperature.
2. In a large bowl, whisk milk and pudding mixes for 2 minutes.
3. In a larger mixing bowl, beat cream cheese until smooth (you're also going to want to make sure the cream cheese isn't cold. It needs to be a bit soft for this to work) Gradually fold in the pudding. (this recipe doesn't mention that the cream cheese does not easily incorporate into the pudding. It sort of breaks up into little balls. I had to put this all in the Kitchenaid with the whisk attachment and whisk the crap out of it for 2-3 minutes. It eventually blended smoothly)
4. Place ladyfinger cubes in a bowl; add coffee and toss to coat evenly. Let stand for 5 minutes. Divide half of the ladyfinger cubes among five (may vary depending on size of glasses) parfait glasses or serving dishes. Top with half of the pudding mixture, 1 cup of whipped topping and 1 tablespoon of chocolate chips. Repeat layers.
5. Cover and refrigerate for 8 hours or overnight. Just before serving, dust with cocoa.

Good times!