Bulgogi Style Pickled Eggs and Sausage

Boy, oh boy do we love pickled eggs. Everyone in the house adores them. The Spud would fight you for pickled eggs. She'd go Cool Hank Luke on pickled eggs. I've made them several different ways without a miss. I figured everyone in the house enjoys bulgogi, so I would use many of the same ingredients in making this batch. You really need to let these sit (IN THE FRIDGE) for minimum two weeks before the flavor really gets in the eggs. Throw these on the next charcuterie board to make a statement. Turn them into so diabolical deviled eggs. Or just pound them straight from the jar. Enjoy!

Bulgogi Style Pickled Eggs and Sausages

Ingredients

• 2 dozen eggs
• 2 cups white vinegar
• 1 cup water
• 2 tablespoons gochujang
• 2 teaspoons garlic salt
• 1 teaspoon grated ginger
• 2 teaspoons garlic powder
• 1 tablespoon soy sauce 
• 1 teaspoons sesame oil
• 1 teaspoon brown sugar
• 1 large white onion, halved and sliced
• 1 pack (12-16 ounces) smoked sausage, cut into 1" slices
• 2 empty sanitized quart jars with lids (or one half gallon jar if you have one)

Directions

1. Boil and peel the eggs using whatever method you think works best (regardless of the method used, 30% of my eggs always look like they were peeled with a shotgun).
2. In a pot, combine everything but the onion and sausage and bring to a boil. Remove from heat.
3. In each jar, start by putting down a layer of 3-4 eggs. Then add a layer of onion and sausage pieces. Repeat until about 1/2" from the top of the jar. (There is a very real possibility you won't be able to fit a full dozen eggs in the quart jar. I think we were able to get 10-11 eggs per jar. We lost a couple during boiling and The Spud stole at least one. However, you will be guaranteed that only the best looking eggs go in.)
4. Carefully pour the liquid into the jar until everything is submerged. Put on the lid and let cool. 
5. Once the jar has cooled, store in the refrigerator for at least two weeks before eating.

Good Times!

Cranberry-Apple Kugel

Kugel is one of those dishes I remember fondly from childhood. My grandmother would make it occasionally and it was always a treat. I took her recipe and changed it up to make it a little more Winter seasonable. The end result is a sweet and tart kugel that is the perfect end to most meals. The bonus of this recipe is that you can fine every ingredient at ALDI. The Fried Apples may be a problem outside of the fall/winter season, but there's workarounds. If you've had kugel before, this is a nice change from the raisin/pineapple you may be used to. If you've never had kugel before, you're in for a treat. As always, notes are in blue.

Cranberry-Apple Kugel

Ingredients

• 1 lb. wide egg noodles
• 4 cups fresh cranberries
• 1-1/2 cups sugar
• 1 can (14.5 oz) ALDI Fried apples with cinnamon. (this may be tough to find, especially out of season. If you can't find it, use an equal amount of canned apples, or in a pinch, apple pie filling)
• 1/2 cup butter, melted
• 3 eggs, beaten
• 1 lb. small curd cottage cheese

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F (191C, GasMark 5)
2. Cook noodles 1 less minute than suggested on the package. Drain and set aside.
3. Chop cranberries (if you have a food processor, just save yourself the anguish and pulse them a few times in there) Throw the cranberries in a large bowl. Add sugar and mix. Let that sit for a few minutes.
4. Add the apples, butter, eggs and cheese to the cranberry mixture. Stir to mix it all up. 
5. Add the noodles and toss to make sure everything is evenly incorporated. 
6. Dump it all in a greased 13x9 baking dish. Make sure it's distributed in an even layer.
7. Cook for 40 minutes or until the noodles on top start to get brown and crisp.
8. Remove from oven and let sit at least 10 minutes before slicing and serving.

Good Times!

Breakfast Bites

 Now that we have our new oven, I can really get back to work in the kitchen. We've had some bags of shredded potatoes that I've been wanting to use up for some time. I've seen several iterations of these "breakfast muffins" before, so I figured I'd give it a whirl. I enlisted the help of The Spud on these and while she was happy to help cook them, she didn't seem keen on trying one. The Wife and I did, and were very happy with how they came out. There's a lot of wiggle room here with the ingredients. You can swap in our out pretty much any cheese you want. You can change the meat for crumbled bacon or sausage, or leave it out for a vegetarian option. If you add veggies, just make sure they're drained of all water. Water is your enemy here, as we discovered. Our potatoes were not completely drained, and while the sides and tops got crunchy, the bottoms did not. They were still quite tasty. I imagine if you made these in bulk they'd freeze well and could be easily reheated in the oven. Give it a try and tell me what you think! As always, notes are in blue.

Breakfast Bites
(yields 12)

Ingredients

• 24 ounces shredded potatoes (if using frozen, make sure they are defrosted and squeezed of all water possible. If using fresh potatoes, still make sure all excess water is squeezed out. Otherwise, the bottoms will not brown properly)
• 1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
• 3 T olive oil
• 4 ounces ham, chopped 
• 6 eggs
• 1 teaspoon Trader Joe's Everything but the Elote seasoning (if you don't have this, just use seasoned salt, or even just salt and pepper)
• 1/4 cup shredded Italian cheese
• salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 400F (200C, Gas Mark 6)
2. In a large bowl add potatoes (which you have squeezed of all water as humanly possible). shredded cheddar cheese, and the olive oil. Season to taste. Mix until the cheese is evenly incorporated through the potatoes.

   

   Doesn't everyone wear their winter coat while seasoning?

   
   
3. Take a 12 count muffin tin (don't use the mini-muffin tins here as I can't promise they'll come out right. Just use a standard muffin tray) and spray it with non-stick cooking spray. Take about 1-2 tablespoons of potato mixture and press them along the edges and bottoms of the muffin cups, creating little bowls. You should be looking at about 1/8"-1/4" (about 4-8mm) thickness all the way round. (if the potatoes are too thick, they may not get crispy when they cook)
4. Put the muffin tin in the oven and cook for 30-40 minutes (you're looking for a nice crispy bowl when these are done. Depending on the moisture level of your potatoes, this time may go up or down)
5. While the potato cups are cooking, in another bowl, add 6 eggs, the chopped ham, and your seasoning. Beat until everything is mixed well. 
6. Once your potatoes are done, take them out and lower the oven to 350F (177C, Gas Mark 4)
7. Start spooning the egg mixture into each potato cup, filling it to just below the lip of the cup (to prevent any spilling or overflow in the oven). Top with the Italian cheese.

   

   No muss, no fuss!

   
   
8. Put in the oven for 20-30 minutes until eggs are done
9. Take them out of the muffin tin before they adhere to the pan for all time. Let them cool on a wire rack if you plan to save them for later, or just cram them fresh from the oven directly into your greedy face, burning the shit out of the inside of your mouth just like you did with those pizza rolls, and you swore up and down you'd never make that mistake again. 

   

   Potential Mouth Blisters
   Good Times!

   
   

Breakfast Frittata

     I have mentioned before my enduring love of the frittata. I've done a baked pasta frittata and a vegetable frittata. Somehow I just never got around to making one for breakfast. Not surprisingly, it was delicious. It's pretty hard to screw up breakfast unless you just burn the living shit out of it.

D'oh!

Not much else to say about this. It's versatile. Add other veggies, change out the sausage with bacon or ham, or just leave it out if meat's not your thing. Use different cheese. Get crazy. As always, notes are in blue.

Breakfast Frittata

Ingredients

• 6 eggs
• 1/4 cup milk
• 1 tablespoon canola oil
• 1 lb. pork breakfast sausage
• 4 small potatoes, cut into 1/2" cubes
• 1/2 large yellow onion
• 1/2 cup salsa (we used Red Cactus Sweet Heat Salsa)
• 1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
• salt and pepper

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F (190C, Gasmark5)
2. On the stovetop, place a cast iron skillet on medium high heat and add oil. Add potatoes. Cook for about 5-7 minutes or until potatoes start to get tender. 
3. Add onions and sausage. Mix and cook until sausage is cooked through. Drain any excess oil.
4. In a bowl, add the eggs and milk (please remember to crack open the eggs.) Add salsa seasoning to desired level. Whisk until everything is incorporated.
5. Pour egg mixture into skillet and cook on the stovetop for about 5-7 minutes. 
6. Move skillet into oven and cook for about 15 minutes, or until eggs are almost completely set.
7. Top with the shredded cheese and put back in the oven for another 5 minutes or until the cheese has completely melted and started to bubble.
8. Take out of oven and let set for a few minutes. 

Good times!

Vegetable Frittata

     Frittatas are just wonderful. There's so much you can do with them. You can pretty much dump anything in a frittata and it will be good. You could probably load one with Cap'n Crunch and have a winner on your hands. Actually, that doesn't sound bad. I may have to give that one a spin. This particular frittata is loaded with veggies and is much healthier, coming in at only 150 calories per serving. Consider that for a second. You could eat the entire damned pan and be out for only 900 calories. That's value! Fair warning, the veggies will build up some water, so you'll need to drain this a bit before serving. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Vegetable Frittata
via Betty Crocker: The 300 Calorie Cookbook

Ingredients

• 2 tablespoons butter or margarine
• 1 medium onion (1/2 cup) chopped
• 1 clove garlic, finely chopped
• 1 medium bell pepper (1 cup), chopped
• 2 small zucchini (2 cups), chopped
• 1 small tomato (1/2 cup), chopped
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon pepper
• 6 eggs or 1-1/2 cups fat-free egg product (wow, when they make it sound so appetizing, how can I go with anything else than actual eggs. Maybe I can go find some artificial imitation ersatz margarine substitute, too!)
• 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese

Directions

1. Heat oven to 350F (180C, Gasmark 4)
2. In a 10-inch ovenproof skillet (cast-iron is perfect here), melt butter over medium high heat. Add onion and garlic; cook 3 minutes, stirring frequently. 
3. Stir in bell pepper, reduce heat to medium. Cook about 2 minutes, stirring occasionally, until crisp-tender (for whatever reason, the term "crisp-tender" just pisses me off to no end. I think maybe it smacks of pretentiousness. It could just be that I'm hateful. Anything's possible). 
4. Stir in zucchini, tomato, salt and pepper. Cook 4 minutes, stirring occasionally.
5. In a small bowl, beat eggs with wire whisk or fork (or chopsticks if you feel like showing off) until blended; pour over vegetable mixture.
6. Bake uncovered 10 to 12 minutes or until center is set. Sprinkle with cheese. Cut into wedges. (Or just stand at the stove and grimly shovel forkful after forkful into your mouth straight from the skillet. I'm not here to judge). 

Good times!

Vegetable Uber Quiche

     Ah, the much-maligned quiche.  Is it macho? It makes no difference to me. It uses a lot of eggs, and that's what really matters. I'm a big fan of anything that uses lots of eggs. The only thing that keeps me from making quiche with any regularity is the crust. That's why I love the idea of a crustless quiche. Granted, a crustless quiche is very much like a breakfast casserole. I guess that's another win. This particular quiche is loaded with all sorts of veggies. So many, that I have dubbed it an "Uber-Quiche." I'd like to think that all the veggies cancel out the eggs and cheese. As far as I'm concerned, eating this is like eating celery. With cheese. And a bunch of eggs. Whatever. It's delicious and I plan on making it again. Feel free to mess with the veggies used. If you're making it a point to do exactly what I say every time, you're accepting a fair amount of risk. As always, any notes are in blue.

Vegetable Uber-Quiche

Ingredients

• 9 eggs
• 1 cup milk
• 1 heaping cup shredded cheddar-jack cheese
• 1/2 pound butternut squash, peeled and cut into 1/2-inch cubes
• 8 ounces button mushrooms, chopped
• 1/2 medium red onion, chopped
• 1 cup kale, spines removed
• 1 lb potatoes, cut into 1/2-inch cubes
• 1 yellow bell pepper, chopped
• 1 tablespoon Greektown seasoning (available from The Spice House. If you don't have it available, it uses: salt, garlic powder, Tellicherry black pepper, onion powder, oregano and lemon peel)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F (190C, Gasmark 5)
2. Spray a 9x13 inch baking dish with nonstick cooking spray.
3. In a large bowl, mix all the vegetables to ensure an even distribution. Pour the vegetables into the baking dish and spread them in an even layer.
4. In another bowl, whisk the eggs, milk and cheese (make sure to take the eggs out of the shells. That's very important). Pour mixture over vegetables in baking dish.
5. Bake for 1 hour or until eggs are completely set.

Good times!

Double Banana Cake

     My first foray into layer cakes was for The Wife's birthday a couple years ago. I found the recipe in an issue of Bon Appetit and figured I'd give it a whirl. I would consider it a fair first effort. The thing looked pretty rough and weighed a damned ton. However, it tasted fantastic. There's just something about a layer cake that impresses me. I'd like to think that it all started with some guy saying, "I like cake so damned much, I'm going to just start stacking them on each other and frosting the whole thing. Pancreas be damned!" Fair warning, I consider all layer cakes to be PITAs, so be ready to put in some work. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Double Banana Cake
via Bon Appetit

Ingredients

Cake

• 1 1/2 cups (3 sticks) unsalted butter plus more for pans, room temperature (since I never have actual butter on hand, margarine was used)
• 3 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1 1/4 teaspoons kosher salt
• 2 1/4 cups sugar
• 6 large eggs
• 3 cups coarsely mashed very ripe bananas (about 6 large)
• 3/4 cup sour cream

Frosting

• 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature (still using margarine)
• 4 cups powdered sugar (good lord, I hope you have a strong pancreas)
• 1/2 cup heavy cream
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
• 2 ripe but not mushy bananas, cut crosswise into 1/8-inch slices

Directions

Cake

1. Preheat oven to 325°. Butter two 8"-diameter cake pans with sides 2" high. Line bottoms of pans with parchment paper rounds (I left my parchment square shaped. I didn't have a compass handy and didn't feel the difference in shape would alter the flavor). Whisk flour, baking soda, and salt in a large bowl. Using an electric mixer, beat 1 1/2 cups butter and sugar in another large bowl until light and fluffy, 2–3 minutes. Add eggs one at a time, beating to blend between additions. With mixer on low, gradually beat in flour mixture, scraping sides of bowl. Mix in bananas, then sour cream. Divide batter between pans.
2. Bake cakes until a tester inserted into the center comes out clean, 50–55 minutes. Let cool for 20 minutes in pans on wire racks.
3. Invert cakes onto wire racks; let cool completely. Remove parchment. Using a serrated knife, trim off rounded tops (Nope. I went ahead and stacked those sumbitches as is).

Frosting

1. Using an electric mixer, beat first 5 ingredients in a large bowl until light and fluffy, 6–7 minutes.
2. Place 1 cake on a plate. Spread 1 cup frosting over. Arrange banana slices on top. Top with second cake. Spread a thin layer of frosting over top and sides of cake; chill for 30 minutes. Spread remaining frosting over top and sides of cakes (Protip: Maybe wait a while for the cakes to cool off before putting on the frosting. I didn't, which explains why my cake looks like it has eczema).

Here's an alternate cake recipe if you prefer rhubarb

Good times!

Chocolate Chip Banana Muffins

     I am a sucker for deals. One of my favorite deals is the sack of ripe bananas at the grocery store. They will pack nearly 3 pounds of ripe bananas into a sack and charge you one dollar. How can I walk past that? Most of the time we end up dehydrating them for banana chips. Sometimes they end up in banana bread. This time they ended up in muffins with chocolate chips. The recipe for these muffins came from my much abused copy of Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals. These muffins came out great. They were moist with a great banana flavor. These will serve as a great quick breakfast during the work week. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Chocolate Chip Banana Muffins 
via Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals

Ingredients

• 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
• 3/4 cup whole wheat flour
• 1/2 cup wheat bran (this is on the master list of Shit That Is Never In My Pantry. I substituted with 1/2 cup additional whole wheat flour)
• 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
• 3/4 teaspoon baking powder (am I the only one who repeats "baking powder, baking powder" to themselves as they walk to the pantry, then come back to the counter with baking soda anyway?)
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2 eggs, lightly beaten
• 1/4 cup fat-free milk (you might as well just use water at that point. I used 2%)
• 1-1/3 cup (2-3 medium sized) mashed ripe bananas 
• 1/3 cup unsweetened applesauce (we used our own homemade applesauce, which is sweetened. I see no harm in sweetened applesauce here unless you have a dietary concern about the additional sugar)
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/2 cup miniature chocolate chips (we used an additional 1/4 cup, but did not add it to the batter. We stuffed those chips in our faces as we made these muffins)
• 1/3 cup chopped pecans (omitted. We're not huge fans of nutty breads or muffins)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F (190C, Gasmark 5)
2. In a large bowl, combine the first seven ingredients (don't think I didn't consider being an asshole and listing the ingredients out of order up top just to screw things up. I didn't. Or did I?)
3. In another bowl, combine the egg and milk; stir in the bananas, applesauce and vanilla. Stir into dry ingredients until moistened. Stir in chocolate chips. 
4. Coat muffin pans with nonstick cooking spray; fill 3/4 full with batter. Sprinkle with pecans (if using pecans. Otherwise just jam another handful of chocolate chips into your mouth)
5. Bake for 18-22 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean (this time ours finished in 20 minutes. Cooking times may vary). Cool for 5 minutes before removing from pan to a wire rack.

Good times!

Traditional Middle Class Breakfast Casserole

     When I moved to central Illinois, I was greeted with an entirely new menu of middle class food. One of the more ubiquitous dishes was the Breakfast Casserole. You'd find these gastric bludgeons lurking at most potluck breakfasts or brunches. Boasting anywhere from twelve to six hundred eggs and upwards of fifteen hundred pounds of sausage and cheese, a single slice could meet your caloric needs for the next two days. However, they are crazy good. There's a bunch of different ways to make these. You can use potatoes instead of bread, change up the sausage with ham or bacon, use different cheeses or veggies. I have yet to have a bad one. This particular version is pretty basic and is intended to give you a starting point for your own personal breakfast powerhouse. As always, notes are in blue.

Traditional Middle Class
Breakfast Casserole

Ingredients

• 1 pound pork sausage
• 1 onion, chopped
• 1 yellow bell pepper, chopped
• 1/2 loaf Herbed Swirl Bread, cut into 1" cubes (in the event you don't feel like making bread especially for this, you can sub in 1/2 loaf of any hearty bread)
• 12 eggs
• 1 cup milk
• 2 teaspoons Frank's Hot Sauce
• 8 slices American cheese

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F (190C, Gasmark 5)
2. In a pan, cook onion, peppers and sausage until sausage is browned. Drain excess grease and set pan aside.
3. Spray a 13"x9" baking dish with nonstick cooking spray. Put down a layer of bread cubes in the dish.
4. Spread the sausage and veggie mixture in an even layer over the bread.
5. In a large bowl, lightly beat 12 eggs (make sure you take them out of the shells first. That's critical), with the milk and hot sauce. Pour over everything in the baking dish, ensuring that you have an even layer of egg covering everything.
6. Lay the slices of cheese over the top (next time I think I may put the cheese in between the bread and sausage layer and then sprinkle some cheddar over the top. Live and learn).
7. Bake for 40 minutes or until egg is completely set.

BONUS VIDEO:

A generation of chickens headed to the casserole
Good times!

Braided Butternut Squash Bread

     It's a good thing The Wife is really good at braiding bread. Her challah is supreme. This time we used her preternatural braiding abilities to make a braided butternut squash bread. I found the original recipe at Allrecipes. We wound up making this bread because we've had a surplus of frozen butternut squash and have been on a crusade to find fun ways to use it. This is certainly a great way to use butternut squash. After the bread came out of the oven, we just stood there like morons, vacantly shoving hot bread in our mouths until we were through half a loaf. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Braided Butternut Squash Bread
via Allrecipes.com

Ingredients

• 1 butternut squash, peeled, seeded and cubed (I always wonder why we have to be told to peel a butternut squash. Do you think there's anybody out there who just can't get enough butternut squash peel?)
• 1 (0.25 ounce) package active dry yeast
• 2 tablespoons warm (110F) water
• 1/3 cup warm (110F) milk
• 1/4 cup butter, softened
• 2 eggs
• 3 tablespoons brown sugar (we used 4 tablespoons. You could probably do 5 or 6 if you wanted a really sweet bread)
• 1/4 teaspoon salt (we followed a suggestion to go with 3/4 teaspoon salt to bring out the butternut squash flavor)
• 3 cups all-purpose flour (the dough is totally unworkable with this much flour. It's almost still liquid. We wound up using 4-1/2 cups flour)
• 1 tablespoon water

Directions

1. In a large saucepan, cover cubed squash with water. Bring water to a boil and cook until tender, about 15-20 minutes. Let cool and mash. Reserve 1 cup for use and freeze the remainder for later use (or just tell me I only needed 1 cup of boiled, mashed squash so I didn't have to cook all of it! What if I didn't want all that extra mashed squash? Why doesn't anybody consider my feelings? THIS IS WHY I DRINK)
2. In a small bowl, dissolve yeast in warm water (2 tablespoons of water). Let stand until creamy, about 10 minutes (this is the first time I've ever seen yeast described as "creamy." I'm not sure I'm comfortable with it)
3. In a large bowl (I used the Kitchenaid for this, so I just used the mixing bowl) combine the yeast mixture with milk, butter, 1 cup mashed squash, 1 egg, brown sugar, salt and 2 cups of the flour; stir well to combine. Stir in remaining flour, 1/2 cup at a time (I used 1/4 cup at a time just to be spiteful), beating well after each addition. When the dough has pulled together, turn it out onto a lightly floured surface and knead until smooth and elastic, about 8 minutes (I just used the dough hook on the mixer for this. I don't have time for needless manual labor)
4. Lightly oil a large bowl; place dough in bowl and turn to coat with oil. Cover with a damp cloth and let rise in a warm place until doubled in volume, about 1 hour. 
5. Deflate the dough ("Deflate?" It makes it sound like you're working with an air mattress. When I work with dough, I "punch it down." It's what Chuck Norris would do)

   

   Told you so.

6. This section describes how to cut the dough and get it braided. I consider it a Pain In The Ass (PITA) and will not waste the time or space typing it. Instead, I'm going to just link you the YouTube video the wife used to learn. It obviously works. You're going to want to split the dough in half first. You're looking to make 2 loaves here. Once you figure out the braiding, cover the loaves and let rise for another 30 minutes on a greased baking sheet.
7. In a small bowl, beat together remaining egg and 1 tablespoon water. Brush loaves with egg wash. Bake for 20-25 minutes at 350F (we went with 25 minutes and the bread came out great)

Good times!

Cranberry Bread Pudding

     Ever since I had bread pudding at the buffet at the Golden Nugget in Las Vegas some twenty years ago, I've been a huge fan. Of bread pudding, I mean. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the Golden Nugget immensely. They comped me and my dad to a fabulous breakfast after I put in 17 hours at a $3 blackjack table. They also told me I hold the casino record for smallest marker ever taken at $7. I also hold the fastest repayment of a marker at less than ten minutes from borrow to payback. My buddy Dave and I had a bender and came back from Glitter Gulch at 4AM and wound up hitting $750 on the Double Diamonds machine right before we went back to our rooms. Man, those were some good times. I have to get back there again sometime soon. Anyways, this is bread pudding with cranberries and I can't remember where the original recipe came from. Let me know if you know. Regardless, it's good and you should make some. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Cranberry Bread Pudding

Ingredients

• Cooking spray for greasing pan
• 1 (1-pound) loaf artisan white bread, cubed (I hope that Pepperidge Farms Cranberry bread counts as artisan, because I can get it for 99 cents a loaf at my local grocery store and that's what I use)
• 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 1 ½ cup dried cranberries (I prefer to call them craisins)
• 4 cups milk
• ¾ cup granulated sugar
• 2 tablespoons corn syrup
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• 7 eggs, slightly beaten

Directions

1. Preheat oven 325F
2. Grease 13x9” baking dish. Place bread in pan and sprinkle with cinnamon and cranberries
3. Combine milk, sugar and corn syrup in a saucepan. Heat over medium heat until small bubbles form around edge of pan. Remove from heat and stir in vanilla
4. Slowly pour hot milk mixture over eggs, whisking constantly (please make sure the mixture isn't too hot or you're going to end up cooking the eggs on the spot). Pour mixture over bread and cover with foil
5. Place pan on rimmed baking sheet in oven. Pour water onto baking sheet to create a water bath (PROTIP: Don't be a schmuck and try to put the water in the sheet first, then carry it to the oven. I guarantee it won't end well). Bake 30-45 minutes until custard has just set. Test by inserting knife into center to be sure custard is thoroughly cooked.

Good times!

Bourbon Pear Cake

     The bundt cake strikes me as a quintessential middle-class food. I have lost count of the times I've seen bundt cakes at gatherings. My family was notorious for using the bundt cake pan for all sorts of terrifying Jell-O molds involving layers and suspended fruits.  It was almost unavoidable that I would eventually buy and use a bundt cake pan.  One of the first things I made was a Bourbon Pear Cake. I think I got the recipe from Relish.com, but can't find it there anymore. If anybody locates the original source, please let me know so I can give proper credit. I liked this recipe because it incorporated booze. However, I can't get myself to cook with high-end liquor, that stuff is for drinking! Unfortunately, I didn't have any bottom-shelf booze on hand so I had to use the workhorse in my bar, Jim Beam. This is just a good looking cake and is moist and flavorful. I always feel like such a pompous ass when I say stuff like that. Hmm.. CAKE SQUISHY AND TASTE GOOD. There. Much better. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Bourbon Pear Cake

Ingredients

• 3 eggs 
• 2 cups sugar 
• 1 1/2 cups vegetable oil 
• 3 cups all-purpose flour 
• 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon 
• 2 tablespoons bourbon (I'm pretty sure some form of honey bourbon would be really good here)
• 1 teaspoon salt 
• 1 teaspoon baking soda 
• 1 1/2 cups pears - peeled, cored and chopped (there's nothing stopping you from using apples instead)
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 
• 1 1/4 cups confectioners' sugar 
• 2 tablespoons milk 

Directions

1. In a mixing bowl, beat eggs on medium speed. Gradually add sugar and oil; beat thoroughly. 
2. Combine flour, cinnamon, salt and baking soda; add to egg mixture and mix well. 
3. Stir in pears, bourbon and vanilla. (The batter will be stiff. Notice how I took the moral high ground and didn't make a joke here.) 
4. Spoon into a greased and floured 9-in. Bundt-cake pan. 
5. Bake at 350F for 60-65 minutes or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean (obviously, you'll want to stick the toothpick into the actual cake and not the hole in the center). Let cool in pan 10 minutes before inverting onto a serving plate. 
6. In a small bowl, combine the confectioners' sugar and milk; beat until smooth. Drizzle over warm cake. Cool completely.

"Miss Moneypenny, fetch me another slice of that fantastic cake. I'm too shitfaced to get it myself."
Good times! 

Kugel (Noodle Pudding)

     There are certain things that I always associate with my childhood. Hot Wheels. Saturday morning cartoons. Getting hit in the face with a ball because you've played outside until it's too damned dark to see anymore. If there's a food I connect with my childhood, it's kugel. If you're from a Jewish family, you know what a kugel is. If not, I'll explain. It's basically a baked noodle pudding. They can be sweet or savory, depending on the ingredients. This particular recipe is from my grandmother on my father's side, and is most certainly of the sweet variety. When I was little, she would make kugel most times I came to visit. To this day, it's one of my favorite recipes. It's pretty versatile. I've served at a side, a dessert and occasionally for breakfast. You can serve it hot or cold. As always, notes are in blue.

Kugel

Ingredients

• 1 lb wide egg noodles
• 1 lb small-curd cottage cheese
• 3 medium eggs
• 1/2 cup butter (1 stick), cut into small pieces
• 3 tablespoons confectioner's sugar (no clue as to why my grandmother used confectioner's sugar. I guess it incorporates easier. There's really nothing stopping you from using regular white sugar. Now that I think of it, brown sugar might be pretty good in this)
• 1 can (20 ounces) crushed pineapple, drained (I save the juice in a container in the fridge. It comes in handy for cocktails later!)
• 6 ounces golden raisins
• 1-2 teaspoons cinnamon (I generally just eyeball measure the cinnamon, so that's why there is some range on the measurement. Use more or less depending on how much you like cinnamon)
• Corn Flakes/Frosted Flakes (If you like sweet, give Frosted Flakes a try. I've done it before and it was pretty good. Or you could go crazy and toss a layer of Cinnamon Toast Crunch over the top!)

Directions

1. Cook noodles to just shy of done. 
2. Mix all ingredients except corn flakes in a large bowl.
3. Spread into a greased baking dish (around 15"x10"x2")
4. Cook at 375F until top gets crispy (about 30 minutes, give or take). Sprinkle corn flakes over top and bake an additional 5 minutes.

Good Times!

Far Breton

     Every now and then it's fun to put together a recipe that really looks like it took a ton of work. This dessert from Pol Martin's Supreme Cuisine is one of those recipes. This is a really fancy looking baked custard that has never failed to impress every time I've served it. The thing is, Far Breton is super easy to make. If you have a Kitchenaid or electric mixer, it's almost embarassingly easy. I've even managed to buy a sifter so the dusting of sugar doesn't look like absolute shit anymore! As always, notes or changes are in blue.

Far Breton
via Pol Martin's Supreme Cuisine

Ingredients

• 4 large eggs
• 1/2 cup granulated sugar
• 1 cup all purpose flour
• 3 tablespoons rum
• 1/4 cup marmalade
• 1/2 cup sultana raisins (those of us that don't poop money call sultanas "golden raisins")
• 2 cups milk
• Pinch salt
• Icing sugar (I hope that confectioner's sugar is the same thing, because that's what I used)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350F. Butter a baking dish (about 12"x8"x2") 
2. Place eggs and sugar in bowl; beat together. Add flour and salt; beat to incorporate.
3. Add rum (make sure to have a little rum yourself. You know, for quality assurance), marmalade and raisins; beat well. Pour in milk and beat to incorporate.
4. Pour batter into baking dish and bake 50-55 minutes or until golden brown. Let cool in baking dish and serve cold. 
5. Cut into squares and sprinkle with icing sugar (use some form of sifter or it will end up looking like mine. That's what happens when you just grab a fistful and throw it). Serve with maple syrup, if desired (We desired it)

Good times!

Chocolate Concoction

     Slow-cooker cook books often have recipes that are a bit sketchy health-wise. Often they are packed with sodium to the point of causing a cardiac event at the dinner table. Every now and then you come across a slow-cooker cook book that is full of hilariously unhealthy recipes. Gooseberry Patch Super Fast Slow Cooking is one of those books. Recipe after recipe is absolutely packed with salt and sugar. I love this book. Most of the meals will cause me to gain 4-7 pounds in water from a single meal. While this recipe is not packed with sodium, it is a fat and sugar bomb. If you're counting calories, you'll need a scientific calculator for this one. It is phenomenally rich; we can only eat about three forkfuls before we need a drink of water to move it along. As always, any notes and changes are in blue.

Chocolate Concoction
via Gooseberry Patch Super Fast Slow Cooking

Ingredients

• 1 box 18.25 ounce devil's food cake mix
• 16 ounce container sour cream (we tried to mitigate the damage of this dessert by using low fat sour cream)
• 3.9 ounce package instant chocolate pudding mix (more damage control here by using sugar-free pudding mix)
• 1-1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
• 4 eggs, beaten
• 1 cup water
• Optional: French vanilla ice cream (if you're having ice cream with this, you might as well just go ahead and stab yourself in the pancreas)

Directions

1. Beat all ingredients (except ice cream, if using) until smooth.
2. Pour into a slow cooker that has been sprayed with non-stick vegetable spray.
3. Cover and cook on LOW for 6-8 hours
4. Serve with ice cream if you really hate yourself.

Good times!

Sally Lunn Bread

     Ladies and gentlemen, I think I have found my go-to bread recipe. This could very well mean my never buying a loaf of white bread again. I decided to poke around in my Frugal Gourmet cookbooks for a Sunday baking recipe when I found this little gem in The Frugal Gourmet Cooks American. Sally Lunn bread. Who is Sally Lunn? Instead of just copying and pasting the answer, simply follow this Wiki link to Sally Lunn! The bread is soft and springy with just the right amount of crust. The recipe says you can even do these up in a cast iron muffin pan and make rolls! As always, any notes or changes will be in blue.

Sally Lunn Bread
via The Frugal Gourmet Cooks American

Ingredients

• 2 cups milk
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 2 tablespoons sugar
• 2 teaspoons salt
• 1 package dry quick-rising yeast
• 3 eggs
• 4 cups flour

Directions

1. Scald the milk, or bring it almost to a simmer, and add the butter, sugar and salt. Let cool until tepid or just warm (95F)(If you don't own a digital thermometer for the kitchen, you really need one. Baking and grilling is so much easier when you know stuff isn't raw and poisonous. Unless that's what you were going for and carry on)
2. Dissolve the yeast in 1/4 cup of tepid water
3. Using an electric mixer, if you have one, beat the eggs and then add the milk mixture, the yeast water, and finally the flour. Beat until smooth, about 5 minutes (I used the Kitchenaid here, but any electric mixer will do. This batter will be pretty thin so it won't strain most mixers. You could do it by hand but it will be a bit of work.)
4. Leave the dough in the mixing bowl and allow it to rise for one half hour. Beat it down with the mixer for just a moment and then allow it to rise again (when they say "just a moment," this is not an exaggeration. I only let the mixer go for a second or two and it knocked the batter down at least 50%. Don't panic, this is normal). Do this a total of 3 times and then put the dough in 2 large greased bread pans (I used nonstick cooking spray with no issues). Allow to rise to double the bulk (I just let it go for about an hour)
5. Bake in a preheated 375F oven for 45 minutes to 1 hour (this came out in 45 minutes on the button for us. For once something cooked on the short end of time. Cooking times vary. You can always jab a toothpick in there to see if it comes out clean). The bread should be light and have a nice crust.

Good times!

Banana Chocolate Cake

     Well, I still haven't run out of baking recipes in the Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals cookbook.  We wound up picking this recipe because the local market was selling entire bunches of bananas for 49 cents. They were in moderately sad shape and usable mostly for cooking. We took the couple good ones and used them with blueberries in a honking big bowl of corn flakes for breakfast. But I digress. It just so happened we had everything in the house for this cake. We even had the powdered milk, which had been hiding in a cabinet for about five years.  No harm done. This particular cake was a big hit. It is really good heated up with a big dollop of ice cream on it. As always, and changes or notes will be in blue.

Banana Chocolate Cake
via Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals

Ingredients

• Sugar substitute equivalent to 3/4 cup sugar (DECIDE: Cancer or Diabetes? We went with diabetes and used 3/4 cup of real sugar)
• 1/3 cup packed brown sugar
• 1/3 cup butter, softened
• 2 eggs
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 2 medium ripe bananas, mashed
• 1/2 cup water
• 1-1/3 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup nonfat dry milk powder
• 3 tablespoons baking cocoa
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 3/4 teaspoon confectioner's sugar

Directions

1. In a large mixing bowl, beat the butter and sugar substitute (or actual sugar), brown sugar and butter on medium speed for 3 minutes (I wasn't aware I had actual speed settings other than "hurried" or "sedentary." I'm guessing the recipe assumes we have a mixer for this step, which fortunately I do.)
2. Add eggs and vanilla; mix well. Add bananas and water; mix well. 
3. In another bowl, combine flour, milk powder, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Add to sugar mixture, beating just until blended.
4. Pour into a 9" square baking pan coated with nonstick cooking spray (as I am writing this I just realized I didn't do that. I used a bundt cake pan. I did so because there was a picture of a different chocolate cake from a bundt cake pan on the opposite page. Whatever, the cake came out fine), bake at 375F for 23-28 minutes (As always, ours took longer; closer to 40 minutes. Just use the original times and keep an eye on it. Cooking times will vary), until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean and the edges of the cake are just starting to pull away from the sides of the pan.
5. Cool on a wire rack. Dust with confectioner's sugar (fun trick for easy dusting: put the sugar into a fine mesh strainer. Hold the strainer about 6-8" above the cake and give the edge of the strainer a tap with a spoon. Just go over the whole cake doing this).

GENTLEMEN, BEHOLD,
Good times!

Potato Spinach Pie

     I don't know where I'd be without the Taste of Home: Everyday Light Meals cookbook. This has become one of the most used and abused sources of recipes and inspirations in my kitchen. I think I've only found one dud so far. I especially like that they have recipes that can serve as the entree or side. This Potato Spinach Pie is one of them. It came together easily and was pretty tasty. I think the next time I make it I'll do it in the cast iron pan. I used the pie pan, as instructed, and the potatoes did not cook evenly. It may not actually be the pie pan, though. Any number of factors may be responsible, including the fact that I'm a moron. Regardless, here's the recipe. I did this one with very few changes.

Potato Spinach Pie
via Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals

Ingredients

• 3 cups coarsely shredded and peeled potatoes (as always, I didn't peel the potatoes)
• 2 tablespoons of olive oil, divided
• 1 teaspoon salt, divided
• 1/3 cup chopped onion
• 1 package (about 10 ounces) frozen, chopped spinach, thawed and squeezed dry (pro tip: if you thawed the spinach in the microwave, give it a couple of minutes before you squeeze it dry unless you're a huge fan of scalding the crap out of your hands)
• 1 cup (4 ounces) shredded reduced-fat Swiss cheese
• 1/2 cup fat-free evaporated milk (didn't have fat-free, just used regular)
• 2 eggs, lightly beaten
• 2 egg whites, lightly beaten
• 1/2 to 1 teaspoon dried oregano
• 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Directions

1. In a bowl, combine the potatoes, 4 teaspoons oil, and 1/2 teaspoon salt. Press onto the bottom of a 9-inch pie plate coated. Bake at 425F for 20-25 minutes until crust is lightly browned. Cool on a wire rack. Reduce heat to 350F.
2. In a nonstick skillet, saute onion in remaining oil until tender. 
3. In a bowl, combine the spinach, cheese, milk, eggs oregano, onion and remaining salt. Pour into crust.
4. Bake for 25-30 minutes or until top begins to brown and a knife inserted in the center comes out clean. Let stand 10 minutes before serving.

Good times!