Double Banana Cake

     My first foray into layer cakes was for The Wife's birthday a couple years ago. I found the recipe in an issue of Bon Appetit and figured I'd give it a whirl. I would consider it a fair first effort. The thing looked pretty rough and weighed a damned ton. However, it tasted fantastic. There's just something about a layer cake that impresses me. I'd like to think that it all started with some guy saying, "I like cake so damned much, I'm going to just start stacking them on each other and frosting the whole thing. Pancreas be damned!" Fair warning, I consider all layer cakes to be PITAs, so be ready to put in some work. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Double Banana Cake
via Bon Appetit

Ingredients

Cake

• 1 1/2 cups (3 sticks) unsalted butter plus more for pans, room temperature (since I never have actual butter on hand, margarine was used)
• 3 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1 1/4 teaspoons kosher salt
• 2 1/4 cups sugar
• 6 large eggs
• 3 cups coarsely mashed very ripe bananas (about 6 large)
• 3/4 cup sour cream

Frosting

• 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature (still using margarine)
• 4 cups powdered sugar (good lord, I hope you have a strong pancreas)
• 1/2 cup heavy cream
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
• 2 ripe but not mushy bananas, cut crosswise into 1/8-inch slices

Directions

Cake

1. Preheat oven to 325°. Butter two 8"-diameter cake pans with sides 2" high. Line bottoms of pans with parchment paper rounds (I left my parchment square shaped. I didn't have a compass handy and didn't feel the difference in shape would alter the flavor). Whisk flour, baking soda, and salt in a large bowl. Using an electric mixer, beat 1 1/2 cups butter and sugar in another large bowl until light and fluffy, 2–3 minutes. Add eggs one at a time, beating to blend between additions. With mixer on low, gradually beat in flour mixture, scraping sides of bowl. Mix in bananas, then sour cream. Divide batter between pans.
2. Bake cakes until a tester inserted into the center comes out clean, 50–55 minutes. Let cool for 20 minutes in pans on wire racks.
3. Invert cakes onto wire racks; let cool completely. Remove parchment. Using a serrated knife, trim off rounded tops (Nope. I went ahead and stacked those sumbitches as is).

Frosting

1. Using an electric mixer, beat first 5 ingredients in a large bowl until light and fluffy, 6–7 minutes.
2. Place 1 cake on a plate. Spread 1 cup frosting over. Arrange banana slices on top. Top with second cake. Spread a thin layer of frosting over top and sides of cake; chill for 30 minutes. Spread remaining frosting over top and sides of cakes (Protip: Maybe wait a while for the cakes to cool off before putting on the frosting. I didn't, which explains why my cake looks like it has eczema).

Here's an alternate cake recipe if you prefer rhubarb

Good times!

Butterscotch Maple Chocolate Chip Layer Cake

     I'm not sure what came over me when I did this. I was all of a sudden consumed with the idea of making a layer cake. I grabbed a box of cake mix and decided to screw around with it. Naturally, I added booze. Maple Crown Royal has become a staple in my kitchen. Then I decided to do something different. If you haven't heard of Inbru, you need to check it out. It's a totally natural coffee flavoring made from California rice hulls.

Prepare to be amazed with the power of SCIENCE!

You just add them to your coffee grounds while brewing and *POOF!* your coffee is flavored for zero calories. I had heard rumors that you could use Inbru in baking, so I gave it a try. I added their Butterscotch Drop flavor. It worked wonderfully. You could smell the aroma of Butterscotch throughout the house. It imparted a fantastic flavor to the cake. If you're patient and let the cake sit a while, the flavor deepens and really adds a fantastic dimension to a plain old yellow cake. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Butterscotch Maple
Chocolate Chip Layer Cake

Ingredients
Cake

• 1 box yellow cake mix
• substitute 1/4 cup water from the cake mix with Maple Crown Royal
• 2 teaspoons Inbru Butterscotch Drop coffee flavoring
• 1/2 cup miniature chocolate chips

Chocolate Buttercream Frosting (I got this recipe from Sweet Savory Life. Definitely check out the page, there's lots of great stuff to be found! The recipe yields around 3 cups, which is way more then you'll need unless you have a heavy hand with the frosting. I had about a cup left over)

• 1 cup unsalted butter (2 sticks or ½ pound), softened (but not melted!)
• 3½ cups confectioners (powdered) sugar
• ½ cup cocoa powder
• ½ teaspoon table salt
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract or 1 teaspoon almond extract (I went with vanilla)
• 4 tablespoons milk or heavy cream (I used milk. I figured it was plenty rich already)

Directions

Frosting

1. Cream butter for a few minutes in a mixer with the paddle attachment on medium speed. Turn off the mixer. Sift 3 cups powdered sugar and cocoa into the mixing bowl. Turn your mixer on the lowest speed (so the dry ingredients do not blow everywhere) until the sugar and cocoa are absorbed by the butter. Increase mixer speed to medium and add vanilla extract, salt, and milk/cream and beat for 3 minutes. If your frosting needs a more stiff consistency, add a little more sugar. If your frosting needs to be thinned out, add additional milk 1 tablespoon at a time.

Cake

1. Begin preparing cake according to directions on box. Remember to swap 1/4 cup of the Crown in for the water. 
2. While batter is mixing, add the Inbru. 
3. Add the chocolate chips and mix until they are distributed through the batter.
4. Divide the batter between two greased 9" cake pans.
5. Cook cakes according to directions on box.
6. When cakes have cooled, remove from pans. (Be patient here. The chocolate chips will make the bottoms stick to the pan a bit. Give it time and you'll get the cakes out without destroying them). Here's where things become difficult. With a good, long bread knife, cut horizontally across one of the cakes to remove the rounded top. Spread a layer of frosting across the flat surface.

   

   Try to cut as level as possible or you get a slightly lopsided cake.
   Just like mine!

7. Lay the other cake on top of the frosted layer. Frost the sonofabitch! Give it a couple hours before you eat it to really let the butterscotch flavor develop!

Good times!

Golden Molasses Pear Cake

     Let us once again go back to the carefree days of the early 1990's for this recipe from Pol Martin's Supreme Cuisine. This recipe uses molasses, which is one of those ingredients I continually forget is in my pantry. It also originally called for apples, but I was looking for a way to use up some pears I had canned, so changes were made. The cake turned out rich and mellow.

Like Barry White's voice in cake form. 

     Anyways, if you'd like to try a cake that's a little different from your normal frosted variety, this is a nice change of pace. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Golden Molasses Pear Cake
via Pol Martin's Supreme Cuisine

Ingredients

• 2 large eggs
• 2 large egg yolks
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 1/2 cup molasses
• 3 apples, cored, peeled and diced small (I used about 2 cups of my own pears canned in bourbon syrup. Everything is better with booze)
• 1 tablespoon grated orange rind (I had no oranges on hand when I made this. I used 2 teaspoons of dried orange zest)
• 1-1/2 cups pastry flour (I'm guessing that's the same thing as regular flour, because that's what I used and everything worked out fine)
• 2 teaspoons baking soda
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 2 tablespoons cinnamon
• pinch salt

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 300F. Line bottom of 9" springform cake pan with waxed paper. Butter paper and sides of pan (It's a circle. Technically it only has two sides: the inside and the outside. Just the inside of the pan, please).
2. Place all eggs in a bowl (Protip: Take the eggs out of the shells first). Add brown sugar and molasses. Beat 3 minutes with electric hand mixer (or by hand if you're feeling particularly industrious). 
3. Stir in fruit and orange rind.
4. Sift flour, baking soda, baking powder, cinnamon and salt together. Place in sifter and re-sift over cake batter while incorporating with a wooden spoon (pretty sure Pol Martin was drunk at this point. How am I going to re-sift over the cake batter when I haven't actually made the cake batter yet? Is this some sort of quantum theory experiment? Is the cake existing in multiple states? Is this Schrödinger's Cake? You know what else? I used a silicone spatula here. Screw you, Pol Martin)
5. Pour batter into cake pan and cook 60-65 minutes or until cake is done (unless you want to just stop before then and serve a half-cooked cake. Seriously, did nobody proofread this recipe?)
6. Cool in pan slightly before unmolding. Finish cooling on wire rack. Serve with whipped cream (I did no such thing. YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME, POL MARTIN!)

GOOD TIMES!!!

Bourbon Fruit Cake

     Can any holiday dessert be more recognizable than the ubiquitous fruitcake? No, of course not. That was a rhetorical question. Ubiquitous means you'll find it everywhere. That was a quiz. Did you pass? I hope so, because this is going to be on the final exam. This particular recipe was adapted from a recipe for Kentucky Bourbon Cake I found on About.com's Southern Food section around five years ago. In all fairness, this is not a true fruitcake as we know it. It is not the consistency of blacktop. It is not cloyingly sweet with terrifying unidentifiable bits of detritus suspended within. The original recipe did call for candied cherries and nuts, but I quickly put an end to that nonsense. I want cake. I don't want to be losing fillings and digging things out of my molars all night. This recipe does have a lot going for it. This cake is actually fluffy. It cooks well in any number of different shapes. It's good with icing. It will, however, make your Kitchenaid howl like a damned soul while mixing it. This recipe will fill a 5 quart mixing bowl frighteningly close to the top. It's worth it. When I tell somebody I'm serving fruitcake, they flinch. Then they eat it. Complaints cease. As always, any notes and changes are in blue.

Bourbon Fruit Cake
via About.com 

Ingredients

• 8 ounces red candied cherries, halved (I omitted all the candied cherries and used a jar of drained maraschino cherries)
• 8 ounces green candied cherries, halved (omitted)
• 8 ounces seedless raisins or chopped dates (I'm married so I shouldn't have dates. I used golden raisins)
• 2 cups bourbon (I went with Jim Beam)
• 1 1/2 cups (3 sticks) butter, room temperature
• 2 cups granulated sugar
• 1 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
• 6 large eggs, separated
• 5 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 cups chopped pecans (omitted)
• 2 teaspoons ground nutmeg
• 1 teaspoon baking powder

Directions

1. In a medium bowl, combine the cherries, raisins, and bourbon; cover and let soak overnight. 
2. Preheat the oven to 275°F.
3. In a large bowl, cream the butter and sugars with an electric mixer until light and fluffy; add the egg yolks and beat well. Stir in the soaked fruit with bourbon. In a small bowl, combine 1/2 cup of the flour with the pecans; set aside. Add the remaining flour, nutmeg, and baking powder to the creamed mixture and blend well. In a bowl, beat the egg whites with an electric mixer until stiff peaks form; gently fold into the cake batter. Sprinkle the floured pecans over batter and fold in gently.
4. Grease and flour a 10-inch tube pan and line the bottom with greased waxed paper. (I have made this recipe several times and have never used a tube pan or waxed paper. I've used loaf pans, cake pans, bundt pans). Pour the batter into the pan; bake at 275° for 3 to 3 1/2 hours, or until a wooden pick or cake tester inserted in center comes out clean (this does, in fact, take every bit of 3-1/2 hours if you're using a large pan). 
5. Cool the cake. Turn cake out of the pan, peel off waxed paper (which I did not use), and store in a tightly covered container for several days (this recipe makes me think that you're not supposed to eat the cake. Just store it for several days and then shitcan it. Look, if this lasts more than seven days in your house, you must have cooked it wrong. It's awesome).

Good times!

Bourbon Pear Cake

     The bundt cake strikes me as a quintessential middle-class food. I have lost count of the times I've seen bundt cakes at gatherings. My family was notorious for using the bundt cake pan for all sorts of terrifying Jell-O molds involving layers and suspended fruits.  It was almost unavoidable that I would eventually buy and use a bundt cake pan.  One of the first things I made was a Bourbon Pear Cake. I think I got the recipe from Relish.com, but can't find it there anymore. If anybody locates the original source, please let me know so I can give proper credit. I liked this recipe because it incorporated booze. However, I can't get myself to cook with high-end liquor, that stuff is for drinking! Unfortunately, I didn't have any bottom-shelf booze on hand so I had to use the workhorse in my bar, Jim Beam. This is just a good looking cake and is moist and flavorful. I always feel like such a pompous ass when I say stuff like that. Hmm.. CAKE SQUISHY AND TASTE GOOD. There. Much better. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Bourbon Pear Cake

Ingredients

• 3 eggs 
• 2 cups sugar 
• 1 1/2 cups vegetable oil 
• 3 cups all-purpose flour 
• 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon 
• 2 tablespoons bourbon (I'm pretty sure some form of honey bourbon would be really good here)
• 1 teaspoon salt 
• 1 teaspoon baking soda 
• 1 1/2 cups pears - peeled, cored and chopped (there's nothing stopping you from using apples instead)
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 
• 1 1/4 cups confectioners' sugar 
• 2 tablespoons milk 

Directions

1. In a mixing bowl, beat eggs on medium speed. Gradually add sugar and oil; beat thoroughly. 
2. Combine flour, cinnamon, salt and baking soda; add to egg mixture and mix well. 
3. Stir in pears, bourbon and vanilla. (The batter will be stiff. Notice how I took the moral high ground and didn't make a joke here.) 
4. Spoon into a greased and floured 9-in. Bundt-cake pan. 
5. Bake at 350F for 60-65 minutes or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean (obviously, you'll want to stick the toothpick into the actual cake and not the hole in the center). Let cool in pan 10 minutes before inverting onto a serving plate. 
6. In a small bowl, combine the confectioners' sugar and milk; beat until smooth. Drizzle over warm cake. Cool completely.

"Miss Moneypenny, fetch me another slice of that fantastic cake. I'm too shitfaced to get it myself."
Good times! 

Chocolate Concoction

     Slow-cooker cook books often have recipes that are a bit sketchy health-wise. Often they are packed with sodium to the point of causing a cardiac event at the dinner table. Every now and then you come across a slow-cooker cook book that is full of hilariously unhealthy recipes. Gooseberry Patch Super Fast Slow Cooking is one of those books. Recipe after recipe is absolutely packed with salt and sugar. I love this book. Most of the meals will cause me to gain 4-7 pounds in water from a single meal. While this recipe is not packed with sodium, it is a fat and sugar bomb. If you're counting calories, you'll need a scientific calculator for this one. It is phenomenally rich; we can only eat about three forkfuls before we need a drink of water to move it along. As always, any notes and changes are in blue.

Chocolate Concoction
via Gooseberry Patch Super Fast Slow Cooking

Ingredients

• 1 box 18.25 ounce devil's food cake mix
• 16 ounce container sour cream (we tried to mitigate the damage of this dessert by using low fat sour cream)
• 3.9 ounce package instant chocolate pudding mix (more damage control here by using sugar-free pudding mix)
• 1-1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
• 4 eggs, beaten
• 1 cup water
• Optional: French vanilla ice cream (if you're having ice cream with this, you might as well just go ahead and stab yourself in the pancreas)

Directions

1. Beat all ingredients (except ice cream, if using) until smooth.
2. Pour into a slow cooker that has been sprayed with non-stick vegetable spray.
3. Cover and cook on LOW for 6-8 hours
4. Serve with ice cream if you really hate yourself.

Good times!

Banana Chocolate Cake

     Well, I still haven't run out of baking recipes in the Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals cookbook.  We wound up picking this recipe because the local market was selling entire bunches of bananas for 49 cents. They were in moderately sad shape and usable mostly for cooking. We took the couple good ones and used them with blueberries in a honking big bowl of corn flakes for breakfast. But I digress. It just so happened we had everything in the house for this cake. We even had the powdered milk, which had been hiding in a cabinet for about five years.  No harm done. This particular cake was a big hit. It is really good heated up with a big dollop of ice cream on it. As always, and changes or notes will be in blue.

Banana Chocolate Cake
via Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals

Ingredients

• Sugar substitute equivalent to 3/4 cup sugar (DECIDE: Cancer or Diabetes? We went with diabetes and used 3/4 cup of real sugar)
• 1/3 cup packed brown sugar
• 1/3 cup butter, softened
• 2 eggs
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 2 medium ripe bananas, mashed
• 1/2 cup water
• 1-1/3 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup nonfat dry milk powder
• 3 tablespoons baking cocoa
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 3/4 teaspoon confectioner's sugar

Directions

1. In a large mixing bowl, beat the butter and sugar substitute (or actual sugar), brown sugar and butter on medium speed for 3 minutes (I wasn't aware I had actual speed settings other than "hurried" or "sedentary." I'm guessing the recipe assumes we have a mixer for this step, which fortunately I do.)
2. Add eggs and vanilla; mix well. Add bananas and water; mix well. 
3. In another bowl, combine flour, milk powder, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Add to sugar mixture, beating just until blended.
4. Pour into a 9" square baking pan coated with nonstick cooking spray (as I am writing this I just realized I didn't do that. I used a bundt cake pan. I did so because there was a picture of a different chocolate cake from a bundt cake pan on the opposite page. Whatever, the cake came out fine), bake at 375F for 23-28 minutes (As always, ours took longer; closer to 40 minutes. Just use the original times and keep an eye on it. Cooking times will vary), until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean and the edges of the cake are just starting to pull away from the sides of the pan.
5. Cool on a wire rack. Dust with confectioner's sugar (fun trick for easy dusting: put the sugar into a fine mesh strainer. Hold the strainer about 6-8" above the cake and give the edge of the strainer a tap with a spoon. Just go over the whole cake doing this).

GENTLEMEN, BEHOLD,
Good times!

Recipe Monday: Jewish Apple Cake

     I don't know how I let this recipe slip by, seeing as we just celebrated Hanukkah. I picked this up from Relish.  This cake is absolutely wonderful and super easy.

Jewish Apple Cake (via Relish)

Ingredients

• 6 cups peeled and thinly sliced Granny Smith Apples (about 3 large)
• 1 ½ cups, plus 5 tablespoons granulated sugar, divided
• 4 teaspoons cinnamon
• 3 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 tablespoon baking powder
• ½ teaspoon salt
• 4 eggs
• ½ cup light brown sugar
• 1 cup vegetable oil
• ½ cup orange juice
• 2 ½ teaspoons vanilla extract

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350F. Grease, sugar and flour a 10” Bundt pan
2. Combine apple slices with 5 tablespoons granulated sugar and cinnamon; set aside
3. Combine flour, baking powder and salt in a bowl; set aside
4. Beat eggs with remaining granulated sugar and brown sugar. Add vegetable oil, orange juice and vanilla; beat well. Gradually blend in flour mixture and mix until well blended (about 1 minute)
5. Pour 1/3 of batter into pan. Top with half the apple slices (drain off any liquid). Pour in half the remaining batter and top with remaining apple slices. Top with remaining batter, making sure the apples are covered.
6. Bake 55-60 minutes, until the top turns golden brown and a knife inserted near the center comes out clean. Let cool 10 minutes in pan. Turn out on wire rack to cool.

This cake is certainly not a lie.

Nutrition info: 16 servings. 320 calories per serving