Apple & Raspberry Cookie Crumble Bars

 This recipe came from the desperate need to use up the last of our holiday cookies. We had a couple dozen sour cream cookies, so I figured I could grind them down and make a nice crust with them, so I did. Then I figured I could use more crumbs and make a crisp topping, which I did. Then I used a 5 year old jar of apples and some black raspberries from the garden and made something that I am very proud of. Serve it hot with a scoop of ice cream. Serve it cold and eat it like a bar cookie. Stand at the counter in your socks and underwear just grimly shoveling it into your face with a spatula; it's all good. I think you'll like it. If you don't, I don't want to know. I'm emotionally fragile. As always, notes are in blue. 

Apple Raspberry Cookie Crumble Bars

Ingredients

For the bottom and filling

• 2 cups cookie crumbs (this required about 2 dozen medium sized cookies)
• 1 stick butter (I used unsalted), melted
• 2/3 cup raspberries (I used black raspberries from our garden. Any raspberry will do)
• 1 pint apples in medium syrup (you can use your own, or try my recipe for Spiked Apples)
• 2/3 cup sweetened condensed milk
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 
• 1/2 cup brown sugar

For the topping

• 1 cup cookie crumbs 
• 6 tablespoons cold butter, cut into small pieces
• 2/3 cup oats
• 3/4 cup brown sugar

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F (190C, Gasmark 5)
2. Grease a 9x13" baking dish (we used nonstick cooking spray)
3. Pour in the 2 cups of crumbs and the melted butter. Mix to combine, then use a spatula to spread the mix into a layer on the bottom of the pan. Make sure use the spatula to compress the layer into a crust.
4. In a large bowl, mix the fruit, milk, vanilla,  and sugar. Pour onto crust and carefully spread into an even layer.
5. In another large bowl, mix the topping ingredients. Use a pastry cutter, or a couple of knives to cut the butter into the mix until you see pea-sized pieces in the mix.
6. Take the topping mix and carefully spread it evenly over the fruit layer. 

   

   Look at that beautiful top layer. LOOK AT IT.

   
   
7. Bake at 375 for 45 minutes.
8. Remove from oven and let cool if you want to be able to pick up and eat like a bar cookie. Otherwise serve it hot with a big old scoop of vanilla ice cream!

It's not fair how good that looks. 
Good Times!

Cranberry-Apple Kugel

Kugel is one of those dishes I remember fondly from childhood. My grandmother would make it occasionally and it was always a treat. I took her recipe and changed it up to make it a little more Winter seasonable. The end result is a sweet and tart kugel that is the perfect end to most meals. The bonus of this recipe is that you can fine every ingredient at ALDI. The Fried Apples may be a problem outside of the fall/winter season, but there's workarounds. If you've had kugel before, this is a nice change from the raisin/pineapple you may be used to. If you've never had kugel before, you're in for a treat. As always, notes are in blue.

Cranberry-Apple Kugel

Ingredients

• 1 lb. wide egg noodles
• 4 cups fresh cranberries
• 1-1/2 cups sugar
• 1 can (14.5 oz) ALDI Fried apples with cinnamon. (this may be tough to find, especially out of season. If you can't find it, use an equal amount of canned apples, or in a pinch, apple pie filling)
• 1/2 cup butter, melted
• 3 eggs, beaten
• 1 lb. small curd cottage cheese

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F (191C, GasMark 5)
2. Cook noodles 1 less minute than suggested on the package. Drain and set aside.
3. Chop cranberries (if you have a food processor, just save yourself the anguish and pulse them a few times in there) Throw the cranberries in a large bowl. Add sugar and mix. Let that sit for a few minutes.
4. Add the apples, butter, eggs and cheese to the cranberry mixture. Stir to mix it all up. 
5. Add the noodles and toss to make sure everything is evenly incorporated. 
6. Dump it all in a greased 13x9 baking dish. Make sure it's distributed in an even layer.
7. Cook for 40 minutes or until the noodles on top start to get brown and crisp.
8. Remove from oven and let sit at least 10 minutes before slicing and serving.

Good Times!

Cheddar Apple Bread

     Every now and then I come across a recipe that doesn't seem right. I mean, it looks good in theory, but something is off about it. This bread recipe was a perfect example. It looked great on paper. I followed most of the instructions. Then I was staring at a mixing bowl full of what amounted to dust. There was no liquid to turn it into dough. I figured maybe because I used dried apples instead of fresh. Then I realized grated apples still wouldn't produce enough liquid to make a dough. I called over The Wife for a consult. She agreed the recipe was wonky. We made an executive decision, and based on other recipes, added some yogurt and milk. The end result was fantastic. A bread that's good and crusty on the outside, but soft on the inside. Toast up a big slab of this and slather it with butter and you've got yourself a winner. I suggest making it using my suggestions, but feel free to try the original recipe. Let me know if you have any success. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Cheddar Apple Bread
originally Old English Cheese & Apple Loaf
via The Art of Bread

Ingredients

• 1 teaspoon oil, to grease pan (we just used nonstick cooking spray)
• 3-1/2 cups unbleached flour (regular white flour, right?)
• 1 tablespoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 4 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 4 apples, peeled, cored and grated (we used about 2 cups dried apples, chopped)
• 4 ounces cheddar cheese, grated
• 2 eggs, beaten
• 1 cup plain yogurt
• 1/2 cup milk
• rolled oats, to sprinkle (totally forgot about this)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350F (180C, Gasmark), grease a 9x5x3" baking pan.
2. Sift flour, baking powder and salt together in a large bowl. Rub butter into the flour mixture quickly with your fingertips until the mixture resembles the texture of coarse breadcrumbs (using your fingertips? How about one of those dough cutters? Why make things harder and messier than it needs to be?)
3. Stir in the apples and cheese into the flour mixture. Add the beaten eggs until evenly blended (ok, if you have skipped my optional steps, you may find yourself staring at a bowl of clumpy and mostly dry flour. This was my WTF moment. Something very important seemed to be missing from the recipe. Like something to make it into a dough. The fact that the next step refers to "spooning the batter" indicates something the consistency of dried Play-Doh was not what I was looking for. Just go ahead and mix in that milk and yogurt now.) Mix until evenly blended.
4. Spoon the batter into the pan (see? I told you. "Spoon." You'd be better off with a broom and dustpan if you don't add some liquid) Sprinkle with oats (I was so pissed about this recipe seemingly missing ingredients that I totally forgot about the oats.)
5. Bake for 1-1/2 to 2 hours (we went for about 1-3/4 hours) until golden brown and well-risen. Turn out on a wire rack to cool.

Good Times!

Slow Cooker Apples in Bourbon Custard

    Holy Shit. I'm not one to normally go nuts about something that came out of a slow cooker, but I can say without fear of contradiction that this is the best thing outside of my chili to ever come out of a slow cooker. I just threw this together completely on a goof and magic happened. Seriously, once you have this, you'll forsake all other slow cooker desserts. We're talking eyes in the back of the head, open mouth groaning kind of good. Unless you don't like apples. Then you're shit out of luck. As always, notes are in blue.

Slow Cooker Apples in Bourbon Custard

Ingredients

• 6 small-medium apples, spiral cut and cored (you'll need one of those apple corer/peeler/slicer things or you're in for more work than you want)

  

  This thing. You can find them on Amazon for under $20, or at Pampered Chef for $1,200.

• 1/2 cup chopped nuts (we used pecans, but I imagine walnuts or cashews would be delightful)
• 1/2 cup sultanas (that's fancy-talk for gold raisins)
• 1 14-ounce can of sweetened condensed milk
• 1/4 cup Benchmark Brown Sugar Liquor (if you don't want the booze, just use an equal amount of brown sugar. If you can't find Benchmark, you can mix about 2 tablespoons brown sugar with 1/4 cup bourbon for roughly the same effect)
• 1/8 cup honey
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon

Directions

1. If you haven't already done so, run your apples through that apple corer/peeler/slicer thing. Do your best to get the apple off the spindle whole. You will be scored on artistic merit.
2. Spray a slow cooker with non-stick cooking spray. Place the apples in a single layer on the bottom (we were able to barely fit 6 apples in a 2.5 quart cooker)
3. Mix the chopped nuts and raisins. Fill the middle of each apple where you removed the core. 
4. In a medium bowl (you can use a large bowl if you'd like. I wouldn't recommend using a small bowl unless you like making a mess), mix sweetened condensed milk, honey, bourbon and cinnamon. Pour mixture evenly over the apples. 
5. Cook on LOW for 3 hours or until apples start to get tender and liquid takes on a custard-like consistency. 

Good times!

Cabbage Borsch

     As you may already know, we do a lot of canning in our house. We have a fairly abundant garden and are always looking for ways to preserve all those great foods until we really want to eat them. The freezer will only hold so much and there's only so many things that take well to dehydration. That leaves canning. We have exclusively done water bath canning largely due to the fact that I am a big baby and live in fear of leveling the kitchen in a pressure canning incident.

Terrifying.

     This summer, we finally gave in. We admitted that not everything should be pickled.

     We set up for pressure canning. Our first attempt was a cabbage soup out of a 41 year old cookbook. I figure if we made it safely through the initial danger of running the pressure canner, the worst that would happen is botulism when we ate the soup. It turned out that my fears were unfounded. At least the pressure canning fears. We still might get botulism when we eat the soup down the line. If you follow the instructions for your canner and in the link provided below, you might be able to keep insurance claims to a minimum. If you don't want to pressure can, simply stop after step 2, though you might want to cook the soup a bit longer. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Cabbage Borsch
via Better Homes and Gardens Home Canning Cookbook

Ingredients

• 5 pounds tomatoes
• 8 cups coarsely shredded cabbage
• 6 cups water
• 2 cups chopped onion (The Wife just informed me we apparently forgot to add the onion. Whoops.)
• 2 medium apples, peeled and cut into pieces (no specification was made as to type of apple. We used Red Delicious.)
• 2 tablespoons beef bouillon granules (we used the cubes with a ratio of 2 for every 3 cups of water. Feel free to toy with the measures to get the salt fix you crave.)
• 2 tablespoons sugar
• 2 tablespoons lemon juice
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/8 teaspoon pepper
• dried cayenne peppers (1 per pint jar)

Directions

1. Wash, peel, remove stem end and cores and quarter tomatoes. Use a small spoon to scrape out excess seeds, if f desired (no, it was not desired. You already had us do everything other than declare allegiance to these damned tomatoes.)
2. In a 4-6 quart kettle or Dutch oven, combine all ingredients (that includes the onions. Don't forget the onions like we did and live with the regret). Bring mixture to a boil. Boil, uncovered, for 5 minutes.
3. Ladle soup into hot jars, leaving 1/2-inch headspace. Adjust lids. Process in pressure canner at 10 pounds. Process pints for 45 minutes, process quarts for 55 minutes. If you're a wuss like me, who is even afraid to open a tube of biscuit dough, you'll wisely spend this time outside behind the safety of a brick wall. IF YOU'RE GOING TO PRESSURE CAN, PLEASE VISIT THE NATIONAL CENTER FOR HOME FOOD PRESERVATION AND READ UP ON THE PROCESS. We don't want you inadvertently remodeling your kitchen or making a needless trip to the emergency room.

Soup's done!
Good times!

Slow Cooker Breakfast Concoction

     It is said that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I know that The Wife and I make it a point to try to have something for breakfast every day. This can be challenging for us during the week. Normally we end up having toast or a piece of fruit. During the winter, it's nice to have something warm and filling. That's what lead to this recipe. It looks like absolute crap, but it smells and tastes great. There's plenty of good stuff in there to keep you running until lunch. If you don't feel like making my apples, you can get away with regular sliced apples and just add more apple juice to replace the syrup. Other notes are, as always, in blue.

Slow Cooker Breakfast Concoction

Ingredients

• 2 cups granola cereal of your choice
• 1 cup old fashioned oats
• 2 cups Spiked Apples
• 1/4 cup syrup from the apples
• 4 tablespoons butter
• 1/2 cup golden raisins (it's not a big deal if you use non-golden, I just liked the uniform color of the dish)
• 1 cup milk
• 1/2 cup apple juice

Directions

1. Spray slow cooker (the inside, not the outside. This is a critical distinction) with nonstick cooking spray. 
2. Load all ingredients into slow cooker and stir to mix.
3. Cook on LOW for 5 hours. Check it and stir it occasionally. If it starts to scorch, add more apple juice or milk.

It looked better BEFORE I cooked it! At least it tasted good!
Good Times!

Spiked Apples

     We rustic types love to preserve our own food. Fortunately for us, our in-laws both have access to apple trees. Each year, they bring us somewhere around eighty pounds of apples over the course of the season. One of our favorite ways to process them is to can them in syrup and booze. The original formula came out of the Better Homes and Gardens Home Canning Cookbook. We found it was great fun to use bourbon or other liquor in place of some of the liquid in these recipes. If you don't want to use booze, just swap water back in. Depending on the booze, the flavor will change dramatically. With regular bourbon, the apples are sweet and mellow. When I use an herbal liquor like Elisir M.P. Roux, the herbals really come through in the apples. No matter how you make them, they're great. We use them in cakes, on pancakes, over vanilla ice cream or just straight out of the jar! Since this recipe does involve boiling water canning, as always, please refer to the National Center for Home Food Preservation for tips on how to prevent giving everyone the green apple splatters. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Spiked Apples

Ingredients

• 3 pounds of apples for each quart you intend to make
• 3 cups sugar
• 3 cups water
• 1 cup booze (pick your favorite. I use Jim Beam for my bourbon apples and Elisir M.P. Roux for my herbal elixir apples. I imagine cinnamon or honey whiskey would be outstanding, too).
• 6-8 whole cloves per quart

Directions

1. Prepare a boiling water canner. Load your empty jars in while the water is boiling so they will be hot and clean when you go to use them.
2. Wash, peel and core the apples. (Cut the apples however you want. I use small apples which I cut into wedges) Load them in a bowl with some color keeper so they don't brown.
3. In a large pot, add liquid and sugar. Stir over medium heat until sugar dissolves. Bring syrup to boil.
4. Add apples to syrup and boil for 5 minutes.
5. Lower heat on the apples to a simmer and load the hot apples into the jars (yes, take the jars out of the canner and empty the water first, you goof. If I find out anybody was trying to fill the jars while they were still in the canner, I'm going to be very upset). Add the cloves to the jar. Cover with hot syrup, leaving about 1/2 inch of headspace. Secure with a clean lid and ring. Load into the canner. 
6. Process for 20 minutes (20 minutes is fine for either pints or quarts). 
7. Remove jars to a wire rack with about 1" between them. Wait a while until you hear the satisfying thunk of the jar sealing. If you don't hear it after a few hours, you can either run it through another water bath and try again or just put them in the fridge for immediate devouring.

Good times!

Golden Molasses Pear Cake

     Let us once again go back to the carefree days of the early 1990's for this recipe from Pol Martin's Supreme Cuisine. This recipe uses molasses, which is one of those ingredients I continually forget is in my pantry. It also originally called for apples, but I was looking for a way to use up some pears I had canned, so changes were made. The cake turned out rich and mellow.

Like Barry White's voice in cake form. 

     Anyways, if you'd like to try a cake that's a little different from your normal frosted variety, this is a nice change of pace. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Golden Molasses Pear Cake
via Pol Martin's Supreme Cuisine

Ingredients

• 2 large eggs
• 2 large egg yolks
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 1/2 cup molasses
• 3 apples, cored, peeled and diced small (I used about 2 cups of my own pears canned in bourbon syrup. Everything is better with booze)
• 1 tablespoon grated orange rind (I had no oranges on hand when I made this. I used 2 teaspoons of dried orange zest)
• 1-1/2 cups pastry flour (I'm guessing that's the same thing as regular flour, because that's what I used and everything worked out fine)
• 2 teaspoons baking soda
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 2 tablespoons cinnamon
• pinch salt

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 300F. Line bottom of 9" springform cake pan with waxed paper. Butter paper and sides of pan (It's a circle. Technically it only has two sides: the inside and the outside. Just the inside of the pan, please).
2. Place all eggs in a bowl (Protip: Take the eggs out of the shells first). Add brown sugar and molasses. Beat 3 minutes with electric hand mixer (or by hand if you're feeling particularly industrious). 
3. Stir in fruit and orange rind.
4. Sift flour, baking soda, baking powder, cinnamon and salt together. Place in sifter and re-sift over cake batter while incorporating with a wooden spoon (pretty sure Pol Martin was drunk at this point. How am I going to re-sift over the cake batter when I haven't actually made the cake batter yet? Is this some sort of quantum theory experiment? Is the cake existing in multiple states? Is this Schrödinger's Cake? You know what else? I used a silicone spatula here. Screw you, Pol Martin)
5. Pour batter into cake pan and cook 60-65 minutes or until cake is done (unless you want to just stop before then and serve a half-cooked cake. Seriously, did nobody proofread this recipe?)
6. Cool in pan slightly before unmolding. Finish cooling on wire rack. Serve with whipped cream (I did no such thing. YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME, POL MARTIN!)

GOOD TIMES!!!

Cran-Apple Tea Ring

     There's a pretty good chance that if I'm baking, the recipe was pinched from Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals. Their baking recipes have been excellent every time. I figure, why mess with success?  Fair warning, this particular recipe is a bit labor intensive, but worth it. The end result is extremely impressive looking. As always, any substitutions and/or notes are in blue.

Cran-Apple Tea Ring
via Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals

Ingredients

• 1 package (1/4 ounce) active dry yeast
• 1/4 cup warm water (110-115F)
• 1/2 cup warm fat-free milk (110-115F) (we used 2%. Don't judge me harshly)
• 1 egg
• 2 tablespoons butter, softened
• 1 tablespoon grated orange peel (I'm pretty sure they mean fresh. We used the dried stuff from a jar)
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 3 tablespoons plus 1/2 cup sugar, divided
• 2-3/4 to 3-1/4 cups all purpose flour (we ended up using the full 3-1/4 cups)
• 1 cup thinly sliced, peeled apple
• 1 cup dried cranberries (we didn't have enough cranberries, so we used 1/2 cup cranberries and 1/2 cup raisins)
• 1/2 cup chopped walnuts, toasted (I found out you can toast nuts in the microwave. Put them in a single layer and nuke them on HIGH for 1 minute at a time. Eventually you'll smell the tell-tale aroma of roasting nuts. Don't be an imbecile like me and then go to remove the plate with your bare hand unless you're a big fan of burning yourself)
• 1-1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 1 egg white
• 1 tablespoon water
• 1/2 cup confectioners' sugar
• 1 tablespoon orange juice

Directions

1. In a large mixing bowl, dissolve yeast in warm water. Add milk, egg, butter, orange peel, salt, 3 tablespoons sugar and 1 cup flour; beat until smooth. Stir in enough remaining flour to form a soft dough (like I said, I ended up using the maximum suggested amount)
2. Turn dough out onto a floured surface; knead until smooth and elastic, about 6-8 minutes (as always, I let the trusty Kitchenaid and dough hook take care of this step. I took this time to enjoy a cup of coffee and contemplate my place in the universe). Place in a bowl coated with nonstick cooking spray; turn once to coat top of dough. Cover and let rise in a warm place for 1 hour.
3. In a bowl, toss the apple, cranberries, walnuts, cinnamon and remaining sugar; set aside.
4. Punch dough down; turn onto a lightly floured surface. Roll into a 20"x10" rectangle. Combine egg white and water mixture; chill 3 tablespoons. Brush remaining mixture over dough. Spoon fruit mixture to within 1" of edges.

   

   You should be looking at something like this at this point.

   Roll up jelly-roll style, starting with long side; seal ends. (I let the wife handle the rolling portion. I was fairly sure I would screw up horribly if I tried to roll this thing).
5. Place seam side down on a 15"x10"x1" baking pan coated with nonstick cooking spray; pinch ends to form a ring. With scissors, cut from outside edge two-thirds of the way toward the center of the ring at 1" intervals. Separate strips slightly; twist so filling shows (we didn't exactly do this by the book. The wife took a super sharp paring knife and slit the dough and just pulled the cuts apart a bit. The whole scissors and twisting was getting too involved for us). Cover and let rise until doubled, about 40 minutes.
6. Brush with reserved egg white mixture. Bake at 375 for 20-25 minutes or until golden brown. Cover with foil during the last 10 minutes. (For once, it actually took close to within the suggested cooking time to bake something! We had this done in about 30 minutes). Remove to wire rack to cool. 
7. Combine confectioners' sugar and orange juice; drizzle over ring (the icing came out way more translucent than the photo in the book. Maybe next time I'll add more confectioners' sugar. I also considered topping this with coarse grain sugar and hitting it with the kitchen torch next time. It would be nice to use that torch for something besides lighting my cigars). 

Good times!

Monday Recipe: Bread Stuffing With Honey Crisp Apples (via Relish)

     We're heading back into Thanksgiving territory this week for another great side dish. When you think Thanksgiving side dishes, stuffing is usually the first thing to come to mind. No, not "dressing," stuffing. We don't deal in dressing in my house. You take food and stuff it into your mouth. Stuffing. Dressing sounds like you should be wearing the food.

Well, at least I'm not hungry any more.

     When it comes to stuffing, we've always been a Stove Top house. Nothing fancy. Maybe add some celery, onion and walnuts. When I was little, we used to stuff the bird, but then my parents became convinced we'd get trichinosis, or the collywobbles or something and started cooking the stuffing separately. I think it was actually the fact that my sister liked the stuffing crispy and not soggy. I'm not bitter. A couple of years ago, I found a new stuffing recipe and gave it a spin. The reason the recipe caught my eye was largely in part due to my mother. She had been banging on about honey crisp apples and how they were the Best Thing Ever. Being a good son, I decided to surprise her with honey crisp apple stuffing when we had her down for Thanksgiving. It was a hit and became a fixture at the holiday table. It's easy to make. It can be a touch pricey as honey crisp apples are generally around $2.50 a pound if you're lucky. If you have an ALDI near you, take a look there. They occasionally have honey crisp apples for $1.25 a pound. They tend to be a bit dinged up, but you're cutting them up and cooking them, so quit whining. 

Bread Stuffing with Honey Crisp Apples (via Relish)

Ingredients

• 1/2 cup (1 stick) butter
• 1 1/2 cups chopped onion (1 large onion)
• 1 1/2 cups chopped celery (about 6 ribs)
• 1 teaspoon dried sage
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon Freshly ground black pepper
• 12 cups torn artisan white bread (about a 1-pound loaf)
• 3 cups diced honey crisp apples (about 3 apples)
• 2 1/2 cups reduced-sodium turkey or chicken broth

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F. 

1. Melt butter in a medium skillet over medium-high heat. Add onion and celery; sauté until tender, about 12 minutes. Add sage, salt and pepper. 
2. Place bread in a large bowl. Add onion mixture, any liquid from cooking the vegetables, apples and broth; toss well. 
3. Transfer stuffing to a 13 x 9-inch baking pan and bake 20 minutes. Remove from oven and stir. If the stuffing seems too dry, add more broth. Return to oven and bake 20 minutes. Makes 12 cups.

Nutritional Info: Calories 240, Fat 11g, Sodium 580mg, Carbohydrate 31g