Peanut Butter Gochujang Chicken Noodle Soup

 I'm not entirely sure what inspired this particular recipe, other than the need to use up some leftover chicken. The day was cold and rainy, so soup seemed the way to go. Everything sort of fell in to place from there. We've done peanut soups before and really like them, so I figured I would go with that theme. We had a tub of gochujang paste on hand, so it seemed logical to add some. The rest is history. This recipe comes together in no time and all and is easily made vegetarian by leaving out the chicken (The Wife wisely suggested using tofu cubes instead) and using vegetable stock instead of chicken. In the end, it is warm and filling soup perfect for the cold weather. Anyway, feel free to give it a try and let me know what you think. Unless you don't like it and then please don't contact me. As always, notes are in blue.

Peanut Butter Gochujang
Chicken Noodle Soup

Ingredients

• 32 ounces chicken stock
• 32 ounces water
• 1/3 cup peanut butter (creamy or chunky depending on what you like)
• 2 tablespoons gochujang paste
• 2 cups pre cooked rotisserie chicken, shredded
• 1/2 teaspoon MSG  (if you're one of those people still convinced that MSG is bad, just use salt)
• 1 teaspoon dried cilantro (if you're one of those people still convinced that cilantro tastes like soap, just use basil)
• 1 lb. angel hair pasta
• lime wedges and/or peanuts for garnish

Directions

1. In a large pot, add stock and water. Bring to a low boil.
2. Stir in peanut butter, gochujang, and MSG. Stir until peanut butter and gochujang are completely incorporated.
3. Add chicken and pasta and boil for 4 minutes.
4. Remove from heat and stir in cilantro.
5. Serve with peanuts and lime wedges

Magic Healing Soup*

 Sometimes, you get sick. If you're me, you get sick 2-3 times during the school year. This year, I got Covid AND an ear infection at the same time, which was all sorts of exciting. One of the good things that did come of it, is one of the people who follows my page (for whatever reason) suggested a base soup recipe. It didn't have specific measurements, so I just sort of followed ingredients and used amounts I felt were appropriate. Then I added a couple of extras because that's what you do with online recipes. You make fundamental changes to them without trying the original recipe, then bitch about how it turned out. (I SUBSTITUTED CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR THE SMOKED SAUSAGE AND  IT CAME OUT AWFUL. ZERO STARS). Anyways, this soup cleared our sinuses in short order and was good enough that we made a second batch the next day. We could not deny we felt much better after eating this soup. Even The Spud cleared her bowl. Give it a try and see what you think. If you hated it, blame the person who suggested this type of soup in the first place. I am an innocent victim. As always, notes are in blue. 

Magic Healing Soup*
(please see disclaimer in above photo)

Ingredients

• 2 lbs chicken (use light or dark meat as preferred. We used breasts since it was what was on hand)
• 2 quarts chicken stock
• 2 potatoes, cut into 1/2" cube OR 1 can (16 oz) Black beans, rinsed and drained (or use both, nobody is looking)
• 1 yellow onion, chopped
• 1 zucchini, chopped
• 7-150 cloves of garlic, chopped. (There is no upper limit to garlic here. We are trying to heal, or at the very least keep vampires at bay.)
• 2 cups prepared salsa (Hot is good. Let's get those sinuses cleared!)
• 1 cup corn (canned or frozen is fine)
• olive oil
• 1/2 teaspoon ground coriander
• 1/2 teaspoon cumin powder
• 1 heaping teaspoon chipotle in adobo
• 1 packed Sazon for soups
• splash of lime juice (around a tablespoon)
• salt and pepper to taste
• Nacho chips for garnish (optional)
• Chili crisp for garnish (optional, but only if you're a big baby)

Directions

1. In a large pan, on medium high heat, add 3 tablespoons of oil and the onion, zucchini, and garlic. Sautee for 5-7 minutes until the veggies are translucent and starting to brown a bit. Turn off heat and set aside.
2. In a large (4-6 quart) slow cooker, put in potatoes (and/or beans), salsa, corn, and chicken.
3. Add the coriander, cumin, chipotle, Sazon, and salt and pepper over the chicken.
4. Add the sautéed veggie mixture to the slow cooker. 
5. Add the stock and lime juice. 
6. Cook on HIGH for 4-1/2 hours.
7. Remove chicken from cooker, shred (the chicken. I'm not looking for a guitar solo), then return the chicken to the slow cooker. 
8. Serve with tortilla chips to either eat on the side, or crumble into the soup. (We crumbled lime tortilla chips in and loved it). 
9. Throw a little chili crisp on top because chili crisp.

Good Times!

Slow Cooker Ham, Broccoli, and Cheese Soup

 I was just thinking to myself that the world can't possibly have enough slow cooker ham and potato soup recipes. This was a grave injustice that deserved remedy. That, and I had a bag of potatoes that was about to turn into compost if I didn't use them soon. This is about as utilitarian a soup as you'll ever find. There are no real surprises or innovations here, other than maybe the use of American cheese slices. This is just solid winter fare. This will fill you up and keep you warm. This is not the soup you need right now. It is the soup you deserve. I think that might have been from Batman. I don't know, it's been a long week. Anyways, it's easy to make and it's good. It's also flexible. Leave out the ham, add sausage. Go vegetarian and leave out the meet but add some carrots. Go wild. As always, notes are in blue.

Slow Cooker Ham, Broccoli, and Cheese Soup

Ingredients

• 8 cups cubed (about 1/4") potatoes (peel them if you want, we never bother)
• 1 cup sweet onion, finely chopped
• 1 lb. frozen broccoli
• 4 ounces cream cheese (we use neufchatel)
• 1 lb. ground ham (this may be a problem to find. We use ground ham from Toohill Seed & Beef Service. If you can't find it or are unable to order it, substitute an equivalent weight of ham you chop up yourself.)
• 8 slices American cheese (if this seems horrifying, just substitute 8 ounces of shredded cheddar or Velveeta)
• 3 cups water or chicken stock
• 1 cup milk
• 1 tablespoon Gateway to the North seasoning from the Spice House. (if you can't/won't get this spice blend, you can make do with whatever spices you enjoy)

Directions

1. In a large (5-6 quart) slow cooker, add the potatoes, then layer the cheeses over the potatoes. 
2. Add all other ingredients over the cheese.
3. Cook on LOW for 7 hours, stirring every couple hours.

Good Times!

Slow Cooker Zesty Taco Soup

You are all probably aware of how excited we were about getting a big box of goodies from Dos Rios Taco Meat. We were especially excited about the Chile Verde flavor, since it's not available right now in our area. Keep in mind there's absolutely nothing stopping you from browning up your own ground beef and adding your own seasoning, but I am inherently lazy and am enamored of the concept of heat and eat meat (say that five times fast). This recipe is literally just dumping ingredients into a pot and heating them until it is hot enough to serve. That's the magic. This soup has a little bit of a zing to it as the meat has some jalapeno already in it. Much like anything I cook in the slow-cooker, this is not much to look at. However, it smells and tastes wonderful. This is absolutely a perfect dish for the wet and cold weather we've been having lately. If you live somewhere that is warm and dry, I don't want to hear about it. I'm not sure what else to tell you. If you use the Dos Rios meat, there's virtually nothing to do with this recipe other than throw everything into a pot and applying heat. Granted, that's really all cooking is, but here you at least won't have to cook and drain the beef. Since I'm a swell guy, I included stovetop cooking instructions. I just keep on giving. As always, any notes are in blue.

Slow Cooker Zesty Taco Soup

Ingredients

• 1 lb. Dos Rios Chile Verde Taco Meat, defrosted
• 1 can (15 ounces) black beans, drained and rinsed
• 1 can (10.5 ounce) cheddar cheese soup (you could certainly use nacho cheese soup if you had it on hand. We had cheddar, so that's what we used)
• 1 can (14.5 ounces) fire roasted tomatoes, undrained
• 1 can (15. 5 ounces) white hominy, drained
• 8 ounces (about half a jar) salsa (we went with a hot, thick and chunky Chi-Chi's salsa. Feel free to use whatever floats your boat)
• 1-1/4 cup chicken stock (you could use just water, but we've really been enjoying using stock)
• Optional: sour cream and black olives to garnish after cooking.

Directions

1. Put everything in a large (around 5 quart) slow cooker. 
2. Stir to combine.
3. Cook on LOW for 5 hours. 
   
4. Add any garnishes

OR

1. Put everything in a large (around 5 quart) Dutch oven
2. Stir to combine
3. Cook on the stovetop on medium heat until it starts to simmer, stirring occasionally.
4. Add any garnishes

We worked the numbers, and it looks like this is about 275 calories per cup. (This does not take into account any sour cream you add)

Good times!

Slow Cooker Potato, Beer, Bacon and Cheese Soup

 The time has come for soup weather. It's been hovering around freezing for a couple weeks now, so we're dragging out soup recipes and coming up with new ones. This recipe came about because we had a bag of potatoes that had all sorts of exciting things growing off of them and were close to achieving sentience. We found a slow cooker recipe for potato soup and quickly butchered it. The result was a gallon of tasty and filling soup. If you don't drink, it is still good without the beer. Or use non-alcoholic beer if that's an option. It's up to you. I'm not going to be checking on you to see if you followed the recipe exactly. Apologies for the pic, this soup does NOT photograph well. As always, notes are in blue.

Slow Cooker Potato, Beer, Bacon, and Cheese Soup
(looks much better in real life)

Ingredients

• 6 cups potatoes, cut into small cubes (I used russets, didn't peel them, and cut them into about 1/4" squares)
• 2 cups minced onion
• 1/2 cup carrots, cut into thin slices
• 1/2 pound bacon (feel free to leave it out if you don't do meat)
• 1 can (10.5 ounces) cream of broccoli soup (you could certainly use just about any cream soup here, though cream of potato might be overkill)
• 5 cups chicken stock (or vegetable stock if you're not into meat)
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
• 1 tablespoon Taylor Street Seasoning from Spice House (I know many of you won't have this, or don't want to order it. That's fine. You can just add garlic, Romano cheese, and basil to taste.)
• 1 can (12 ounces) evaporated milk
• 1 cup dark beer (I used Budweiser Black Lager. Pick your favorite. Use non-alcoholic if you prefer. Or leave it out if you don't drink. I imagine you could through a couple dashes of Worcestershire sauce in there to get that deeper flavor)
• 4 ounces shredded cheddar cheese (about 1 cup)
• 1 teaspoon dried parsley

Directions

1. In a pan, cook bacon until crisp. Drain and set aside.
2. In a large (6 quart) slow-cooker, add the potato, onion, carrot, bacon, soup, stock, pepper and seasonings. 
3. Set the cooker to HIGH for about 6.5 hours. Stir once about halfway through the time.
4. After the 6.5 hours, stir in the evaporated milk, beer, cheese, and parsley. Leave on HIGH and cook another 30 minutes or until the potatoes are soft.

Good times!

Slow Cooker Faux Pho

We are still attempting to make it through the imposed homebounding using only the supplies we have in the house (apart from eventually having to get milk for the Spud). This has forced me to be creative and ensure we use up all of one thing before we make the next. Two days ago we defrosted a whole smoked chicken that was in our fridge. The first night we had it as is. The next night it was chicken wraps. This time, since IT WAS FUCKING SNOWING AGAIN, I decided to use the last of the chicken to make soup. I thought it would be neat to try making Pho, but real pho is a Pain In The Ass. Lots of straining and demand for a perfectly clear broth. Screw that. It all went into a slow cooker. Was it authentic? No clue. I've never had authentic pho. I'm guessing it wasn't even close to authentic. Was it good? HELLS YES IT WAS.

Slow Cooker Faux Pho

Ingredients

• 5 cups chicken stock
• 1 cup water
• 1 sweet onion, minced
• 3/4" ginger, grated
• 1/8 teaspoon ground clove
• 1 teaspoon ground coriander
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
• salt to taste
• 2 teaspoon dried cilantro
• 3 teaspoon fish sauce
• 1 can 14.5 ounces, bean sprouts, drained
• 1 pound cooked, shredded chicken
• 8 ounces rice noodles
• Lime wedges and Sriracha sauce for garnish

Directions

1. In a 5-6 quart slow cooker, add all ingredients except for the last 4. Set on LOW for 5 hours.
2. Add the sprouts, chicken, and noodles. Recover the slow-cooker and cook an additional 30 minutes.
3. Serve with lime wedges and Sriracha.

Good Times!

Slow Cooker Cheesy Ham and Potato Soup by The Wife

(Note: The Wife sent me this write-up in the first week of January. A combination of busyness, laziness, and mortifying illness caused me to totally forget about posting this. I do apologize, but most of your know by now that regular posting is not something that occurs around here. Unless you sponsor me or something. Without further ado, we return you to my Wife's wonderful recipe!)

The Husband was under the weather all Christmas Break.  When he took his second trip to prompt care in as many weeks, I decided to throw together a slow cooker soup.  We had a Honeybaked Ham and a number of bags of frozen potatoes, so a cheesy ham and potato soup seemed the best option.  Unfortunately, we only had half a block of cheddar cheese and most recipes called for at least 8 ounces.  Some also called for Velveeta.  We didn’t have any of that.  We did, however, have 5 cans of condensed cheddar cheese soup, so I decided to improvise.

Slow Cooker Cheesy Ham & Potato Soup
(from The Wife)

Ingredients:

• 2 lb. bag of diced potatoes
• 2 cups of diced ham
• 1 cup of frozen broccoli
• 1 cup of frozen cauliflower
• 2 cans (10.5 oz) of condensed cheddar cheese soup
• 1 can of water
• 1 Tbsp minced onion

Directions:
1.  Combine all ingredients in a 5-6 quart slow cooker and stir.
2.  Cover and cook on low for 6-7 hours.
3.  Stir soup.  Mine was good and thick, but if you’d like it thicker, stir in 4 ounces of cream cheese.
4.  We just wanted a hearty soup, so we weren’t too concerned with presentation.  If you are, throw some sliced green onion and grated cheddar over the top.

Good Times!

Slow Cooker Mexican Style Beer and Cheese Soup

Holy cow does having a child eat into your time. Nobody warned me about that. Okay, everybody warned me about that. It's a good thing she's beautiful and hilarious, so I don't mind. One of the big things I've learned in the last year or so is to find meals that can be prepared in a hurry or require very little maintenance. During the winter months, that means I'm leaning heavily on the slow cooker. The Wife was recently after me to make some beer and cheese soup. I have a recipe and it's pretty good, but wanted something that would work well with the absolutely vile pumpkin beer I had in the fridge. I found it! The beer flavor really works quite well and the soup has a nice bite to it from the peppers. This is a great cold-weather soup. We are definitely making it again. As a bonus, at the bottom of this post, you'll find the link to the YouTube video of the recipe. As always, notes are in blue.

Slow Cooker Mexican Style
Beer and Cheese Soup
(that absolutely does not photograph well)

Ingredients

• 1-1/4 lb. ground beef
• 1/2 onion, chopped
• 1 can (10.75 oz) cheddar cheese soup (if you can find nacho cheese soup, that would probably be even better)
• 1 can (10 oz) diced tomato and peppers
• 1 can (15.5 oz) black beans, rinsed and drained
• 1 can (14.75 oz) creamed corn
• 1 can (12 oz) Harvest Patch Shandy (Leinenkugel) beer. (if you can't find it, any pumpkin beer will do. If you can't find pumpkin beer, or despise all things pumpkin, use any pilsner style beer (Old Style, etc). If you can't/won't use booze, just use an equal amount of water or beef stock)
• 1 envelope taco seasoning (about 1 oz)

Directions

1. In a pan, brown ground beef along with the chopped onions. Drain off excess grease and then stir in taco seasoning (into the meat and onion mix, not the drained grease because that would be dumb)
2. Combine all ingredients in a slow cooker. (we used a 3 quart and it was close. I suggest at least a 4 quart cooker). Cook on HIGH about 4 hours.

BONUS VIDEO

Good Times!

Spicy Black Bean Gazpacho

     I'm not sure how I feel about gazpacho.

Wrong Gazpacho.

The idea of cold soup has never really appealed to me. Granted, there are exceptions. There's an Indian cold yogurt cucumber soup I'm a fan of, but the idea of a bowl of raw veggies in tomato juice doesn't really call out to me. I wound up making this soup because we had a bunch of veggies on hand and The Wife suggested it. On a hot summer day, I suppose it made sense. I gave in and whipped it up. I used my Bloody Mary mix since it had all the seasonings already in it and I wasn't about to run out and buy V8. I have to admit this was pretty good. It had a nice spicy kick and I particularly like the way the beans offset the crunchiness of the other veggies. If you're looking for an easy, healthy summer soup, I'd have to say this is a big winner. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Spicy Black Bean Gazpacho
via Everyday Light Meals

Ingredients

• 3 cans (5-1/2 ounces each) spicy hot V8 juice. (Nope. We don't have V8 in the house since the gold-plated hovercraft was in the shop. We opted for 18 ounces of The Wife's Choice Bloody Mary Mix. It's worth the extra trouble to make this, especially if you like a good Blood Mary.)
• 1 can (15 ounces) black beans, rinsed and drained (has anybody ever seen a recipe that said not to rinse and drain black beans? I feel like maybe I have. You know, "reserve mucousy water for proper texture.")
• 1 medium onion, chopped (I used yellow, though I feel a sweet onion would have been good here)
• 2 large tomatoes, seeded and chopped (seeded? I don't have time for that sort of nonsense)
• 2 medium zucchini, chopped
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 2 tablespoons white wine vinegar
• 1 garlic clove, minced
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper (omitted since it's already in my Bloody Mary Mix)
• 1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper (omitted since it's already in my Bloody Mary Mix)

Directions

1. In a large bowl, combine all ingredients. Cover and refrigerate at least 8 hours. (Feel free to serve with a sprinkle of Parmesan cheese. We did, and we should be the benchmark for all your decision making.)

Good Times!

Slow Cooker Southwest Style Cheese Soup

     "Southwest Style." what a vague description. It would seem as long as you have meat and chile peppers, you can call something Southwest. That's good, because that is exactly what I did. This really came together as a desperate attempt to come up with meals for the week. I didn't expect much from this recipe, but was happily surprised at how it turned out. It had a nice bite and a plenty of flavor. It was even better the next day! Give it a try and see what you think! If you like it, let me know! If not, tell someone else, because I don't have time for your criticism.

Slow Cooker
Southwest Style Cheese Soup

Ingredients

• 1 can (15.5 ounce) black beans, drained and rinsed
• 1 can (14.5 ounce) fire roasted salsa style tomatoes, undrained (our ALDI had these. If you can't find them, just substitute a can of Rotel tomatoes with green chiles.)
• 1/2 cup corn (frozen or canned)
• 1 pound ground beef (80/20 is great, but 73/27 is fine, too. 11/89 is right out)
• 1/2 medium yellow onion, diced
• 4 cups water
• 1/2 cup sour cream
• 1 cup pepper jack cheese (this is not a paid endorsement, but I wholeheartedly recommend Kraft Habanero Heat shredded Monterey Jack)

Directions

1. Brown and drain the ground beef. Throw it in a slow cooker.
2. Throw in everything else except the sour cream and cheese.
3. Cook on LOW for 4 hours
4. Add the sour cream and cheese. Stir to incorporate and cook on LOW another 30 minutes.

Good Times!

Kale, Chorizo and Potato Soup

This has been one of the goofiest winters on record. We've had a week of near sixty degree temperatures, then it rained hard for two days straight and everything flooded. This morning it snowed. This sort of weather makes it hard for me to plan meals. There are certain things I can make only if the weather permits. Soups, for instance. I generally won't make soup during the summer. Come winter, it's game on. Now that we have a snap of cold weather, I figured it was time to throw down some soup. I found this recipe lurking in one of my cookbooks. I tweaked it just a bit and was greatly satisfied with the results. It's a simple, hearty soup that's great with crusty bread. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Kale, Chorizo and Potato Soup
via Best-Ever Soups

Ingredients

• 8 ounces kale, stems removed
• 8 ounce chorizo sausage (Italian or Spanish, not Mexican. You want the salami type chorizo)
• 1 medium onion, cut in half and thinly sliced
• 1-1/2 pounds red potatoes, skinned
• 7-1/2 cups vegetable stock (we used chicken stock)
• 1 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
• Crusty bread

Directions

1. Place the kale in a food processor and process for a few seconds to chop it finely (or just take out a goddamned knife and chop it yourself. I know I'm lazy, but even I have my limits)
2. Prick the sausage *snicker* and place in a pan with enough water to cover (if you're using the onion option, add them here). Simmer for 10 minutes. Drain and cut sausage into thin slices.
3. Cook the potatoes in lightly salted boiling water for about 15 minutes or until tender. Drain and place in a bowl. Mash, adding about a cup of the cooking liquid to make a thick paste.
4. Bring the stock to a boil and add the kale, chorizo (and possibly onion) and lower heat. Simmer for 5 minutes. Add the potato paste, stir to incorporate and simmer another 20 minutes. 
5. Season with black and cayenne pepper.
6. To serve: Place a slice of bread in the bottom of each bowl, then pour over soup.

Good times!

Slow Cooker Chicken Parmesan Soup

     While Yahoo is one of the most worthless sources of reliable news reporting, they do have a fairly robust food section that I refer to on a regular basis. The Wife happened across this slow-cooker recipe in her search for quick and easy meals for the week. In addition to being quick and easy, this was also right tasty, which is something I don't often say about slow cooker fare. Throw down some good crusty bread with this and you're good to go. I do suggest you take the suggestion for the pasta you'll see later in the recipe; you'll thank us for it. Or not, if you're totally ungrateful. We give and give and give and all you do is take and take and take. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Slow Cooker Chicken Parmesan Soup
via Yahoo Food

Ingredients

• 3 garlic cloves, minced (we got lazy and used 3 teaspoons minced garlic from a jar)
• 1 green bell pepper, chopped (The Wife doesn't like green peppers, so we went with red)
• 14 1/2 ounces crushed tomatoes (we used a can of undrained diced tomatoes)
• 1/2 pound raw boneless, skinless chicken breasts 
• 3 cups chicken broth 
• 1/2 cup chopped white onion
• 1/3 cup shredded Parmesan cheese, plus extra for garnish
• 1 tablespoon chopped fresh basil (none on hand, we used 1 teaspoon dried)
• 2 teaspoons chopped fresh oregano (none on hand either, 1.5 teaspoons dried)
• 1/8 teaspoon red pepper flakes 
• 4 ounces uncooked dry gemelli or penne pasta
• Chopped fresh basil or parsley, for garnish (no fresh on hand, omitted)

Directions

1. In the slow cooker, stir together the garlic, bell pepper, crushed tomatoes, chicken, broth, onion, the cheese, basil, oregano, and red pepper flakes. Cook on high for 3 1/2 hours, or on low for 7 hours.
2. Transfer chicken breasts to a cutting board and coarsely shred them; return them to the slow cooker; stir in the pasta. Cook on high for 30 minutes longer or until pasta is cooked al dente (adding the pasta at this step is a Bad Idea unless you plan on eating everything in one sitting. That pasta will turn to mush overnight if you put any aside for later. We suggest cooking the pasta separately and adding it as needed when you serve the soup. Unless you like mushy pasta. We won't judge. Yes we will. Don't do it.)
3. Serve garnished with more Parmesan cheese and chopped basil or parsley.

Good times!

Ham and Pea Soup

     Peas are a bit of an oddity with The Wife. Normally, she'll pick the peas out of most anything she's eating and wouldn't eat them as a side dish. However, if I make ham and pea soup, she goes batshit crazy over it and will eat it with gusto. This particular recipe is super simple and can be pressure canned for later use. Just remember to consult The National Center for Home Food Preservation to make sure you don't accidentally poison anyone. As always, notes are in blue.

Ham and Pea Soup
adapted from Better Homes and Gardens Home Canning Cookbook

Ingredients (Yields 4 pints)

• 5 cups frozen green peas (you can use fresh if you'd like)
• 2 cups finely chopped ham 
• 3/4 cup celery
• 1 teaspoon salt (Use the full teaspoon if your ham isn't salty. We dropped it to 1/4 teaspoon since our ham was super salty)
• 1/2 teaspoon black pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon dried marjoram

Directions

1. Add 3-1/2 cups water, peas, ham, onion, celery and seasonings in a 4-6 quart pot. Bring to boil and reduce to simmer. Simmer, covered for about 20-30 minutes.
2. Blend until smooth (If you've got steady hands, you can do it in batches in a blender. We used our immersion blender since I'm likely to spill everywhere trying to transfer scalding hot soup)
3. If you plan on eating this right away, stop here. If you plan on canning this for later use, carry on:
   Heat soup back to the boil Ladle hod soup into hot jars, leaving 1/2 inch headspace. Secure lids and process in a pressure canner at 10 pounds pressure. 60 minutes for pints and 75 minutes for quarts. 
4. Before serving and pressure canned food, make sure to boil it at least 10 minutes before you try to eat it.
   Optional: If you're not a fan of thick soups, thin this out with 1/2 cup of milk per pint when you go to serve. 

Good times!

Ham & Bean Soup

     I think I may no longer be completely terrified of pressure canning. I've done it a half-dozen or so times and haven't caused any notable damage. I haven't poisoned anybody yet, which is a real surprise. It's a good thing I'm comfortable with it, because it was a great way to use up some of the HUGE surplus of ham from the holidays. For not having many ingredients, this soup was surprisingly tasty. I have no regrets canning a gallon of it. You can serve this up right after it's done, or pressure can it for long term storage. Just be careful if you do. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Ham and Bean Soup
via Better Homes and Gardens Home Canning Cook Book

Ingredients

• 2 pounds dry navy beans (about 4 cups)
• 1 meaty ham bone
• 1 cup chopped ham
• 1 cup chopped onion
• 12 whole black peppercorns
• 2 bay leaves

Directions

1. Rinse beans. Add to 4 quarts water. Bring to a boil; reduce heat to simmer. Simmer for 2 minutes. Remove from heat and cover for one hour. 
2. Add ham bone, ham, onion and one teaspoon salt (we omitted the salt because the ham we used was plenty salty on its own). Tie peppercorns and bay leaf in cheesecloth and add to mixture (or do like we did and load it into a tea ball and hang it in off the edge of the pot)

   

   Sometimes I'm so clever it hurts.

3. Simmer, covered for 1 hour.
4. After 1 hour, remove spice bag/ball and ham bone. Cut off meat and dice. Use about 1-1/2 cups meat. (Use more if you want. We didn't because the ham was so salty and it would have thrown off the flavor of the soup).
5. If you plan on serving the soup, you're done. If you want the soup a bit thinner, cut it with about 1 cup of water per quart of soup. From here on out these steps are for pressure canning the soup. 
6. Keep soup hot. Pack hot soup into hot jars, leaving 1 inch of headspace. Adjust lids. Process in a pressure canner at 10 pounds pressure. Process pints for 75 minutes, quarts for 90 minutes. This recipe will yield 4 quarts, but is easily halved. 
7. Before serving from a processed can: add 1-1/2 cups water to each quart of soup. Boil, uncovered at least 10 minutes before tasting or serving. As always, it's a good idea to consult the fine folks at the National Center for Home Food Preservation for detailed information on pressure canning. Check the site especially if you've never pressure canned before. Not only can you accidentally poison everyone if you screw up, you can also burn the shit out of yourself or explode your kitchen. Remember, we're trained professionals working in a controlled environment. 

Stuffed Cabbage Soup

     I love my close, personal friend, Rachael Ray to death. However, her cutesy language has got to stop. Like this particular recipe. She calls it a stoup. Stoup? What sort of shit is that? Is it soup or stew? It's really thick soup? Then it's a damned stew. Get over it. Just stop this sort of nonsense. Look, it's a bowl full of cabbage and beef. When you're sitting on the toilet howling in despair, you're not going to be coming up with cutesy names for what's going on in that bowl. No stoups there, my friend. With that out of the way, I'm calling this soup. It's a good, hearty soup. You will enjoy it. That is an order. As always, notes and changes are in blue. 

Stuffed Cabbage Soup
via Rachael Ray 2,4,6,8 Great Meals for Couples or Crowds
A 30-Minute Cook-Book

Ingredients

• 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil 
• 1-1/2 pounds ground meat loaf mix (a combination of beef, pork and veal) (veal? Sorry, I was getting the mahogany trim in my Lear jet varnished and didn't have the opportunity to pick any up. I guess we'll just have to go with all 73/27 ground beef. Just remember to drain it!)
• 1/2 teaspoon allspice
• 1/2 tablespoon ground coriander (screwed up and only used 1/2 teaspoon. No harm done)
• 2 teaspoons smoked sweet paprika (I loves me some smoked paprika. I used about a tablespoon)
• salt and pepper (why do people insist on adding salt to dishes that use canned goods? There's plenty salt going on right there. I did use a few grinds of fresh black pepper)
•  1 bay leaf (by now you should know my stance on bay leaves)
• 1 onion, chopped (We went with a sweet onion)
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 carrot, thinly sliced with a vegetable peeler into strips, then finely chopped (I think they meant "grated." That's what it sounded like to me, so that's what I did. I'm not a real chef. I can't be bothered with frippery like that)
• 1 pound Savoy cabbage, thinly sliced (I just used regular old green cabbage from my garden, because that's the sort of shit we rustic types do. Just pluck a bastard from the garden and chuck it on a plate)
• 1 28-ounce can diced tomatoes (I used two 14.5 ounce cans. Didn't drain the liquid either)
• 1 cup tomato sauce
• 1 quart chicken stock
• 1 cup white rice
• handful fresh parsley leaves, chopped
• 3 tablespoons fresh dill, finely chopped (omitted)

Directions

1. Heat a deep pot over medium-high heat. Add olive oil and meat. Brown the meat (draining grease if necessary. It was for me because I used cheap-ass meat. Ask for it by name)

   

   You can never go wrong with quality "miscellaneous service meat"

2. Season the meat with the allspice, coriander, smoked paprika, salt (if you're a fan of high blood pressure) and pepper. Then add the onion, carrots, garlic and bay leaf. Cook for 2-3 minutes or until vegetables begin to soften, then add the cabbage to wilt slightly. Add the tomatoes, tomato sauce and stock and bring to a boil. 
3. Add rice and reduce to heat to a simmer. Cook for 16-18 minutes until the rice is just tender. Stir in the parsley and dill (if using). Discard the bay leaf (see? Even Rachael Ray knows bay leaves=DEATH). 

Good times!

Clam Chowder

     I loves me some clam chowder. I fondly remember ordering at family restaurants and getting that sickly white, ultra-thick concoction that smelled faintly of a fire on a fishing boat. I couldn't get enough of that stuff. Then I grew up and realized that it wasn't really supposed to look or taste like that and I'm very lucky I didn't get food poisoning and die from dysentery.

Or snakebite. Always the damned snakebite.

     I was glad to find a recipe for clam chowder that I feel is a bit closer to the intended look and taste. I can't say for sure as I've never had clam chowder in New England. I imagine it would taste just like this, but everyone would be talking with funny accents about how they're going "to wahk theah dahg in Havahd Pahk aftah dahk." This soup was fantastic and will enter the regular rotation. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Clam Chowder
via Best-Ever Soups

Ingredients

• 3-3/4 oz salt pork or thinly sliced unsmoked bacon (let's just derail right away and use a half pound of bacon. BACON FTW!)
• 1 large onion, chopped (we used a Vidalia, figuring the sweetness would work well here)
• 2 potatoes, peeled and cut into cubes
• 1 bay leaf (remember to remove bay leaves before serving! Leave that bay leaf in there and you'll choke like the St. Louis Blues in a Stanley Cup Playoff)
• 1 fresh thyme sprig (none on hand. I used about 1/8 tsp. dried thyme)
• 1-1/4 cups milk
• 14 oz cooked clams, cooking liquid reserved (we used 3 cans at 6.5 oz each. Go big or go home. Unless you're already at home. Then maybe go outside)
• 2/3 cup heavy cream
• salt (I used pink Himalayan. Not even kidding), ground white pepper (a scant 1/8 tsp) and cayenne pepper (1/4 tsp)
• Finely chopped parsley, to garnish

Directions

1. Put the bacon (who are you fooling with the salt pork? We know you're using bacon) in a pan (we used the trusty enameled Dutch oven) and heat gently, stirring frequently, until the fat runs and the meat is starting to brown.
2. Add the chopped onion and fry over a low heat until softened but not brown.
3. Add the potato, bay leaf and thyme. Stir well to coat with fat, then pour in the milk and clam liquid; bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for about 10 minutes or until the potatoes are tender but still firm. Lift out the bay leaf (OR CHOKE AND DIE) and the thyme sprig (if you used it) and discard them.
4. Remove the shells from most of the clams (AHAHAHA, no. My butler was too busy synchronizing all of my Rolex watches. As previously stated, I used canned clams). Add all the clams to the pot and season to taste with salt, pepper and cayenne.
5. Simmer gently for 5 minutes more, then stir in the cream. Heat until the soup is very hot, but do not allow it to boil. Pour into a tureen (the butler knows where the tureen is kept, but as mentioned, he was busy with my Rolexes. I used regular bowls). Garnish with chopped parsley and serve. 

Good Times!

Cabbage Borsch

     As you may already know, we do a lot of canning in our house. We have a fairly abundant garden and are always looking for ways to preserve all those great foods until we really want to eat them. The freezer will only hold so much and there's only so many things that take well to dehydration. That leaves canning. We have exclusively done water bath canning largely due to the fact that I am a big baby and live in fear of leveling the kitchen in a pressure canning incident.

Terrifying.

     This summer, we finally gave in. We admitted that not everything should be pickled.

     We set up for pressure canning. Our first attempt was a cabbage soup out of a 41 year old cookbook. I figure if we made it safely through the initial danger of running the pressure canner, the worst that would happen is botulism when we ate the soup. It turned out that my fears were unfounded. At least the pressure canning fears. We still might get botulism when we eat the soup down the line. If you follow the instructions for your canner and in the link provided below, you might be able to keep insurance claims to a minimum. If you don't want to pressure can, simply stop after step 2, though you might want to cook the soup a bit longer. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Cabbage Borsch
via Better Homes and Gardens Home Canning Cookbook

Ingredients

• 5 pounds tomatoes
• 8 cups coarsely shredded cabbage
• 6 cups water
• 2 cups chopped onion (The Wife just informed me we apparently forgot to add the onion. Whoops.)
• 2 medium apples, peeled and cut into pieces (no specification was made as to type of apple. We used Red Delicious.)
• 2 tablespoons beef bouillon granules (we used the cubes with a ratio of 2 for every 3 cups of water. Feel free to toy with the measures to get the salt fix you crave.)
• 2 tablespoons sugar
• 2 tablespoons lemon juice
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/8 teaspoon pepper
• dried cayenne peppers (1 per pint jar)

Directions

1. Wash, peel, remove stem end and cores and quarter tomatoes. Use a small spoon to scrape out excess seeds, if f desired (no, it was not desired. You already had us do everything other than declare allegiance to these damned tomatoes.)
2. In a 4-6 quart kettle or Dutch oven, combine all ingredients (that includes the onions. Don't forget the onions like we did and live with the regret). Bring mixture to a boil. Boil, uncovered, for 5 minutes.
3. Ladle soup into hot jars, leaving 1/2-inch headspace. Adjust lids. Process in pressure canner at 10 pounds. Process pints for 45 minutes, process quarts for 55 minutes. If you're a wuss like me, who is even afraid to open a tube of biscuit dough, you'll wisely spend this time outside behind the safety of a brick wall. IF YOU'RE GOING TO PRESSURE CAN, PLEASE VISIT THE NATIONAL CENTER FOR HOME FOOD PRESERVATION AND READ UP ON THE PROCESS. We don't want you inadvertently remodeling your kitchen or making a needless trip to the emergency room.

Soup's done!
Good times!

Hot and Sour Soup

     Once again I turn to my trusty copy of The Thousand Recipe Chinese Cookbook. This time it's for soup. You can never go wrong with soup. Unless you undercook something and give everybody dysentery. Then I suppose you've gone wrong. You could also spill a scalding hot bowl on your crotch. I suppose that would be wrong, too. OK, you can go wrong with soup. This particular soup is worth the risk. One of my favorite treats at a Chinese restaurant is the hot and sour soup. I am always on the lookout for a recipe that replicates that experience. This does not even come close. Don't let that scare you away. This soup is really tasty and pretty easy to make. We really screwed around with the recipe and were very pleased with the results. If you can manage to keep the sodium down, you've got a really healthy meal. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Hot and Sour Soup
via The Thousand Recipe Chinese Cookbook

Ingredients

• 3 or 4 dried black mushrooms (as I do not normally engage in witchcraft, I do not normally stock these. We went with a 15-ounce can of straw mushrooms. Keep the liquid if you use the canned!)
• 1/4 pound lean pork (none on hand. We went with an equal amount of ground turkey)
• 2 bean curd cakes (that's kind of a nebulous measurement, so we went with a 1 pound block of firm tofu, cut into about 1/2 inch squares)
• 1 scallion (we used 2 since the garden is overrun with them)
• 1 15-ounce can stir fry vegetables, drained. We're talking water chestnuts, bamboo shoots, baby corn, sprouts, etc.)
• 5 cups stock (we used a home made shrimp stock. Feel free to use the stock of your choice)
• 1 cup mushroom soaking liquid (obviously you're only going to have these if you used the dried mushrooms. If you used the can like we did, just pour in the liquid along with the mushrooms)
• 1 tablespoon sherry (none on hand, we used an equal amount of dry vermouth)
• 2 tablespoons white vinegar (since this was hot and sour soup, we used an equal amount of pique sauce. It was still vinegar based, but had an extra hot pepper kick)
• 1 egg
• 2 tablespoons corn starch
• 1/4 cup water
• 3/4 to 1 teaspoon salt (omitted. There's already enough sodium in here)
• 1 teaspoon soy sauce
• 1/4 teaspoon pepper (doesn't say what kind. I used a bit of black and about 1/2 teaspoon of red pepper flakes)
• A few dashes of Tabasco if you want more heat
• Sesame oil

Directions

1. Soak dried mushrooms. Reserve soaking liquid (or just open can and don't drain it)
2. Sliver mushrooms, pork and bean curd. Mince scallion. Beat egg lightly. Blend cornstarch and cold water to a paste (we didn't cut the mushrooms at all. We used ground turkey so no slicing there. I decided to simply chop the scallions just to be a bastard).
3. (The original recipe does not specify what to cook the soup in. I went with a 5-quart pot.) Bring stock and mushroom soaking liquid to a boil. Add pork (or turkey. Or both if you're feeling daring) and mushrooms (if you went with the canned mushrooms, just unceremoniously dump the entire contents of the can into the pot. If you're also using the optional can of stir fry vegetables, it goes in at this point, too) and simmer, covered, for 10 minutes. 
4. Add bean curd and simmer, covered, for 3 more minutes.
5. Stir in sherry (or vermouth), vinegar (or pique), salt (if using. It's your heart; do what you want), soy sauce and pepper. Pour in cornstarch paste to thicken. Stir gently. 
6. Slowly add beaten egg, stirring gently once or twice (no more than twice! It would be bad. Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light) Remove from heat. Sprinkle with sesame oil and scallions.

   

   Total protonic reversal.
   
   Good times!

Thai-Style Curry Chicken Soup

     We are always on the lookout for quick and easy weeknight meals. If they are low in calories, even better. If it tastes good, too, that's a bonus. The Betty Crocker 300 Calorie Cookbook yielded a recipe that filled all the criteria! It also filled out stomachs, which was nice. Is this an authentic Thai soup? Probably not by a longshot. However, it's a fair approximation and comes together in under 30 minutes. The curry and jalapeno give it a nice bite. This is a good soup for a cool weeknight dinner. It's also a good way to use up leftover chicken. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Thai-Style Curry Chicken Soup
via Betty Crocker 300 Calorie Cookbook

Ingredients

• 1 carton (32 ounces) chicken broth (we rustic types don't use broth from a carton. We use real chicken stock we made from real chicken carcasses)
• 3 tablespoons packed brown sugar
• 2 tablespoons soy sauce
• 2 tablespoons rice vinegar
• 2 teaspoons curry powder
• 1 small (about 1/2 cup) red bell pepper, coarsely chopped
• 1 small jalapeno chile, seeded, finely chopped (leave the seeds in if you want extra heat. I went ahead and seeded mine because it was a much larger than the "small" the recipe calls for)
• 2 cups chopped cooked chicken. 
• 2 tablespoons chopped, fresh cilantro (I used 2 teaspoons dried)

Directions

1. In a large saucepan, stir all ingredients except chicken and cilantro. Heat to boiling over medium-high heat. Reduce heat to medium. Simmer uncovered 3-5 minutes or until pepper is crisp-tender.
2. Stir in chicken. Cook 1-2 minutes or until chicken is hot. Stir in cilantro just before serving.

Good times!

Slow-Cooker Cream Cheese Chicken with Broccoli

     I'm glad The Wife is working more in the kitchen. Don't freak out; I'm not making any gender specific claims here. The Wife doesn't work much in the kitchen because that's my job. It's also because she didn't have a tremendous amount of confidence in her cooking. Lately she's been poking through recipes and messing around with the ingredients. Nothing ground-breaking, but she consistently achieves success. Her latest success was a slow cooker recipe she found in one of our many slow cooker recipe books. I was extremely pleased with how this turned out. It had great flavor and was great over pasta, rice or bread. My only complaint was that it was pretty salty, but that was down to the Italian salad dressing mix. She even used almost half of what the recipe called for. She also used half of the requested chicken. Next time I'd say go the full four pounds of chicken, or quarter the seasoning. Either way, I hope she makes this one again! As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Slow-Cooker Cream Cheese Chicken with Broccoli
via Crock Pot Potluck For All Occasions

Igredients

• 4 pounds boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut into 1/2-inch pieces (as we are not made of money, she used 2 pounds of chicken)
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1 package (1-ounce) Italian salad dressing mix (her package was .6 ounces and we felt that was PLENTY)
• Nonstick cooking spray
• 2 cups (8 ounces) sliced mushrooms (she used one 4-ounce can of mushrooms, drained)
• 1 cup chopped onion (she went with 1/2 cup)
• 1 can (10.75 ounces) condensed cream of chicken soup, undiluted
• 1 bag (10 ounces) frozen broccoli florets, thawed 
• 1 package (8 ounces) cream cheese, cubed (she used 4 ounces, and as always, Neufchatel was used in place of cream cheese)
• 1/4 cup dry sherry (she used 1/8 cup dry Vermouth)
• Hot cooked pasta (We did serve it over pasta, but I also served it over herbed swirl bread for lunches a couple times)

Directions

1. Toss chicken with oil in a large bowl. Sprinkle with salad dressing mix. Transfer to a slow-cooker. Cover; cook on LOW for 3 hours
2. Coat large skillet with cooking spray; heat over medium heat. Add mushrooms and onion; cook 5 minutes or until onion is tender, stirring occasionally (since The Wife used canned mushrooms, she didn't add them until the next step.)
3. Add soup, broccoli, cream cheese and sherry (neufchatel and vermouth in our case), to the pan (hopefully you didn't just throw that stuff into the slow cooker, because if you did, you just screwed up,) cook and stir until heated through. Transfer to the slow-cooker. Cover and cook on LOW for 1 hour. Serve over pasta (or bread, or rice, or whatever you want. Don't give in to recipe bullying)

Good Times!

UPDATE: Now there is a video for this recipe:

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