Slow Cooker Chicken and Potatoes in Garlic Cream Sauce

I have a love/hate relationship with my slow cooker. I love the convenience of being able to just set and forget a meal. I hate the fact that much of what comes out of it tastes much like anything else that comes out of it, and the fact that much of what comes out is not visually appealing. Did that make sense? Probably not. In any case, it seems I can get a slow cooker dish to TASTE good, but not to LOOK good. This one is no exception. It also requires a little stovetop work as well, which is usually a deal breaker for me. I just didn't think throwing raw onion would work here, though. That said, this dish smelled AMAZING and tasted really good. If it's not garlicky enough, throw some garlic powder in there. Go nuts. This is a pretty forgiving recipe. Some of you nicer people said it looked fine, but to me it looks like it was shaken out of a diaper.  And with that ringing endorsement, enjoy. As always, notes are in (blue.)

Slow Cooker Chicken and Potatoes
in Garlic Cream Sauce

Ingredients

• 6 potatoes (about 2 pounds), cleaned and quartered. (use whatever potatoes you want. We went with plain old russets. If you want to peel them, feel free. We generally don't.)
• 2 lbs boneless, skinless chicken breasts
• 1 can (14.5 ounce) cream of broccoli soup
• 1 envelope (1.2 ounce) Herb/Garlic soup mix
• 1 block (8 ounce) cream cheese, softened (we use neufchatel to keep the fat down)
• 1 onion, finely chopped
• 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
• 1 teaspoon hot sauce of choice (or red pepper flakes. Or nothing if you're a big baby.)
• Olive oil
• Smoked paprika
• Salt and pepper

Directions

1. In a pan, heat a couple tablespoons of olive oil to medium-high heat. Add the onions and cook until they turn golden.
2. In a bowl, add the onions, cream cheese, soup, soup mix, Worcestershire and hot sauces. Whisk until the cream cheese is completely incorporated. 
3. Rub the chicken with some paprika and salt and pepper. 
4. In a 5 quart slow cooker, put in the potatoes first. Then lay the chicken breasts on top of that. Pour the sauce over the chicken.
5. Cook on HIGH for about 4-1/2 hours. If you do LOW, probably go with 7-8 hours.
6. Keep an eye on it. You're wanting the potatoes to be done and the chicken cooked through. If it looks like it's starting to dry out at the halfway point, add a splash of water (or chicken stock, or even dry white wine if you're feeling rowdy.)
7. Give everything a gentle stir at the end to make sure the sauce is covering everything before serving.

Good Times!

Probably Not the Best Ever Slow Cooker Pork Loin and Veggies

 

Look, I'm not going to lie to you. This is probably not the "Best Ever" or "World's Greatest" slow cooker pork loin recipe. It's not going to set the world on fire or revolutionize cooking. What it will do is provide a simple, tasty, filling dinner that will satisfy everyone at the table. Except my child. "I DON'T LIKE COOKED CARROTS!" "I DON'T LIKE MUSHROOMS!" "THOSE POTATOES ARE GROSS." "I'LL EAT THE PORK IF I CAN DROWN IT IN BARBECUE SAUCE." As always, notes are in blue.

Probably Not the Best Ever
Slow Cooker Pork Loin and Veggies

Ingredients:

• 2 pound pork loin
• 5 medium potatoes, quartered
• 8 ounces sliced mushrooms
• 1 stalk celery, chopped
• 3 cloves garlic, finely chopped
• 8 oz. baby carrots
• 1 can (10.5 ounces) cream of mushroom soup
• 12 ounces beer (if you don't do alcohol, just fill up the soup can with water and dump it in)
• 3 teaspoons Lake Shore Drive seasoning from the Spice House. (if you don't have it, you should totally get it. It's a blend featuring  chives, scallions, green peppercorns, and shallots. Works with just about everything and ships free if you buy it in flatpack envelopes. No, they didn't pay or give me anything for this plug, which is an absolute shame.)

Directions:

1. Throw the pork loin in the cooker, fat side up. 
2. Throw the veggies in around the pork.
3. Pour on the soup and liquid of your choice.
4. Sprinkle on the seasoning.
5. Cook on LOW for 6 hours.

Good Times!

Breakfast Bites

 Now that we have our new oven, I can really get back to work in the kitchen. We've had some bags of shredded potatoes that I've been wanting to use up for some time. I've seen several iterations of these "breakfast muffins" before, so I figured I'd give it a whirl. I enlisted the help of The Spud on these and while she was happy to help cook them, she didn't seem keen on trying one. The Wife and I did, and were very happy with how they came out. There's a lot of wiggle room here with the ingredients. You can swap in our out pretty much any cheese you want. You can change the meat for crumbled bacon or sausage, or leave it out for a vegetarian option. If you add veggies, just make sure they're drained of all water. Water is your enemy here, as we discovered. Our potatoes were not completely drained, and while the sides and tops got crunchy, the bottoms did not. They were still quite tasty. I imagine if you made these in bulk they'd freeze well and could be easily reheated in the oven. Give it a try and tell me what you think! As always, notes are in blue.

Breakfast Bites
(yields 12)

Ingredients

• 24 ounces shredded potatoes (if using frozen, make sure they are defrosted and squeezed of all water possible. If using fresh potatoes, still make sure all excess water is squeezed out. Otherwise, the bottoms will not brown properly)
• 1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
• 3 T olive oil
• 4 ounces ham, chopped 
• 6 eggs
• 1 teaspoon Trader Joe's Everything but the Elote seasoning (if you don't have this, just use seasoned salt, or even just salt and pepper)
• 1/4 cup shredded Italian cheese
• salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 400F (200C, Gas Mark 6)
2. In a large bowl add potatoes (which you have squeezed of all water as humanly possible). shredded cheddar cheese, and the olive oil. Season to taste. Mix until the cheese is evenly incorporated through the potatoes.

   

   Doesn't everyone wear their winter coat while seasoning?

   
   
3. Take a 12 count muffin tin (don't use the mini-muffin tins here as I can't promise they'll come out right. Just use a standard muffin tray) and spray it with non-stick cooking spray. Take about 1-2 tablespoons of potato mixture and press them along the edges and bottoms of the muffin cups, creating little bowls. You should be looking at about 1/8"-1/4" (about 4-8mm) thickness all the way round. (if the potatoes are too thick, they may not get crispy when they cook)
4. Put the muffin tin in the oven and cook for 30-40 minutes (you're looking for a nice crispy bowl when these are done. Depending on the moisture level of your potatoes, this time may go up or down)
5. While the potato cups are cooking, in another bowl, add 6 eggs, the chopped ham, and your seasoning. Beat until everything is mixed well. 
6. Once your potatoes are done, take them out and lower the oven to 350F (177C, Gas Mark 4)
7. Start spooning the egg mixture into each potato cup, filling it to just below the lip of the cup (to prevent any spilling or overflow in the oven). Top with the Italian cheese.

   

   No muss, no fuss!

   
   
8. Put in the oven for 20-30 minutes until eggs are done
9. Take them out of the muffin tin before they adhere to the pan for all time. Let them cool on a wire rack if you plan to save them for later, or just cram them fresh from the oven directly into your greedy face, burning the shit out of the inside of your mouth just like you did with those pizza rolls, and you swore up and down you'd never make that mistake again. 

   

   Potential Mouth Blisters
   Good Times!

   
   

Thank Heavens, Another Slow-Cooker Beef Stew Recipe aka Okayest Ever Slow-Cooker Beef Stew

Last week, the school year drew to a close and the Wife and I breathed a heavy sigh of relief. We have the whole summer ahead of us and things are returning to some vague semblance of normalcy. We thought, "what could we possibly do to help drive things back to that wonderfully boring normal?" SLOW COOKER BEEF STEW was the resounding answer. And I'm not going to blow beef scented smoke up your asses and claim it's "Best Ever" because it's not. It's good. It's serviceable. It is mind numbingly easy to make and will fill you up. That's it. That's all I can say. I've got months of content I owe you, so expect a treasure like this every now and then. Much like this recipe, this post is vaguely satisfying filler until I can make something more substantial. As always, any notes are in blue.

Okayest Ever Slow Cooker Beef Stew

Ingredients

• 1 pound beef stew meat
• 1 bag (about 1 pound) mixed frozen stew vegetables (i.e. carrots, celery, onions, potatoes)
• 1 can (10.5 ounces) cream of mushroom soup
• 1 can (14.5 ounces) diced tomatoes, drained
• 1 onion, chopped
• 1 large potato, cut into 1" cubes
• 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1/2 teaspoon black pepper
• 1 cup water (in retrospect, I suppose I could have just not drained the tomatoes and omitted this step, but I justify it in the reduction of sodium)
• 1 heaping tablespoon corn starch
• 2 tablespoons cold water

Directions

1. Unceremoniously dump everything but the last two ingredients into a slow cooker. Don't even bother browning the meat. That's where we are right now. We're just getting shit done.
2. Cook on HIGH for 4-1/2 hours because I don't have the patience to wait for 8-10 hours on LOW. 
3. Take the corn starch and water in a small bowl and whisk it together until the corn starch is completely dissolved. At the end of the strew cooking time, stir in the corn starch slurry until things thicken up. 
4. That's it. Slop it in a bowl and grimly shovel it down in silence.

Good times!

Slow Cooker Cheesy Ham and Potato Soup by The Wife

(Note: The Wife sent me this write-up in the first week of January. A combination of busyness, laziness, and mortifying illness caused me to totally forget about posting this. I do apologize, but most of your know by now that regular posting is not something that occurs around here. Unless you sponsor me or something. Without further ado, we return you to my Wife's wonderful recipe!)

The Husband was under the weather all Christmas Break.  When he took his second trip to prompt care in as many weeks, I decided to throw together a slow cooker soup.  We had a Honeybaked Ham and a number of bags of frozen potatoes, so a cheesy ham and potato soup seemed the best option.  Unfortunately, we only had half a block of cheddar cheese and most recipes called for at least 8 ounces.  Some also called for Velveeta.  We didn’t have any of that.  We did, however, have 5 cans of condensed cheddar cheese soup, so I decided to improvise.

Slow Cooker Cheesy Ham & Potato Soup
(from The Wife)

Ingredients:

• 2 lb. bag of diced potatoes
• 2 cups of diced ham
• 1 cup of frozen broccoli
• 1 cup of frozen cauliflower
• 2 cans (10.5 oz) of condensed cheddar cheese soup
• 1 can of water
• 1 Tbsp minced onion

Directions:
1.  Combine all ingredients in a 5-6 quart slow cooker and stir.
2.  Cover and cook on low for 6-7 hours.
3.  Stir soup.  Mine was good and thick, but if you’d like it thicker, stir in 4 ounces of cream cheese.
4.  We just wanted a hearty soup, so we weren’t too concerned with presentation.  If you are, throw some sliced green onion and grated cheddar over the top.

Good Times!

Slow Cooker Ham, Green Bean and Potatoes

Every now and then we make what we like to call "Desperation Recipes." These are recipes that are created in an effort to use up ingredients before they go off. This has let to some amazing failures like The Great Hot Dog Jambalaya Debacle and The Canned Ham and Asparagus Soup Incident. This recipe, however, was a success. Such a success that I totally forgot to take a picture of the finished product. Instead of a picture of the finished product, I will use a picture of a Chevy HHR decorated like a pig. In the event somebody makes this and takes a picture before I do, I will replace this picture with theirs.

Slow Cooker Ham, Green Beans
and Potatoes

 Ingredients

• 6 red potatoes, sliced into 1/4 inch slices
• 1/2 sweet onion, chopped
• 1-1/4 pound ham, cut into small chunks (a chunk is whatever size you like within reason. 1/2-1" is probably fine. 6-8" is probably not going to work)
• 1 pound frozen green beans
• 1 can (15 ounce) cream of mushroom soup
• 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
• 1 teaspoon Milwaukee Avenue seasoning from the Spice House
• Dash of hot sauce 

Directions

1. Throw all the ingredients into a slow cooker (There's a fair amount of stuff going in. I'd recommend at least a 4 quart cooker).
2. Stir everything up.
3. Cook on LOW for 6 hours or until potatoes are done

Good Times!

Slow Cooker Greek Style Chicken

     I'm going to tell you right now: this is not a pretty looking recipe. Reviewing the photograph, it's actually pretty fucking horrifying. Fortunately, if you can get past the visual, it's really quite a tasty meal. Is it truly authentic Greek? Hell no. It has oregano. I think the whole "Greek" theme falls apart after that. Look, it's tasty and super easy to make. Just look at a picture of something nice while you eat it. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Slow Cooker Greek Style Chicken
via Fix It and Forget It Lightly

Directions

• 6 medium sized potatoes, quartered
• 3 lbs chicken pieces, skin removed
• 2 large onions, quartered (this is a shit-ton of onions. We went with a single onion, cut into sixths)
• 1 whole bulb garlic, minced
• 1/2 cup water
• 3 teaspoons dried oregano
• 1 tsp salt (omitted, we used 1 teaspoon Spice House Pilsen Seasoning)
• 1 teaspoon black pepper
• 1 tablespoon olive oil

Directions

1. Load potatoes in bottom of slow cooker. Add chicken, onions and garlic.
2. In a small bowl, mix water with oregano and spices.
3. Pour over chicken and drizzle oil over the top.
4. Cook on HIGH for 5-6 hours

Good times!

Kitchen Sink Casserole

     I'm pretty sure most people have some sort of variant of a "Kitchen Sink Recipe." There's just something fun about grabbing all sorts of stuff you need to get rid of and putting it together in a meal. Maybe you end up with soup or stew. We ended up with a casserole. I have no idea what compelled me to make a "crust" with mashed potatoes. I just needed to use them because they had all sprouted and were approaching sentience. Surprisingly, this wound up being an extremely tasty meal. I feel it benefited from a tableside dousing of hot sauce, but it was pretty flavorful as is. The fun of this is that you could swap in or out just about anything. Go crazy. Take out the green beans and add Jolly Ranchers. I'm not here to judge. Actually, I'm totally judging, but quietly. Behind your back. I never said I was a nice person. All right. I may have said it, but I lied. As always, notes are in blue.

Kitchen Sink Casserole

Ingredients

• 6 potatoes (peel them or don't. I like the peel. At the very least, wash them.)
• 1/2 pound yellow or green beans
• 1 medium onion, chopped
• 4 ounces mushrooms, chopped
• 1 red bell pepper, cut into 1" squares
• 1 yellow bell pepper, cut into 1" squares
• 1 can (about 10.5 ounces) cream of mushroom soup 
• 1-1/4 pound ground beef
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1/4 cup white wine
• 1 tube biscuit dough (at least 7.5 ounces if you want it to completely cover the casserole)
• 2 tablespoons butter
• another 2 tablespoons butter
• 2 teaspoons Milwaukee Avenue Steak Seasoning (available at The Spice House. If you don't want to buy it, it contains: salt, hickory smoke powder, Hungarian sweet paprika, garlic, Tellicherry black pepper, cardamom and marjoram.)

Directions

1. Cut potatoes into large cubes and boil in salted water until fork tender (the potato, not the water. The water is already fork tender.) Remove the potatoes from the water and mash with the butter. 
2. Take a 9"x13" baking dish and spray with nonstick cooking spray. Spread the mashed potatoes in an even layer across the bottom.

   

   Blinding speed is the key to good potato spreading.

3. In a pan, heat the olive oil and add the ground beef, mushroom and onion. Cook until meat is browned. Drain all but a bit of the oil and move the meat to a bowl. With the heat still on the pan, add the wine and scrape up all the brown bits in the pan. Boil off about half of the liquid. Add the peppers and beans. Simmer for about 5 minutes. 

   

   These fresh vegetables will balance out the 9 Guinness Stouts I'm going to have with dinner.

4. Add the contents of the pan to the bowl of meat and onion. Add the cream of mushroom soup and seasonings. Stir it all up and spread it evenly over the mashed potatoes.
5. Have someone brave pop the tube of dough (I will freely admit that I am a grown man, but I am scared shitless of opening a tube of biscuit dough. It never pops when you'd expect it and I jump out of my skin every time. I just hand the tube to The Wife and leave the kitchen until it's all over). Flatten out the biscuits as much as possible. Wad it up and roll it out in a big sheet if you'd like. The plan is to lay that sheet of dough over the top of the casserole. 
6. Spread the other 2 tablespoons of butter over the biscuits. Put the casserole in an oven at 375F (190C, Gasmark 5) for about 20 minutes, or until the biscuit dough is golden brown.
7. Cut yourself a big old hunk and slather that bastard with hot sauce. Now get to work. 

Good times!

Slow Cooker Parmesan Potato Wedges

     As you're probably well aware, I do a lot of slow cooking. I only just realized I don't do a lot of side dishes in the slow cooker. Soups, stews, mains, desserts are all regulars. Side dishes only find their way in on occasion. This particular recipe got used because we happened to be sitting on a surplus of around 25 pounds of potatoes. I needed to use some up before they started sprouting in their little drawer. This particular recipe couldn't be any easier. Chuck it all in there and check back in a few hours. Then bury it in cheese. A winner! As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Slow Cooker
Parmesan Potato Wedges
via Crock Pot 5 Ingredients or Less

Ingredients

• 2 pounds red potatoes, cut into 1/2 inch wedges (I used russet. I have no regrets.)
• 1/4 cup finely chopped yellow onion (I roughly chopped the onion, but I did a fine job. That counts, right?)
• 1-1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• Black pepper to taste
• 2 tablespoons butter, cut into 1/8 inch pieces
• 1/4 cup (1 ounce) grated Parmesan cheese

Directions

1. Layer potatoes, onion, oregano, salt, pepper and butter in slow cooker (AHAHAHAHAHA! Layer! HILARIOUS! Here's my layers: Throw in all the onions. Throw in all the potatoes. Throw in the seasoning. Throw the butter chunks on top. Jam the lid on to make everything fit). 
2. Cook on HIGH 4 hours. Sprinkle with cheese.

Good times!

Chicken in Spicy Red Sauce (lal shorve vala murgh)

     It's always nice to find a flavor-packed recipe that comes together quick enough to use as a mid-week meal. This particular recipe was a fine way to use up a big pack of discounted chicken thighs that was taking up room in the freezer. You are welcome to use any cut of chicken you'd like. While the recipe comes together in less than an hour, it does qualify as a PITA, since it requires constant vigilance until you get to the simmering stage. It's worth it. We served it up with a side of Stir-Fried Green Cabbage with Fennel Seeds. This makes for a satisfying meal that's mercifully low on calories. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Chicken in a Spicy Red Sauce
lal shorve vala murgh
via Madhur Jaffrey's Quick and Easy Indian Cooking

Ingredients

• 2-1/4 pounds chicken pieces
• 1 teaspoon salt or to taste
• Freshly ground black pepper
• 7 large cloves garlic, peeled and coarsely chopped
• 2 inch piece fresh ginger, peeled and coarsely chopped (we grated ours, since chopping ginger is more trouble than it's worth)
• 1/4 cup vegetable oil
• Generous pinch asafetida optional (this is a powder that's available at Indian grocers. Alternately, you can get it at The Spice House online.)
• 1 teaspoon cumin seeds
• 2 inch stick cinnamon
• 6 cardamom pods (didn't have the pods on hand. I did have cardamom seeds. I used about a dozen)
• 5 whole cloves
• 3 dried, hot red chiles (I used my own dried cayenne)
• 1/2 teaspoon ground turmeric
• 1/8-1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper (don't be a wuss, use 1/4)
• 1-1/2 cup canned, chopped tomatoes (I used canned whole tomatoes. They'll break up during the cooking)
• 12 ounces potatoes, peeled and cut into 1-1/2 inch chunks (I'm pretty sure we cut ours into 1/2 inch chunks because I don't read directions particularly well)

Directions

1. Sprinkle the chicken pieces lightly with salt and black pepper and set aside.
2. Put the garlic and ginger into a blender, along with 3 tablespoons water and blend into a paste.
3. Put the oil in a wide, nonstick pan and set over medium high heat (I used my enameled Dutch oven. I figured there's be a lot going on here and I didn't want everything spilling over the sides of my pan. The Wife will abide a small mess, but nothing extravagant). When the oil is hot, put in the asafetida if using. A few seconds later, put in the cumin seeds. Wait 10 seconds and put in the cinnamon stick, cardamom, cloves and chiles. Stir for a few seconds until the large spices begin to turn darker. Add the garlic and ginger paste. Stir and fry it for about 2 minutes. Add the chicken, turmeric and cayenne. Stir and fry for another minute (nothing like dozens of tiny time constraints to make you want to order a pizza). Add the chopped tomatoes, potatoes, 1-1/4 cup water and 1 teaspoon salt. Bring to a boil. Lower to a simmer. Cover and simmer gently for 25-30 minutes or until the chicken and potatoes are tender (I'd be more concerned with the chicken being done. An undercooked potato won't kill you). 

Good times!

Slow Cooker Creamy Ham and Potatoes by The Wife

     In a feat of scheduling wizardry, the school districts where the husband and I work PLUS the school district in which we live all have their Spring Breaks at different times. Last week, Joel was on break. This week, I am on break. I don’t even know when our town has break; I just know it wasn't this week or last week because the buses were running. Anyway, my being home alone means I’m expected to do some cooking. Joel requested ham and potatoes (we've been working through a ten pound Honey Baked ham for 2 weeks now), and I found this REALLY easy Creamy Ham and Potatoes recipe (as always, notes and changes are in blue):

Slow Cooker Creamy Ham and Potatoes
via Taste of Home Slow Cooker

Ingredients

• 4 medium red potatoes, thinly sliced (Potatoes are potatoes. We didn’t have any red ones, so I used what we did have – I don’t even know what they were. To thinly slice the potatoes, I used the mandolin.)
• 2 medium onions, finely chopped (Mine were of the smaller variety. Regardless, they had me crying.)
• 1 ½ cups cubed fully cooked ham
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon ground mustard (Yeah…Somehow that’s not what I read this morning. I used a teaspoon of spicy brown mustard. No harm, no foul.)
• ½ teaspoon salt (Omitted. I think the ham and the can of cream soup contributes plenty of salt, thank you.)
• ½ teaspoon pepper
• 1 can (10 ¾ ounces) condensed cream of celery soup, undiluted (I made an executive decision here. This is called Creamy Ham and POTATOES. I had a can of cream of POTATO soup. That’s what I used even though cream of celery was available.)
• 1 1/3 cups of water (Just fill the soup can with water.)
• 1 cup (4 ounces) shredded cheddar cheese – optional (Cheese is never optional.)

Directions

1. In a 3-qt slow cooker (I actually used the right size!), layer potatoes, onions, and ham.
2. In a large saucepan, melt butter. Stir in flour, mustard, salt (omitted), and pepper until smooth. Combine soup and water gradually into flour mixture. Bring to a boil; cook and stir for 2 minutes or until thickened and bubbly. Pour over ham.
3. Cover and cook on low for 8-9 hours (8 hours was more than enough time for the potatoes to completely disintegrate) or until potatoes are tender (disintegrated). If desired, sprinkle with cheese before serving (only a Communist doesn't desire cheese).

Good times!

Shepherds Pie

     Shepherds Pie is a deceptive dish. It looks like it would be really simple. However, there's a fair bit of work that goes in to making this dish. It doesn't quite qualify as a PITA, but it's close. This particular version comes from my dear friend, Gordon Ramsay* over at Channel 4. While this dish is not terribly difficult to make, it is a bit labor intensive. It's worth the effort, as you end up with a delicious meal. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Shepherds Pie
via my close, personal friend, Gordon Ramsay

Ingredients

• 2 tbsp olive oil
• Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper (I actually have sea salt on hand! Amazing!)
• 1 lb. minced lean lamb (um...no. I'll be using lean ground beef. I'm not made of money)
• 1 large onion, finely grated
• 1 large carrot, finely grated
• 2 cloves garlic
• 2 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
• 1 tbsp tomato puree (I hope that meant tomato paste, because that's what I used)
• Handful of thyme sprigs, leaves picked (not a chance. I used 1 teaspoon dried)
• 1 sprig of rosemary, needles chopped (I used dried here, too)
• 1 cup red wine (I used a dry. I hate drinking dry wines, so I use them for cooking)
• 1-1/4 chicken stock
• 2 pounds Desiree potatoes, peeled and cut into chunks (I don't think that kind of potato is even real. I think Ramsay just made that up and figured nobody would call bullshit. I just used Russets)
• 3 tablespoons butter
• 2 egg yolks
• Parmesan, for grating (or a handy plastic jar, for shaking, since I don't keep block Parmesan on hand)
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• Sea salt & freshly ground black pepper

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 350F (180C, Gasmark 4)

2. Heat the oil in a large pan until hot. Season the meat and fry in the oil over moderate to high heat for 2-3 minutes. Stir the onions and carrot into the mince then grate the garlic in as well. Add the Worcestershire sauce, tomato puree (paste) and herbs and cook for 1-2 minutes, stirring constantly. Pour in the red wine and reduce until almost completely evaporated (if you opened a new bottle of wine for this recipe, just go ahead and drink it while you cook. That way, if you screw up, you'll be too shitfaced to care). Add the chicken stock, bring to the boil and simmer until the sauce has thickened

3. Meanwhile, cook the potatoes in boiling salted water until tender. Drain, then return to the hot pan over low heat to dry out briefly. Pass them through a potato ricer (that's a gadget I do not own. I just went ahead and mashed them with my trusty masher) then beat in the egg yolks, followed by about 2 tbsp grated Parmesan. Check for seasoning (don't just point to it on the counter and shout, "There it is!" Add it to the potatoes if needed). 

4. Spoon the meat into the bottom of a large ovenproof dish. Using a large spoon, layer the mashed potato generously on top of the meat, starting from the outside and working your way into the middle (if you try to layer from the middle out, you'll rip a hole in the universe. True story). Grate some extra Parmesan over and season. Fluff up the mash potato with a fork to make rough peaks. Bake in the oven for approximately 20 minutes, until bubbling and golden brown.

Good times!

*Gordon Ramsay is currently unaware I even exist. 

Vinegar Braised Chicken and Onions

    Cooking in a Dutch oven is awesome. It feels like high-end slow cooking. It also makes wonderful meals. You may remember me raving about the Baked Daube Provencal I made last year. Maybe you didn't. OK, it's more than likely you didn't. Go read the post now, I'll wait. Back? All right. Anyways, I found this recipe in an issue of Bon Appetit. Naturally, I had to make some changes to compensate for lack of requested ingredients. I figure onions are onions and I can't be bothered to make a special trip to the store. I was a bit leery of this recipe. A bunch of vinegar and raisins added in there didn't sound like a great idea, but it worked. We served it up with an Oven Gratin of Potatoes. I'd definitely make this one again. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Vinegar Braised Chicken and Onions
via Bon Appetit

Ingredients

• 2 pounds cipolline or pearl onions (Didn't have either of these. I used two pounds of yellow and red onions)
• Kosher salt
• 3 tablespoons olive oil
• 8 ounces pancetta (Italian bacon), cut into 1/4-inch pieces (Nope. I used regular bacon.)
• 4 garlic cloves, peeled, crushed
• 5 pounds skin-on bone-in chicken pieces (breasts, thighs, and/or legs; breasts halved crosswise)
• Freshly ground black pepper
• 3/4 cup balsamic vinegar
• 3/4 cup red wine vinegar
• 2 cups low-sodium chicken broth
• 1/2 cup golden raisins
• 2 bay leaves

Directions

1. Cook onions in a large pot of boiling salted water until tender, 5-8 minutes. Drain and let cool. Trim root ends; peel (I totally ignored most of this step. I just peeled and sliced the onions and moved on).
2. Meanwhile, heat oil in a large heavy pot over medium heat. Add pancetta to pot and cook, stirring occasionally, until fat is rendered and pancetta is brown, 8-10 minutes. Using a slotted spoon, transfer pancetta to a large bowl.
3. Add onions to same pot and cook, stirring occasionally, until beginning to brown, 8-10 minutes. Add garlic and cook, stirring often, until fragrant, about 3 minutes. Transfer onions and garlic to bowl with pancetta.
4. Season chicken with salt and pepper. Working in batches, add chicken to pot skin side down and cook, turning, until browned on all sides, 10-15 minutes per batch; transfer to bowl with onions.
5. Carefully drain fat from pot and return to medium-high heat. Add both vinegars to pot and bring to a boil, stirring and scraping up any browned bits from bottom of pot. Add broth, raisins, bay leaves, and reserved chicken, pancetta, onions, and garlic to pot. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, and simmer, partially covered, until chicken is fork-tender, 35-40 minutes.
6. Using a slotted spoon, transfer chicken and onions to a large platter. Skim fat from cooking liquid and discard. Remove bay leaves (remember what my mom taught us: bay leaves left in a dish will lead to a choking death every time), and season sauce with salt and pepper. Spoon sauce over chicken and onions.

Good times!

Beef Wellington and Sauteed Potatoes

     There are times when I feel like working outside of my comfort zone. Those are times when I want to dabble in recipes outside what would be considered my skill set, if not my budget. Beef Wellington is one of those recipes. It just sounds fancy and expensive. Fortunately, my close, personal friend Gordon Ramsay has provided me with an excellent recipe. I took that recipe and screwed around with it to fit my budget and what I had on hand. The end result? I call it a success. I've never actually had a proper Beef Wellington, so I can't say how close I got. I do know it looked and tasted great, so that's what really matters. Be warned, this recipe does qualify as a PITA (Pain In The Ass). As always, notes and substitutions are in blue. 

Beef Wellington and Sauteed Potatoes
via my close, personal friend, Gordon Ramsay

Ingredients

• 1 lb beef fillet (most boneless roasts work. We're not dumping the money on a fillet) 
• 1 lb flat mushrooms (mushrooms are actually pretty round, so we had trouble with this. We wound up using baby bellas)
• 4-8 slices Parma ham (we just gleefully ingored this and used thinly sliced peppered turkey) 
• English (Dijon) mustard for brushing meat 
• 8 oz puff pastry (save yourself the trouble and just buy a box of ready-made puff pastry) 
• 2 egg yolks 
• Approx 8 Charlotte/New potatoes (those are potatoes that we never have in the house. I think we used some form of gold potato)
• 1 clove garlic, crushed 
• 1 sprig thyme (we went with rosemary and thought it was great) 
• Salt and pepper 
• Olive oil 
• Mustard vinaigrette, optional (so optional we didn't even bother considering using it)

Directions

1. Pre-heat the oven to 400F.

2. Heat some oil in a large pan and quickly fry the seasoned beef all over until it's brown. Remove and allow to cool. (The point of this is simply to sear the beef and give it a nice crust, you don't want to cook the meat at this stage). Allow to cool and brush generously with the mustard.

3. Roughly chop the mushrooms and blend in a food processor to form a puree. Scrape the mixture into a hot, dry pan and allow the water to evaporate. When sufficiently dry (the mixture should be sticking together easily), set aside and cool.

4. Roll out a generous length of cling film (that's UK for plastic wrap. They have different terms for things that we don't use. i.e. boot=trunk, lift=elevator, tallywhacker=pecker froynaden=butter knife), lay out the four slices of Parma ham (or turkey), each one slightly overlapping the last. With a pallet knife (pallet knife. See what I'm talking about? I use a pallet knife for spreading caulk. I just used a spatula, which in the UK, means "kneecap") spread the mushroom mixture evenly over the ham.

5. Place the beef fillet in the middle and keeping a tight hold of the cling film from the outside edge, neatly roll the parma ham and mushrooms over the beef into a tight barrel shape. Twist the ends to secure the cling film. Refrigerate for 10 -15 minutes, this allows the Wellington to set and helps keep the shape.

6. Roll out the pastry quite thinly to a size which will cover your beef. Unwrap the meat from the cling film. Egg wash the edge of the pastry and place the beef in the middle. Roll up the pastry, cut any excess off the ends and fold neatly to the 'underside'. Turnover and egg wash over the top. Chill again to let the pastry cool, approximately 5 minutes. Egg wash again before baking at 400F for 35 - 40 minutes. Rest 8 -10 minutes before slicing (the Wellington, not you. Stop being so lazy).

It's almost as if I know what I'm doing.

7. Par boil the potatoes in salted water. Quarter them and leave the skin on. Sauté in olive oil and butter with the garlic and thyme, until browned and cooked through. Season. Remove the thyme and garlic before serving (that is not happening in our house. Garlic and herbs are never left behind).

8. Serve hearty slices of the Wellington alongside the sautéed potatoes. A classic mustard vinaigrette makes a great dressing (which we would not be bothered to make since this recipe was a Colossal Pain In The Ass).

Whoever made this meme needs to be punished savagely
for failing to use an apostrophe in "it's."
Good Times!

Beef Barley Lentil Soup

     As I've mentioned before, The Wife loves her soup. It doesn't really matter what time of year or what the weather. She will almost never say no to a bowl of soup. I'm pretty sure it's due to some previous psychological trauma, but there's not much to be done for it now but give her soup. I'd hate to be responsible for causing a psychotic break. Anyway, she found this recipe in one of our cookbooks and made it herself. If was a good, hearty soup with a nice savory flavor. Next time I would use diced tomatoes instead of stewed. I'm not a big fan of enormous wads of tomato floating in my soup. As always, changes and notes are in blue.

Beef Barley Lentil Soup
via Fix It and Forget It Lightly

Ingredients

• 1 lb extra-lean ground beef (we openly mock this ingredient and use 73/27 ground beef. Bring on the grease!)
• 1 medium onion, chopped
• 2 cups potatoes, cubed
• 1 cup celery, chopped
• 1 cup carrots, diced
• 1 cup dry lentils, rinsed
• 1/2 cup medium-sized pearl barley

  

  Pearl barley, not Bailey. Totally different. Make sure you add the right one.

• 8 cups water
• 2 teaspoons beef bouillon granules (that's a lot of sodium. We used a single bouillon cube)
• 1/2 teaspoon salt (omitted. There's already enough sodium from the bouillon and canned tomatoes)
• 1/2 teaspoon lemon pepper seasoning (we ended up using a full teaspoon. The Wife likes lemon pepper)
• 2-14 ounce cans stewed tomatoes, undrained

Directions

1. Brown ground beef with onions in a nonstick skillet, drain. 
2. Combine all ingredients except tomatoes in slow cooker.
3. Cook on LOW for 6 hours, or until lentils and barley are tender.
4. Add tomatoes. Cook on LOW for 1-2 more hours.

Good times!

Monday Recipe: Oven Gratin Potatoes via Pol Martin

     You can't go wrong with potato dishes for a kitchen on a budget. There's just so many different ways to make them. They can be side dishes or the main dish. One of my favorite ways to have potatoes is as a gratin. It's a great side for just about any meat. This particular recipe comes from a Pol Martin cook book that I go to quite often. It's a fast and easy recipe that we doctor up with some melted mozzarella across the top.

Oven Gratin Potatoes
(vial Pol Martin's Supreme Cuisine)

Ingredients

• 2 large potatoes, peeled and sliced, set in cold water
• 1/4 teaspoon savory
• 1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
• 1/4 teaspoon white pepper
• 1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley
• 1 clove garlic, peeled
• 2 eggs, beaten
• 3/4 cup milk
• 1/2 cup heavy cream
• 3/4 cup shredded mozzarella 
• salt
• butter

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350F.
2. Drain potatoes and dry well. Place in bowl.
3. Mix savory, cayenne, white pepper and parsley together. Add to potatoes and mix.
4. Rub baking dish with garlic clove. Butter dish generously and arrange potato slices in layers. Season with salt, if desired.
5. Mix eggs, milk and cream together. Pour over potatoes. Bake in oven for 40-50 minutes. Add shredded mozzarella during last 10-15 minutes of cooking. 

Good times!

MCK Product Review: Chef Basket

     As I was browsing the local Dollar Tree, as I am wont to do, I happened upon a rack just stuffed with "As Seen On TV" merchandise. Over two-thirds of it was dominated by a single item. That item was "The Original Chef Basket." Proudly proclaiming itself as a 12 in 1 kitchen tool, it cried out to be purchased. A local townie also stared longingly at the display. I looked at her and asked how we could have possibly lived this long without such a wonder in our kitchen. She nodded and lobbed one into her cart. She imparted these words of wisdom before wandering down the cleaning supply aisle: "Hell, for a buck, why wouldn't you buy it?" Naturally, I bought one. 

How has society advanced this far without one of these?
 

     The box proudly proclaims twelve different functions. That's probably bullshit, so let's focus on the stuff it shows on the front of the box. Steaming, rinse&strain and deep frying. You know what? I'm not dragging out the deep fryer for this test. That's too much work. Plus, my fryer already has a basket. The first test will be steaming. I chopped up some broccoli. What the Hell do you call a bunch of broccoli? Bunch? Group? Bouquet? Really, it's a head of broccoli? It doesn't look like a head at all. That's just stupid. Anyway, I chucked the broccoli in the Chef Basket and set up a pot of water.

Actual steaming in progress. 

      The verdict? It worked fine. No broccoli fell out, and the thing turned into a little basket just like it said. I just flipped it out into a bowl. No muss, no fuss. Next up was the rinse and strain. I took some potatoes and rinsed them off in the basket. Short of the basket self-destructing, it's pretty hard to screw up the "rinse" feature of this thing. I chose to cut up and par-boil the potatoes, which would require straining. I loaded the potatoes in the Chef Basket, which I had propped in the sink.

Try not to pass out from all this excitement. 

     The verdict? It worked fine. No potatoes fell through. That's about all that could have gone wrong. Finally, I cooked up a load of farfalle. I left the basket in the pot of water and poured in the farfalle. I was going to attempt to lift the basket out of the water and set it up for draining, just like on the cover.

I wonder if my good friend Rachel Ray has one of these?

     The verdict? Maybe farfalle wasn't the best pasta to use. The basket has some fairly large spaces for smaller pasta to sneak out. We lost about 15 pieces into the main pot. If you're using this for pasta, I'd stay away from stuff like elbow macaroni or orzo. I was impressed that the handles weren't red hot when I inevitably forgot to use mitts to lift the basket out. They did not really transfer much heat.

     I guess the question I need to answer is did I get my dollar's worth? Well, it does what it shows on the box. It even folds up flat. I suppose if you can find it for a buck, pick one up.

Good times!