Stuffed Cabbage Soup

     I love my close, personal friend, Rachael Ray to death. However, her cutesy language has got to stop. Like this particular recipe. She calls it a stoup. Stoup? What sort of shit is that? Is it soup or stew? It's really thick soup? Then it's a damned stew. Get over it. Just stop this sort of nonsense. Look, it's a bowl full of cabbage and beef. When you're sitting on the toilet howling in despair, you're not going to be coming up with cutesy names for what's going on in that bowl. No stoups there, my friend. With that out of the way, I'm calling this soup. It's a good, hearty soup. You will enjoy it. That is an order. As always, notes and changes are in blue. 

Stuffed Cabbage Soup
via Rachael Ray 2,4,6,8 Great Meals for Couples or Crowds
A 30-Minute Cook-Book

Ingredients

• 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil 
• 1-1/2 pounds ground meat loaf mix (a combination of beef, pork and veal) (veal? Sorry, I was getting the mahogany trim in my Lear jet varnished and didn't have the opportunity to pick any up. I guess we'll just have to go with all 73/27 ground beef. Just remember to drain it!)
• 1/2 teaspoon allspice
• 1/2 tablespoon ground coriander (screwed up and only used 1/2 teaspoon. No harm done)
• 2 teaspoons smoked sweet paprika (I loves me some smoked paprika. I used about a tablespoon)
• salt and pepper (why do people insist on adding salt to dishes that use canned goods? There's plenty salt going on right there. I did use a few grinds of fresh black pepper)
•  1 bay leaf (by now you should know my stance on bay leaves)
• 1 onion, chopped (We went with a sweet onion)
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 carrot, thinly sliced with a vegetable peeler into strips, then finely chopped (I think they meant "grated." That's what it sounded like to me, so that's what I did. I'm not a real chef. I can't be bothered with frippery like that)
• 1 pound Savoy cabbage, thinly sliced (I just used regular old green cabbage from my garden, because that's the sort of shit we rustic types do. Just pluck a bastard from the garden and chuck it on a plate)
• 1 28-ounce can diced tomatoes (I used two 14.5 ounce cans. Didn't drain the liquid either)
• 1 cup tomato sauce
• 1 quart chicken stock
• 1 cup white rice
• handful fresh parsley leaves, chopped
• 3 tablespoons fresh dill, finely chopped (omitted)

Directions

1. Heat a deep pot over medium-high heat. Add olive oil and meat. Brown the meat (draining grease if necessary. It was for me because I used cheap-ass meat. Ask for it by name)

   

   You can never go wrong with quality "miscellaneous service meat"

2. Season the meat with the allspice, coriander, smoked paprika, salt (if you're a fan of high blood pressure) and pepper. Then add the onion, carrots, garlic and bay leaf. Cook for 2-3 minutes or until vegetables begin to soften, then add the cabbage to wilt slightly. Add the tomatoes, tomato sauce and stock and bring to a boil. 
3. Add rice and reduce to heat to a simmer. Cook for 16-18 minutes until the rice is just tender. Stir in the parsley and dill (if using). Discard the bay leaf (see? Even Rachael Ray knows bay leaves=DEATH). 

Good times!

MCK Product Review: Chef Basket

     As I was browsing the local Dollar Tree, as I am wont to do, I happened upon a rack just stuffed with "As Seen On TV" merchandise. Over two-thirds of it was dominated by a single item. That item was "The Original Chef Basket." Proudly proclaiming itself as a 12 in 1 kitchen tool, it cried out to be purchased. A local townie also stared longingly at the display. I looked at her and asked how we could have possibly lived this long without such a wonder in our kitchen. She nodded and lobbed one into her cart. She imparted these words of wisdom before wandering down the cleaning supply aisle: "Hell, for a buck, why wouldn't you buy it?" Naturally, I bought one. 

How has society advanced this far without one of these?
 

     The box proudly proclaims twelve different functions. That's probably bullshit, so let's focus on the stuff it shows on the front of the box. Steaming, rinse&strain and deep frying. You know what? I'm not dragging out the deep fryer for this test. That's too much work. Plus, my fryer already has a basket. The first test will be steaming. I chopped up some broccoli. What the Hell do you call a bunch of broccoli? Bunch? Group? Bouquet? Really, it's a head of broccoli? It doesn't look like a head at all. That's just stupid. Anyway, I chucked the broccoli in the Chef Basket and set up a pot of water.

Actual steaming in progress. 

      The verdict? It worked fine. No broccoli fell out, and the thing turned into a little basket just like it said. I just flipped it out into a bowl. No muss, no fuss. Next up was the rinse and strain. I took some potatoes and rinsed them off in the basket. Short of the basket self-destructing, it's pretty hard to screw up the "rinse" feature of this thing. I chose to cut up and par-boil the potatoes, which would require straining. I loaded the potatoes in the Chef Basket, which I had propped in the sink.

Try not to pass out from all this excitement. 

     The verdict? It worked fine. No potatoes fell through. That's about all that could have gone wrong. Finally, I cooked up a load of farfalle. I left the basket in the pot of water and poured in the farfalle. I was going to attempt to lift the basket out of the water and set it up for draining, just like on the cover.

I wonder if my good friend Rachel Ray has one of these?

     The verdict? Maybe farfalle wasn't the best pasta to use. The basket has some fairly large spaces for smaller pasta to sneak out. We lost about 15 pieces into the main pot. If you're using this for pasta, I'd stay away from stuff like elbow macaroni or orzo. I was impressed that the handles weren't red hot when I inevitably forgot to use mitts to lift the basket out. They did not really transfer much heat.

     I guess the question I need to answer is did I get my dollar's worth? Well, it does what it shows on the box. It even folds up flat. I suppose if you can find it for a buck, pick one up.

Good times!

Meal Planning

     Shockingly, I've actually gotten a request for a post. A long time admirer of my work has asked me to talk about meal planning. We're not talking about diet or nutrition, though those things play a part. We're simply talking about putting together a schedule of meals for the week.  This is an important undertaking in our house, as the wife and I both work regular jobs (at least until somebody at the Food Network reads this and offers me a lucrative TV show where I get paid to wander around and eat stuff).  We generally don't have the time or energy to come home from work and put a meal together from scratch.

     Setting up your meals for the week isn't as hard as you might think. My good friend Rachel Ray (total fabrication)  usually features a little booklet in her magazine that shows how to plan for the week.  Her plan generally involves a series of meals planned around a common pool of ingredients. This is a great plan, except is still calls for actually preparing meals each night. This is generally not a problem for productive people, but I am not among that population. I need something easier and faster. So what do I do?

No, but not a terrible idea.

     What I do is turn to the trusty three station slow cooker. Sunday is slow-cook day in my house. As I mentioned in my dissertation on slow cookers, I like to set up a soup, stew or appetizer in one dish, an entree (or in the case of cold weather, another soup/stew) in the second, and a dessert in the third. Set timers for each and you're good to go. Once everything is done, it's just a matter of packing it for the week. On any given day, one of the dishes will be used as a lunch, the other is dinner. Eat the dessert as needed.

     The only issue here is repetition of meals. I'm not terribly fussed about the same thing for lunch a few days in a row, but I do like some variety for dinners. I fill in the gap with super easy five ingredient or less recipes. Mondays are half price pizza days at our local restaurant.

SHAMELESS PLUG, SEND GIFT CERTIFICATES

     Obviously, eating out isn't always an option, especially if you're on a budget. If you set up the slow cooker, and keep a couple super simple recipes ready for the week (I'll post one for Monday), it is no big task to have all your meals taken care of. If you only have one large slow cooker, you can consider just slow cooking meat and basic seasoning  and using that as a base for your food. You could slow cook some pork and work that into five nights easily. Tacos, stew, BBQ pulled pork, work it into a pasta sauce, and throw it on a big salad. See? Easy. Now go enjoy.