'Nero Fiddles Hot Sauce

 We are about halfway through September and the garden is still throwing habanero peppers like it's mad at us. The Wife is making noises about giving some of them away, and that just won't do. So I decided to make a hot sauce recipe that uses two dozen peppers a batch. I did. This one is a real roller coaster ride. It's like a Saturday morning with a six-year old in the house. It starts off nice and pleasant and then all of a sudden all hell breaks loose. That's the best way I can describe it. More specifically, it's got a bright, slightly fruity taste. I have no idea what I'm going to do with it. I could probably make some absolutely deadly hot-wings. Possibly add a few drops to a Bloody Mary. Maybe just drink it straight if I wanted to scream for a while. Basically a lovely flavor plays around in your mouth as you burn.

This recipe will yield 1-1/2 pints of sauce. If you own a Insta-Pot Ace blender, you can actually do everything but the canning step in the blender by running the puree program. 

Give it a spin and tell me what you think, as long as it's positive. As always, notes are in blue.

'Nero Fiddles Hot Sauce

Ingredients

• 2 dozen habanero peppers, stems removed (don't you even think about removing the seeds, you big baby)
• 2 red bell peppers, chopped
• 1 white onion, chopped
• 2 teaspoons chopped fresh sage
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup white vinegar
• 1/4 cup lime juice
• 1/4 cup white tequila (if you don't do alcohol, just omit and split the difference between more vinegar and lime juice)

Directions

1. Put all the ingredients in a blender. Blend until smooth.
2. Pour contents of blender into a non-reactive pot. Heat to a simmer for about 10 minutes. 
3. Return to the blender (or use an immersion blender) to ensure everything is totally liquefied. 
4. If you're not going to can this sauce, you're done. 

   

   Fire in the hole!

5. If you are canning, fill three half pint jars to 1/4 inch headspace and secure lid and ring. Process in a boiling water bath for about 12-15 minutes. As always, review canning procedures at The National Center for Home Food Preservation to make sure you don't accidentally poison anyone. 

Good times!

Slow Cooker Southwest Style Cheese Soup

     "Southwest Style." what a vague description. It would seem as long as you have meat and chile peppers, you can call something Southwest. That's good, because that is exactly what I did. This really came together as a desperate attempt to come up with meals for the week. I didn't expect much from this recipe, but was happily surprised at how it turned out. It had a nice bite and a plenty of flavor. It was even better the next day! Give it a try and see what you think! If you like it, let me know! If not, tell someone else, because I don't have time for your criticism.

Slow Cooker
Southwest Style Cheese Soup

Ingredients

• 1 can (15.5 ounce) black beans, drained and rinsed
• 1 can (14.5 ounce) fire roasted salsa style tomatoes, undrained (our ALDI had these. If you can't find them, just substitute a can of Rotel tomatoes with green chiles.)
• 1/2 cup corn (frozen or canned)
• 1 pound ground beef (80/20 is great, but 73/27 is fine, too. 11/89 is right out)
• 1/2 medium yellow onion, diced
• 4 cups water
• 1/2 cup sour cream
• 1 cup pepper jack cheese (this is not a paid endorsement, but I wholeheartedly recommend Kraft Habanero Heat shredded Monterey Jack)

Directions

1. Brown and drain the ground beef. Throw it in a slow cooker.
2. Throw in everything else except the sour cream and cheese.
3. Cook on LOW for 4 hours
4. Add the sour cream and cheese. Stir to incorporate and cook on LOW another 30 minutes.

Good Times!

Satan Sauce

     The garden is finally done for the season and I find myself with an alarming amount of habanero peppers. For added fun, someone at work gave me about thirty more habaneros. I also have a couple of bags of habaneros from the last season in the freezer. Basically I have a shit-ton of habaneros. I turned to my trust copy of Hot Sauce! for a recipe to use. I found this one, but it called for Scotch bonnets. I figure they're pretty close in heat to habanero, so I just used habanero. The end result? This stuff is pretty damned hot with a good, persistent burn. Fortunately, there's a lot of flavor. It's totally worth the burn. What can you do with it? It's good on nachos, but you'd better have your big boy pants on if you're going to eat it like this. I'd be adding it to foods for a little extra oomph. That's just a suggestion. If you're a badass like me, you'll just spoon it into your face right out of the jar. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Satan Sauce
via Hot Sauce!

Ingredients

• 1/2 ancho chile
• 1 fresh Dutch Red, Thai, or jalapeno chile (we used a scary red jalapeno that was lurking in the garden)
• 16 fresh Scotch bonnets (preferably orange or yellow), stemmed

Didn't have time to run to a haberdashery,
we used orange and yellow habaneros instead.

• 1 cup coarsely chopped yellow onion
• 4 garlic cloves, peeled
• 1 cup distilled white vinegar
• 1 tablespoon freshly squeezed lemon juice (we squeezed it fresh from the bottle)
• 1 tablespoon gold rum (I hope spiced rum is the same thing. We went with Bacardi Oakheart)
• 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano

Directions

1. Submerge the ancho in hot water and soak until soft, about 20 minutes. Drain, then finely chop.
2. Roast and peel the Dutch Red. Stem, seed and finely chop (since I didn't use a Dutch Red, I didn't feel obligated to roast or peel. I did, however, stem, seed and chop the red jalapeno)
3. Combine the Scotch bonnets (habaneros)  with the onion and garlic in a food processor and process until finely chopped.
4. Pour the vinegar, lemon juice and rum into a nonreactive pan and bring to a boil. Pour the liquid into the food processor, add the oregano and the chopped red pepper; process lightly.
5. Add the chopped ancho teaspoon by teaspoon, processing briefly in between, pulsing only enough to get a smooth yellow-orange sauce with red flecks. Over-processing results in a red sauce (which is what I ended up with)
6. If you're planning on eating it right away, you're done. If you want to process it for canning, sterilize two half-pint jars and fill with the sauce. Process in a boiling water bath for 15 minutes. As always, refer to the National Center for Home Food Preservation to make sure you don't poison anybody. 

Good times!

Caribbean Hot Sauce via Hot Sauce!

     One can never have too much hot sauce available. I was excited to try my hand at a Carribean-style recipe in my Hot Sauce! cookbook. I even went out and bought a mango just for the purpose of using it to make hot sauce. The book and several people said that this style of sauce can turn plain old scrambled eggs into a transcendental experience. I'll let you know when I try it! I can tell you this sauce packs a wallop up front. There's a blast of heat followed by the sweet fruitiness of the mango. Just underneath all of that is a tiny hint of mustard. It's a tremendous combination that makes the heat totally worth it. This recipe will yield a bit over a pint of sauce. As always, any changes or notes are in blue.

Caribbean Hot Sauce
via Hot Sauce!

Ingredients

• 5 fresh Scotch bonnet or habanero chiles (preferably yellow, red, or orange), stemmed and seeded (I used 6 red habaneros that I froze whole last season)
• 1 ripe papaya or mango, peeled, seeded and coarsely chopped (I went with mango)
• 1 small yellow onion, coarsely chopped
• 2 garlic cloves, chopped
• 1 (1-inch) piece of fresh ginger, peeled and chopped
• 1/2 cup cider vinegar
• 1/2 cup water
• 2 teaspoons honey
• 1 tablespoon dry mustard
• 1/2 teaspoon ground turmeric
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• Pinch of ground cumin
• Pinch of ground coriander

Directions

1. Add all of the ingredients into a blender and puree until just smooth, taking care not to aerate the mixture too much. 

   

   Fire in the hole!

2. Pour into a nonreactive saucepan, bring to a boil, and then lower the heat and simmer uncovered for 10 minutes.
3. Let cool and pour into bottles. Refrigerated, the sauce will keep for 6 weeks. (If you're planning on canning it, you will need two half-pint jars. Fill them to about 1/4" inch from the top and seal them. I process mine in a boiling water bath for about 10-12 minutes. As always, if you're not familiar with water-bath canning, please go to the National Center for Home Food Preservation and read up on canning before you accidentally give yourself food poisoning and I disavow any knowledge of posting this recipe)

Good times!

She Simmers Caribbean-Style Sauce via Hot Sauce!

     Apparently I need to visit the Caribbean at some point. So many wonderful sauces come out of that area! This particular riff on the style is out of the Hot Sauce! cookbook. I love this sauce so much. There is so much going on here, flavor-wise. It is reminiscent of a jerk sauce, but to me has a fun mix of flavors. The best way I can explain it is everything in here is fighting to get noticed. Imagine a bar-room brawl and all the spices are slapping each other around. Then the habanero busts in the front door and starts breaking chairs over everyone and throwing them out windows. It's just like that, but in your mouth. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

She Simmers
via Hot Sauce!

Ingredients

• 6 fresh red, yellow, or orange habanero chiles (I used mostly red and one orange. They were also frozen from last season. As long as they were fresh at one time you should be fine)
• 1/2 cup freshly squeezed orange juice (for all of the freshly squeezed juices, you can more than likely get away with bottled, but the flavor will not be quite the same. The main reason I did the freshly squeezed was because my aunt Ruthie bought us an electric reamer for our wedding. As much as that sounds like a marital aid, it's not. Just Google "orange reamer" and settle down, you pervert)
• 1/2 cup distilled white vinegar
• 2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
• 2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lime juice
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 2 teaspoons freshly ground black pepper (I will tell you right now, grinding them by hand is a Colossal Pain In The Ass. Next time I'll just use the coffee bean grinder. I just have to remember to clean it out or the wife will be Righteously Pissed when she goes to make coffee)
• 4 garlic cloves, minced
• 2 tablespoons minced fresh ginger
• 1 tablespoon curry powder
• 1 teaspoon ground allspice
• 1/2 teaspoon ground or freshly grated nutmeg (I went with the ground)
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

Directions

1. Stem and seed the habaneros, reserving the seeds. Combine the chiles and all of the remaining ingredients in a blender and puree until silky. Taste and add a sprinkling of the seeds if you want to ratchet up the heat (be careful when you're doing this. It doesn't take too many seeds to change the heat level from "pleasant burn" to "OH MY GOD, THIS WILL EVENTUALLY REACH MY SPHINCTER.")
2. Pour into bottles. (I processed mine in a half pint jar for 15 minutes in a boiling water bath for long term storage. As always, please read up on canning at the National Center for Home Food Preservation before attempting canning. This sauce can tear up your insides just fine without the help of harmful bacteria.)

Good times!

Pique Sauce via Hot Sauce!

     We're still looking for fast and simple ways to use up the peppers that are starting to pile up. Naturally, I turned to Hot Sauce! for some inspiration. I found a base recipe for Pique, a Puerto Rican style hot sauce that couldn't be easier to put together. If you've eaten at Steak & Shake, you've no doubt seen that jar of peppers and vinegar on the table. Fundamentally, that's Pique. It's just peppers and some herbs floating in white vinegar. There's a lot of freedom to pick and choose the peppers and herbs. It's also nice because it's not likely to spoil, seeing as the liquid is entirely vinegar!

Pique
via Hot Sauce! by Jennifer Trainer Thompson

Ingredients

• 10-12 fresh chiles (try different colors, lengths, and shapes, such as green serrano, red Tabasco, and yellow habanero) (we went with cayenne on one batch and jalapenos for another)
• 6 cloves of garlic, peeled
• 4 cups distilled or white wine vinegar
• 5 or 6 sprigs mixed fresh herbs (we used lemon basil and oregano with the cayenne and cilantro and parsley with the jalapenos)
• Whole peppercorns in assorted colors

Directions

1. Bring a pot of water to a boil. Cut off the stems and a bit of the top of the chiles (or if you prefer the look of the stem, make a slice in the chiles) so the vinegar can get inside (we like the look of the whole pepper and went with the slice)
2. Add the chiles and garlic to the boiling water, leaving them there for a few minutes to soften up the chiles. Divide the garlic and chiles between sterilized bottles that will hold 6 cups total. 
3. Heat the vinegar to just below boiling in a non-reactive saucepan.

   

   Remember our talk on reactive pans?

   Pour the vinegar into the bottles. Add a few sprigs of herbs to each for flavor and looks (add the peppercorns at this step if you're using them), making sure to push them down below the surface of the vinegar (or just add the herbs first and pour vinegar in carefully). 
4. Seal the bottles and allow to sit for 2 weeks in a spot that's not too sunny, turning occasionally (the bottles, not you) before using. The longer the sauce sits, the hotter it gets. 

Good times!

Chamber of Horrors: The Refrigerator

     So there are hundreds, if not thousands of blog posts and articles about the ingredients that must be kept in the cabinets and refrigerators to be a successful cook. I'm not going to bother you with those ingredients. I have them. You have them. We all have them. Today I'm going to take a look at some of the things in my fridge that most of you don't have. Things I probably should throw away. I will be judging the quality of these items with the help of my close, personal friend, Barack Obama.

A 13 Year Old Bottle of Hot Sauce
A couple of days ago I was making taco salads and was trying to figure out what hot sauce to use. I rummaged in the fridge and happened across a bottle of Pain is Good Garlic Habanero sauce. I bought this bottle when I was still living at home. 13 years ago. I assumed that hot sauces are mostly vinegar, so I should be fine. I put it on my taco salad. It still had plenty of heat.

Obama says: Still has plenty of heat and flavor.
Still good for a few more years.

Horseradish That Was Past The Expiration Date When I Bought It
Our local market regularly lists items as "Manager's Special." This roughly translates to "sell at a reduced price before the health inspector comes in and sees that we're selling food days after the 'sell by' date." Lurking in my refrigerator is a jar of horseradish that was a week or so past the "sell by" date when I bought it. Two years ago. I figure horseradish has vinegar in it, too, so no worries there. Still has some tang to it. I can't figure out how this could possibly spoil, but I'm starting to worry.

Obama says: Tastes okay, but maybe consider tossing it already.
 You only paid a buck-fifty for it

Wishbones
I'm not talking salad dressings, I'm talking honest to God wishbones out of turkeys. I must have three or four in the fridge. I place the blame for this behavior firmly on my mother. She would take the wishbone out of the bird, put it in a zip lock bag to dry out, then forget about it forever. In my house we do actually break the wishbone. We make a wish and everything. However, I have somehow managed to build up a backlog of wishbones. I can't eat them. They won't make good soup stock. I don't see myself making a pile of wishes.

Obama says: Throw the damned things out already.
Or send them to me. I could use all the help I can get.

A Quart Jar of Spicy Pickled Chard Stems
We grew a bunch of chard two years ago and never really figured out what to do with it. I never could get past the dirty taste. We ended up with a huge glut of chard at the end of the season. I found a recipe for to pickle them in a spicy pickling liquid. I pickled them. The liquid turned purple. When we opened them later that year, what I had was chard that still tasted dirty but was now spicy. Nobody will really eat it and I can't bring myself to throw it away because that seems wasteful. Now it just sits quietly in the back of the fridge.

Obama says: Shitcan it. Even the roaches won't eat it.

That's all for now. Maybe sometime I'll take a look in my cabinets and see what Eldritch Horrors reside there!

Good times!