Lemon Bars

     I never quite understood the excitement over lemon bars. Don't get me wrong; I enjoy a good lemon bar. It's just that people seem to go nuts over them. If there's lemon bars on the table in the break room, people just go batshit insane like somebody is in there giving away gold ingots.

HOLY SHIT, LEMON BARS!

     Anyways, The Wife had a hankering for lemon bars, and I happened to find a recipe from Allrecipes in a magazine. As luck would have it, I had all the ingredients on hand. I just neglected to use them all. As I mention in the recipe, I'm pretty sure I forgot some flour. What I got was more like lemon curd on a crust. Don't get me wrong, it was pretty good. The addition of some lemon extract gave it a little extra zing. The Wife certainly liked it. She's been sneaking to the fridge and cutting off pieces at every opportunity. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Lemon Bars
via Allrecipes

Ingredients

• 2-1/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup confectioners' sugar, plus extra for dusting
• 1 cup butter, softened
• 4 eggs
• 1-1/2 cup white sugar
• 1/2 cup lemon juice
• 1 tablespoon lemon zest
• 1 teaspoon lemon extract

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350F
2. Mix 2 cups of flour and confectioners' sugar together. Cut in the butter. Mix well until the dough resembles pie crust consistency (no clue as to what that is supposed to look like. It was crumbly). Press the dough into a 9"x13" baking pan.
3. Bake 15-20 minutes or until golden brown (we ended up cooking this about 25 minutes).
4. Beat together eggs, sugar, 4 tablespoons flour (in retrospect, I'm fairly sure I totally forgot to add the flour here. It looked and tasted fine and nobody died. No harm, no foul), lemon rind and lemon extract for at least 1 minute. Pour the mixture over the baked crust.
5. Bake the bars another 20 minutes or until the lemon topping has set (we went closer to 25 minutes). Dust with confectioners' sugar after the bars have cooled. 

Good times!

Braided Butternut Squash Bread

     It's a good thing The Wife is really good at braiding bread. Her challah is supreme. This time we used her preternatural braiding abilities to make a braided butternut squash bread. I found the original recipe at Allrecipes. We wound up making this bread because we've had a surplus of frozen butternut squash and have been on a crusade to find fun ways to use it. This is certainly a great way to use butternut squash. After the bread came out of the oven, we just stood there like morons, vacantly shoving hot bread in our mouths until we were through half a loaf. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Braided Butternut Squash Bread
via Allrecipes.com

Ingredients

• 1 butternut squash, peeled, seeded and cubed (I always wonder why we have to be told to peel a butternut squash. Do you think there's anybody out there who just can't get enough butternut squash peel?)
• 1 (0.25 ounce) package active dry yeast
• 2 tablespoons warm (110F) water
• 1/3 cup warm (110F) milk
• 1/4 cup butter, softened
• 2 eggs
• 3 tablespoons brown sugar (we used 4 tablespoons. You could probably do 5 or 6 if you wanted a really sweet bread)
• 1/4 teaspoon salt (we followed a suggestion to go with 3/4 teaspoon salt to bring out the butternut squash flavor)
• 3 cups all-purpose flour (the dough is totally unworkable with this much flour. It's almost still liquid. We wound up using 4-1/2 cups flour)
• 1 tablespoon water

Directions

1. In a large saucepan, cover cubed squash with water. Bring water to a boil and cook until tender, about 15-20 minutes. Let cool and mash. Reserve 1 cup for use and freeze the remainder for later use (or just tell me I only needed 1 cup of boiled, mashed squash so I didn't have to cook all of it! What if I didn't want all that extra mashed squash? Why doesn't anybody consider my feelings? THIS IS WHY I DRINK)
2. In a small bowl, dissolve yeast in warm water (2 tablespoons of water). Let stand until creamy, about 10 minutes (this is the first time I've ever seen yeast described as "creamy." I'm not sure I'm comfortable with it)
3. In a large bowl (I used the Kitchenaid for this, so I just used the mixing bowl) combine the yeast mixture with milk, butter, 1 cup mashed squash, 1 egg, brown sugar, salt and 2 cups of the flour; stir well to combine. Stir in remaining flour, 1/2 cup at a time (I used 1/4 cup at a time just to be spiteful), beating well after each addition. When the dough has pulled together, turn it out onto a lightly floured surface and knead until smooth and elastic, about 8 minutes (I just used the dough hook on the mixer for this. I don't have time for needless manual labor)
4. Lightly oil a large bowl; place dough in bowl and turn to coat with oil. Cover with a damp cloth and let rise in a warm place until doubled in volume, about 1 hour. 
5. Deflate the dough ("Deflate?" It makes it sound like you're working with an air mattress. When I work with dough, I "punch it down." It's what Chuck Norris would do)

   

   Told you so.

6. This section describes how to cut the dough and get it braided. I consider it a Pain In The Ass (PITA) and will not waste the time or space typing it. Instead, I'm going to just link you the YouTube video the wife used to learn. It obviously works. You're going to want to split the dough in half first. You're looking to make 2 loaves here. Once you figure out the braiding, cover the loaves and let rise for another 30 minutes on a greased baking sheet.
7. In a small bowl, beat together remaining egg and 1 tablespoon water. Brush loaves with egg wash. Bake for 20-25 minutes at 350F (we went with 25 minutes and the bread came out great)

Good times!

Too Damned Easy Stuffing Balls

     Sometimes you come across a recipe of such deceptive simplicity it boggles the mind. Years ago, while visiting friends in Kentucky, we went to a little restaurant called Cloud's Country Cooking in Salvisa. I was intrigued by their special of the day: Dressing Balls with Corn Pudding. I ordered it and was not disappointed. However, every time I came back there, it wasn't on the menu. I was left with no choice but to make them myself. Same for the corn pudding. It turns out the Dressing Balls were easier to replicate than I expected! I used chicken (they used turkey) and I changed up the name to "Stuffing Balls" since stuffing/dressing is a regional distinction. These are a whole lot of fun to serve. There's a lot you could do with these. If you were truly daring, you could even take my Chicken Cordon Bleu Stuffing Casserole and make them into stuffing balls! As always, any notes are in blue.

Too Damned Easy
Stuffing Balls

Ingredients

• 2 boxes pre-packaged stuffing (we generally choose some form of herb mix stuffing)
• 1-1/2 pounds pre-cooked chicken, chopped
• Gravy of your choice (I found a decent gravy recipe on Allrecipes to use)

Directions

1. Prepare stuffing according to directions (we make ours in the microwave as this tends to leave the stuffing damp and mushy, which is what were looking for in this recipe)
2. Throw the chopped chicken into the stuffing. Grab a handful of the chicken and stuffing mix (I hope you waited for the stuffing to cool. This step is hard to do with first and second degree burns on your hands) and form the mixture into a ball roughly the size of a tennis ball. (If you want to be truly fancy, make a pocket in a wad of stuffing and put some chicken in there. Then form a ball around the chicken center. Now you have a sort of Reverse Stuffed Cornish Hen thing going on)
3. Put onto a lightly greased baking sheet and cook at 350F for about 20 minutes. You are looking to create a nice, crunchy outside.

   

   Ready for the oven! Notice the consistent sizing of the stuffing balls.
   That's what happens when you cook after three Jim Beam and Ginger Ales.

4. Move stuffing balls to a plate and top with gravy.

Stuffing Balls with a heaping side of Jalapeno Corn Pudding!
Good Times!

Pumpkin Cheesebread Muffins

     Once again I have dug into the abyss of Allrecipes. This time it was to find a use for half a can of pumpkin that was in the fridge and threatening to go off. The recipe I found was listed as Pumpkin Cheesebread II: The Reckoning. This Time, It's Personal. Okay, maybe the last part wasn't on there, but it should have been. If you're slapping Roman numerals on your recipe, it needs to have a tagline attached. Just wait until I redo my Shoofly Pie recipe. It's going to be amazing.

"Yippie-Pie-Yay, Motherf****r."

     Anyway, this recipe has you making it in loaf pans. We decided it would be far more amusing and time consuming to do them as muffins. They took just as long to cook as the loaf time, so it's all coming down to a matter of which you prefer. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Pumpkin Cheesebread Muffins
via Allrecipes

Ingredients

• 1 8-ounce package of cream cheese, softened (we used neufchatel to keep the fat down)
• 2 cups white sugar
• 1-2/3 cups plus 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
• 3 eggs
• 1 tablespoon orange zest (we didn't feel like zesting an orange so we used 1 scant tablespoon of dried orange peel from a jar)
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon ground clove (I always worry clove will overpower a recipe; we used 1/2 scant teaspoon)
• 1/2 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
• 1 cup pumpkin puree (I'm hoping that's the same thing that's in the can, because that's what I used)
• 1/2 cup vegetable oil
• 1 cup chopped pecans (optional) (omitted)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 325F. Lightly grease two 8x4 inch loaf pans (we decided, based on a suggestion in the comments to make these in muffin tins.)
2. In a medium bowl, combine cream cheese, 1/2 cup sugar, 1 tablespoon flour, 1 egg and orange zest; beat until smooth (this could have been done by hand but we let the Kitchenaid take care of it), set aside.
3. In another bowl, sift together remaining 1-2/3 cups flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, cloves and pumpkin pie spice; set aside.
4. Place pumpkin, vegetable oil, remaining 2 eggs, and remaining 1-1/2 cups sugar in a large bowl; beat well (yes, you're going to have bowls all over the counter. Take a few extra out and just scatter them about the kitchen to complete the scene). Stir pumpkin mixture into flour mixture until just combined. Fold in pecans (if using). 
5. Pour half the pumpkin batter into the loaf pans. Spoon cream cheese mixture on top of this layer, then pour on remaining batter (if you're doing muffins, you're going to have to eyeball measuring out the batter and cheese. I ended up with a lot of leftover cheese. I just saved it to use as a spread on pumpkin bread I made last week. Don't overfill when making the muffins or they're going to come up over the top and spread about in an alarming fashion. Be on the safe side and put a drip pan on the next rack down to catch any spillover)

   

   Next time I make these as muffins, less batter and more filling.

6. Bake in preheated oven for 60 to 70 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of the loaf comes out clean (we cooked ours according to the suggested muffin time, which was 25 minutes. No dice. We kept adding time in 5-7 minute intervals and ended up needing about an hour. As always, keep an eye on them; cooking time will vary). Cool bread in pans for 10 minutes before removing to wire rack to cool completely. 

Good times!

Chicken Vindaloo

     Many moons ago, when I was in college, I used to eat Indian food all the time. There was a tremendous buffet that opened up my world to this fantastic food. Once I got back from college I sort of forgot about Indian food. Since I've been doing this food blogging thing, I've started to see the familiar recipes again and the urge to indulge in Indian is back.
     I started looking around for a recipe to try and eventually decided on vindaloo. I settled on a chicken vindaloo recipe from Currytastic.  This recipe would be my starting point. I have to say I was terribly pleased with the results. There was plenty of heat, but there were so many layers of flavor that you were willing to work past the heat. The wife and I sat at the table pouring sweat and moaning (I assure you, we were having dinner), and slopping up the vindaloo sauce with some tremendous naan bread I made from a recipe from Allrecipes.  This was truly a fantastic meal. Was it truly authentic? I have no idea, nor do I care. It tasted great and the wife loved it. That's all that matters. As always, any changes from the original recipe and notes are in blue.

Chicken Vindaloo

Ingredients
Vindaloo Paste

• 1 tsp ground cumin
• 1 tsp ground turmeric
• 1/4 tsp ground cinnamon
• 2 tsp mustard powder
• 1 tsp ground coriander
• 1 tsp cayenne pepper
• 3/4" cube of peeled ginger (no fresh ginger in the house, I used 1/2 tsp grated ginger)
• 1 or 2 tsp Garam Masala (I never have this in the house. I used 1/4 tsp each of ginger, cinnamon, black pepper, cumin, coriander, nutmeg and ground cloves. These amounts are on top of the already listed amounts above)
• 3 tbsp white wine vinegar (I used malt vinegar at the suggestion of several other recipes)
• 1 tsp sugar

Vindaloo Base

• 3/4 cup vegetable oil
• 4-8 garlic cloves, crushed or blended (We used 8. No sense in screwing around)
• 3 red onions, sliced finely, preferably blended (Our red onions were freaky big, so I only used two. I also went ahead with just slicing them)

Everything Else

• 4+ red chilies, finely chopped (I changed this up. I wound up using 2 jalapenos and 1 naga jolokia. The naga alone would have provided a fair amount of heat.) WARNING: If you're messing with hot peppers, make sure to wash your hands afterwards. If you have open cuts on your hands, wear gloves. I assure you that if you get naga jolokia in your eyes or cuts you will wish you were dead.

  

  The naga jolokia is around 1 million Scoville units. For comparison, a cayenne is  50,000 at the high end. So this one pepper is equivalent in heat to about 15-20 cayenne.  Rectum? Damn near killed 'em. 

• 4 skinless chicken breasts cut into bite sized pieces (I used 3. I don't normally skimp on breasts, but these breasts were HUGE. *snicker*)
• 1 pound good quality chopped tomatoes or canned tomatoes (don't drain the canned)
• 1-2 tsp tomato puree to taste (I used about 3 tablespoons of tomato paste)
• 1-4 tsp hot chili powder (optional) (no it's not optional. Don't even put it in there if you may not want people to do it. I used 4 tsp. I didn't even tell my wife. Granted, she suspects. She'll know for sure once she reads this. Wish me luck.)
• Salt and pepper to taste (HILARIOUS. If you need to augment the flavor at this point just give up)

Directions

1. Grate or slice the ginger finely and add the cumin, cinnamon, mustard, coriander turmeric, garam masala and cayenne pepper into a bowl and add the vinegar and sugar and mix thoroughly.
2. Heat the oil in a wok or large frying pan. (There's going to be a lot of stuff in here. I used my 6 quart enameled cast iron Dutch oven) Add the garlic and the onion and cook over a medium heat until they have softened for approx 5-7 mins, but take care not to let them burn or brown too much.
3. Once the onion and garlic have softened, add the chicken pieces and cook for approx 2-3 minutes until the chicken starts to color. (If you're using the Dutch oven, everything may be a bit crowded at the bottom. The chicken took closer to 10 minutes before it was all colored. Cooking times may vary.)
4. Now add the chilies, tomatoes, tomato puree, and begin to stir in the pre-prepared Vindaloo paste.
5. Add salt and pepper to taste, and bring to the boil. Once boiling, lower the heat and simmer whilst stirring occasionally for approx 1 hour. During this period, it’s important not to let the chicken vindaloo dry out, so add a 1/2 cup of water as necessary (I didn't need it. At least I don't think I did. I'm pretty awesome, so I probably got it right). If you do want to make it hotter than the recipe (HELLS YES I DO), then during the simmering time is the right time to gradually add the chili powder to taste.

Good times!