Cucumber-Jalapeno Hot Sauce

 Holy shit did the garden throw a lot of cucumbers at us. There's only so many cucumber sandwiches, or tomato/cucumber/onion salad you can eat. I decided to use the vast surplus along with the bumper crop of jalapenos were also blessed with. The end result was a rock-solid hot sauce. It starts with an unmistakable cucumber flavor. Then the heat builds quickly but then levels off with a nice sweet finish. This would be great with fish or chicken. Or, as The Wife prefers, unceremoniously shoveled into her gob with Aldi Lime Nacho Chips. To each their own. This recipe will yield about 2-1/2 pints of sauce. 

Cucumber-Jalapeno Hot Sauce
aka Green Meanie

Ingredients

• 2 decent sized cucumbers, peeled, seeded, and chopped
• 12 jalapenos, chopped (I suppose if you're a HUGE BABY you could seed them to cut down on the heat, but then why are you even looking at a hot sauce recipe?)
• 1 medium onion, chopped
• 1/4 cup lime juice
• 3/4 cup water
• 2 cups white wine vinegar
• 1 tablespoon dry cilantro
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 tablespoon garlic powder
• 1 teaspoon amchoor (dried mango) powder

Directions

1. In a medium pot, combine all ingredients. Bring to a boil. Reduce to a simmer for about 10 minutes.
2. Pour mixture into a blender or use an immersion blender to blend until as smooth as possible.
3. Feel free to strain the sauce if you want something closer to a liquid-only hot sauce, or leave it as-is for something closer to a thin salsa.
4. If you plan on canning this sauce, we went with 5 half pint jars, 1/4" headspace, and 12 minutes in the boiling water bath. As always please go to the National Center for Home Food Preservation and brush up on canning so you don't accidentally kill anyone.

Good times!

Too Damned Easy Ceviche

     I discovered ceviche at our favorite Mexican restaurant. As you know, I count all of my calories, so I was looking for something that wouldn't break the bank. I found their Ceviche Bowl. It was just vegetables and shrimp with some crackers on the side. I had it and was hooked. I figured there's not much to making it they way they do, so I'd try to make it at home. For the $12 they charged at the restaurant, I can buy enough ingredients to make four! I know that many versions of ceviche use fish that is cooking in the acids of the citrus, but I'm keeping it simple and just parroting what I got in the restaurant. As always, any notes are in blue. 

Too Damned Easy Ceviche

Ingredients

• 12 ounces frozen shrimp, defrosted and tails removed (Don't throw the tails away! Boil them in some water and make yourself some shrimp stock to freeze for another day!)
• 2 avocados, cut into into 3/4" cubes (if you did this without first pitting the avocado and scooping it from the shell, just put everything away and go order a pizza)
• 1/2 large red onion, chopped
• 2 medium roma tomatoes, chopped
• 1 medium cucumber, peeled and diced
• 1 tablespoon lime juice (the stuff from the little plastic lime is fine)
• 2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro
• 2 medium jalapenos, diced (if you're a wuss and can't handle the heat, throw the seeds away. If you are a stud like myself, leave them in)
• 1 teaspoon salt (I actually had some pink Himalayan salt on hand and went with that)

Directions

1. Put all ingredients except avocado and salt in a large bowl. Toss to incorporate ingredients (I will not be held responsible for overenthusiastic tossing)
2. Add avocado and sprinkle salt. Lightly toss to incorporate (I held the avocado back because it tends to get mushed up if you toss it too much. Ideally you want the cubes of avocado to remain cube-shaped. This is one of the few times where I actually worry about presentation. To me, ceviche should taste and LOOK clean)
3. Serve up in a small bowl or goblet with nacho chips (or as I've seen in several restaurants, with packs of Saltine crackers)

Good times!

Salata Horiatiki (Country Greek Salad)

     If there is any one salad I love above all others, it is the Greek salad. The combination of flavors is wonderful. There are a ton of variations on this salad, but this one from The Best Traditional Recipes of Greek Cooking is one of my favorites because it is Too Damned Easy.  It comes together in minutes and is a visually impressive dish. I, personally, would add anchovies to this, but the Wife isn't a huge fan of the little fishies, so I generally leave them off. Other than that, there isn't much I would change here. This is a winner as-is. As always, notes are in blue.

Salata Horaitiki (Country Greek Salad)
via The Best Traditional Recipes of Greek Cookingby Maria Mavromataki

Ingredients

• 3-4 tomatoes
• 2 medium cucumbers, sliced
• 1 onion, sliced
• 5 ounces black olives
• 2 medium green bell peppers, seeded and cut into big pieces
• 2-3 tablespoons red wine vinegar
• 3-4 tablespoons olive oil
• Salt, oregano
• 7 ounces feta cheese, cut into chunks (our ALDI only sells crumbled feta, so that's what we used)

Directions

1. Wash and slice the tomatoes in quarters and place them in a bowl. Add cucumber, onion, olives and peppers
2. Dress the salad with the vinegar, olive oil, salt and oregano
3. Add feta, toss and serve

Good times!

Too Damned Easy Cucumber Tomato Salad

     This is the point in the summer where we start trying to use our garden produce in vast quantities. That's where the wife's recipe for cucumber tomato salad comes into play. This recipe couldn't be any more simple. Just about any tomato will work, but we have been using these orange tomatoes since they are super sweet and mild.

Too Damned Easy
Cucumber Tomato Salad

Ingredients

• 2-3 large cucumbers, sliced
• 1 large onion, cut into about 1” pieces
• 3-4 tomatoes of your choosing, sliced

Vinaigrette:

• 1 cup white vinegar 
• ¾ cup water 
• ¾ cup sugar (or six packets of your favorite carcinogenic sweetener)
• 1 teaspoon salt 
• 1/8 teaspoon black pepper 
• dash cayenne pepper 
• dash parsley 
• dash basil

Directions

1. Mix vinaigrette ingredients in large bowl until sugar is dissolved. 
2. Add vegetables. 
3. Let marinate in refrigerator 1-2 hours.

Good times!