Three Mustard and Bacon Potato Salad

     Who doesn't like potato salad? COMMUNISTS AND BABY EATING FASCISTS, THAT'S WHO. Seriously? There's so many potato salad variants. I can see not liking one or two, but to turn up your nose at all of them would be an unforgivable crime. Especially if you turned your nose up at mine. We all know I produce nothing but pure gold here and if you didn't like something I made, you either screwed it up or are uncultured swine. All kidding aside (I wasn't kidding), this potato salad is dynamite. At least, that's The Wife's verdict. I will admit it is a tasty salad. You can't go wrong with a pound of bacon! The only thing you may find problematic is that it calls for another one of my recipes to make this. You need to have a batch of my Three Mustard Pepper Relish on hand. If you don't have it, or can't make it, I'm not sure what you can do. I imagine a mix of a sweet and spicy mustard and a spicy relish should be a fair (albeit weak) approximation. If you come up with a replacement for my relish, let me know. As always, notes are in blue.

Three Mustard and Bacon Potato Salad

Ingredients

• 4 pounds potatoes, cut into 1" cubes (pick any potato you want. We used russet. Red would be good. I wouldn't recommend sweet)
• 1 pound pepper bacon
• 3 stalks celery, chopped
• 1/2 large red onion, chopped
• 1/3 cup sour cream
• 2/3 cup Three Mustard Pepper Relish

Directions

1. Throw the potatoes into boiling water. Boil 7-10 minutes or until they are just starting to get soft (don't over cook them or they will disintegrate when you go to toss them later). Set aside to cool. 
2. In a pan, cook the bacon until crisp. Drain and crumble the bacon. (don't you dare throw away the grease. Drain it into a clean jar and you can pop it in the fridge for later use. DON'T put the hot jar right into the fridge unless you're a huge fan of cleaning broken glass.)
3. In a small bowl, mix the sour cream and mustard. 
4. Put potatoes in a large bowl. Add bacon and onion. Pour in the sour cream and mustard mix. Toss until all ingredients are incorporated (this gives a nice, thin coat over everything. If you like more dressing in your salad, feel free to add more. Just remember 2 parts mustard relish per 1 part sour cream)
5. Refrigerate at least an hour before serving

Good Times!

Sweet and Tangy Crabuluxe Pasta Salad

     I do so enjoy a good pasta salad. I also enjoy Crabuluxe, so obviously my tastes can't be a reliable source of information. For those of you who have yet to hear me speak of Crabuluxe, it is the faux-product name I tag on any form of imitation crab meat. It runs about $2.50 per pound and is useful in all sorts of recipes (such as Zesty Crabuluxe Cold Pasta Salad; Crab and Spinach Enchiladas, or Stir-Fried Broccoli with Crabuluxe). I suppose if you're made of money and regularly wipe your ass with $100 bills you could go ahead and use real crab meat. Anyways, we whipped this little number up using a mango-chipotle vinaigrette we picked up at ALDI. We had it warm the day we made it, then ate it cold the next day. We felt cold was the better way to serve it. Do what you want as far as serving temperature. Nobody listens to me anyways. As always, notes are in blue.

Sweet and Tangy Crabuluxe Pasta Salad

Ingredients

• 1 pound medium shells pasta
• 1 pound Crabuluxe, cut into bite sized pieces
• 1 medium sweet onion, chopped
• 3 medium tomatoes, chopped
• 8 ounces mozzarella cheese, cut into 1/4" cubes
• 1-1/4 cup mango chipotle vinaigrette (ALDI carries it. If you don't have access to ALDI, I imagine most larger grocery stores carry something similar)
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 teaspoon ponzu sauce (it's a citrus based sauce. If you don't have it in your kitchen, stop reading this and go get a bottle. You can thank me later)
• 2 teaspoons Sriracha (optional for babies and the chronically lame)

Directions

1. Cook pasta until al dente (nice guy, Al. I wonder what he's up to these days?) Drain put in a large bowl. 
2. In a smaller bowl, mix the vinaigrette, garlic powder, ponzu and Sriracha. 
3. Put all the remaining ingredients in the large bowl with the pasta. Pour in the contents of the smaller bowl. Toss to incorporate ingredients. 
4. Refrigerate at least one hour before serving. (as mentioned, we loved this as a cold pasta salad. There's really nothing stopping you from serving it immediately if you prefer a warm pasta salad. It's not like I have your house under surveillance...Or do I?)

Good Times!

Herb Salad with Feta, Roasted Red Peppers and Toasted Nuts

     When it's the holiday season, I tend to eat like I may never get the chance again. I stuff my face to the point of actual physical discomfort. Then I gain 18 pounds in water weight and want to die. I am absolutely not going to to a "detox." I am not going to punish myself with "green smoothies," which sounds like something I get when I have too much dairy. No. I eat a salad or two and all is well. Just make sure it's a salad with something going on. I don't want a bowl of lettuce. This is a great salad. I can't for the life of me remember where I got the recipe. If anybody knows, tell me so I can give credit where credit is due. Anyways, the salad has feta. That's all that really matters here. As always, any notes are in blue.

Herb Salad with Feta, Roasted Red Peppers and Toasted Nuts

Ingredients

• 1 5 oz container herb salad mix (or just use 5 ounces of any greens you like)
• 1 cup coarsely chopped roasted red peppers from jar, dried on paper towel
• ½ cup walnut halves or pecan halves, toasted
• 1 10.5oz jar feta cheese in oil with herbs and spices (I only had a container of plain feta in the fridge. I just added some olive oil and herbs myself)
• 1 tablespoon red wine vinegar

Directions

1. Combine salad mix, peppers and nuts in large bowl 
2. Drain feta, reserving oil and spice mixture, sprinkle feta over salad 
3. Whisk 3 tablespoons reserved oil mixture with red wine vinegar in small bowl 
4. Drizzle dressing over salad and toss to coat 
5. Season with salt and freshly ground black pepper

Good times!

Salata Horiatiki (Country Greek Salad)

     If there is any one salad I love above all others, it is the Greek salad. The combination of flavors is wonderful. There are a ton of variations on this salad, but this one from The Best Traditional Recipes of Greek Cooking is one of my favorites because it is Too Damned Easy.  It comes together in minutes and is a visually impressive dish. I, personally, would add anchovies to this, but the Wife isn't a huge fan of the little fishies, so I generally leave them off. Other than that, there isn't much I would change here. This is a winner as-is. As always, notes are in blue.

Salata Horaitiki (Country Greek Salad)
via The Best Traditional Recipes of Greek Cookingby Maria Mavromataki

Ingredients

• 3-4 tomatoes
• 2 medium cucumbers, sliced
• 1 onion, sliced
• 5 ounces black olives
• 2 medium green bell peppers, seeded and cut into big pieces
• 2-3 tablespoons red wine vinegar
• 3-4 tablespoons olive oil
• Salt, oregano
• 7 ounces feta cheese, cut into chunks (our ALDI only sells crumbled feta, so that's what we used)

Directions

1. Wash and slice the tomatoes in quarters and place them in a bowl. Add cucumber, onion, olives and peppers
2. Dress the salad with the vinegar, olive oil, salt and oregano
3. Add feta, toss and serve

Good times!

Too Damned Easy Cucumber Tomato Salad

     This is the point in the summer where we start trying to use our garden produce in vast quantities. That's where the wife's recipe for cucumber tomato salad comes into play. This recipe couldn't be any more simple. Just about any tomato will work, but we have been using these orange tomatoes since they are super sweet and mild.

Too Damned Easy
Cucumber Tomato Salad

Ingredients

• 2-3 large cucumbers, sliced
• 1 large onion, cut into about 1” pieces
• 3-4 tomatoes of your choosing, sliced

Vinaigrette:

• 1 cup white vinegar 
• ¾ cup water 
• ¾ cup sugar (or six packets of your favorite carcinogenic sweetener)
• 1 teaspoon salt 
• 1/8 teaspoon black pepper 
• dash cayenne pepper 
• dash parsley 
• dash basil

Directions

1. Mix vinaigrette ingredients in large bowl until sugar is dissolved. 
2. Add vegetables. 
3. Let marinate in refrigerator 1-2 hours.

Good times!

Too Damned Easy Utilitarian Tuna Salad

     Everybody should have a couple recipes in their personal repertoires that are super easy to put together. Something that takes virtually no effort. I'm talking something you should be able to do blindfolded.

Like this, except cooking blindfolded would be an actual useful skill.

     For me, one of those recipes is tuna salad. I picked this recipe up from watching my mom make it. It's not exactly like hers. My mom makes it with a bit more Miracle Whip, so it's creamier. She also likes to put in a chopped hard-boiled egg. This particular tuna salad does very well on sandwiches and leaves plenty of room to mess around with the recipe. Add, subtract, do what you want. If you don't already have a go-to tuna salad recipe, this should be a solid template to work from. As always any notes will be in blue.

Too Damned Easy Utilitarian
Tuna Salad

Ingredients

• 1 rib celery, diced small
• 1/2 large or 1 medium sweet onion, diced
• 3 cans tuna in water, drained
• 3 tablespoons mayonnaise (or Miracle Whip, or whatever ersatz mayo substitute you enjoy)
• 1 teaspoon pickle relish
• 1/2 teaspoon yellow mustard
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
• 3 dashes Worcestershire sauce
• 1 chopped hard-boiled egg, optional
• salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. Combine all ingredients in a large bowl. Stir until all ingredients are combined (that's it. There is literally nothing more to preparing this recipe).  

Good times!

Couscous and Vegetable Salad via 400 Calorie Fix

     If this week's weather is any indication, the summer is going to be horrifyingly hot and humid. If you're like me, on days like this you want to run the stove as little as possible. When the weather gets like this I also don't want super heavy meals. Like I said last week, salads are a great alternative. This week's recipe comes from the book 400 Calorie Fix. This particular recipe is about as healthy as you can hope for. A 1-1/2 cup serving is only 260 calories. If you wanted to bulk it up, you could add some tuna or chicken.

Couscous and Vegetable Salad
via 400 Calorie Fix

Ingredients

• 1-1/2 cups water
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon + 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1 cup whole wheat couscous
• 1 can (15 ounces) chickpeas, rinsed and drained, 3 tablespoons of liquid reserved
• 1/2 cup frozen peas, thawed
• 1 medium carrot, coarsely shredded
• 1 small tomato, chopped
• 1 small red or yellow pepper, chopped (we went with red. The wife's not a huge fan of green peppers)
• 2-1/2 tablespoons currants (we didn't have any. We also weren't sold on currants being a good idea in here)
• 2-1/2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh chives
• 1-1/2 tablespoons pistachios or pine nuts (we used pistachios. Any time we have a choice between pistachios and pine nuts, I'm using pistachios)
• 1-1/2 tablespoons lemon juice (spring for a fresh lemon here. The bottled stuff doesn't have the fresh taste you want in this dish)
• 1/4 teaspoon dried thyme
• 1/4 teaspoon dried oregano
• Angostura Bitters (optional)

Directions

1. Bring water, salt and 1 teaspoon of the oil to a boil in a medium saucepan over high heat. Stir in the couscous. Remove from heat and cover. Let stand for 5 minutes or until liquid is absorbed. Fluff with fork.
2. Transfer the couscous to a large bowl. Add the chickpeas (setting aside the liquid), peas, carrot, tomato, pepper, currants (not for me), chives and nuts. Toss gently until mixed.
3. Whisk together lemon juice, thyme oregano, bitters, reserved chickpea liquid and remaining tablespoon of oil in a small bowl (why do recipes always make restrictions on bowl size? What if I wanted to use a big bowl for this? Who's going to stop me. I'll tell you straight up, I used a medium sized bowl. I have no regrets). Mix and pour over the salad. Toss to mix well. 
4. Cover and refrigerate for 30 minutes to blend the flavors.

Good times!

Avocado Corn Salad via Moosewood Collective

     Last summer was brutally hot. So hot that there were times I didn't even want to turn on the stove for fear of raising the temperature in the house. When it's hot like that, salads are always a great option. I don't normally turn to a recipe book for salads, but I had this one cookbook, Moosewood Restaurant Cooks at Home, for a long time and had never made anything from it. It's a good cookbook. It's predominantly vegetarian friendly and is full of interesting, healthy recipes.  The salad we chose wound up being filling and more importantly, refreshing on a wicked hot day. My only complaint was the dressing was a touch bland. Next time I will tweak the  dressing to give it a little more punch. As always, changes and notes are in blue.

Avocado Corn Salad
via Moosewood Restaurant Cooks at Home

Ingredients

Dressing:

• 1 cup fresh or frozen cut corn
• 1 tablespoon vegetable oil
• 2 tablespoons water
• 1 teaspoon ground cumin
• pinch of cayenne or red pepper flakes (optional)

Salad

• 1 medium avocado, preferably Haas (I'm not made of money, I'm using whatever avocado is currently on sale for fifty cents each)
• 2 tablespoons fresh lime or lemon juice
• 1/2 medium red bell pepper
• 2 tablespoons minced red onion
• salt to taste
• dash of Tabasco or other hot pepper sauce (optional)
• whole or chopped cilantro leaves (optional)
• 1 hard boiled egg, sliced
• 2 Roma tomatoes, sliced
• Assorted lettuce (I don't know exactly what we used, we just grabbed a bunch out of the garden. Use whatever lettuce you want)
• Anything else you think would be good on this salad. Olives, anchovies, chicken, tuna, whatever. There's a lot of wiggle room for extra goodies here. 

Directions

1. In skillet or saucepan, combine corn, oil, water cumin and optional cayenne or red pepper flakes. Cook, covered, on medium heat for 5 minutes or until corn is tender. Uncover and cook for an additional minute or two to evaporate excess moisture. Set aside to cool.
2. Slice the avocado in half length-wise, and gently twist to remove the pit (I suppose you could leave the pit in if you're a big fan of broken teeth and dirty looks from your dinner guests). Make length-wise and cross-wise cuts in the flesh every 1/2 inch. Scoop the avocado cubes out of the shells and into a large bowl (I am terribly amused at how much direction they gave here. Here's my amended directions for this step: split and pit avocado. Scoop out from shell. Cut into cubes. DONE). Gently stir in lemon or lime juice. 
3. Cut pepper into 1/2 inch or smaller pieces and add to bowl. Stir in red onion and cooked corn. Add salt and optional Tabasco sauce to taste. Top with cilantro if desired. 
4. Serve on bed of assorted greens. Top with egg and tomato slices and whatever else you determined needed to go on this salad.

Good times!