Stir-Fried Broccoli with Crabuluxe

     Once again I turn to the Betty Crocker 300 Calorie Cookbook. As always, I end up infuriated. Not with the food, mind you.  No, what really pisses me off is how these recipes are written. Something about the wording of these recipes just makes me insane. They are just needlessly complicated and ponderously worded. The recipes are generally quite tasty. However, this one was a bit bland and could benefit from a bit of spice. I wound up adding a couple teaspoons of home-made Sriracha. As always, any notes are changes are in blue.

Stir-Fried Broccoli with Crabuluxe
via: Betty Crocker 300 Calorie Cookbook

Ingredients

• 1 lb fresh broccoli
• 2 green onions, with tops
• 1 tablespoon corn starch
• 1 tablespoon cold water
• 3 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 1 clove garlic, finely chopped (feeling lazy. I used 1 tablespoon jarred garlic)
• 1/4 cup chicken broth
• 8 ounces frozen salad-style imitation crabmeat, thawed ("salad-style?" What sort of hoity-toity stuff is that? You're using fake crab meat. Don't try to make it sound fancy. If you must, do what we do and call it "Crabuluxe.")
• 1/4 teaspoon sesame oil
• 1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes or hot sauce of your choice

Directions

1. Peel outer layer from broccoli. Cut broccoli lengthwise into 1-inch stems; Remove florets. Cut stems diagonally into 1/4 inch slices (AHAHAHAHAHA! That was not going to happen. That's just a lot of bullshit work for something that's eventually going to be poop. We just cut the florets off close to the stalk and moved on). Place broccoli stems in boiling water; heat to boiling (THE WATER IS ALREADY BOILING! Why does Betty Crocker insist on constantly fucking with my head?) Cover and cook for 30 seconds. Add florets; heat to boiling. Cover and cook 30 seconds (You know what? No. I'm not doing that. That's more work than I'm willing to commit to. I just chucked the cut broccoli in the boiling water and let it go for about a minute or so). Drain and rinse in cold water. 
2. Cut onions into 1/2-inch pieces. Slice lengthwise in half and set aside (just slice the onions and move it along).
3. In a small bowl, mix corn starch and water; set aside.
4. In wok or 12-inch skillet, heat vegetable oil over high heat. Add broccoli and garlic; stir-fry 1 minute. Add broth; heat to boiling. Stir in cornstarch mixture cook and stir until thickened. Add Crabuluxe, onions and sesame oil; cook and stir 1 minute.

Good Times!