Ham and Cheese Bread

     You probably know by now that I don't always have top of the line ingredients on hand. That's not really my thing. It's nice to have fancy meats and cheeses and stuff like that, but it's also nice to be able to pay the mortgage and utilities. I often find recipes that I end up avoiding because I never have the ingredients on hand, or more likely, I can't seem to justify the cost of the ingredients. That's probably why you don't see more recipes with Gruyere on my pages. Anyways, I found a bread recipe and wanted to make it for some time, but never had the key ingredients. Finally, I just cracked and used super-cheap alternatives. I couldn't have been happier with the results. I ended up with a nice, crusty bread perfect for sandwiches! As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Ham and Cheese Bread
adapted from Torta Di Testo Di Prosciutti E Formaggio
via The Art of Bread

Ingredients

• 2 teaspoon (1 envelope) active dry yeast
• 1/3 cup plus 2 tbsp water (I ended up using 4 tbsp water for whatever reason. Maybe I used too much flour.)
• 3-1/2 cups unbleached flour (I just used plain old white flour from ALDI. I didn't have time to take the Rolls Royce out for "special" flour)
• 1-1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
• pinch of freshly grated nutmeg (even this amount was noticeable. If you're not a fan of nutmeg, just omit this)
• 1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened (a stick of generic margarine microwaved for 20 seconds, you say? Done!)
• 4 eggs, beaten
• 5 ounces ounces sliced prosciutto, chopped (lah-de-dah! Prosciutto! Let me break out the good china! I'm going to be honest. I used a pack of Buddig honey ham)
• 5 Emmental, dicedounces sliced prosciutto, chopped (seeing as all my liquid assets are tied up in long term investments in yacht and gold futures, I used an equal amount of shredded pepperjack cheese)

Directions

1. Sprinkle yeast into water in a bowl. Leave for five minutes (they should really be more specific. I left the kitchen and got as far as the driveway before I realized I couldn't finish the recipe from out there. Even though the recipe didn't say to return, I did); stir to dissolve.
2. Mix flour, salt, pepper and nutmeg in a large bowl (I used my KitchenAid, so that was my large bowl). Make a well in the center and add the dissolved yeast and everything else. 
3. Mix until you've formed a soft, sticky dough (as mentioned, this took a little extra water to achieve). Turn out onto a lightly floured surface. Knead until silky and elastic, about 10 minutes (I just slapped the dough hook on the mixer and let it take care of things while I had a drink or six.)
4. Put the dough in a clean bowl and cover with a dish towel. Let rise until doubled in size, about 2 hours. Punch down, then let rest for 10 minutes. 
5. Shape the dough into a round loaf. Place on a lightly oiled baking sheet (I used a pizza stone and a thin spray of cooking oil) and cover with a dish towel (they had to specify dish towel? Was there a chance I'd chuck a beach towel over it? Maybe a washcloth?). Proof until doubled in size, about 1 hour.
6. Bake in an oven preheated to 350F (180C, Gasmark 4) for 1-1/2 hours, until golden brown (yeah, I know this seems like a long time, but it's right. You'll need every minute of it), cool on a wire rack.

Good Times!

Ingredients I Never Seem To Have In Stock

     I can't even count how many times I've gotten pumped to cook a recipe, then had to stop because I was missing a critical ingredient. Time and time again I tell myself that there are certain things that I must keep in stock if I'm going to be successful in the kitchen. Time and time again I completely forget to pick those things up at the grocery store. Some of you may ask "Why not just run to the store?" It's matter of principle. I screwed up by not having the item in stock. I am therefore entitled to a meltdown/tantrum until I can find a substitute for the item or an alternate recipe.

KHAAAAAAAn't find any smoked paprika!

Here's a few of my regulars:

Buttermilk
I almost never have this in the kitchen. The one time I bought it I never used it. It just sat in the fridge until it went off. I almost got completely derailed on St. Patrick's day when I went to make some soda bread and realized it called for buttermilk. There was no way I was going to put on pants and go to the market, so I just found out how to use milk and lemon juice to make ersatz buttermilk. Now I only need to worry about not having milk and lemon juice in the kitchen.

Heavy Cream
I am continually in need of heavy cream. I have lost count of the times I've found a recipe I really want to make and had to find something else because it asked for heavy cream. On those rare occasions where I do haul my carcass to the market in town, more often than not, they're out.

Gruyere
The bottom line is Gruyere is too damned expensive to just keep in the house. If I'm using Gruyere, it's because I planned the meal way in advance.  Maybe if I hit the lottery I'll consider keeping it in regular rotation.

Prosciutto
I love prosciutto. The problem is, it's not one of those things that pops into my mind when I'm making a grocery list. For me, prosciutto is a weekend special meal ingredient. It's also not something the local market carries, so if I want it, I'm driving half an hour round trip to go get it.

Spanish Chorizo
This isn't for lack of looking. For whatever reason, I can't get the cured chorizo anywhere near me. You know where I can find it? Target. Not even kidding. Unfortunately, that target is nearly a half hour away. However, there's a really good liquor store right down the street so it's not a total loss.

Good times!

Monday Recipe: Prosciutto-Wrapped Pork Loin With Roasted Apples (via Bon Appetit)

     Sometimes you need to cook to impress. You want to be able to put a dish down in front of your guests and watch the jaws drop. I usually hold off dishes like this until the holidays or big family gatherings. These are the recipes that require a serious commitment of time and effort. There's no half-assing something like this.
     This recipe graced the cover of Bon Appetit a couple of years ago and I was compelled to give it it a go.  It took a lot of work and could not have been done without the help of my wife. It turns out I'm incapable of tying a roast.

Prosciutto-Wrapped Pork Loin with Roasted Apples
(via Bon Appetit)

Ingredients

Filling

• 1 ounce (1 cup) dried whole porcini mushrooms (I used baby bellas)
• 2 ounces (3/4 cup) dried apples
• 1 pound kale, bottom stems trimmed
• 2 teaspoons kosher salt plus more
• 2 tablespoons (1/4 stick) unsalted butter
• 1 cup minced onion
• 1 tablespoon finely minced garlic
• 1 1/2 teaspoons dried thyme
• 1 1/2 teaspoons dried rosemary
• 2 tablespoons brandy or Calvados
• 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• 1 pound ground pork

Pork

• 1 (trimmed) 2  1/2–3-lb. pork loin
• 1 teaspoon kosher salt plus more for seasoning
• 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper plus more for seasoning
• 3 ounces thinly sliced prosciutto
• 5 sprigs rosemary
• 4 medium apples (such as Granny Smith or Fuji), quartered, or 8 small apples, halved
• 3 tablespoons unsalted butter, divided
• 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
• 1 cup dry hard cider
• 1/2 cup low-salt chicken stock

Directions

Filling

1. Place dried mushrooms and dried apples in separate small bowls. Add 1 cup boiling water to each bowl. Let mushrooms and apples soak until very soft, about 30 minutes. Strain mushrooms. Cover and chill soaking liquid (about 3/4 cup). Drain apples, discarding soaking liquid. Finely chop mushrooms and apples, combine in a small bowl, and set mushroom and apple mixture aside.
2. Meanwhile, blanch kale in boiling salted water just until wilted, about 1 minute. Using tongs, transfer kale to a rimmed baking sheet. Refrigerate until cool. Remove any large, tough ribs.
3. Melt butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Add onion; cook, stirring often, until soft and lightly golden, about 8 minutes. Add mushrooms and apples; cook, stirring occasionally, until flavors meld, about 5 minutes. Stir in garlic, thyme, and rosemary; cook for 1 minute. Add brandy and cook until liquid is absorbed, about 1 minute. Stir in 2 tsp. salt and 1/2 tsp. pepper. Transfer mixture to a bowl and let cool completely. Add ground pork and stir to combine well.

Pork

1. To butterfly, put pork loin on a work surface with short end facing you. Holding a long, thin sharp knife parallel to work surface and beginning along one long side, cut 1/2" above underside of roast. Continue slicing inward, pulling back the meat with your free hand and unrolling the roast like a carpet, until the entire loin is flat. Cover with a sheet of plastic wrap. Using a meat mallet, pound to an even thickness.
2. Uncover pork. Season with 1 tsp. salt and 1/2 tsp. pepper. Place kale leaves on top of loin in an even layer, overlapping as needed and leaving a 1" border. Spread filling on top of kale. Roll pork into a tight cylinder. Wrap one layer of prosciutto around roast. Tie roast securely with kitchen twine in 1" intervals. Tuck rosemary sprigs under twine, spacing apart. DO AHEAD: Pork roast can be made 1 day ahead. Cover and chill. Let stand at room temperature for 1 hour before continuing.
3. Preheat oven to 400°. Place apples in a roasting pan. Melt 1 Tbsp. butter with oil in a large skillet. Brown pork on all sides, about 5 minutes total, then set on top of apples in pan. Add cider and 1/2 cup water to skillet and bring to a boil, scraping up browned bits. Pour mixture into roasting pan. Roast pork until an instant-read thermometer inserted into center of loin registers 140° (it will be cooked medium but still slightly pink), about 1 hour to 1 hour and 15 minutes. Let roast rest for at least 20 minutes and up to 2 hours.
4. Put roast on a platter. Reserve apples from roasting pan; spoon off fat from juices in pan. Place pan on top of stove over medium-high heat. Add chicken stock. Pour in reserved mushroom liquid, leaving any sediment behind, and cook, scraping bottom of pan to release any browned bits, until slightly thickened, about 5 minutes. Whisk in remaining 2 Tbsp. butter and season to taste with salt and pepper. Strain sauce; slice pork. Serve sauce and apples alongside sliced pork.

Cooking Vocab: Expensive Ingredients

     I have a lot of cookbooks and cooking magazines.  After careful perusal of said sources, I have noticed there are clear indicators of an expensive recipe. There are certain ingredients that will have a  distinct impact on your bank accounts.  Ingredients that should at least include a hand-job for what you have to pay.  Here is a small sampling of words that will cost you money:

Any Ingredient that Involves Molecular Gastronomy:  This fad can go away now. I have no need to play Bill Nye the Kitchen Guy. If you're using liquid nitrogen in your cooking you probably have too much time and money on your hands.

Gruyere: This cheese is a go-to for fondues, baking and melts. If you go to a good restaurant, it should be floating atop your French onion soup. It is mellow and delicious. It is also about $15-20 per pound. Just buy some Swiss or Emmental.

Kobe Beef: It used to be if you bought Kobe beef a while back, you weren't buying Kobe beef. It wasn't actually legal in the United States. Well, now it is, and it's hundreds of dollars for a steak. It may be the greatest piece of meat ever. But it has no place in the MCK. If you're blowing enough money to feed a family of four for a couple of weeks on a single piece of meat, you are truly an irredeemable asshole.

More than likely enjoying a piece of Kobe beef as you read this.

Prosciutto: My God I love prosciutto. One of my favorite recipes is a pork loin stuffed with Italian sausage and wrapped in prosciutto. However, that prosciutto costs in the range of $7-15 a pound depending on quality.

Saffron: About $100 per ounce. There are no acceptable substitutes. Is your paella going to survive without it? Probably.

Truffle: I don't care if it's the solid or the oil. I don't care how wonderful they are. They're damned mushrooms. They're over $1,000 a pound, with some varieties soaring into the $3,000 and up range. I'll just buy a container of porcini and blow the other $990 on booze.

     And that's enough gentle fun for today. The only thing better than a lame post is a lame post posted late.
Good times!