Slow Cooker Spicy Macaroni and Cheese with Bacon

     When I was a kid, macaroni and cheese was something that came out of a box. It used powder and milk and butter. That was it. That was the only way I knew it. Eventually, I was introduced to the mac & cheese that had the pack of liquid cheese. It wasn't until years into my marriage that I discovered you could make mac & cheese without it coming out of a box. I also learned you could have meat other than hot dogs mixed in to it. This particular recipe is proof humble mac & cheese doesn't have to be boring. It's got all sorts of good things going on. It's got plenty of cheese. It's got bacon. It's got a spicy kick. It's definitely some solid comfort food. 

Slow Cooker Spicy Macaroni & Cheese
with Bacon

Ingredients

• 4 cups elbow macaroni
• 1/4 pound bacon
• 1 tablespoon butter
• 1 can (10 ounces) diced tomatoes with jalapeno peppers, undrained
• 1 can (12 ounces) evaporated milk
• 1/2 cup milk
• 8 ounces shredded Mexican cheese
• 4 ounces shredded cheddar cheese
• 1/4 cup bread crumbs
• 1/4 cup Louisiana Hot Wing Sauce (or hot sauce of choice. Or leave the hot sauce out if you're a big baby)

Directions

• Cook the pasta according to the directions, but take the pasta out about 2 minutes earlier than the package says. Drain and mix the butter in with the pasta.
• Dice bacon and cook in a pan until the bacon is browned and starting to get crispy. Drain and set on a paper towel to soak up excess grease.
• In a large bowl, throw in the pasta and the rest of the ingredients. Dump it all into a slow-cooker greased with non-stick cooking spray (as always, just coat the bowl of the slow-cooker. Coating the entire slow-cooker isn't going to do you any good)
• Cook on HIGH for 3 hours
• NOTE: If you don't want to use a slow cooker, you could probably get away with putting it in a greased baking dish and into an oven preheated at 375F (190C, Gasmark 5) for about 30-40 minutes. I've not tried that, so keep an eye on it if you do it in the stove!

Good Times!

Indian Spiced Stew

     I have to give thanks to my Mother-In-Law (henceforth, MIL). When The Spud was born, she bought a house 20 minutes away and moved down here to provide day care while The Wife and I worked. Since she's in the area, we have her over for dinner regularly. This particular visit, she inexplicably brought a pound and a half of cooked ground turkey. I was considering Indian food for dinner and decided to go with that theme with the turkey. This turned out to be a really good stew. We had it over some basmati rice and it made for a good, filling winter meal. If you're not a fan of carbs over carbs, you can certainly serve it without rice. No matter what, serve it with naan so you can slop up the dregs! As always, notes are in blue.

Indian Spiced Stew

Ingredients

• 1-1/2 pounds ground turkey (feel free to use ground beef or pork, you're not going to hurt my feelings. I used turkey because my mother-in-law (MIL) brought it for me to use up)
• 2 medium potatoes, cut into 1/2" cubes
• 1/2 large red onion, chopped
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 1" fresh ginger, grated finely
• 1/2 cup frozen peas
• 1 can (14.5 ounce) diced tomatoes, undrained (I used fire-roasted tomatoes.)
• 1 teaspoon cumin seeds (if you don't have the seeds, just use the same amount of cumin powder)
• 1 teaspoon ground coriander
• 1/2 teaspoon turmeric
• 1/2 teaspoon cayenne (add more if you want a bigger kick. I was cooking for The Wife and MIL and kept the heat down)
• 2 teaspoons garam masala
• 2 tablespoons freshly chopped cilantro (or 1 teaspoon dried)
• 2 teaspoons curry powder
• 1/2 cup plain yogurt
• 1 cup water
• 3 tablespoons olive oil
• 1/4 cup red wine (if you don't want the booze, just use water here)
• If you want more heat, chop up a hot green chili pepper or two 

Directions

1. Brown meat. Drain any grease and set aside.
2. In a deep pan (I used a 3 quart cast-iron deep pan. A Dutch oven would work well here too). heat oil. Add garlic, ginger, onions,peas and potatoes. Sautee for around 10 minutes. 
3. Add in reserved meat and everything else except for the yogurt. Mix it up and set to simmer. 
4. Simmer, covered, for about 20-25 minutes or until potatoes are tender. 
5. Add yogurt and cook for another 5 minutes.

Good times!

New Year's Black Eyed Peas and Greens

     It seems fitting that this would be the first recipe of the new year. I had no idea this was even a tradition until 2015. I guess this signifies good luck and good fortune or something like that. I have no clue. I saw a bunch of different versions and decided to make my own. It's actually quite tasty and I would consider making it again.
     In other news, I will be trying to step up production of recipes and videos for the new year. The Spud takes a lot of my time, which is why things have been a little spare around here. Just stick with me and hopefully I'll continue providing the same low-grade amusement and iffy recipes you're accustomed to. Here's to a great 2016!

New Year's Black-Eyed Peas and Greens

Ingredients

• 1 can (15.5 ounce) black-eyed peas, rinsed and drained
• 1 can (14.5 ounce) turnip greens, drained
• 1 can (14.5 ounce) chili tomatoes
• 2 teaspoons garlic powder
• 1 teaspoon jerk sauce (or hot sauce of your choice)
• Options: Little Smokies, a pound of browned ground sausage, sliced smoked sausage

Directions

1. Dump everything in a slow cooker. Cook on LOW for 4 hours.
2. That's it. 

Good times and Happy New Year!

Kale, Chorizo and Potato Soup

This has been one of the goofiest winters on record. We've had a week of near sixty degree temperatures, then it rained hard for two days straight and everything flooded. This morning it snowed. This sort of weather makes it hard for me to plan meals. There are certain things I can make only if the weather permits. Soups, for instance. I generally won't make soup during the summer. Come winter, it's game on. Now that we have a snap of cold weather, I figured it was time to throw down some soup. I found this recipe lurking in one of my cookbooks. I tweaked it just a bit and was greatly satisfied with the results. It's a simple, hearty soup that's great with crusty bread. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Kale, Chorizo and Potato Soup
via Best-Ever Soups

Ingredients

• 8 ounces kale, stems removed
• 8 ounce chorizo sausage (Italian or Spanish, not Mexican. You want the salami type chorizo)
• 1 medium onion, cut in half and thinly sliced
• 1-1/2 pounds red potatoes, skinned
• 7-1/2 cups vegetable stock (we used chicken stock)
• 1 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
• Crusty bread

Directions

1. Place the kale in a food processor and process for a few seconds to chop it finely (or just take out a goddamned knife and chop it yourself. I know I'm lazy, but even I have my limits)
2. Prick the sausage *snicker* and place in a pan with enough water to cover (if you're using the onion option, add them here). Simmer for 10 minutes. Drain and cut sausage into thin slices.
3. Cook the potatoes in lightly salted boiling water for about 15 minutes or until tender. Drain and place in a bowl. Mash, adding about a cup of the cooking liquid to make a thick paste.
4. Bring the stock to a boil and add the kale, chorizo (and possibly onion) and lower heat. Simmer for 5 minutes. Add the potato paste, stir to incorporate and simmer another 20 minutes. 
5. Season with black and cayenne pepper.
6. To serve: Place a slice of bread in the bottom of each bowl, then pour over soup.

Good times!

Pepper Jelly

At the end of any growing season, we usually end up with tons of produce we are desperate to find a use for. That's when it's time to have fun. A few years ago we found this recipe online for pepper jelly and it has become a staple in our pantry. Sadly, it's been so long that I have no idea where I found this. If anybody can tell me, I'll gladly give credit where credit is due. This is a great recipe. Even with hot peppers it is still nice and sweet. We've used it on every thing from toast to pork roast. It makes a great glaze. It's a bit labor intensive, but totally worth the effort. Give it a try. As always, notes are in blue.

Pepper Jelly

Ingredients

• 2-1/2 cups finely chopped red bell peppers
• 1-1/4 cups finely chopped green bell peppers
• 1/4 cups finely chopped jalapeno peppers (other peppers can be substituted depending on whether or not you want to bring the heat. Go banana pepper to keep it sweet, swap in a ghost pepper to really tear shit up)
• 1 cup apple cider vinegar
• 1 (1.75 ounce) package powdered pectin
• 5 cups white sugar

Directions

1. Get yourself 6 sterilized half pint jars. Just chuck them in the boiling water canner while you're working and all will be good.
2. Place  peppers in a large, nonreactive saucepan over high heat. Mix in vinegar and fruit pectin. Stirring constantly, bring mixture to a full rolling boil. Quickly stir in sugar. Return to full rolling boil, and boil exactly 2 minutes, stirring constantly. Remove from heat, and skim off any foam (when it says 2 minutes it MEANS 2 minutes. I've ended up totally ruining jellies by screwing up the timing. Also, don't blow off the part where you skim the foam. This shit's an exact science, and you'll likely end up with syrup instead of jelly if it goes wrong)
3. Quickly ladle jelly into sterile jars, filling to within 1/4 inch of the tops. Cover with flat lids, and screw on bands tightly.   
4. Process in a boiling water canner for 5 minutes. Set on a rack to cool and await the satisfying clunk noise when the can seals. As always, check with the National Center For Home Food Preservation to make sure you don't accidentally kill anyone.

Good Times!

Potentially Irresponsible Hot Pickled Green Tomatoes

     It's the end of the season. That means I've got an assload of green tomatoes and I need to find ways to use them. Last year I made some chow-chow which I thought was absolutely nasty. Fortunately, a co-worker loved it so it all found a home. We really enjoyed the hot pickles we've made in the past, so we decided on hot pickled tomatoes. The irresponsible part came about when I decided I'd just chuck the bulk of my surplus peppers in with the tomatoes. I'm going to tell you right now, I haven't tasted these. They're canned and marinating for now. If I eat them, I'll update you. Just know that if you make these and they suck or make your asshole fall out, don't come crying to me. This recipe will yield a bit over six QUARTS of pickled excitement.

Potentially Irresponsible
Hot Pickled Green Tomatoes
based on a recipe from Southern Living Little Jars, Big Flavors

Ingredients

• 5 pounds green tomatoes (cut medium ones into quarters, large into eights)
• 2 red onions, halved and sliced
• 2 pounds assorted banana peppers (sweet or hot, your choice) stemmed and sliced into 1/2" in rounds
• 2 pounds assorted hot peppers (I went batshit crazy and did a mix of cayenne, jalapeno and Thai bird), stemmed and sliced into 1/2" rounds
• 8 tsp canning and pickling salt, divided 
• 8 cups white vinegar (5% acidity)
• 4 cups water
• 1 cup sugar
• 2 tablespoons pickling spice
• 2 tablespoons mustard seeds
• garlic cloves
• bay leaves

Directions

1. Sterilize a half dozen quart jars. 
2. Get a huge bowl, (I'm not kidding. The biggest you can find).

   

   That's right. We used a punch bowl. 

   Throw all the veggies in there with 2 tablespoons (6 teaspoons of the salt). Toss all that to get the salt incorporated. Wait about half an hour then drain off all the water that built up in the bottom of the bowl. Toss the veggies again to make sure everything is evenly distributed. You don't want a jar of one tomato and the rest hot peppers (maybe you do. HILARIOUS!) Spill some. Make a mess. Swear a bunch and curse ever following my blog.
3. In a nonreactive pan, add vinegar, water, sugar and remaining salt. Bring to a boil until sugar and salt have dissolved. Lower the heat to low. Just keep the liquid hot.
4. In each quart jar add a bay leaf, a couple garlic cloves, a teaspoon of mustard seed and a teaspoon of pickling spice. Cram as much of the veggie mix into the jar as you can, keeping 1/2" headspace. Add hot liquid to jars until veggies are covered. Make sure to keep that 1/2" headspace.
5. Seal jars and process in a boiling water canner for 20 minutes (as always, double check with the National Center for Home Food Preservation to ensure you're not going to end up on the wrong side of a lawsuit)
6. Set jars on a cooling rack and hope you hear the thunking noise that lets you know the jars sealed. If they didn't you can either try reboiling them or put all the jars in the fridge for later use (don't be a dummy and put super hot jars into the fridge unless you're a big fan of replacing your shelves).

Good times!

The Pork Hat Trick

     Man, do I love pork. I love pork in all its wonderful forms. It's so versatile; you can eat it for breakfast, lunch or dinner. Granted, the same could be said for Cap'n Crunch, but there you have it. I have been wanting to do some form of goofy pork loin in the smoker for a while now. I figured pork inside pork wrapped in pork was the way to go. This recipe, due to time and labor, qualifies as a certified Pain In The Ass. Mind you, it's totally worth it. I apologize in advance for the vagueness about cooking time. If you're using a smoker, you've already committed to a big hunk of time. Just check the temp regularly. Throw some chicken on the smoker, too. That will be ready before the pork so you'll have something to snack on. See how I take care of you? What do I get for it? Heartache. You're driving me to an early grave.

The Pork Hat Trick

Ingredients

• 2.5-3 pound pork loin
• 1 pound pork sausage with sage
• 1 pound thick cut bacon
• 3 sprigs dried rosemary
• 3 tablespoons Three Mustard Pepper Relish
• Uncle Joe's Rubdown
• olive oil
• apple juice

Directions

1. With a fillet or other sharp knife, butterfly the pork loin. How do you butterfly a pork loin? Follow this handy link to a fine set of instructions (that I did not write). You should end up with a 1/2" or so thick rectangle of pork.
2. Spread a layer of the mustard pepper relish evenly across the pork.
3. Spread the pork sausage in an even layer over the relish.

   

   I suppose you could just chuck it in the oven and bake it at this point.
   MEAT PIZZA

4. Sprinkle with the dried rosemary. 
5. Here's where things get fun. Roll up the loin, jelly-roll style. Then, wrap it with the bacon. Use what ever method you'd like for the bacon, weave it, drape it, you pick. Once you have the bacon situated, take some butcher's twine and go full bondage on that bad boy. You don't want it unraveling. Wipe down the twine with olive oil to keep the twine from burning.
   

   

   50 Shades of Pork

6. Sprinkle the rub onto the roast. If you don't have Uncle Joe's you're missing out and will have to use something else.
7. Get that bad boy out to your smoker. Smoke the loin until an instant read thermometer gives you around 160F. Occasionally spray the loin with apple juice to keep it moist. I smoked mine for three or so hours. Can't say for sure. I was drinking. Time may depend on how hot your smoker is running. Alternately, throw it in the oven at 375F until the desired temp is reached. 

   

   ACTION SHOT. 

8. Once the desired internal temperature is reached, take it off the heat and let it rest for 10-15 minutes. It's been through a lot and needs time to collect itself. Congratulate yourself on a job well done with your sixth Jim Beam and Mr. Pibb of the day.
9. After resting, slice that bastard up and eat until you're sick. Which is entirely possible if you didn't cook it long enough.

Good times!