Foil Packet Lime Tilapia

Sometimes I get inspired to cook, but not to spend a bunch of time cooking. This leads to interesting choices. This particular choice let me to take an old standard of foil pack fish (basically en papillote) but make my own sauce for it. The end result was good news / bad news. The good news was the recipe worked and was fast, simple, and tasty. The bad news is that it looks like absolute hell. I don't know. Close your eyes when you eat it or something.

Foil Packet Lime Tilapia

Ingredients

• 3 tilapia filets (about 4-6 ounces each)
• 1/2 cup sour cream
• 1-1/2 teaspoons garlic powder
• 1 tablespoon Ponzu sauce
• 1-1/2 tablespoons lime juice
• 3 large chive, chopped
• 1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes
• 1/2 pound frozen broccoli
• 3 Key Limes, quartered

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 375F (190C, Gasmark 5)
2. In a bowl, combine the sour cream, garlic powder, Ponzu, lime juice, red pepper, and chive. Stir to incorporate all the ingredients.
3. Cut 3 sheets of aluminum foil into about 8-10" squares. Lay a piece of tilapia in each square.
4. Figure out some way to turn the foil into an envelope of some description. You can always watch the video (at the bottom of this post) to see the highly technical method I use.
5. Divide the broccoli between the 3 packets. Place the packets on a baking sheet.
6. Pour the sour cream mix evenly into each packet. Seal the packet.
7. Bake for 25 minutes. 

BONUS VIDEO CONTENT!

Good Times!

Three Mustard and Bacon Potato Salad

     Who doesn't like potato salad? COMMUNISTS AND BABY EATING FASCISTS, THAT'S WHO. Seriously? There's so many potato salad variants. I can see not liking one or two, but to turn up your nose at all of them would be an unforgivable crime. Especially if you turned your nose up at mine. We all know I produce nothing but pure gold here and if you didn't like something I made, you either screwed it up or are uncultured swine. All kidding aside (I wasn't kidding), this potato salad is dynamite. At least, that's The Wife's verdict. I will admit it is a tasty salad. You can't go wrong with a pound of bacon! The only thing you may find problematic is that it calls for another one of my recipes to make this. You need to have a batch of my Three Mustard Pepper Relish on hand. If you don't have it, or can't make it, I'm not sure what you can do. I imagine a mix of a sweet and spicy mustard and a spicy relish should be a fair (albeit weak) approximation. If you come up with a replacement for my relish, let me know. As always, notes are in blue.

Three Mustard and Bacon Potato Salad

Ingredients

• 4 pounds potatoes, cut into 1" cubes (pick any potato you want. We used russet. Red would be good. I wouldn't recommend sweet)
• 1 pound pepper bacon
• 3 stalks celery, chopped
• 1/2 large red onion, chopped
• 1/3 cup sour cream
• 2/3 cup Three Mustard Pepper Relish

Directions

1. Throw the potatoes into boiling water. Boil 7-10 minutes or until they are just starting to get soft (don't over cook them or they will disintegrate when you go to toss them later). Set aside to cool. 
2. In a pan, cook the bacon until crisp. Drain and crumble the bacon. (don't you dare throw away the grease. Drain it into a clean jar and you can pop it in the fridge for later use. DON'T put the hot jar right into the fridge unless you're a huge fan of cleaning broken glass.)
3. In a small bowl, mix the sour cream and mustard. 
4. Put potatoes in a large bowl. Add bacon and onion. Pour in the sour cream and mustard mix. Toss until all ingredients are incorporated (this gives a nice, thin coat over everything. If you like more dressing in your salad, feel free to add more. Just remember 2 parts mustard relish per 1 part sour cream)
5. Refrigerate at least an hour before serving

Good Times!

Slow Cooker Southwest Style Cheese Soup

     "Southwest Style." what a vague description. It would seem as long as you have meat and chile peppers, you can call something Southwest. That's good, because that is exactly what I did. This really came together as a desperate attempt to come up with meals for the week. I didn't expect much from this recipe, but was happily surprised at how it turned out. It had a nice bite and a plenty of flavor. It was even better the next day! Give it a try and see what you think! If you like it, let me know! If not, tell someone else, because I don't have time for your criticism.

Slow Cooker
Southwest Style Cheese Soup

Ingredients

• 1 can (15.5 ounce) black beans, drained and rinsed
• 1 can (14.5 ounce) fire roasted salsa style tomatoes, undrained (our ALDI had these. If you can't find them, just substitute a can of Rotel tomatoes with green chiles.)
• 1/2 cup corn (frozen or canned)
• 1 pound ground beef (80/20 is great, but 73/27 is fine, too. 11/89 is right out)
• 1/2 medium yellow onion, diced
• 4 cups water
• 1/2 cup sour cream
• 1 cup pepper jack cheese (this is not a paid endorsement, but I wholeheartedly recommend Kraft Habanero Heat shredded Monterey Jack)

Directions

1. Brown and drain the ground beef. Throw it in a slow cooker.
2. Throw in everything else except the sour cream and cheese.
3. Cook on LOW for 4 hours
4. Add the sour cream and cheese. Stir to incorporate and cook on LOW another 30 minutes.

Good Times!

Orange Whip Pie

     I think everybody has a few boxes of Jell-O that have been sitting in their cabinet for untold years. In my case, it was orange flavored. I don't even like orange Jell-O. I don't know how it got there. Fortunately, I found a recipe that used it! This recipe is phenomenally easy and quite tasty. I've made a few modifications, the most notable is the use of a pie crust in the pie mix. This is because I'm cack-handed and managed to bust the first crust while loading it with filling. I just dumped everything back in the bowl and crushed up the crust in it. I feel it added a nice bit of texture to the filling! I also give the option of adding some booze to make it more true to the beverage for which it's named. If you're interested here's a bonus recipe:

Orange Whip
- 4 ounces orange juice

- 1 ounce rum

- 1 ounce vodka

- 2 ounces cream

Blend with immersion blender until thick and frothy. Serve over ice in a Collins glass

     This recipe is also flexible if you don't like orange. You could easily leave out all the orange stuff and swap in cherry Jell-O and maybe use a bit of vanilla extract. Anyways, I served it and it was a hit with all three people (The Wife, The Mother-in-Law and The Spud) who tried it. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Orange Whip Pie
adapted from Velvety Orange Gelatin Pie (which is a terrible name)
via Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals

Ingredients

• 1 package (.3 ounce orange gelatin)
• 1/2 cup boiling water
• 1 can (14 ounces) sweetened condensed milk
• 1 cup lo-fat sour cream
• 3 tablespoons fresh grated orange peel (too lazy to grate oranges. I used 2 teaspoons dried orange peel)
• 1 8-ounce carton whipped topping (you know, Cool-Whip)
• 1/4 teaspoon orange extract
• 1 nine inch graham cracker pie crust (just go and buy one. They're like a dollar)
• another 9" pie crust, or 6-8 decent sized graham crackers, crushed. 
• If you're feeling adventurous and want the true Orange Whip experience:
  1 ounce vodka
  1 ounce rum
  If you use booze, use a little less water

Directions

1. In a large bowl, dissolve gelatin in boiling water. 
2. Stir in milk, sour cream, orange peel (and the booze if you're using it)
3. Fold in whipped topping (and the crushed graham cracker if you're doing it my way. The Right way)
4. Spoon into crust. Cover and refrigerate for at least 4 hours.

Good Times!

The Most Middle Class Midwest Central Illinois Sandwich Ever

     There are just certain things typical to geographic areas. You go to Texas and you're going to get Tex-Mex. You go to Louisiana and you're going to get Cajun. You go to Maine and you're getting seafood. You know what you get when you head into the Midwest? Central Illinois specifically? You're going to get something with Ranch and bacon on it. The fascination with Ranch out here borders on repulsive. The kids put it on everything. Pizza. Burgers. Nuggets. Fries. If they can dip it in a bowl of Ranch, they're going to. I weep for our species. If somebody could invent deep fried Ranch, they could probably make a fortune selling it at the state fair.
     I figured I should just give in to local custom and make something involving a bunch of Ranch. The result is the following sandwich. I'll tell you this: it was super, hella-good. Crazy good. Like hide the leftovers before we eat them good. I felt guilty for throwing together such an uninspired sandwich, but there was no denying its awesomeness. So, if you're interested in a fair representation of typical Central Illinois food, this is a slightly upgraded form of it. Someday I'll tell you about Horseshoes and how every restaurant here serves them!

The Most Middle Class, Midwest,
Central Illinois Sandwich
Ever

Ingredients

• 2 chicken breasts, butterflied and then split into two pieces each (yielding 4 pieces of chicken)
• Old Taylor Street Cheese Sprinkle from the Spice House (if you don't have access to this mix, it's a mix of Romano cheese powder, salt, garlic powder, scallions, powdered green peppercorns, Italian parsley, basil. Good luck figuring out the exact amounts. Maybe just order it or use your favorite spice blend)
• 4 ounces Swiss cheese, thinly sliced
• 1/2 pound thick cut bacon
• 8 slices thick cut bread (we used the ham and cheese bread we made earlier)
• pack of ranch dressing mix
• 16 ounce container of sour cream (yeah, you'll have leftover. Quit whining and use it the rest for vegetable dip)
• red onion, sliced thin
• iceberg lettuce (feel free to throw some tomato on if you'd like)

Directions

1. Mix ranch dressing packet with sour cream. Put it aside for right now.
2. Sprinkle the chicken breast pieces with the spice mix. 
3. Heat a skillet to medium high. Add the bacon and cook until just beginning to crisp. Set aside the bacon and drain all but the a tablespoon or so of the bacon grease.
4. Put the chicken breasts in the pan and cook 5-7 minutes. Turn the chicken and cook another 5-7 minutes. 
5. During the last minute or so of cooking, lay the cheese on the chicken and put a cover on the pan.
6. While the cheese is melting, spread a thick layer of the ranch sour cream mix on each slice of bread. Pile on the lettuce, onion.
7. Add the chicken and bacon. 
8. Eat the hell out of that sandwich.

Someday I'll learn to slice bread evenly.
Good Times!

Guacamole So Good You'll Shit

     It is that time of year when people have parties where they gather around the television to lay their emotional well-being into the hands of a few dozen total strangers. Personally, I watch the Puppy Bowl. Whatever floats your boat. It is well known that snacketizers of all sorts are served at these festivities. I have come up with a snacketizer anyone would be proud to serve to their beer-soaked friends. This originally just started as a veggie filling for quesadillas, but quickly spiraled out of control. This is some uberguac with substance and a bit of heat. Serve it up at your next sports-based party. Your guests will eat it up. If they don't, it's not my fault. They're just uncultured swine not deserving of your friendship. As always, notes are in blue.

Guacamole So Good You'll Shit

Ingredients

• 1 can black beans, drained and rinsed
• 1/2 can corn, drained
• 2 roma tomatoes, chopped
• 1 red onion, chopped
• 1 large avocado
• 3/4 cup sour cream
• 1 teaspoon cayenne
• 1 teaspoon cumin
• 1/2 cup Jalapeno Sauce, divided (if you can't or won't use this recipe, you're just going to have to ballpark how much hot sauce you use. Don't use a half cup of some super hot sauce then come bitching to me when your asshole falls out)

Directions

1. In a large bowl, combine beans, corn, tomatoes and onion. Take 1/4 of the avocado and chop it. Add it to the bowl. 
2. Add 1/4 cup Jalapeno Sauce and toss contents of bowl (to incorporate everything. Don't actually toss everything out because that would be dumb)
3. Roughly chop up the rest of the avocado and put it in a food processor. Add sour cream, cayenne, cumin and remainder of Jalapeno Sauce. Pulse in the processor until completely smooth (the avocado mixture, not the actual food processor. If you managed to render the actual machine smooth, you managed to break fundamental laws of physics)
4. Take contents of food processor and scoop it out into the bowl with the bean mix. Stir it all up until everything is thoroughly mixed together. 
5. Get a bunch of tortilla chips and go batshit crazy, because this is really good.

Good times!

Apple Gingerbread

     Let's get this straight. Calling this recipe "bread" is not accurate. This is leaning well into "cake" territory. Especially because I decided to frost it. Everything is better with frosting. EVERYTHING. New York strip steak? Slap a layer of buttercream frosting on that bastard. Trust me on this. As for this recipe, it is dense and moist (I really hate that word since it can also describe my underwear after a day of yardwork) and delicious (unlike my underwear after a day of yardwork). As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Apple Gingerbread
(via Taste of Home EveryDay Light Meals)

Ingredients

• 2/3 cup sugar
• 1/3 cup unsweetened applesauce (we used our own homemade sweetened applesauce made with brown sugar whisky)
• 1 egg
• 3 tablespoons molasses
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup whole wheat flour
• 2 teaspoons ground ginger 
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1/8 teaspoon ground allspice
• 1/2 cup reduced-fat plain yogurt (none on hand, we used sour cream)
• 1-1/2 cups chopped peeled Granny Smith or other tart apples (we used an equal amount of our home-made Spiked Apples)
• 1 cup plus 2 tablespoons reduced-fat whipped topping (omitted)
• 1 can store-bought buttercream frosting. HELL YEAH.

Directions

1. In a mixing bowl, combine the sugar, applesauce, egg and molasses; mix well. 
2. Combine the flours, ginger, baking powder, baking soda and spices; add to the molasses mixture alternately with yogurt (sour cream), beating until just combined (because I'm lazy, I just put all the dry ingredients in the bowl for my KitchenAid, put all the wet ingredients in another bowl, then poured the wet ingredients in while the mixer was running). Fold in the apples.
3. Pour into an 8-inch square baking dish coated with nonstick cooking spray (I used a round dish just to be difficult). Bake at 350F (180C, Gasmark4) for 30-35 minutes or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean (ours took about an hour. I think it may be due to the extra liquid in our canned apples.)
4. Cool on a wire rack, Cut into squares, top with a dollop of whipped topping (feeling exceptionally lazy, I took a can of buttercream frosting and frosted the entire thing like a cake. Next time I think I'll make some cream cheese frosting for it!)

Good times!

Slow Cooker Loaded Baked Potato Casserole

Once again we turn to the trusty slow cooker to burn through surplus ingredients. We had plenty of potatoes and green onions on hand. We also had some sour cream getting ready to go off. We didn't have any bacon, but we did have bacon bits. They worked, but game the dish a queasy pink hue. In the end, it worked. It had all the flavors you'd expect from a loaded baked potato. Would it have been easier to just pop a couple spuds in the oven and then put on the toppings? Yes. Yes it would. There's a lesson to be learned here, but I'll be damned if I know what it is. As always, notes are in blue.

Slow Cooker Loaded Baked Potato Casserole

Ingredients

• 2 pounds potatoes, washed and cut into 1/2" cubes
• 2 scallions, chopped
• 3 tablespoons bacon bits (if you're not down with bacon bits, feel free to use real bacon. You'll likely need about 1/2 pound, cooked until crisp and then crumbled into the mixture.)
• 1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
• 1 pound sour cream
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 tablespoon butter
• 1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
• salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. Mix all ingredients in a large bowl and dump unceremoniously into a slow cooker that has been sprayed with nonstick cooking spray.
2. Cook on LOW for about 5 hours (cooking time may vary. At five hours, give it a taste. You'll know right away if the potatoes aren't done)

Good times!

Double Banana Cake

     My first foray into layer cakes was for The Wife's birthday a couple years ago. I found the recipe in an issue of Bon Appetit and figured I'd give it a whirl. I would consider it a fair first effort. The thing looked pretty rough and weighed a damned ton. However, it tasted fantastic. There's just something about a layer cake that impresses me. I'd like to think that it all started with some guy saying, "I like cake so damned much, I'm going to just start stacking them on each other and frosting the whole thing. Pancreas be damned!" Fair warning, I consider all layer cakes to be PITAs, so be ready to put in some work. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Double Banana Cake
via Bon Appetit

Ingredients

Cake

• 1 1/2 cups (3 sticks) unsalted butter plus more for pans, room temperature (since I never have actual butter on hand, margarine was used)
• 3 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1 1/4 teaspoons kosher salt
• 2 1/4 cups sugar
• 6 large eggs
• 3 cups coarsely mashed very ripe bananas (about 6 large)
• 3/4 cup sour cream

Frosting

• 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature (still using margarine)
• 4 cups powdered sugar (good lord, I hope you have a strong pancreas)
• 1/2 cup heavy cream
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
• 2 ripe but not mushy bananas, cut crosswise into 1/8-inch slices

Directions

Cake

1. Preheat oven to 325°. Butter two 8"-diameter cake pans with sides 2" high. Line bottoms of pans with parchment paper rounds (I left my parchment square shaped. I didn't have a compass handy and didn't feel the difference in shape would alter the flavor). Whisk flour, baking soda, and salt in a large bowl. Using an electric mixer, beat 1 1/2 cups butter and sugar in another large bowl until light and fluffy, 2–3 minutes. Add eggs one at a time, beating to blend between additions. With mixer on low, gradually beat in flour mixture, scraping sides of bowl. Mix in bananas, then sour cream. Divide batter between pans.
2. Bake cakes until a tester inserted into the center comes out clean, 50–55 minutes. Let cool for 20 minutes in pans on wire racks.
3. Invert cakes onto wire racks; let cool completely. Remove parchment. Using a serrated knife, trim off rounded tops (Nope. I went ahead and stacked those sumbitches as is).

Frosting

1. Using an electric mixer, beat first 5 ingredients in a large bowl until light and fluffy, 6–7 minutes.
2. Place 1 cake on a plate. Spread 1 cup frosting over. Arrange banana slices on top. Top with second cake. Spread a thin layer of frosting over top and sides of cake; chill for 30 minutes. Spread remaining frosting over top and sides of cakes (Protip: Maybe wait a while for the cakes to cool off before putting on the frosting. I didn't, which explains why my cake looks like it has eczema).

Here's an alternate cake recipe if you prefer rhubarb

Good times!

Sweet Potato Wedges with Chile Cream

     Sometimes you find a recipe so simple, you can't believe it can be so good. I'm fairly sure I dug this one up a few years ago from Bon Appetit magazine. Regardless, it's a rock solid recipe. I've served it as a side dish in the past. This year I served it as a snacketizer. There's plenty of room for personal interpretation as far as the chipotle pepper sauce goes. You can use hot or mild sauce depending on how big a wuss you are. Actually, I've found that the Taco Bell Bold & Creamy Chipotle Sauce is a fine addition to this recipe. Don't judge me. As always, any notes are in blue.

Sweet Potato Wedges
with Chile Cream

Ingredients:

• 1/3 cup sour cream
• 3 tablespoons finely chopped green onions, divided
• 2 teaspoons chipotle hot pepper sauce
• 2 teaspoons fresh lime juice (or use the stuff in the plastic lime, I won't tell anyone)
• 3 pounds medium sweet potatoes, cut lengthwise into ¾ inch wedges, with skin (when I serve them as a snacketizer I cut those wedges in half width-wise)
• 3 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 ½ teaspoons ground cumin

Directions:

1. Whisk sour cream, 1 tablespoon green onion tops, chipotle hot sauce and lime juice in small bowl; cover and chill.

   

   Sorry.

2. Preheat oven to 425F. 
3. Combine sweet potato wedges, oil and cumin in large bowl. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Toss to coat. 
4. Arrange potato wedges on a baking sheet. Roast until tender and browned in spots. About 20 minutes. 
5. Season to taste with salt and pepper. 
6. Place wedges on large platter. Drizzle chile cream over. Sprinkle remaining green onions over top. You can also serve the cream in a small bowl for dipping.

Good times!

Chocolate Concoction

     Slow-cooker cook books often have recipes that are a bit sketchy health-wise. Often they are packed with sodium to the point of causing a cardiac event at the dinner table. Every now and then you come across a slow-cooker cook book that is full of hilariously unhealthy recipes. Gooseberry Patch Super Fast Slow Cooking is one of those books. Recipe after recipe is absolutely packed with salt and sugar. I love this book. Most of the meals will cause me to gain 4-7 pounds in water from a single meal. While this recipe is not packed with sodium, it is a fat and sugar bomb. If you're counting calories, you'll need a scientific calculator for this one. It is phenomenally rich; we can only eat about three forkfuls before we need a drink of water to move it along. As always, any notes and changes are in blue.

Chocolate Concoction
via Gooseberry Patch Super Fast Slow Cooking

Ingredients

• 1 box 18.25 ounce devil's food cake mix
• 16 ounce container sour cream (we tried to mitigate the damage of this dessert by using low fat sour cream)
• 3.9 ounce package instant chocolate pudding mix (more damage control here by using sugar-free pudding mix)
• 1-1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
• 4 eggs, beaten
• 1 cup water
• Optional: French vanilla ice cream (if you're having ice cream with this, you might as well just go ahead and stab yourself in the pancreas)

Directions

1. Beat all ingredients (except ice cream, if using) until smooth.
2. Pour into a slow cooker that has been sprayed with non-stick vegetable spray.
3. Cover and cook on LOW for 6-8 hours
4. Serve with ice cream if you really hate yourself.

Good times!

Ham and Cheddar Scones (via BHG)

     I was minding my own business while the wife was paging through some old issues of Better Homes and Gardens. It's normally a source of great amusement to see the horrifying things people do to their homes in the name of decoration. These are not middle-class decorators. We generally just laugh at these people's homes and then look at the recipes. It was this particular recipe for scones from a two year old issue that caused the wife to ask me to make them. She loves baked goods. Fortunately, I had some ham in the fridge that needed to be used right away. The scones turned out great. I think with a bit of butter, or some cream cheese and a chutney, they'd be even better. Word of warning, keep working the dough. It's not going to want to stick together. Resist adding anything.

Ham and Cheddar Scones
(via Better Homes and Gardens)

Ingredients

• 1 3/4 cups flour
• 1/4 cup whole wheat flour
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1 teaspoon sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup butter
• 1/2 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese (2 oz.)
• 1/4 cup diced cooked ham
• 1 tablespoon chopped fresh dill or 1 tsp. dried dillweed
• 3/4 cup fat free sour cream
• 1egg, lightly beaten
• 1 tablespoon Dijon-style mustard

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F. Line a baking sheet with parchment (if you've got that parchment on one side and foil on the other kind of paper, you want the parchment side up. You probably already know that, but I'm going to forget and I'm putting this note here to remind myself); set aside. 
2. In a large bowl combine flour, whole wheat flour, baking powder, sugar, baking soda, and salt. Using a pastry blender or two knives, cut in butter until mixture resembles coarse crumbs (I absolutely need to get one of those pastry cutters for this sort of thing. It's a colossal pain in the ass to do this step with two knives). Stir in cheese, ham, and dill. Combine sour cream, egg, and mustard; add all at once to flour mixture. Using a fork, stir just until mixture is moistened, Do not overwork (I assure you, this is not a directive that needs to be given to me).
3. Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface. Knead dough by folding and gently pressing it for four to six strokes or just until dough holds together (this is why I hate making scones. The dough will fight you every step of the way. It magically will be horrifyingly sticky, but not want to come together into a cohesive dough. I had to knead it way more than the recipe directed. They must employ some sort of dough wizardry over there to get it to hold in a half dozen kneads)
4. Pat or lightly roll dough until 3/4 inch thick. Cut dough with a floured 2-1/2- to 3-inch biscuit cutter (biscuit cutter? Ain't nobody got time for that. I used the ring from one of my pint canning jars. That's about 2-3/4 inches). Reroll scraps as necessary, dipping cutter into flour between cuts (they are not kidding when they tell you to do this. Keep everything floured. Flour the cutter, flour the counter. Hell, you  probably should go ahead and flour the walls just in case). Place dough circles 1 inch apart on prepared baking sheet. 
5.  Bake for 18 to 20 minutes or until golden (My batch took 20). Cool slightly on a wire rack. Serve warm. If desired, sprinkle with fresh dill. Makes 10 to 12 scones (if you are crafty, resourceful, and handsome like me, you used the canning ring. That means you'll probably end up with 16 scones).

Good times!

White Chicken Enchiladas

     For as many times as I turn to Taste of Home Every Day Light Meals, the publishers should probably start giving me some sort of endorsement deal. Seriously. I'd take a couple of bucks for talking up a product I like. I'm not proud. Anyways, I keep going back to this book because you can't argue with success. Today's recipe has become one of our favorites when it's time to cook Mexican-style. It speaks volumes for this recipe that I will make almost no changes to this recipe. Fair warning, this is moderately labor intensive. It's worth it, though. As always, notes are in blue. With no further delay, I present today's recipe:

White Chicken Enchiladas
via Taste of Home Everyday Meals

Ingredients

• 12 white or yellow corn tortillas (6 inches) (we used flour instead. If you use flour, you're going to need to eat them in a couple of days or they get super soggy)
• 4 ounces reduced-fat cream cheese (ALDI makes a great Neufchatel cheese I use whenever reduced-fat cream cheese is called for)
• 1 tablespoon plus 1 cup fat-free milk, divided (I used 2%)
• 1 teaspoon ground cumin
• 4 cups cubed cooked chicken breast
• 1/2 cup chopped green onions
• 1/2 cup chopped sweet red pepper
• 1 can (10.75 ounce reduced-fat, reduced-sodium condensed cream of chicken soup, undiluted
• 1 cup (8 ounces) fat-free sour cream
• 2 jalapeno peppers, seeded and chopped (If you want more heat, leave the seeds in)
• 1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
• 1/2 cup shredded reduced-fat cheddar cheese

Directions

1. Wrap tortillas in foil. Bake at 350F for 10 minutes or until softened (I have never, ever done this step. I have yet to suffer a broken tortilla)
2. In a large bowl, combine the cream cheese, 1 tablespoon milk and cumin until smooth. (Let the cream cheese soften up or it's going to take forever to get smooth) Stir in chicken. 
3. In a nonstick skillet coated with cooking spray (I went ahead and used a bit of olive oil. I refuse to live in fear). Sautee onion and red pepper until softened. Stir into chicken mixture.
4. In another bowl, combine the soup, sour cream, jalapenos, cayenne and remaining milk. Stir 2 tablespoons of this mixture into the chicken mixture.

   

   You should end up with two bowls. The one on the right is the enchilada filling,
   the one on the left is the enchilada topping. Keep that straight. If you do this wrong
   you'll destroy all life as we know it.

5. Place 1/3 cup of chicken mixture down the center of each tortilla; roll up (the tortilla, not you. You'll be hard pressed to get much done laying on the floor like a pillbug)
6. Place rolled tortillas seam side down in a 13"x9"x2" baking dish coated with nonstick cooking spray. Top with remaining soup mixture. Cover with foil and bake at 350F for 30 minutes. Uncover and sprinkle with cheese. Bake 5 minutes longer or until cheese is melted.

Good times!

Monday Recipe: Pistachio Crusted Tofu

     Every now and then I decide to go completely off book in the kitchen. This time it was because I sitting on a block of tofu that had been in my fridge a Long Time. It was a use it or lose it kind of thing. Normally I use tofu as a filler in my stir-fry. I didn't have any meat prepped so I decided to give meatless a try. This turned out far better than I could have hoped for. I wound up serving it over a bag of microwave-steamer Chinese-style vegetables.  One of my students tried it when I brought leftovers to school and has been after me to give him the recipe ever since. Here it is. 

Pistachio Crusted Tofu

Ingredients

• 1 block firm tofu (about 14 ounces)
• 1/2 cup sour cream
• 1/4t 5-spice powder
• 1t Worcestershire sauce
• 1T Sriracha

For crust:

• 1/2 cup panko bread crumbs
• 1/4 cup shredded unsweetened coconut
• 1 cup chopped pistachios
• 1/4 cup finely grated Parmesan cheese

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F
2. Drain tofu and pat dry with paper towels. Slice into 1/2" thick slabs
3. Mix sour cream, 5-spice powder, Worcestershire sauce and Sriracha in a medium bowl
4. In another medium bowl, mix all ingredients for crust
5. Spread a thin layer of the sour cream mix on each slab of tofu. Cover both sides and edges. 
6. Press tofu into crust bowl. Cover slab completely with crust. Place on a greased cookie sheet.
7. Cook for about 30 minutes at 375F or until pistachios/coconut start to brown.

Good times!

Fundamentally Horrifying Foods That I Have Eaten

     There comes a time in every one's life where they are presented with a food they find fundamentally horrifying. The reasons for this visceral horror may vary. It could be a questionable ingredient. It could be an odd blend of flavors. Maybe it's the color or texture. Sometimes it's the presentation. Whatever the reason may be, the food is repellent. When faced with this type of food you have two options:

     Or you can go for the gusto and attempt to conquer your fear and digestive system. I have been confronted with a number of questionable dishes in my time and in most cases have made a genuine attempt to see if it's truly as bad as it would appear. Here are a few examples:

Haggis

This is one of the more infamous horrifying foods. For those who aren't familiar with haggis, here is the definition from Merriam-Webster:  a traditionally Scottish dish that consists of the heart, liver, and lungs of a sheep or a calf minced with suet, onions, oatmeal, and seasonings and boiled in the stomach of the animal. I agree, it sounds absolutely vile. It doesn't look particularly appetizing either, even the version I had. However, the taste is surprisingly good. For lack of a better comparison, it's kind of like corned beef hash, but made with everything that's left over after they make hot dogs.

Gefilte Fish

Let's hit the definition from dictionary.reference.com first:  a forcemeat of boned fish, especially such freshwater fish as carp, pike, or whitefish, blended with eggs,matzo meal, and seasoning, shaped into balls or sticks and simmered in a vegetable broth, and often served chilled. OK, only moderately horrifying. That is, until you get to the chilled part. That means that these babies are swimming in a big vat of fish flavored gelatin. Check that picture again. Not very pretty. The consistency is sketchy, too. It's very much like a firm sponge. However, add a touch of horseradish and you've got a shockingly tasty dish!

Pickled Herring in Cream Sauce

No definition is needed here. Everything you need to know is in the name. It took me a while to get past this dish. It is visually unappealing. It doesn't smell particularly good. Even in concept it is unpleasant. However, you throw a hunk of this on a Triscuit and power it down and it's not half bad. It's not half good, either. You definitely need something crunchy to offset the texture of this dish. It's quasi-firm pieces of fish slathered in cream. The consistency is fairly hard to get past.

     So will you be a better person for eating these? Probably not. There's a good chance you'll be thoroughly repulsed. However, you can at least say you gave them a fair chance. Plus, there's also the possibility you'll find something you like that you can eat in front of friends and family in order to make them sick!

Good times!

Monday Meal: Honey-Roasted Onion Tart (via Bon Appetit Magazine)

     It's Monday, so that means it's time for another recipe. An appetizer, as a matter of fact. This one's a bit fancy, and asks for things you may not normally keep in your kitchen. That's fine. Creative substitution is standard operating procedure for a MCK. One item you may not have in your kitchen, or is simply difficult to find is: 

Yeah, I didn't know what this was, either.

     Creme Fraiche is basically a sour cream with butterfat. If you can't find it in your local store, you have a couple of options. Make it yourself. 

• Simply head over to Serious Eats for a super easy recipe

•  Just use regular sour cream and don't tell anyone

     The other thing you may not have on hand is fresh thyme.  If you have dried thyme in the house, just remember that a teaspoon of dried is about the same as a tablespoon of fresh. If you don't have any thyme, maybe you should just order out. (See what I did there? You've been  a wonderful audience, I'll be here all week.) Seriously, you can get away with basil or oregano in place of thyme. Enjoy!

 

Ingredients

• 1 sheet sheet frozen puff pastry (half of 17.3-ounce package), thawed
• 3 bacon slices, cut crosswise into 1/2-inch pieces (I used peppered bacon, it was wonderful)
• 1/4 cup honey
• 1/4 cup dry white wine
• 2 large sweet yellow onions (about 1 1/2 pounds), cut into 1/4-inch-thick rounds
• Nonstick vegetable oil spray
• 3/4 cup crème fraîche
• 1/2 teaspoon fine sea salt (regular salt is acceptable)
• 1/8 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
• 1 teaspoon fresh thyme leaves

Preparation

• Position rack in top third of oven and preheat to 375°F. Using lightly floured rolling pin, roll out puff pastry on lightly floured surface to 14x10-inch rectangle. Fold 1/2 inch of pastry edges in toward center on all sides, forming 13x9-inch rectangle. Transfer pastry to large rimmed baking sheet. Press firmly on pastry edges with fork to form rim. Chill crust.
• Cook bacon in small skillet over medium heat until brown and crisp. Transfer to paper towels to drain. Reserve 1 tablespoon bacon drippings from skillet. Whisk honey, wine, and reserved 1 tablespoon bacon drippings in large bowl. Add onions; toss to coat. Coat another large rimmed baking sheet with nonstick spray. Spread onion mixture in even layer on sheet. Roast 30 minutes. Turn onions over, allowing rings to separate. Roast until onions are caramelized, turning often for even browning, 30 to 45 minutes. Remove from oven; cool onions slightly.
• Increase oven temperature to 400°F. Mix crème fraîche, sea salt, 1/4 teaspoon black pepper, and nutmeg in small bowl. Using offset spatula, spread crème fraîche over crust to folded edge. Arrange onions atop crème fraîche. Sprinkle with bacon. Bake tart until crust is light golden brown and topping is bubbling, 20 to 25 minutes. Sprinkle with thyme and serve.

Honey-Roasted Onion Tart (via Bon Appetite)

• Nutritional Information

  One serving contains:
  Calories (kcal) 334.4
  %Calories from Fat 56.9
  Fat (g) 21.1
  Saturated Fat (g) 9.0
  Cholesterol (mg) 36.3
  Carbohydrates (g) 30.3
  Dietary Fiber (g) 1.8
  Total Sugars (g) 15.0
  Net Carbs (g) 28.6
  Protein (g) 5.6
  Sodium (mg) 401.0