Chicken and Corn Dip

 Goodness, it's been a while since I've posted anything. I guess I've been busy? Lazy? Probably just lazy. Anyway, a few weeks back I threw together a little using odds and ends. It turned out well and for a change I had actually written everything down and not lost the paper I wrote it on. What a triumph. Long story short this dip is good hot or cold and is highly adjustable. Like it hotter? Add more hot. Don't eat meat? Put in tofu. Don't like cheese? Get away from me with that negativity. Try it and tell me what you think. Unless you don't like it and then I don't want to know. As always, notes are in blue.

Chicken and Corn Dip

Ingredients

• 1 cup creamed corn
• 1 cup diced or shredded fully cooked rotisserie chicken
• 1 cup shredded cheddar cheese (feel free to sub in the cheese of your choice. Pepper jack would probably be pretty good here)
• 8 ounce block cream cheese, softened
• 1 teaspoon dried minced onion (you can certainly use fresh onion if desired. If so, go with 1/2 finely chopped onion)
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 teaspoon dry cilantro (if you're one of those people who think it tastes like soap, sub with parsley or basil)
• 1 teaspoon hot sauce of choice
• 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes
• 1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
• Salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. In a medium pan, over medium heat, dump in everything and mix the shit out of it. Stop when the cheese is melted through and the cream cheese is smooth (not counting lumps from the other ingredients, those are fine)
2. Taste and adjust seasoning as needed/desired. Serve hot or cold with crackers or chips, or just scoop it out with your hands like an absolute fucking savage. 

Good Times!

Summer Vegetable Quiche with Potato Crust

 So the garden is totally out of control. We are being buried alive in vegetables and are desperately doing everything we can to stay ahead of it. I have to be honest. I'm getting really fucking tired of squash and zucchini. This was a moment of inspiration. I'd seen similar recipes, and decided to do something similar. There's really not much to say. It uses up a bunch of veggies, is easy to put together, and tastes pretty good. I like mine with a liberal splash of Tabasco sauce. If you're desperate to use up some veggies, this is a pretty solid way to go. It works for pretty much any meal of the day. Give it a try and let me know what you think, unless it's critical, then don't tell me. As always, notes are in blue.

Summer Vegetable Quiche with Potato Crust

Ingredients

I may have used jarred garlic when I made this. Don't judge me.

• 1 bag (24 ounce) frozen O'Brien style hash brown potatoes
• 1 cup finely chopped zucchini
• 1 cup finely chopped yellow squash
• 1/2 cup finely chopped onion
• 3 cloves garlic, finely chopped
• 3 cups of chopped kale, stems/spines removed
• 1 cup shredded white cheddar cheese (honestly pretty much any cheese would work here)
• 3 eggs
• 1/2 cup evaporated milk
• 2 teaspoons Italian seasoning
• 3 tablespoons olive oil
• salt

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 425F (220C, GasMark 7)
2. Defrost the potatoes and squeeze out as much moisture as humanly possible. Seriously, squeeze the shit out of it like it owes you money. Get physical. Consider it therapy. Give a primal scream as you do it. 
3. Grease a 9" cast iron skillet (or a pie pan if you don't have the cast iron) Take the potatoes and form a even layer to serve as the crust. Bake for 25 minutes or until the potatoes start to brown.
4. While the crust is cooking, in a large pan, heat oil over medium heat. Add garlic and onions. Sauté for 3-5 minutes, or until the onion starts to get translucent. 
5. Add the zucchini and squash and sauté about 5-7 minutes or until tender.
6. Add the kale and sauté until the kale is wilted

   

   Wilting in progress.

7. In a bowl, add eggs, evaporated milk, cheese, and seasonings. Beat until all is mixed evenly.
8. When crust is done, remove from oven and lower temperature to 350F (177C, GasMark 4).
9. Spread vegetable mixture evenly in crust. Slowly pour in milk/egg mixture. Lightly move the mixture around with a spatula to make sure the liquid and cheese is fully incorporated.
10. Cook for 30 minutes or until top is starting to brown.

    

    It occasionally looks like I know what I'm doing!

    You can poke it with a knife and if it comes away clean, you're done. 

Good times!

Three Cheese Summer Squash Pasta Bake

 Normally we plant way too many yellow squash and zucchini plants each year. This year we cut way back. Two zucchini and three yellow squash plants. Then they went batshit insane. We're getting about 900 pounds of produce daily. There's only so many pints of pickled zucchini and squash you can make. There's only so much zucchini bread. I wound up finding a really good recipe for a squash/zucchini pasta in a cream sauce. A real banger of a recipe. Then the book I found it in got put away. When I went to look for it, it was gone. Completely gone. Nobody could find it. Much swearing was done. That didn't help. I wound up just saying screw it and making it up myself. I ended up making a pretty tasty alfredo-style sauce that worked really well in a bake. The Wife was much impressed. It was declared a great success and we all had pickled limes. Then Beth got Scarlet Fever and died...Sorry, I drifted into Little Women there. 
Give it a spin and tell me what you think, as long as it's flattering. As always, notes are in blue. 

Three Cheese Summer Squash Pasta Bake

Ingredients

• 2 zucchini, cut into 1/4" cubes (about 4 cups)
• 2 yellow squash, cut into 1/4" cubes (about 3 cups)
• 1 cup chopped tomatoes
• 1/2 cup seeded and chopped red banana (or bell) peppers
• 1/2 red onion, finely chopped (about 1/2 cup)
• 4 cloves garlic, finely chopped
• 1/4 cups fresh basil, finely chopped
• 3 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 pound of pasta of your choice
• 1 pint heavy cream
• 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
• 1/2 cup shredded mozzarella cheese
• 1/2 cup shredded Swiss cheese
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes
• salt and pepper

Directions

1. Cook pasta to a little harder than al dente (basically short the time by a couple extra minutes. The pasta is going to cook in the oven with the sauce for a while and you don't want it to get super soft.)
2. Preheat oven to 375F (190C, Gasmark 5) 
3. In a large, oven proof pot, heat the oil over medium heat (we used our trusty 6 quart enameled cast iron Dutch oven. If you don't have an oven safe pot, you'll just have to transfer everything to a greased Pyrex baking dish before putting it in the oven)
4. Add the zucchini, squash, peppers, onion, and garlic. Sauté about 4 minutes.
5. Add the tomato and sauté another 4 minutes. Salt and pepper to taste
6. In a saucepan, add the cream, cheeses, garlic powder, and pepper flakes. Heat on medium heat, stirring regularly so as not to scorch anything.
7. When the cheeses are completely melted into the sauce, add salt and pepper to taste.
8. Pour the sauce into the pot with the vegetables. Add the pasta and toss to coat everything. Put the pot in the oven for 12 minutes (this is where you'd transfer everything to a baking dish first, if your pot isn't oven safe)
9. Remove from oven and toss to make sure everything is evenly coated. 

Good Times were had by all. 
Except Beth. She died from Scarlet Fever. 

BONUS LINK TO RECIPE VIDEO:

Slow Cooker Ham, Broccoli, and Cheese Soup

 I was just thinking to myself that the world can't possibly have enough slow cooker ham and potato soup recipes. This was a grave injustice that deserved remedy. That, and I had a bag of potatoes that was about to turn into compost if I didn't use them soon. This is about as utilitarian a soup as you'll ever find. There are no real surprises or innovations here, other than maybe the use of American cheese slices. This is just solid winter fare. This will fill you up and keep you warm. This is not the soup you need right now. It is the soup you deserve. I think that might have been from Batman. I don't know, it's been a long week. Anyways, it's easy to make and it's good. It's also flexible. Leave out the ham, add sausage. Go vegetarian and leave out the meet but add some carrots. Go wild. As always, notes are in blue.

Slow Cooker Ham, Broccoli, and Cheese Soup

Ingredients

• 8 cups cubed (about 1/4") potatoes (peel them if you want, we never bother)
• 1 cup sweet onion, finely chopped
• 1 lb. frozen broccoli
• 4 ounces cream cheese (we use neufchatel)
• 1 lb. ground ham (this may be a problem to find. We use ground ham from Toohill Seed & Beef Service. If you can't find it or are unable to order it, substitute an equivalent weight of ham you chop up yourself.)
• 8 slices American cheese (if this seems horrifying, just substitute 8 ounces of shredded cheddar or Velveeta)
• 3 cups water or chicken stock
• 1 cup milk
• 1 tablespoon Gateway to the North seasoning from the Spice House. (if you can't/won't get this spice blend, you can make do with whatever spices you enjoy)

Directions

1. In a large (5-6 quart) slow cooker, add the potatoes, then layer the cheeses over the potatoes. 
2. Add all other ingredients over the cheese.
3. Cook on LOW for 7 hours, stirring every couple hours.

Good Times!

Too Damned Easy Taco Sloppy Joe

 Sometimes inspiration hits in an unlikely way. In my case inspiration usually comes by way of desperation. Midweek meals are always a challenge during the school year, which is why we usually do a few slow-cooker meals on Sunday and just eat them during the week. However, that strategy often leads to waste, as we get tired of the lack of variety during the end of the week. So if we're cooking midweek, it has to be simple. This week, we could not decide between tacos or Sloppy Joe. I decided in a fit of laziness to combine them. This was made easier by the amazing product Dos Rios Fully Cooked and Seasoned Taco Meat. 

I kid you not. This stuff is $2.50 for a 1lb. chub at our local grocery. You can barely find ground beef at that price. You don't need to season it, you don't need to drain it. It's precooked so you only need to defrost and heat it up. With the addition of two more ingredients you have a sandwich filler, a tortilla filler, a great topping or dip for nachos. Hell, add it your scrambled eggs. Without further delay I present to you (with, as always, notes in blue):

Too Damned Easy
Taco Sloppy Joe

Ingredients:

1. 1 pound chub of Dos Rios taco meat (if you don't have it or can't find it, I weep for you. You're going to have the extra steps of cooking and draining ground beef and adding taco seasonings)
2. 1/2 cup salsa of your choice (we went with Chi-Chi's Thick and Chunky Hot Salsa)
3. 1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese

Directions:

1. In a saucepan, add all ingredients. 
2. Heat at medium heat while stirring regularly. 
3. Keep stirring over medium heat until cheese is melted through.
4. That's it. You're done. Go eat.

Good Times!

Slow Cooker Potato, Beer, Bacon and Cheese Soup

 The time has come for soup weather. It's been hovering around freezing for a couple weeks now, so we're dragging out soup recipes and coming up with new ones. This recipe came about because we had a bag of potatoes that had all sorts of exciting things growing off of them and were close to achieving sentience. We found a slow cooker recipe for potato soup and quickly butchered it. The result was a gallon of tasty and filling soup. If you don't drink, it is still good without the beer. Or use non-alcoholic beer if that's an option. It's up to you. I'm not going to be checking on you to see if you followed the recipe exactly. Apologies for the pic, this soup does NOT photograph well. As always, notes are in blue.

Slow Cooker Potato, Beer, Bacon, and Cheese Soup
(looks much better in real life)

Ingredients

• 6 cups potatoes, cut into small cubes (I used russets, didn't peel them, and cut them into about 1/4" squares)
• 2 cups minced onion
• 1/2 cup carrots, cut into thin slices
• 1/2 pound bacon (feel free to leave it out if you don't do meat)
• 1 can (10.5 ounces) cream of broccoli soup (you could certainly use just about any cream soup here, though cream of potato might be overkill)
• 5 cups chicken stock (or vegetable stock if you're not into meat)
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
• 1 tablespoon Taylor Street Seasoning from Spice House (I know many of you won't have this, or don't want to order it. That's fine. You can just add garlic, Romano cheese, and basil to taste.)
• 1 can (12 ounces) evaporated milk
• 1 cup dark beer (I used Budweiser Black Lager. Pick your favorite. Use non-alcoholic if you prefer. Or leave it out if you don't drink. I imagine you could through a couple dashes of Worcestershire sauce in there to get that deeper flavor)
• 4 ounces shredded cheddar cheese (about 1 cup)
• 1 teaspoon dried parsley

Directions

1. In a pan, cook bacon until crisp. Drain and set aside.
2. In a large (6 quart) slow-cooker, add the potato, onion, carrot, bacon, soup, stock, pepper and seasonings. 
3. Set the cooker to HIGH for about 6.5 hours. Stir once about halfway through the time.
4. After the 6.5 hours, stir in the evaporated milk, beer, cheese, and parsley. Leave on HIGH and cook another 30 minutes or until the potatoes are soft.

Good times!

The World Needs Another Cheese Dip Recipe

As the world slowly descends into utter madness, I realize what we need now, more than ever, is another Rotel-style cheese dip. There's a pretty good chance I've managed to create something that already exists, which begs the existential question:

If I created something that has already been created, but I had never known about it, was it still an original creation?

Honestly, who the fuck cares. It's really good dip and that's all that matters.

Objectively Original Cheese Dip

Ingredients

• 1 pound cooked and shredded/crumbled meat of your choice (Seriously, almost any meat will work. We used pork loin. Chicken, ground beef, ground turkey, fake crab, shrimp, go nuts. Maybe not like salmon or clams, but the sky's the limit. Or leave out the meat if it's not your thing)
• 1-10.5 ounce can cheddar cheese soup
• 1 -10 ounce can diced tomatoes with jalapenos, drained 
• 4 ounces cream cheese
• 1 cup shredded cheddar cheese

Directions

1. Throw everything in a slow cooker and cook on LOW for 2-3 hours, stirring occasionally
   OR
   Put everything in a deep saucepan and cook on medium heat, stirring regularly, for about 7-10 minutes, until the cream cheese and cheddar are incorporated. Don't let it simmer or it's going to scorch in the pan.
2. There is no step #2

Good times!

Breakfast Frittata

     I have mentioned before my enduring love of the frittata. I've done a baked pasta frittata and a vegetable frittata. Somehow I just never got around to making one for breakfast. Not surprisingly, it was delicious. It's pretty hard to screw up breakfast unless you just burn the living shit out of it.

D'oh!

Not much else to say about this. It's versatile. Add other veggies, change out the sausage with bacon or ham, or just leave it out if meat's not your thing. Use different cheese. Get crazy. As always, notes are in blue.

Breakfast Frittata

Ingredients

• 6 eggs
• 1/4 cup milk
• 1 tablespoon canola oil
• 1 lb. pork breakfast sausage
• 4 small potatoes, cut into 1/2" cubes
• 1/2 large yellow onion
• 1/2 cup salsa (we used Red Cactus Sweet Heat Salsa)
• 1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
• salt and pepper

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F (190C, Gasmark5)
2. On the stovetop, place a cast iron skillet on medium high heat and add oil. Add potatoes. Cook for about 5-7 minutes or until potatoes start to get tender. 
3. Add onions and sausage. Mix and cook until sausage is cooked through. Drain any excess oil.
4. In a bowl, add the eggs and milk (please remember to crack open the eggs.) Add salsa seasoning to desired level. Whisk until everything is incorporated.
5. Pour egg mixture into skillet and cook on the stovetop for about 5-7 minutes. 
6. Move skillet into oven and cook for about 15 minutes, or until eggs are almost completely set.
7. Top with the shredded cheese and put back in the oven for another 5 minutes or until the cheese has completely melted and started to bubble.
8. Take out of oven and let set for a few minutes. 

Good times!

Slow Cooker Mexican Style Beer and Cheese Soup

Holy cow does having a child eat into your time. Nobody warned me about that. Okay, everybody warned me about that. It's a good thing she's beautiful and hilarious, so I don't mind. One of the big things I've learned in the last year or so is to find meals that can be prepared in a hurry or require very little maintenance. During the winter months, that means I'm leaning heavily on the slow cooker. The Wife was recently after me to make some beer and cheese soup. I have a recipe and it's pretty good, but wanted something that would work well with the absolutely vile pumpkin beer I had in the fridge. I found it! The beer flavor really works quite well and the soup has a nice bite to it from the peppers. This is a great cold-weather soup. We are definitely making it again. As a bonus, at the bottom of this post, you'll find the link to the YouTube video of the recipe. As always, notes are in blue.

Slow Cooker Mexican Style
Beer and Cheese Soup
(that absolutely does not photograph well)

Ingredients

• 1-1/4 lb. ground beef
• 1/2 onion, chopped
• 1 can (10.75 oz) cheddar cheese soup (if you can find nacho cheese soup, that would probably be even better)
• 1 can (10 oz) diced tomato and peppers
• 1 can (15.5 oz) black beans, rinsed and drained
• 1 can (14.75 oz) creamed corn
• 1 can (12 oz) Harvest Patch Shandy (Leinenkugel) beer. (if you can't find it, any pumpkin beer will do. If you can't find pumpkin beer, or despise all things pumpkin, use any pilsner style beer (Old Style, etc). If you can't/won't use booze, just use an equal amount of water or beef stock)
• 1 envelope taco seasoning (about 1 oz)

Directions

1. In a pan, brown ground beef along with the chopped onions. Drain off excess grease and then stir in taco seasoning (into the meat and onion mix, not the drained grease because that would be dumb)
2. Combine all ingredients in a slow cooker. (we used a 3 quart and it was close. I suggest at least a 4 quart cooker). Cook on HIGH about 4 hours.

BONUS VIDEO

Good Times!

Applesauce Cheddar Quick Bread

     We eat an alarming amount of bread in this house. The Wife loves her bread. The Spud really, really likes her bread. I certainly enjoy bread. We embrace gluten lovingly and with all our beings. We love it enough that we eventually started using the hashtag #sundaysareforbaking. That makes it serious. I think. Maybe not. This particular bread is from an ancient canning book that still gets a lot of mileage in our house. It's a great quick bread. If you make your own applesauce, which we do, it's even better. The timing on the bread is a little iffy. It took us way longer to bake than the book called for. This is a fantastic breakfast bread, spread with a little sweet butter or marmalade. Perhaps top it with my Mulberry Jam? I imagine it would make a dynamite peanut butter and jelly sandwich, too. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Applesauce Cheddar Quick Bread
via BH&G Home Canning Cook Book

Ingredients

• 1/2 cup butter
• 2/3 cups sugar
• 2 eggs
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup applesauce (why not try my Peach Bourbon Applesauce!)
• 3/4 cup shredded Cheddar cheese
• 1/2 cup chopped walnuts (omitted. The Wife is not a huge fan of nuts in her bread.)

Directions

1. Cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy (maybe I'm not doing this for long enough, because I have never been able to achieve light and fluffy consistency. I always end up with something on par with cake frosting)
2. Add eggs, beat well.
3. In a separate bowl, stir together flour, soda and salt. Add to the creamed butter mix. Stir in the applesauce, cheese and nuts (if using)
4. Turn into a greased loaf pan (what am I, a wizard? I never got a Hogwarts letter so I'm not really up on my Transfiguration and Polymorph spells. How about I just dump the mixture into a loaf pan?)
5. Bake at 350F (180C, Gasmark 4) for 50-55 minutes (fair warning, this may take way longer than the stated time. It took me closer to 75-90 minutes. Just run it for the 55, then check it with a knife. If it comes out clean, you're fine. If it comes out wet, you're not done. If it comes out covered in blood and ichor, your oven is possessed.) Cool 10 minutes in the pan. Remove to finish cooling on a wire rack.

Add caption

Slow Cooker Southwest Style Cheese Soup

     "Southwest Style." what a vague description. It would seem as long as you have meat and chile peppers, you can call something Southwest. That's good, because that is exactly what I did. This really came together as a desperate attempt to come up with meals for the week. I didn't expect much from this recipe, but was happily surprised at how it turned out. It had a nice bite and a plenty of flavor. It was even better the next day! Give it a try and see what you think! If you like it, let me know! If not, tell someone else, because I don't have time for your criticism.

Slow Cooker
Southwest Style Cheese Soup

Ingredients

• 1 can (15.5 ounce) black beans, drained and rinsed
• 1 can (14.5 ounce) fire roasted salsa style tomatoes, undrained (our ALDI had these. If you can't find them, just substitute a can of Rotel tomatoes with green chiles.)
• 1/2 cup corn (frozen or canned)
• 1 pound ground beef (80/20 is great, but 73/27 is fine, too. 11/89 is right out)
• 1/2 medium yellow onion, diced
• 4 cups water
• 1/2 cup sour cream
• 1 cup pepper jack cheese (this is not a paid endorsement, but I wholeheartedly recommend Kraft Habanero Heat shredded Monterey Jack)

Directions

1. Brown and drain the ground beef. Throw it in a slow cooker.
2. Throw in everything else except the sour cream and cheese.
3. Cook on LOW for 4 hours
4. Add the sour cream and cheese. Stir to incorporate and cook on LOW another 30 minutes.

Good Times!

Cheddar Apple Bread

     Every now and then I come across a recipe that doesn't seem right. I mean, it looks good in theory, but something is off about it. This bread recipe was a perfect example. It looked great on paper. I followed most of the instructions. Then I was staring at a mixing bowl full of what amounted to dust. There was no liquid to turn it into dough. I figured maybe because I used dried apples instead of fresh. Then I realized grated apples still wouldn't produce enough liquid to make a dough. I called over The Wife for a consult. She agreed the recipe was wonky. We made an executive decision, and based on other recipes, added some yogurt and milk. The end result was fantastic. A bread that's good and crusty on the outside, but soft on the inside. Toast up a big slab of this and slather it with butter and you've got yourself a winner. I suggest making it using my suggestions, but feel free to try the original recipe. Let me know if you have any success. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Cheddar Apple Bread
originally Old English Cheese & Apple Loaf
via The Art of Bread

Ingredients

• 1 teaspoon oil, to grease pan (we just used nonstick cooking spray)
• 3-1/2 cups unbleached flour (regular white flour, right?)
• 1 tablespoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 4 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 4 apples, peeled, cored and grated (we used about 2 cups dried apples, chopped)
• 4 ounces cheddar cheese, grated
• 2 eggs, beaten
• 1 cup plain yogurt
• 1/2 cup milk
• rolled oats, to sprinkle (totally forgot about this)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350F (180C, Gasmark), grease a 9x5x3" baking pan.
2. Sift flour, baking powder and salt together in a large bowl. Rub butter into the flour mixture quickly with your fingertips until the mixture resembles the texture of coarse breadcrumbs (using your fingertips? How about one of those dough cutters? Why make things harder and messier than it needs to be?)
3. Stir in the apples and cheese into the flour mixture. Add the beaten eggs until evenly blended (ok, if you have skipped my optional steps, you may find yourself staring at a bowl of clumpy and mostly dry flour. This was my WTF moment. Something very important seemed to be missing from the recipe. Like something to make it into a dough. The fact that the next step refers to "spooning the batter" indicates something the consistency of dried Play-Doh was not what I was looking for. Just go ahead and mix in that milk and yogurt now.) Mix until evenly blended.
4. Spoon the batter into the pan (see? I told you. "Spoon." You'd be better off with a broom and dustpan if you don't add some liquid) Sprinkle with oats (I was so pissed about this recipe seemingly missing ingredients that I totally forgot about the oats.)
5. Bake for 1-1/2 to 2 hours (we went for about 1-3/4 hours) until golden brown and well-risen. Turn out on a wire rack to cool.

Good Times!

Ham and Cheese Bread

     You probably know by now that I don't always have top of the line ingredients on hand. That's not really my thing. It's nice to have fancy meats and cheeses and stuff like that, but it's also nice to be able to pay the mortgage and utilities. I often find recipes that I end up avoiding because I never have the ingredients on hand, or more likely, I can't seem to justify the cost of the ingredients. That's probably why you don't see more recipes with Gruyere on my pages. Anyways, I found a bread recipe and wanted to make it for some time, but never had the key ingredients. Finally, I just cracked and used super-cheap alternatives. I couldn't have been happier with the results. I ended up with a nice, crusty bread perfect for sandwiches! As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Ham and Cheese Bread
adapted from Torta Di Testo Di Prosciutti E Formaggio
via The Art of Bread

Ingredients

• 2 teaspoon (1 envelope) active dry yeast
• 1/3 cup plus 2 tbsp water (I ended up using 4 tbsp water for whatever reason. Maybe I used too much flour.)
• 3-1/2 cups unbleached flour (I just used plain old white flour from ALDI. I didn't have time to take the Rolls Royce out for "special" flour)
• 1-1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
• pinch of freshly grated nutmeg (even this amount was noticeable. If you're not a fan of nutmeg, just omit this)
• 1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened (a stick of generic margarine microwaved for 20 seconds, you say? Done!)
• 4 eggs, beaten
• 5 ounces ounces sliced prosciutto, chopped (lah-de-dah! Prosciutto! Let me break out the good china! I'm going to be honest. I used a pack of Buddig honey ham)
• 5 ounces Emmental, diced (seeing as all my liquid assets are tied up in long term investments in yacht and gold futures, I used an equal amount of shredded pepperjack cheese)

Directions

1. Sprinkle yeast into water in a bowl. Leave for five minutes (they should really be more specific. I left the kitchen and got as far as the driveway before I realized I couldn't finish the recipe from out there. Even though the recipe didn't say to return, I did); stir to dissolve.
2. Mix flour, salt, pepper and nutmeg in a large bowl (I used my KitchenAid, so that was my large bowl). Make a well in the center and add the dissolved yeast and everything else. 
3. Mix until you've formed a soft, sticky dough (as mentioned, this took a little extra water to achieve). Turn out onto a lightly floured surface. Knead until silky and elastic, about 10 minutes (I just slapped the dough hook on the mixer and let it take care of things while I had a drink or six.)
4. Put the dough in a clean bowl and cover with a dish towel. Let rise until doubled in size, about 2 hours. Punch down, then let rest for 10 minutes. 
5. Shape the dough into a round loaf. Place on a lightly oiled baking sheet (I used a pizza stone and a thin spray of cooking oil) and cover with a dish towel (they had to specify dish towel? Was there a chance I'd chuck a beach towel over it? Maybe a washcloth?). Proof until doubled in size, about 1 hour.
6. Bake in an oven preheated to 350F (180C, Gasmark 4) for 1-1/2 hours, until golden brown (yeah, I know this seems like a long time, but it's right. You'll need every minute of it), cool on a wire rack.

Good Times!

Slow Cooker Spicy Macaroni and Cheese with Bacon

     When I was a kid, macaroni and cheese was something that came out of a box. It used powder and milk and butter. That was it. That was the only way I knew it. Eventually, I was introduced to the mac & cheese that had the pack of liquid cheese. It wasn't until years into my marriage that I discovered you could make mac & cheese without it coming out of a box. I also learned you could have meat other than hot dogs mixed in to it. This particular recipe is proof humble mac & cheese doesn't have to be boring. It's got all sorts of good things going on. It's got plenty of cheese. It's got bacon. It's got a spicy kick. It's definitely some solid comfort food. 

Slow Cooker Spicy Macaroni & Cheese
with Bacon

Ingredients

• 4 cups elbow macaroni
• 1/4 pound bacon
• 1 tablespoon butter
• 1 can (10 ounces) diced tomatoes with jalapeno peppers, undrained
• 1 can (12 ounces) evaporated milk
• 1/2 cup milk
• 8 ounces shredded Mexican cheese
• 4 ounces shredded cheddar cheese
• 1/4 cup bread crumbs
• 1/4 cup Louisiana Hot Wing Sauce (or hot sauce of choice. Or leave the hot sauce out if you're a big baby)

Directions

• Cook the pasta according to the directions, but take the pasta out about 2 minutes earlier than the package says. Drain and mix the butter in with the pasta.
• Dice bacon and cook in a pan until the bacon is browned and starting to get crispy. Drain and set on a paper towel to soak up excess grease.
• In a large bowl, throw in the pasta and the rest of the ingredients. Dump it all into a slow-cooker greased with non-stick cooking spray (as always, just coat the bowl of the slow-cooker. Coating the entire slow-cooker isn't going to do you any good)
• Cook on HIGH for 3 hours
• NOTE: If you don't want to use a slow cooker, you could probably get away with putting it in a greased baking dish and into an oven preheated at 375F (190C, Gasmark 5) for about 30-40 minutes. I've not tried that, so keep an eye on it if you do it in the stove!

Good Times!

Slow Cooker Chicken Parmesan Soup

     While Yahoo is one of the most worthless sources of reliable news reporting, they do have a fairly robust food section that I refer to on a regular basis. The Wife happened across this slow-cooker recipe in her search for quick and easy meals for the week. In addition to being quick and easy, this was also right tasty, which is something I don't often say about slow cooker fare. Throw down some good crusty bread with this and you're good to go. I do suggest you take the suggestion for the pasta you'll see later in the recipe; you'll thank us for it. Or not, if you're totally ungrateful. We give and give and give and all you do is take and take and take. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Slow Cooker Chicken Parmesan Soup
via Yahoo Food

Ingredients

• 3 garlic cloves, minced (we got lazy and used 3 teaspoons minced garlic from a jar)
• 1 green bell pepper, chopped (The Wife doesn't like green peppers, so we went with red)
• 14 1/2 ounces crushed tomatoes (we used a can of undrained diced tomatoes)
• 1/2 pound raw boneless, skinless chicken breasts 
• 3 cups chicken broth 
• 1/2 cup chopped white onion
• 1/3 cup shredded Parmesan cheese, plus extra for garnish
• 1 tablespoon chopped fresh basil (none on hand, we used 1 teaspoon dried)
• 2 teaspoons chopped fresh oregano (none on hand either, 1.5 teaspoons dried)
• 1/8 teaspoon red pepper flakes 
• 4 ounces uncooked dry gemelli or penne pasta
• Chopped fresh basil or parsley, for garnish (no fresh on hand, omitted)

Directions

1. In the slow cooker, stir together the garlic, bell pepper, crushed tomatoes, chicken, broth, onion, the cheese, basil, oregano, and red pepper flakes. Cook on high for 3 1/2 hours, or on low for 7 hours.
2. Transfer chicken breasts to a cutting board and coarsely shred them; return them to the slow cooker; stir in the pasta. Cook on high for 30 minutes longer or until pasta is cooked al dente (adding the pasta at this step is a Bad Idea unless you plan on eating everything in one sitting. That pasta will turn to mush overnight if you put any aside for later. We suggest cooking the pasta separately and adding it as needed when you serve the soup. Unless you like mushy pasta. We won't judge. Yes we will. Don't do it.)
3. Serve garnished with more Parmesan cheese and chopped basil or parsley.

Good times!

Slow Cooker BBQ Chicken with Cheesy Grits

     Cheesy grits seem to be all the rage lately. You can't open a cooking magazine and not find something served over grits. For me, grits were always something you'd order at Huddle House- a bowl of mush swimming in melted butter. This time, it's swimming in cheese. Cheese makes everything better. At the very least, cheese makes The Wife happy, which makes my life very easy. Though the recipe isn't made entirely in the slow-cooker, it is about the lamest, laziest recipe I've ever devised, which is hilarious because it's really damned good. Give it a try and tell me I'm wrong. You'd be lying, because I'm not wrong. It's really damned good. As always, notes are in blue.

Slow-cooker BBQ Chicken
and Cheesy Grits

Ingredients
BBQ Chicken

• 1 pound chicken, skin removed (we used drumsticks. There's nothing stopping you from using boneless, skinless chicken. In the long run, that would probably save you a little time and work)
• 1 bottle of BBQ sauce of your choice. 

Cheesy Grits

• 1 cup grits
• 3 cups water
• 1 teaspoon adobo seasoning
• 1 cup shredded cheese of your choice (we used a bagged mix of cheddar, American and Swiss)

Directions

Chicken

1. Pour BBQ sauce into a slow cooker. 
2. Fill BBQ sauce bottle half-way and shake. Pour into slow-cooker.
3. Add chicken and cook on LOW 6-7 hours or until chicken is done.
4. Remove the meat from the bone and discard the bones. Return the meat to the sauce. If using boneless, shred the meat and return to the sauce.

Cheesy Grits (Done on the stove)

1. In a saucepan, bring 3 cups of water to a rolling boil. Add the adobo seasoning.
2. Stir in grits and cheese. Lower heat to medium-low. Cover and cook for 5 minutes. About halfway through the cooking, stir to make sure nothing is sticking to the bottom of the pan (you may find this step is easier if you remove the lid first. Put the lid back on when you're done stirring)
3. After 5 minutes, take off lid and remove from heat. Grits should be creamy.

Assembly

1. Take a big scoop of grits and put them on a plate.
2. Take a big scoop of chicken and sauce and place it on the grits.
3. Unceremoniously shovel the concoction in your face and enjoy. Maybe have a beer or two with this. I'd recommend a nice wheat beer. Or Guinness. You can never go wrong with Guinness. 
4. Damn it, now I want a Guinness and I don't have any in the house.
5. I'll be damned if I'm making a special trip to the store to buy Guinness.
6. It's better on draft anyway.
7. Ah screw it, I'll just have a bourbon and cola.

Good times!

Sausage and Peppers Diavolo

    Fra Diavolo is one of my favorite ways to enjoy pasta. The simple combination of olive oil, garlic and red pepper is just fantastic. It's just the right combination of richness and heat. I figured that base could be used for any number of recipes. I'm pretty sure I've had chicken diavolo before. Maybe not. I'm not 100% sure. I might have hallucinated it. Regardless, I had a lot of bell peppers left over from the garden last season, so we decided to dig some out of the freezer and use them in this recipe. I figured combining sausage and peppers with pasta diavolo was a sure thing. I was right. This was delicious. If you don't like it, obviously you cooked it wrong or possibly have a damaged palate. I forgive you. This time. As always, any notes are in blue.

Sausage and Peppers Diavolo

Ingredients

• 12 ounces Farfalle (that's what we cooking types call bow-tie pasta. Nothing impresses your dinner guests like pretentiousness) 
• 1 pound Italian sausage, casings removed (the choice of sweet or hot sausage it up to you. Either will work here)
• 1 yellow bell pepper, chopped
• 1/2 red bell pepper, chopped
• 1/2 red onion, chopped
• 1/2 cup olive oil (use extra virgin if you happen to have a surplus of virgins in your house)
• 4 cloves garlic, finely chopped
• 1 teaspoon red pepper flakes (you can use less if you're a wuss)
• 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
• 1/2 teaspoon dried basil 
• grated Asiago cheese for garnish

Directions

1. In a large, non-stick pan, brown Italian sausage and break into crumbles. On medium-high heat, this will take about 5-8 minutes. Make sure to drain off any excess oil. Add the garlic, onion and peppers about half way through.
2. Cook pasta according to directions (the directions for the pasta, not the directions for anything else. Following instant pudding directions here would not be helpful)
3. Drain pasta and return to pot. Add the sausage and pepper mix. Add the olive oil, red pepper, basil, and Parmesan. Toss to ensure everything is evenly coated.
4. Throw a big helping on a plate and top with grated Asiago.

Good times!

Bootleg Cheddar Bay Biscuits

     Red Lobster is one of those restaurants I like despite the fact I should know better. You just can't say no to unlimited shrimp or crab legs. One of my fondest memories is going to Red Lobster with The Wife and watching her eat crab legs. She would just bend the legs until BANG! Crab meat on the table. Crab meat on the wall. Crab meat in her hair. Crab meat on my glasses.

It was similar to this, but with crab meat.

Truly, it was inspiring. Naturally, any trip to Red Lobster would be punctuated by cramming as many Cheddar Bay Biscuits into our bodies as was possible. Then we'd ask for a bunch extra and a to-go box. If we didn't leave with a dozen biscuits, we weren't trying hard enough. Eventually, I figured I should just figure out how to make them myself and save the trip and inevitable hammersmash of crab meat. I searched the interwebs and found a couple recipes (the main biscuit recipe and a Biscuit knockoff) that I combined and modified into what we feel is a damned close approximation of the Cheddar Bay Biscuit. Don't eat these right away. Give them about an hour for the butter to settle in. Then pop one in the microwave one for about 30 seconds and tell me it's not the real deal. As always, changes and notes are in blue.

Bootleg Cheddar Bay Biscuits

 Ingredients

• 3 cups all-purpose flour
• 1-1/2 tablespoons baking powder
• 1/2 tablespoon salt
• 1/2 cup solid bacon grease (every home-made Biscuit recipe I saw said to use shortening. I used bacon grease because I felt it would add a nice flavor. Also, it's all I had on hand. I'm not making a special trip for shortening) 
• 3/4 cup milk
• 4 tablespoons butter
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 heaping cup grated cheddar cheese

For Brushing on Top

• 2 tablespoons melted butter
• 1/4 teaspoon dried parsley
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
• pinch of salt

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 400F (200C, Gasmark 6)
2. Mix flour, baking powder and salt in large bowl (generally you are instructed to sift these items into the bowl, to which I say, "bite me.")
3. Cut in bacon grease until mixture starts to make large crumbs.
4. Add milk, cheese, 1 teaspoon garlic powder. Mix until combined (I used the Kitchenaid for a few seconds. Don't overdo the mixing, though)
5. Drop 1/4 cup portions (I just used an ice cream scoop) of the dough onto an ungreased cookie sheet. Bake 15-17 minutes or until tops of the biscuits turn light brown.
6. In a small bowl, mix the melted butter, parsley, 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder and salt.  When the biscuits come out of the oven, brush the butter mixture over the tops (use it all. To not use all this mixture would be a mortal sin).

Good times!

Slow Cooker Creamy Ham and Potatoes by The Wife

     In a feat of scheduling wizardry, the school districts where the husband and I work PLUS the school district in which we live all have their Spring Breaks at different times. Last week, Joel was on break. This week, I am on break. I don’t even know when our town has break; I just know it wasn't this week or last week because the buses were running. Anyway, my being home alone means I’m expected to do some cooking. Joel requested ham and potatoes (we've been working through a ten pound Honey Baked ham for 2 weeks now), and I found this REALLY easy Creamy Ham and Potatoes recipe (as always, notes and changes are in blue):

Slow Cooker Creamy Ham and Potatoes
via Taste of Home Slow Cooker

Ingredients

• 4 medium red potatoes, thinly sliced (Potatoes are potatoes. We didn’t have any red ones, so I used what we did have – I don’t even know what they were. To thinly slice the potatoes, I used the mandolin.)
• 2 medium onions, finely chopped (Mine were of the smaller variety. Regardless, they had me crying.)
• 1 ½ cups cubed fully cooked ham
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon ground mustard (Yeah…Somehow that’s not what I read this morning. I used a teaspoon of spicy brown mustard. No harm, no foul.)
• ½ teaspoon salt (Omitted. I think the ham and the can of cream soup contributes plenty of salt, thank you.)
• ½ teaspoon pepper
• 1 can (10 ¾ ounces) condensed cream of celery soup, undiluted (I made an executive decision here. This is called Creamy Ham and POTATOES. I had a can of cream of POTATO soup. That’s what I used even though cream of celery was available.)
• 1 1/3 cups of water (Just fill the soup can with water.)
• 1 cup (4 ounces) shredded cheddar cheese – optional (Cheese is never optional.)

Directions

1. In a 3-qt slow cooker (I actually used the right size!), layer potatoes, onions, and ham.
2. In a large saucepan, melt butter. Stir in flour, mustard, salt (omitted), and pepper until smooth. Combine soup and water gradually into flour mixture. Bring to a boil; cook and stir for 2 minutes or until thickened and bubbly. Pour over ham.
3. Cover and cook on low for 8-9 hours (8 hours was more than enough time for the potatoes to completely disintegrate) or until potatoes are tender (disintegrated). If desired, sprinkle with cheese before serving (only a Communist doesn't desire cheese).

Good times!

Cheese Filled Tortellini Soup

     It's always fun when The Wife takes over in the kitchen. She has gained a ton of confidence in her cooking lately. Generally, she just follows recipes word for word. Lately, she has taken to tinkering with recipes. This soup is one of those instances. I had to work a bit late, so she offered to make some soup for dinner to go along with some Herbed Swirl Bread I had made a couple days before. She nailed it with this soup. The garlic pepper was a great addition and she ended up with a flavorful and satisfying soup. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm off the hook for cooking duties. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Cheese-Filled Tortellini Soup
via: Better Crocker: The 300 Calorie Cookbook

Ingredients

• 2 tablespoons butter or margarine
• 1/4 cup chopped celery
• 1/4 cup chopped carrot
• 1/4 cup chopped onion
• 1 clove garlic, finely chopped (she used 1 heaping teaspoon of jarred garlic)
• 6 cups water (she used 3 cups home-made chicken stock and 3 cups of water)
• 2 extra-large vegetarian vegetable bouillon cubes (I contend that no such thing exists. The Wife used 2 regular sized chicken bouillon cubes)
• 2-1/2 cups dried cheese-filled tortellini (The Wife was subbing like a champ. She used a 1 lb. bag of frozen cheese tortellini)
• 1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley (not happening. 1 teaspoon of dried parsley was used)
• 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg (after an unfortunate incident following somebody's recipe that used WAY too much nutmeg, she erred on the side of caution and just omitted it)
• 1/4 teaspoon pepper (she just used black pepper to taste)
• Added: 1/8 teaspoon garlic pepper
• Added: 1/4 teaspoon dried basil
• Freshly grated Parmesan cheese, if desired (CHEESE IS NEVER OPTIONAL)

Directions

1. In a 4-quart Dutch oven, melt butter over medium heat. Add celery, carrot, onion and garlic. Cook, stirring frequently, until crisp-tender. 
2. Stir in water and bouillon cubes. Heat to boiling. Reduce heat to low; stir in tortellini. Cover; simmer about 20 minutes, stirring occasionally, until tortellini are tender. 
3. Stir in whatever herbs and spices you're using. Sprinkle individual servings with cheese. 

Good times!