Nutritionally Irresponsible Cooking: Breakfast Pizza

     I mentioned on Facebook the other day that I am a huge fan of the breakfast pizza from Casey's General Store. It's basically a pizza crust with egg, cheese and meat. It is heavy and greasy and undeniably awesome. Those who try it for the first time are almost always blown away and wonder how they lived life this far without one.

     The main issue I have with Casey's breakfast pizzas is that they are only available in the morning. If I sleep in too late, I miss the window to get one. I took it upon myself to replicate the recipe. The wife claims it is just as good, if not better.

Nutritionally Irresponsible Breakfast Pizza

Ingredients

• 1 7.5 oz. tube buttermilk biscuit dough
• 4 medium eggs
• 2T water
• 2T butter/margarine
• 1/2lb breakfast sausage (I used maple)
• 1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese
• 1/2 cup shredded mozzarella cheese

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350F
2. Lightly grease pizza stone/pan
3. Knead biscuit dough into a ball. Roll out to about 10-12" diameter and place on stone/pan
4. Whisk eggs and water in a small bowl. Melt butter in a skillet on medium heat. Cook eggs on medium heat, pushing them around with a spatula to break them into a loose scramble. When eggs are still just a touch runny, remove from heat.
5. Spread eggs over pizza crust.
6. Cook sausage according to directions on package. Drain excess grease. Sprinkle over the eggs.
7. Sprinkle cheeses evenly across pizza.
8. Cook pizza for about 20-25 minutes or until crust starts to get golden and cheese melts.

The entire pizza is about 1800 calories. We cut ours into quarters, so 450 calories per serving. It's probably for the best that we not talk about fat and sodium content here.

Good times!

Monday Recipe: Creamy Pappardelle with Leeks and Bacon (via Bon Appetit)

     Being married to woman with Italian heritage carries with it certain burdens.

This certainly is one, but not the one I was thinking about.

     The burden particular to my wife is the demand for pasta. She has made it abundantly clear that I provide her with pasta dishes on a fairly regular basis. With that in mind, I find myself constantly scouring my books, magazines and web sites for new and exciting pasta dishes. I found one this weekend at Bon Appetit, my go-to source for recipes. I will now share it with you. I didn't have any pappardelle on hand, so I used penne and it worked fine. So with no further delay:

Creamy Penne With Leeks and Bacon (via Bon Appetit)

Ingredients

• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 tablespoon unsalted butter
• 4 slices thick-cut bacon, cut into 1/2-inch pieces
• 2 medium leeks, white and pale-green parts only, halved lengthwise, sliced crosswise
• Kosher salt
• 3/4 cup heavy cream
• 2 teaspoons chopped fresh thyme
• 1 pound pappardelle or fettuccine (I used penne)
• 1 cup finely grated Parmesan or Grana Padano

Directions

1. Heat oil and butter in a large heavy pot over medium heat. Add bacon and cook, stirring often, until fat is rendered and bacon is crisp, 5-8 minutes. 
2. Add leeks and season with salt. Increase heat to medium-high and cook, stirring often, until leeks begin to brown, 5-8 minutes. 
3. Add cream, thyme, and 1/2 cup water. Bring to a boil, reduce heat, and simmer, stirring occasionally, until sauce is thickened and coats the back of a spoon, 5-8 minutes.
4. Meanwhile, cook pasta in a large pot of boiling salted water, stirring occasionally, until al dente. Drain pasta, reserving 2 cups pasta cooking liquid.
5. Add pasta, Parmesan, and 1 cup pasta cooking liquid to sauce and stir to coat. Increase heat to medium and continue stirring, adding more cooking liquid as needed, until sauce coats pasta.

Makes 6 servings. 580 calories per serving.

Fundamentally Horrifying Foods That I Have Eaten

     There comes a time in every one's life where they are presented with a food they find fundamentally horrifying. The reasons for this visceral horror may vary. It could be a questionable ingredient. It could be an odd blend of flavors. Maybe it's the color or texture. Sometimes it's the presentation. Whatever the reason may be, the food is repellent. When faced with this type of food you have two options:

     Or you can go for the gusto and attempt to conquer your fear and digestive system. I have been confronted with a number of questionable dishes in my time and in most cases have made a genuine attempt to see if it's truly as bad as it would appear. Here are a few examples:

Haggis

This is one of the more infamous horrifying foods. For those who aren't familiar with haggis, here is the definition from Merriam-Webster:  a traditionally Scottish dish that consists of the heart, liver, and lungs of a sheep or a calf minced with suet, onions, oatmeal, and seasonings and boiled in the stomach of the animal. I agree, it sounds absolutely vile. It doesn't look particularly appetizing either, even the version I had. However, the taste is surprisingly good. For lack of a better comparison, it's kind of like corned beef hash, but made with everything that's left over after they make hot dogs.

Gefilte Fish

Let's hit the definition from dictionary.reference.com first:  a forcemeat of boned fish, especially such freshwater fish as carp, pike, or whitefish, blended with eggs,matzo meal, and seasoning, shaped into balls or sticks and simmered in a vegetable broth, and often served chilled. OK, only moderately horrifying. That is, until you get to the chilled part. That means that these babies are swimming in a big vat of fish flavored gelatin. Check that picture again. Not very pretty. The consistency is sketchy, too. It's very much like a firm sponge. However, add a touch of horseradish and you've got a shockingly tasty dish!

Pickled Herring in Cream Sauce

No definition is needed here. Everything you need to know is in the name. It took me a while to get past this dish. It is visually unappealing. It doesn't smell particularly good. Even in concept it is unpleasant. However, you throw a hunk of this on a Triscuit and power it down and it's not half bad. It's not half good, either. You definitely need something crunchy to offset the texture of this dish. It's quasi-firm pieces of fish slathered in cream. The consistency is fairly hard to get past.

     So will you be a better person for eating these? Probably not. There's a good chance you'll be thoroughly repulsed. However, you can at least say you gave them a fair chance. Plus, there's also the possibility you'll find something you like that you can eat in front of friends and family in order to make them sick!

Good times!

Thoughts on Chili

     I cook chili because of my father. He imparted a great deal of wisdom upon me during his time on Earth. One of his finest nuggets was that if someone did something particularly bad, that person did it "like a man with a paper rectum."

RECTUM? Damn near killed 'em!

     He went to his grave never having adequately explained what that meant. He also told me that being able to make good chili was a very important skill. That was clearly defined for me. The base of his recipe was a simple 1:1 ratio for meat, tomato sauce and beans. 1 pound of meat, 1 28oz can tomato sauce, 1 can kidney beans. He'd normally drag out his cauldron and drop in five pounds of ground beef.  Then he'd work the magic. Onions, green peppers, and the seasonings. My lord, the seasonings. Nothing was off limits. At the very least, a tin of regular chili powder and a tin of hot chili powder were going in. Possibly two of each. I never really got a handle on what all he was throwing in there. It was just enough to watch him go. His favorite thing to add was something called "Desert Dust." It was nothing more than powdered jalapeno.

     When he threw in enough of whatever he wanted to throw in, he'd set it to simmer for a couple hours. Then we'd have a bowl. No cheese. No sour cream. He felt those things were for the weak. He would always serve a loaf of garlic bread on the side. The chili had heat and flavor. It was wonderful. "It's better the next day," he would tell us. He was right. A night in the fridge would take it to another level entirely. We'd eat on that pot of chili for days on end without getting tired of it. He never had a solid recipe for chili. He just had that base and sort of winged it. It was a little different each time, but it never varied too far from the base flavor.  Certain things were off limits in chili for my dad. Cinnamon and chocolate were two things he would never put in chili. If it was served over anything, it was elbow macaroni.

If you don't love chili, you're probably a Communist.

      I love making chili. Over the years my recipe has drifted away from my father's. I add chorizo, take out the pepper, use cumin and liquid smoke.  I play with a lot more seasoning than my father did.  I make it hotter or more mild depending on my audience. I've made it so hot it's caused migraines and one unconfirmed death. I make it because it is a comfort food. Mostly I make it because it reminds me of my dad.

Good times!

Recipe Monday: Shoofly Pie

     I haven't really done much in the way of desserts and I apologize for that. We all love desserts. I have no recollection where I dug up the recipe. If it looks familiar, let me know and I'll give credit where credit is due. This particular dessert is really an acquired tasted. There is no middle ground here. You're going to love it or you're going to hate it. If you try it, let me know which it is.

Shoofly Pie. Tastes A LOT better than it looks.

Ingredients: 

• Pastry Shell 
• 1 ½ cup flour 
• ½ cup margarine 
• 1 cup packed brown sugar 
• 1 tsp. baking soda 
• 1 cup boiling water 
• ½ cup molasses 
• ½ cup honey

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 375F. 
2. Sift flower into a large bowl. 
3. Cut in margarine until pea sized. 
4. Stir in sugar. Set mixture aside. 
5. Dissolve baking soda in boiling water. Add molasses and honey. 
6. Pour mixture into pastry shell. 
7. Sprinkle flour mix over the top 
8. Bake at 375F for 10 minutes. 
9. Reduce to 350F and bake for another 25-30 minutes. 
10. Allow to cool before serving.

Weekday Meal Project

     I've been doing a lot more cooking than normal lately, and really enjoying it. We've been eating well and not working too hard to make it happen. During that time, I've heard some naysayers claim it's too expensive to eat healthy. I suppose that depends on your definition of healthy. Organic? Yes, that's expensive. We count calories for the most part in my house. We try to keep sodium and fat down, but if you watch calories, everything else falls into place, more or less.
     For a week I made it a point to cook at least four of the five workdays. I wanted to see if I could make quick meals that were not more than 300 calories. I also wanted to do this without breaking the bank. I'm going to tell you what I cooked each night and give an approximate cost assuming you only had the spices on hand. I am basing costs on shopping at ALDI, Wal-Mart and County Market.

Monday: Shrimp Scampi (two servings). 340 calories with rice.
About $3.50-$4.00 per serving.

Tuesday: I had to work late. Bought two 6-inch subs with a coupon. The subs were around 350-400 calories a piece. $5.50

Wednesday: Orange-Teriyaki Beef and Noodles (two servings). 300 calories.
About $3.50-$4.50 per serving

Thursday: Thai Curry Chicken Soup (3 servings). 210 calories.
About $1.00-$1.50 per serving

Friday: Crab and Spinach Enchiladas (4 servings) 265 calories.
About $2.00-$2.50 per serving

     So there you have it. A work week of meals. Good, healthy foods. Total cost? Somewhere in the range of $14.50-$18.00. That's feeding two people, with two nights having leftovers. Only one meal I cooked went over 300 calories, and that was only 40 over. It's not easy to eat right for not a lot of money. You only need to remember one thing.

Shop Smart.

Good times!

Monday Recipe: Shrimp Scampi

     I've been banging on about the Betty Crocker 300 Calorie Cookbook for a good reason. Unfortunately, that reason is not a fat sponsorship deal. It is because the recipes are generally quick, easy and never more than 300 calories. I'm going to hit you with another one I was extremely pleased with. As I've been doing of late, any changes to the recipe will be shown in blue.

Shrimp Scampi

Ingredients

• 3/4 lb. deveined and peeled shrimp, thawed if frozen
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1 medium green onion, thinly sliced
• 1 clove garlic, finely chopped
• 2t chopped fresh or 1/2t dried basil
• 2t chopped fresh or 1/4t dried parsley
• 1T fresh lemon juice (I used bottled)
• 1/8t salt (omitted)
• 2T shredded Parmesan cheese
• 1/4t red pepper flakes
• 1 cup cooked white rice

Directions

1. Rinse shrimp in cold water and pat dry on paper towel. If the shrimp has a tail, remove if desired (we removed the tails to save for shrimp stock).
2. In a skillet, heat oil over medium heat, 1-2 minutes. Add remaining ingredients except Parmesan cheese. Cook 2-3 minute, stirring frequently, until shrimp are pink. Do not overcook the shrimp or they will become tough. Sprinkle with cheese. (I continued to cook another minute or so after adding the cheese. It resulted in a slightly thicker sauce.)
3. Serve over rice

Serves two. 240 calories per serving (340 with 1/2 cup rice)

Good times!