Monday Recipe: The Bird

     Thanksgiving is fast approaching and it's time to get serious. We need to talk turkey (sorry). Unless you're some kind of fascist anarchist (is that even possible?), you're going to have a big honking turkey for your main course. The question is, how do we cook it?

Well, that's an option if you like that hint of jellied petroleum. 

     It took me a few years of trial and error, but I've finally nailed down my turkey cooking method. Apart from one step, it's pretty easy and results in a tasty, juicy turkey. 

Ingredients

• 1 Big Honking Turkey
• A couple lemons, thinly sliced
• A bunch of bacon (I use peppered)
• A couple sticks of butter
• A couple onions, halved
• A few carrots, peeled and cut in half
• 10 ounces herbed butter

How to make herbed butter (altered from a Gordon Ramsay recipe via Channel 4)

• Take 2 1/2 sticks butter, room temperature
• Add 2 tsp. each of dried thyme, tarragon and parsley
• Mix together in small bowl. 

Directions

1. I don't even want to say this, but somebody will screw it up. Defrost the turkey and take out the bag of spare parts from inside. I generally just chuck those parts into the roaster. My mom loves the spare parts.
2. Work your hand in between the meat and the skin and gently lift the skin away all around the bird. You're basically making a pouch around the bird for ingredients.
3. Grab handfuls of the herbed butter and start spreading it around under the skin. Get it in everywhere. Try to get it into the drumsticks. You're basically going to violate the bird.
4.  Take the bacon and make a single layer between the turkey and the skin.
5. Take the lemon slices and lay a single layer on the bacon. Remember, for steps 3-5 you want to get these ingredients everywhere you can on the bird WITHOUT TEARING THE SKIN.
6. Chuck all the remaining butter ,onions and carrots in the cavity of the bird. 
7. Cook according to the directions that came with the bird, but baste it like you have OCD.

That's a fine looking bit of poultry right there.

Good times!