Wednesday, November 28, 2012

The Great Ham Meltdown of 2010

     It was the night before Christmas Eve. I was preparing as much as I could for the huge meal I was cooking for my in-laws. The centerpiece would be a roasted ham that was to be brined overnight. I had done a lot of shopping for that meal and apparently was a bit lax in picking out the ham. When I pulled it from the fridge, I realized I had purchased a spiral cut ham. For brining purposes, I needed a whole ham.

     Some people might have handled it better. Some might have changed the meal up to utilize the spiral ham. Some might even have just gone back to the store and bought the correct ham. Those people are not me. I chose to completely melt down and go batshit crazy.

Actual photograph of the incident.
     I lamented the dinner, that was now ruined for all time. Nothing could possibly fix this. I screeched how brining a spiral cut ham would just result in ham soup. All hope was lost. Christmas Eve dinner was destroyed and we would just have to get pizzas from the fucking gas station in town.

     The wife attempted to calm me down. I was having no part of it. I recall her telling me to calm the hell down and just go get another ham. I would have no part of it. I'm not sure exactly what my damage was, but I thundered, raging and pouting around the house for the better part of an hour before just going out and buying another ham.

Good times!

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