Pepper Jelly

At the end of any growing season, we usually end up with tons of produce we are desperate to find a use for. That's when it's time to have fun. A few years ago we found this recipe online for pepper jelly and it has become a staple in our pantry. Sadly, it's been so long that I have no idea where I found this. If anybody can tell me, I'll gladly give credit where credit is due. This is a great recipe. Even with hot peppers it is still nice and sweet. We've used it on every thing from toast to pork roast. It makes a great glaze. It's a bit labor intensive, but totally worth the effort. Give it a try. As always, notes are in blue.

Pepper Jelly

Ingredients

• 2-1/2 cups finely chopped red bell peppers
• 1-1/4 cups finely chopped green bell peppers
• 1/4 cups finely chopped jalapeno peppers (other peppers can be substituted depending on whether or not you want to bring the heat. Go banana pepper to keep it sweet, swap in a ghost pepper to really tear shit up)
• 1 cup apple cider vinegar
• 1 (1.75 ounce) package powdered pectin
• 5 cups white sugar

Directions

1. Get yourself 6 sterilized half pint jars. Just chuck them in the boiling water canner while you're working and all will be good.
2. Place  peppers in a large, nonreactive saucepan over high heat. Mix in vinegar and fruit pectin. Stirring constantly, bring mixture to a full rolling boil. Quickly stir in sugar. Return to full rolling boil, and boil exactly 2 minutes, stirring constantly. Remove from heat, and skim off any foam (when it says 2 minutes it MEANS 2 minutes. I've ended up totally ruining jellies by screwing up the timing. Also, don't blow off the part where you skim the foam. This shit's an exact science, and you'll likely end up with syrup instead of jelly if it goes wrong)
3. Quickly ladle jelly into sterile jars, filling to within 1/4 inch of the tops. Cover with flat lids, and screw on bands tightly.   
4. Process in a boiling water canner for 5 minutes. Set on a rack to cool and await the satisfying clunk noise when the can seals. As always, check with the National Center For Home Food Preservation to make sure you don't accidentally kill anyone.

Good Times!

Potentially Irresponsible Hot Pickled Green Tomatoes

     It's the end of the season. That means I've got an assload of green tomatoes and I need to find ways to use them. Last year I made some chow-chow which I thought was absolutely nasty. Fortunately, a co-worker loved it so it all found a home. We really enjoyed the hot pickles we've made in the past, so we decided on hot pickled tomatoes. The irresponsible part came about when I decided I'd just chuck the bulk of my surplus peppers in with the tomatoes. I'm going to tell you right now, I haven't tasted these. They're canned and marinating for now. If I eat them, I'll update you. Just know that if you make these and they suck or make your asshole fall out, don't come crying to me. This recipe will yield a bit over six QUARTS of pickled excitement.

Potentially Irresponsible
Hot Pickled Green Tomatoes
based on a recipe from Southern Living Little Jars, Big Flavors

Ingredients

• 5 pounds green tomatoes (cut medium ones into quarters, large into eights)
• 2 red onions, halved and sliced
• 2 pounds assorted banana peppers (sweet or hot, your choice) stemmed and sliced into 1/2" in rounds
• 2 pounds assorted hot peppers (I went batshit crazy and did a mix of cayenne, jalapeno and Thai bird), stemmed and sliced into 1/2" rounds
• 8 tsp canning and pickling salt, divided 
• 8 cups white vinegar (5% acidity)
• 4 cups water
• 1 cup sugar
• 2 tablespoons pickling spice
• 2 tablespoons mustard seeds
• garlic cloves
• bay leaves

Directions

1. Sterilize a half dozen quart jars. 
2. Get a huge bowl, (I'm not kidding. The biggest you can find).

   

   That's right. We used a punch bowl. 

   Throw all the veggies in there with 2 tablespoons (6 teaspoons of the salt). Toss all that to get the salt incorporated. Wait about half an hour then drain off all the water that built up in the bottom of the bowl. Toss the veggies again to make sure everything is evenly distributed. You don't want a jar of one tomato and the rest hot peppers (maybe you do. HILARIOUS!) Spill some. Make a mess. Swear a bunch and curse ever following my blog.
3. In a nonreactive pan, add vinegar, water, sugar and remaining salt. Bring to a boil until sugar and salt have dissolved. Lower the heat to low. Just keep the liquid hot.
4. In each quart jar add a bay leaf, a couple garlic cloves, a teaspoon of mustard seed and a teaspoon of pickling spice. Cram as much of the veggie mix into the jar as you can, keeping 1/2" headspace. Add hot liquid to jars until veggies are covered. Make sure to keep that 1/2" headspace.
5. Seal jars and process in a boiling water canner for 20 minutes (as always, double check with the National Center for Home Food Preservation to ensure you're not going to end up on the wrong side of a lawsuit)
6. Set jars on a cooling rack and hope you hear the thunking noise that lets you know the jars sealed. If they didn't you can either try reboiling them or put all the jars in the fridge for later use (don't be a dummy and put super hot jars into the fridge unless you're a big fan of replacing your shelves).

Good times!

Three Mustard Pepper Relish

     The weather this summer has absolutely sucked. It started off cold and raining for weeks. Then it was hot and raining. Then it was hot and humid. Weeds are rampant, Bugs are rampant. All our cucumbers died. The tomatoes are running late. Our peppers, however, are growing out of control. Once again I am inundated with banana peppers. I could always do my Sriracha Stuffed Banana Peppers but I'm pretty sure I still haven't eaten the ones I froze last season. I perused the interwebz and found a likely recipe at BetterRecipes. I liked the idea, but it used only yellow mustard. That's a pretty commanding flavor profile here. I like yellow mustard, but not enough to risk that much. I decided on a mix of three different types instead. The result was absolute dynamite. This would be great on a brat, Polish sausage, pork, chicken, just about anything. The Wife even put it on her eggs. My only complaint is it probably could use more peppers. You could probably add another half dozen peppers easy. If you like mustard, give it a try and see what you think. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Three Mustard Pepper Relish

Ingredients

• 3 dozen banana peppers
• 3 cups white vinegar
• 1/2 cup yellow mustard 
• 1/2 cup spicy brown mustard
• 1/2 cup Kentucky's Smokin' Grill Grand Spiced Honey Mustard (this really brings this recipe together. You could probably find another spicy honey mustard, but it's not going to be the same. This stuff is the bomb-diggety)
• 3 cups white sugar
• 3/4 cups water
• 3/4 cups flour
• 1 tablespoon dried minced onion
• 1 heaping teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 heaping teaspoon onion powder

Directions

1. Cut the stems off the peppers and discard (the stems, not the peppers) Finely chop the peppers into tiny little pieces. If you have a food processor, pulse the peppers in small batches. You're looking for pieces less than 1/8". 
2. Put the peppers, water and vinegar in a nonreactive pot. Bring to a boil. Reduce to simmer and let simmer for about 10 minutes.
3. Add sugar and stir until sugar is completely dissolved. 
4. Add remaining ingredients and turn the heat down a bit. You don't want the flour to overthicken (is that even a word? It is now. SCREW YOU, SPELLCHECK). Stir everything for a few minutes to make sure the flour is incorporated. If you have a whisk, use it.
5. If you are terrified of canning, stop here. You now have a quart  of relish that's only going to last about a month in the fridge. 
6. If you like canning, this will yield about 8 half pint jars. Seal them with a two-part lid. Process them in a boiling water canner for 12 minutes. If you decide on pint jars, process for 15 minutes. As always, double check with the National Center for Home Food Preservation for tips on how to not accidentally poison your loved ones.

Good times!

Ham and Pea Soup

     Peas are a bit of an oddity with The Wife. Normally, she'll pick the peas out of most anything she's eating and wouldn't eat them as a side dish. However, if I make ham and pea soup, she goes batshit crazy over it and will eat it with gusto. This particular recipe is super simple and can be pressure canned for later use. Just remember to consult The National Center for Home Food Preservation to make sure you don't accidentally poison anyone. As always, notes are in blue.

Ham and Pea Soup
adapted from Better Homes and Gardens Home Canning Cookbook

Ingredients (Yields 4 pints)

• 5 cups frozen green peas (you can use fresh if you'd like)
• 2 cups finely chopped ham 
• 3/4 cup celery
• 1 teaspoon salt (Use the full teaspoon if your ham isn't salty. We dropped it to 1/4 teaspoon since our ham was super salty)
• 1/2 teaspoon black pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon dried marjoram

Directions

1. Add 3-1/2 cups water, peas, ham, onion, celery and seasonings in a 4-6 quart pot. Bring to boil and reduce to simmer. Simmer, covered for about 20-30 minutes.
2. Blend until smooth (If you've got steady hands, you can do it in batches in a blender. We used our immersion blender since I'm likely to spill everywhere trying to transfer scalding hot soup)
3. If you plan on eating this right away, stop here. If you plan on canning this for later use, carry on:
   Heat soup back to the boil Ladle hod soup into hot jars, leaving 1/2 inch headspace. Secure lids and process in a pressure canner at 10 pounds pressure. 60 minutes for pints and 75 minutes for quarts. 
4. Before serving and pressure canned food, make sure to boil it at least 10 minutes before you try to eat it.
   Optional: If you're not a fan of thick soups, thin this out with 1/2 cup of milk per pint when you go to serve. 

Good times!

Ham & Bean Soup

     I think I may no longer be completely terrified of pressure canning. I've done it a half-dozen or so times and haven't caused any notable damage. I haven't poisoned anybody yet, which is a real surprise. It's a good thing I'm comfortable with it, because it was a great way to use up some of the HUGE surplus of ham from the holidays. For not having many ingredients, this soup was surprisingly tasty. I have no regrets canning a gallon of it. You can serve this up right after it's done, or pressure can it for long term storage. Just be careful if you do. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Ham and Bean Soup
via Better Homes and Gardens Home Canning Cook Book

Ingredients

• 2 pounds dry navy beans (about 4 cups)
• 1 meaty ham bone
• 1 cup chopped ham
• 1 cup chopped onion
• 12 whole black peppercorns
• 2 bay leaves

Directions

1. Rinse beans. Add to 4 quarts water. Bring to a boil; reduce heat to simmer. Simmer for 2 minutes. Remove from heat and cover for one hour. 
2. Add ham bone, ham, onion and one teaspoon salt (we omitted the salt because the ham we used was plenty salty on its own). Tie peppercorns and bay leaf in cheesecloth and add to mixture (or do like we did and load it into a tea ball and hang it in off the edge of the pot)

   

   Sometimes I'm so clever it hurts.

3. Simmer, covered for 1 hour.
4. After 1 hour, remove spice bag/ball and ham bone. Cut off meat and dice. Use about 1-1/2 cups meat. (Use more if you want. We didn't because the ham was so salty and it would have thrown off the flavor of the soup).
5. If you plan on serving the soup, you're done. If you want the soup a bit thinner, cut it with about 1 cup of water per quart of soup. From here on out these steps are for pressure canning the soup. 
6. Keep soup hot. Pack hot soup into hot jars, leaving 1 inch of headspace. Adjust lids. Process in a pressure canner at 10 pounds pressure. Process pints for 75 minutes, quarts for 90 minutes. This recipe will yield 4 quarts, but is easily halved. 
7. Before serving from a processed can: add 1-1/2 cups water to each quart of soup. Boil, uncovered at least 10 minutes before tasting or serving. As always, it's a good idea to consult the fine folks at the National Center for Home Food Preservation for detailed information on pressure canning. Check the site especially if you've never pressure canned before. Not only can you accidentally poison everyone if you screw up, you can also burn the shit out of yourself or explode your kitchen. Remember, we're trained professionals working in a controlled environment. 

Kosher Dill Pickles

     First off, let me make it clear that these pickles are not truly Kosher. Our house would never pass a Kosher certification. The six pound pork shoulder in the freezer pretty much locks that one up. We don't even grow the veggies right. According to Leviticus 19:19 and Deuteronomy 22:19, we screwed up since we grew our cucumbers in a field with a bunch of other seeds. So, semantics (or Semetics "I'll be here all week! Try the veal and tip your servers! Don't forget the 9:30 show is nothing like the 6:30 show; you can't bring your kids to the 9:30 show!") aside, these are just some tasty pickles to nosh on as you see fit. Eat them from the jar, use them in a potato salad, or slap them on a hot dog (WITHOUT KETCHUP. Please, I'm begging you, don't put ketchup on a hot dog). As always, notes and changes are in blue. 

Kosher Dill Pickles
via Better Homes and Gardens Home Canning Cook Book

Ingredients

• 2-1/4 pounds 4-inch cucumbers (we just used whatever cucumbers we had on hand. No clue as to type. If they weren't 4 inches, we just cut them down to make sure they'd fit in a pint jar)
• Fresh dill heads (LOL WUT? No clue as to what they're asking for. I, for one, refuse to decapitate an innocent dill. We used a teaspoon of dill weed in each pint jar)
• Garlic cloves
• Hot red peppers (we used whole dehydrated cayenne)
• Pickling salt
• 4 cups cider vinegar

Directions

1. Wash cucumbers. Pack them in hot quart jars, leaving 1/2-inch headspace (we derail almost immediately. One, we used pint jars. Two, we used full sized cucumbers, so we cut ours into spears, then shortened them as needed to get them in pint jars. We did, however, wash them. I think.)
2. To each quart, add 2 heads fresh dill, 1 clove garlic, 1 hot pepper and 1 tablespoon pickling salt
   (if you're doing it our way, you'll be adding to each pint, 1 teaspoon dill weed, 1 clove garlic, 1 dried cayenne and 1-1/2 teaspoons pickling salt)
3. In a medium saucepan, combine vinegar and 3 quarts of water. Bring to a boil.
4. Pour boiling liquid over cucumbers, leaving 1/2 inch headspace. Adjust lids.
5. Process in boiling water bath (20 minutes for quarts, 15 for pints)
6. Yields will depend on how committed you are to violently jamming cucumbers into the jars.
7. As always, if you're not familiar with canning, go to the National Center for Home Food Preservation to avoid poisoning anyone.

Good times!

Too Damned Easy Pickled Cabbage

     Ah, the humble cabbage. Really, there's not a whole lot I can say other than to head into a bunch of cabbage fart jokes. That's too obvious, so we'll get to it. Fermentation is all the rage right now and everybody is fermenting all sorts of things. Unfortunately, I don't follow current trends (as anybody who has seen my wardrobe or listened to my music can attest). I am also lazy and impatient. Fermenting takes time. If I want sauerkraut, I would have to put in the time. That's not happening. Instead, I made this pickled mixture. It's got a nice tang, some big flavor and a bit of a snap. There's room for interpretation, too. This stuff makes a great side dish, or cut up some smoked sausage and mix it in for a gastric bludgeon! By no means do you actually have to boil can this stuff. If you plan on eating it right away, skip steps 4 and 5 and serve it up. I think the extra time gives it some extra flavor. Plus, I like looking at the cans. As always, notes are in blue.

Too Damned Easy
Pickled Cabbage

Ingredients

• 2 medium heads cabbage, cut into 1/2-inch wide ribbons
• 6 banana peppers, sliced into 1/2-inch wide rings (if you want to add a bit of spice, use Hungarian Wax peppers instead)
• 1 medium white onion, quartered and sliced
• 12 peppercorns
• 1 tablespoon fennel seeds
• 1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
• 2 cups cider vinegar (make sure it has 5% acidity)
• 2 cups water

Directions

1. Toss cabbage, peppers and onion in a large bowl. Make sure everything is evenly distributed.
2. In a large, non-reactive pot, combine vinegar, water, peppercorns, red pepper flakes and fennel seeds. Heat to a boil.

   

   We've discussed the issue with non-reactive pots. 

3. Add the vegetables and stir for 3-5 minutes (you want everything mixed in the vinegar. You don't want to overcook the veggies though. They should still have some snap when you can them).
4. With a slotted spoon, load vegetables into quart jars. Top with the hot liquid, leaving 1/4 inch head space (make sure to load the peppercorns, pepper flakes and fennel seeds in there, too. Nothing is wasted here).
5. Seal jars with a canning lid and ring and process in a boiling water bath for 15 minutes. As always, refer to the National Center for Home Food Preservation to see how to not accidentally kill anyone. Properly sealed jars should be good for around a year (don't quote me on that. If you make yourself sick, we never met). 

Good times!

Spiked Apples

     We rustic types love to preserve our own food. Fortunately for us, our in-laws both have access to apple trees. Each year, they bring us somewhere around eighty pounds of apples over the course of the season. One of our favorite ways to process them is to can them in syrup and booze. The original formula came out of the Better Homes and Gardens Home Canning Cookbook. We found it was great fun to use bourbon or other liquor in place of some of the liquid in these recipes. If you don't want to use booze, just swap water back in. Depending on the booze, the flavor will change dramatically. With regular bourbon, the apples are sweet and mellow. When I use an herbal liquor like Elisir M.P. Roux, the herbals really come through in the apples. No matter how you make them, they're great. We use them in cakes, on pancakes, over vanilla ice cream or just straight out of the jar! Since this recipe does involve boiling water canning, as always, please refer to the National Center for Home Food Preservation for tips on how to prevent giving everyone the green apple splatters. As always, any notes or changes are in blue.

Spiked Apples

Ingredients

• 3 pounds of apples for each quart you intend to make
• 3 cups sugar
• 3 cups water
• 1 cup booze (pick your favorite. I use Jim Beam for my bourbon apples and Elisir M.P. Roux for my herbal elixir apples. I imagine cinnamon or honey whiskey would be outstanding, too).
• 6-8 whole cloves per quart

Directions

1. Prepare a boiling water canner. Load your empty jars in while the water is boiling so they will be hot and clean when you go to use them.
2. Wash, peel and core the apples. (Cut the apples however you want. I use small apples which I cut into wedges) Load them in a bowl with some color keeper so they don't brown.
3. In a large pot, add liquid and sugar. Stir over medium heat until sugar dissolves. Bring syrup to boil.
4. Add apples to syrup and boil for 5 minutes.
5. Lower heat on the apples to a simmer and load the hot apples into the jars (yes, take the jars out of the canner and empty the water first, you goof. If I find out anybody was trying to fill the jars while they were still in the canner, I'm going to be very upset). Add the cloves to the jar. Cover with hot syrup, leaving about 1/2 inch of headspace. Secure with a clean lid and ring. Load into the canner. 
6. Process for 20 minutes (20 minutes is fine for either pints or quarts). 
7. Remove jars to a wire rack with about 1" between them. Wait a while until you hear the satisfying thunk of the jar sealing. If you don't hear it after a few hours, you can either run it through another water bath and try again or just put them in the fridge for immediate devouring.

Good times!

Tomato and Roasted Pepper Chutney

     Over the summer, chutneys became one of our go-to ways to process surplus veggies. If you were following us this summer, you'll know we were absolutely laden down with bell peppers and tomatoes. Whenever we have crazy amounts of produce to use, we usually end up consulting Preserve It! This book has a few wonderful chutney recipes. Fair warning, making chutney does qualify as a PITA (Pain In The Ass). It's time consuming and requires a fair amount of attention. The result is totally worth it, though. This stuff is great on crackers with cream cheese or brie. It's also good on bagels. If you do decide to process this for long term storage, I once again recommend consulting the National Center for Home Food Preparation for information on how not to accidentally make someone's anus fall out. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Tomato and Roasted Pepper Chutney
via Preserve It!

Ingredients

• 1 red bell pepper
• 1 orange bell pepper (no orange peppers on hand. We just used another red pepper)
• 1 yellow bell pepper
• 3 lb. ripe tomatoes, plunged into boiling water for 1 minute and then peeled
• 2 onions, coarsely chopped
• 2-1/4 cups granulated sugar
• 2 cups white wine vinegar

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 400F. Place the peppers on a baking sheet and cook for about 25-30 minutes, until they begin to char slightly. Remove from the oven, put in a plastic bag and leave to cool.
2. Remove the pepper stems, skins and seeds (we core, stem, seed and slice the peppers before actually cooking them. It just seems more logical. Also, peeling the peppers has never failed to be a total Pain In The Ass). Coarsely chop the tomatoes. Transfer the peeled tomatoes, roasted peppers and onions to a food processor; pulse briefly until chopped but not mushy.
3. Transfer the mixture to a preserving pan (couldn't even tell you what that is)  or a large, heavy-bottomed, stainless steel saucepan (I do have one of those!) with the sugar and vinegar. Cook over low heat, stirring continuously, until the sugar has dissolved. Bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer and cook for about 1 to 1-1/2 hours, stirring occasionally, until it starts to thicken and turn sticky (try to read that last bit again without snickering). You may need to increase the heat a little toward the end of cooking, but stir continuously so the chutney doesn't stick to the bottom of the pan. 
4. Ladle into warm, sterilized, half-pint jars, leaving about 1/4" head space, and making sure there are no air gaps. Cover and seal with a two part lid. Process in a boiling water bath for 12 minutes (If you want to do pint jars, boil for 15-16 minutes. You can thank me now for changing this step from the cookbook. The book says to process in the water bath, THEN put on the lids. I assure you, that won't work unless you're some sort of sorcerer). Store in a cool, dark place. Allow the flavors to mature for 1 month. Refrigerate after opening.  

Good times!

Corn Relish

     I've loved corn relish ever since I was little. It was on a salad bar in a rib joint. It was thick, almost like a chutney. This recipe is not. I guess I wasted your time with that little bit of nostalgia. This version is not thick, probably due to the fact that it doesn't use a ton of sugar or cook for very long. I suppose if you let it cook for a lot longer. It is, however, delicious. It is just the right combination of sweet and tangy. Plus it looks great. You can toy with the ingredients, shifting different kinds of peppers in and out. The last batch we made added a couple of chopped jalapenos. Fair warning, this stuff stains the crap out of anything it touches. If you're a sloppy eater, I hope you're a fan of little yellow spots on your clothes.

Corn Relish

Ingredients

• 2 quarts sweet corn kernels 
• 4 cups chopped cabbage 
• 1 cup chopped onion 
• 1 cup chopped green bell pepper (sometimes we'll use yellow pepper in place of green)
• 1 cup chopped red bell pepper 
• 1 cup white sugar 
• 2 tablespoons ground dry mustard 
• 1 tablespoon celery seed 
• 1 tablespoon mustard seed 
• 1 tablespoon salt 
• 1 tablespoon ground turmeric 
• 1 quart apple cider vinegar 
• 1 cup water

Directions

1. In a large saucepan, mix corn, cabbage, onion, green bell pepper, red bell pepper, white sugar, ground dry mustard, celery seed, mustard seed, salt, turmeric, apple cider vinegar and water. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer 20 minutes. 
2. Transfer the mixture to sterile containers. Seal and process in boiling water bath. Process 25 minutes for quart jars. As always, refer to the National Center for Home Food Preservation for tips on how to not accidentally poison yourself or loved ones.

Good times!

Tomato and Hot Pepper Jam

     We are currently experiencing a glut of tomatoes. That's fine, because it's one of our favorite things to can. In the past we've canned sauce, chili tomatoes, chutney and preserves from tomatoes. This time we decided to try our hand at jam! We pulled this recipe from Preserve It! The jam came out a touch savory; the heat from the cayenne and the Italian herbs gave it a nice flavor. You could certainly omit the peppers (if you're ok with being lame) and mess around with the herb choice and come up with a flavor that suits you. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Tomato and Hot Pepper Jam
via Preserve It!

Ingredients

• 1-1/8 lb tomatoes, plunged into boiling water for 1 minute and then peeled and coarsely chopped
• 1 teaspoon crushed red chile pepper (we took 4 fresh cayenne peppers and pasted them in the food processor)
• 1 teaspoon dried mixed herbs (we went with an Italian seasoning blend)
• Juice of 1 lemon
• Pinch of salt
• 1-1/4 cup granulated sugar

Directions

1. Add all the ingredients except the sugar to a preserving pan or a large heavy bottomed sauce pan (I just used a stainless steel pot). Bring to a boil and simmer gently for about 8 minutes or until the tomatoes break down and soften (it almost sounds like an interrogation)
2. Add all the sugar and heat gently, stirring until the sugar has dissolved. Turn up the heat and bring to a boil. When jam reaches a rolling boil, cook for 10-15 minutes or until it starts to thicken and become glossy and reaches the setting point. Stir occasionally to keep the jam from sticking or burning (if you haven't done this before, leaving this on the boil for this long will give you an anxiety attack. Just stir it regularly, it won't boil over). Remove the pan from the heat while you test for a set. 
3. Ladle the jam into warm sterilized mason jars, leaving 1/4" headspace (this recipe yielded a bit over a half pint. Too much for a half pint jar, not enough for a full pint. We canned a half pint and put the rest in a container in the fridge for immediate use). If you are canning for long term storage, seal the canning jar and process in a boiling water bath for 5 minutes (again, if you're unfamiliar with this process, check with the National Center for Home Food Preservation for more information)

Good times!

BBQ Jalapeno Peppers and Onions

     Every year, the garden produces jalapeno and banana peppers faster than I can use them. Desperate times called for desperate measures. I turned to Allrecipes.  After digging around, I found one of my favorite recipes for working through surplus peppers. I've tweaked the recipe to add in more of my produce. This recipe makes a LOT of extra sauce, so don't be shy about loading in extra peppers and onions. Even if you do have extra sauce, it's vinegar based, so it will can well.

     I'm not joking when I tell you that this sauce is the bomb-diggety. True story, I gave a pint to a co-worker because he liked it so much. Somehow, it fell out of his mailbox in the workroom and shattered. He came to me literally on the verge of tears. I brought him a quart the next day. He cradled it in his arms and smiled tenderly at it. I'm fairly sure he showed more affection for that quart of sauce than his own kids. Either way, this sauce is beyond good and will bring any meat to another level entirely. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

BBQ Peppers and Onions
via Allrecipes

Ingredients

• 2 cups corn oil 
• 2 cups cider vinegar 
• 2 cups white sugar 
• 4 cups ketchup 
• 1 pound fresh jalapeno peppers, sliced into rings 
• 1 pinch dried oregano (in this case, a pinch is a teaspoon)
• 1 clove garlic, minced 
• 1 pound fresh Banana Peppers, sliced into rings
• At least 1 large Yellow Onion, sliced

Directions

1. In a large pot, stir together the corn oil, cider vinegar, sugar, and ketchup until sugar has dissolved completely. 
2. Bring to a boil, then add the jalapeno peppers (any other peppers and onion go in at this step, too). Reduce heat to low, and simmer for 10 minutes. Season with oregano and garlic. 
3. Ladle into sterile pint jars, leaving 1/4 inch of space at the top. Wipe rims with a clean dry towel. Seal with lids and rings. Process in a hot water bath for 10 minutes to seal (I can't say I agree with the time of the water bath here, especially not for a full pint. As a rule of thumb, I do 12 minutes for a half pint, 15 for a full pint. I've done it my way for three years and haven't killed anybody yet)
4. Refrigerate any unsealed jars.

Good times!

Yellow Squash and Tomato Chutney

     At the end of last summer, we found ourselves with an alarming surplus of produce. We had more squash and tomatoes than we knew what to do with. Fortunately, we have learned the benefits of canning our own food. This weekend, it was nice to pop open a jar of food we canned last year and enjoy the tastes of last summer. One of our favorite things to can has become chutney. It's versatile and delicious. The Yellow Squash and Tomato Chutney recipe I'm sharing today comes from PreserveIt! from DK Publishing.
     I'm not going to give all the details for canning. It would take forever. However, go to the National Center for Home Food Preservation for full details on how to safely can food. PreserveIt! also has lots of good information on safely processing food for canning. Please take the time to read up and familiarize yourself with the procedures involved in canning. Safety first. Always remember, if you poison yourself by preserving the food incorrectly, I had nothing to do with it.
As always, notes and substitutions are in blue. 

Yellow Squash and Tomato Chutney
via PreserveIt!

Ingredients

• 1 lb. summer squash, trimmed and diced
• 1/2 lb. onions, coarsely chopped (we used sweet onions, figuring it would be a nice complement to the overall flavor)
• 3/4 lb. ripe tomatoes, coarsely chopped
• 1-3/4 cups granulated sugar
• 1-1/4 cup white wine vinegar
• 1 garlic clove, peeled and finely chopped
• 1/2 inch piece of fresh ginger, peeled and finely chopped (I have no recollection of using ginger in this, but if I did, it wasn't fresh. I never have fresh ginger on hand. It would have been a comparable amount of ground ginger, or a piece of candied ginger. Maybe I'll consider making this sober next time.)
• 1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper
• Good pinch of sweet paprika (what qualifies as a good pinch? Maybe it's regional. I probably used a bit less than a 1/4 teaspoon)
• Good pinch of ground white pepper (again with the good pinch! Can I do a bad pinch? Is that where I spill it all over the place trying to get it out of the jar with my fingers?)
• 1/2 teaspoon sea salt 

Directions

1. Put all the ingredients in a preserving pan or large, heavy-bottomed, stainless-steel saucepan
2. Bring slowly to a boil, stirring to dissolve the sugar. Reduce the heat and simmer for 2-1/2 hours or until a wooden spoon drawn across the base of the pan leaves a trail. Stir frequently toward the end so the chutney doesn't burn (or you could be OCD like me and stir every 15 minutes or so). If necessary, turn up the heat toward the end of cooking and boil rapidly until thick and glossy (every time I've made chutney I've had to do this. It always takes me longer than the stated time to get the desired results. I think on average, my total cooking time on this is closer to 3 hours. As always, start with the original recipe suggestion, then go from there). 
3. Pack the chutney into warm, sterilized mason jars (use half-pint or pint jars, a quart jar of chutney is going to take forever to process in a boiling water bath). Leave 1/4 inch headspace (if you've never canned, headspace is referring to the space between the top of the food in the jar and the rim of the jar. If you over fill, the jar can pop the lid or burst when you process it), make sure there are no air gaps in the ingredients (just poke around in the jar with a chopstick or butter knife to work out the air bubbles). 
4. Seal with a two-part top and process in a boiling water bath for 10 minutes (for half-pint jars. Do closer to 12-13 for pints. Then comes the best part, you take the jars out and put them on a towel. When you hear a loud, metallic "thunk!" the jars have sealed. We love that sound.)
5. Store in a cool, dark place. Allow to sit for one month before opening. Refrigerate after opening.

Good times!

On Sowing and Hoeing

     Spring has sprung and it's time to start up the garden again. When we first moved, we started with a smallish patch of garden and grew a few veggies for fun. Each year the garden got a little bigger and encroached further into sections of the lawn. That's fine. Less to mow. Regardless, we found that despite the tremendous amount of work in maintaining a garden, we really enjoyed it. If you have any space at all, a garden is extremely rewarding.  Since we live in central Illinois we don't even have to guess when it's time to get started. I just watch the farmers. Last weekend I saw that the tractors were out tilling and fertilizing. We did the same. So what are some of the benefits of gardening?

Getting Your Lazy Butt Out of the House

This is a big one for me. Left to my own devices in the summer, it's likely I would spend all my time sitting on the patio smoking cigars and drinking whiskey. 

Me (on left) enjoying a smoke with a couple guys from the neighborhood.

Maintaining a garden requires a fair amount of energy on the part of the gardener. Breaking sod, tilling new soil, pulling weeds, clearing debris, putting in fencing and plant supports can be exhausting. Plus, once summer gets into full swing you'll be watering, cutting, weeding, harvesting, replanting and who knows what else all under heat and sun. You will burn calories. You will be tired. You will not regret it.

It's Mentally Rewarding
There's nothing like the sense of accomplishment you get when you see the garden start producing. Especially if you grew the plants from seed. I feel like a Pioneer. I have tilled the soil and sown the seeds and brought food up from the ground! Plus there's the good feeling of knowing that if the economy ever collapses, you'll at least have a big rack of canned foods to eat.

You Get Fresh Food
This is why we have the garden. We want the food. We want to need vegetables for our recipes and be able to just walk outside and get them. We want to turn all that produce into jellies, pickles, sauces and all sorts of wonderful canned goods. 

     Granted, it's not all flowers and sunshine. Literally. Gardening is not without its downside. I would be doing you a disservice to not delve into the seedier side of gardening. (TWO puns in the same paragraph, now that's bounty!)

You're Probably Going To Hurt Yourself

There are a number of amusing ways to injure yourself while gardening. 

• Back Injuries
  You're going to be bending, reaching, pushing and pulling all sorts of things. It's only a matter of time before you reach the wrong way and you spend the next week popping Flexerils. 
• Burns
  There is always the threat of a nice sunburn, but let's not overlook the possibility of chemical burns if you're growing super-hot peppers! The wife can attest to skin irritation from simply planting the seeds.
• Assorted Punctures, Incisions and Lacerations
  You will be dealing with many different gardening tools, all of which have the capacity to cause grievous bodily injuries if mishandled. I live in constant fear that I'm going to accidentally get my foot sucked into the tiller. Also, don't forget many plants have exciting prickers to rake across your hands and arms as you reach! Such fun!

Nature Is Unpredictable

 If you get a season of solid weather, your garden is going to blow up and you're going to be looking for people to unload surplus produce on.  Last year we had very little rain. This year looks to be a lot of rain. Provided we can get past the two potential frosts this week. High winds and heavy rains can knock down your plants and kill seedlings. It got so hot one day our cilantro all turned brown and died.

Actual photo of my cilantro last summer.

Sometimes, Nothing Works

You have to accept that sometimes, you'll fail.  No matter how much you try to do everything right, no matter how good the weather and soil is, stuff won't grow. For the last two years, despite our best efforts, we have been unable to grow cucumbers. We'll get a couple little malformed ones, but that's it. We have tried different spots, different seeds. Nothing works. 

     So what have we learned from all this? Gardening can be hard. It can be expensive. It can also be very rewarding. You just need to learn to take the good with the bad. Much like with the Chicago Cubs, there's always Next Season.

Good times!

Recipe: Pistachio-Basil Pesto (via Rachael Ray)

     You can never go wrong with pesto. It goes with just about anything. I've used it with pasta, chicken, fish and beef. It's just incredibly versatile. I found this particular recipe in my good friend Rachael Ray's magazine. I was drawn to it because it used pistachios instead of pine nuts. I don't normally keep pine nuts in the house. I do, however, keep pistachios by the pound. We also had a huge supply of basil from the garden, so we made a lot of this.
     We did find that this is cannable! We doubled the amount of lemon juice when making the recipe for canning. We then loaded it to about 1/4" shy of the top in a half-pint jar. Process in a boiling water canner for about 15 minutes. We haven't gotten sick from it yet, even using pesto that was about a year old! Granted, if you can it and manage to get sick, obviously I never recommended canning in the first place and you probably did something wrong, so I can't be held responsible.

Pistachio-Basil Pesto
(via Rachael Ray)

Ingredients 

• 2 garlic cloves 
• ½ cup shelled pistachios 
• 2 cups loosely packed basil 
• 1 tablespoon lemon juice 
• ½ teaspoon salt 
• 1/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil 
• ¼ cup Parmigiano/Romano cheese 

Directions

1. Pulse garlic in food processor until chopped 
2. Add pistachios, basil, lemon juice and salt. Pulse until nuts are finely chopped 
3. Add olive oil gradually through food chute and process until well combined 
4. Add cheese and pulse 2 or 3 times 

Makes about 1 cup.
Per tablespoon: 70 calories, 7g fat

Good times!

So You Want To Try Canning?

     From what I've seen, canning has seen a big resurgence of popularity lately. Why is this? What's the draw  of canning your own food? It's a ton of work and there is a very real possibility of injuring or poisoning yourself if you don't do it right. Honestly, I have no idea. I don't even know if there's a resurgence. I just enjoy using that word. Resurgence. Feels good. Give it a try. Resurgence.  Sorry. So, the draw of canning? Well, it's certainly popular among the Doomsday (November Election) Preppers. It's also popular among us practical rustic folk.

     At its core, canning is just a great way to sock away surplus produce without just letting it go off, or Heaven forbid, leaving it in a plastic bag on the table in the break room. I hate doing that. It feels like I'm just throwing it away. When people do that where I work I just take all of it. I don't even check if anyone wanted any. It's gone. I take it home and can it.  And how does one can, you may ask? You have two options for canning:

Option 1: Pressure Canning
     This basically is loading your product in a jar and putting it in a boiling water bath, sealing the lid, and subjecting it to around 10 pound of pressure or so for some time. The jars will reach a temperature that should kill everything bad in them. Except when they don't. Or the jars explode. Or the canner explodes.

Sauce is done!

   In the end, I'm basically too big a wuss to try to pressure can, even though I own a pressure canner. I just use it for Option 2.

Option 2: Boiling Water Bath Canning
     This is very much like pressure canning, but without the pressure. You are boiling sealed jars of product to kill off bad stuff. Unfortunately, you don't hit the temperatures you need to kill everything.  If the food is naturally acidic (like apples) the acid will take care of the rest. Not everything (like cucumbers) is acidic so you have to pack the foods in something acidic, like vinegar. You make pickles by boil canning. Tomatoes on their own are not acidic enough, so I add lemon juice. I'm not going to bury you with specifics, there are plenty of resources on the internet to help you out. If you only go to one, go to The National Center for Home Food Preparation.

     Are there downsides to canning? Yes. For one, it's a total pain in the ass. It's messy and time consuming. Sometimes jars break. Lids pop off during the canning. Jars don't seal. Jellies don't set. You burn the hell out of yourself with steam and boiling water. Visitors look at each other uncomfortably when they see you have a commercial sized wire rack shelf full of cans for a household of two people.

      Regardless of all that, the wife and I love canning. It's just nice to open a can of summer-time food in the middle of winter. Peppers, jellies, tomatoes, chutneys, relishes, we have all sorts of good stuff waiting for us. And in the case of a zombie apocalypse, we are totally prepared to hunker down and live on the supplies for months!

The fruits (and vegetables) of our labor.

The Subsistence Garden

     I'm going to venture out of the kitchen (sort of) today to talk about subsistence gardening. What is subsistence gardening? Well, Merriam-Webster defines "subsistence farming" as: "farming or a system of farming that provides all or almost all the goods required by the farm family usually without any significant surplus for sale." So a subsistence garden is the same thing, on a much smaller scale. Basically, we have a garden that will produce crops for our own consumption. In the event of surplus, we can trade it, sell it, or just give it away.

It's very similar to this, but less intensely aggravating to your friends.

     Why do it? Produce is expensive. Plus, there's something really satisfying about growing a garden from scratch and reaping it's benefits. There's a really nice feeling you get when you decide you want a salad, and simply go out to the garden and get it. Maybe it's psychological, but produce you grow yourself seems to taste better. Granted, that might be due to the lack of horrifying pesticides or other sundry chemicals. 

     Each year, our garden gets a bit larger. This is nice because it means less lawn to mow. It also meant that we had about 50 assorted pepper plants, 50 assorted tomato plants, 8 zucchini, 8 squash, 16 eggplant, 6 green bean, 6 cucumber, some kohlrabi, cabbage, lettuces, chives, and green onions. Next year we'll expand a little more and maybe put in some corn. As the economy gets worse and worse, it is just more economical to grow it ourselves. 

     However, subsistence gardening can be labor intensive. Prepping the garden and getting the seedlings ready for planting is a lot of work. Keeping weeds out of the garden is a constant fight (made much easier by the wife putting down black landscape sheeting first). A few select bugs can decimate zucchini and squash. Rabbits love the garden, which is why we always plant a section of sacrificial cabbage and lettuce.  Then there's the work of harvesting and processing. You can't always eat EVERYTHING you harvest immediately. 

Which leads to this.

     I'm not going to go into the specifics of gardening. There are plenty of resources out there in print and on the internet that you can find and use. I will just break things down into a few pros and cons:

PROS:

• Fresh produce
• Satisfaction of raising aforementioned produce
• Less lawn to mow
• Toads! I'm pretty sure they're good luck
• Somewhere to put all your garden gnomes
• Loads of stuff to jam into cans and sock away for the Barackalypse or Romneygeddon

CONS:

• Potentially backbreaking labor
• Bugs could eat everything
• Animals could eat everything
• Neighbors could eat everything
• Might not rain
• Stuff might die for no good reason