Pickle Dip

 Some time ago I happened on a wondrous product at our Sam's Club. It was a Taste of the South Fried Pickle and Ranch Dip. It was delicious and reasonably priced. However, our Sam's is almost 30 minutes away. It wasn't always practical to pick it up. I decided to replicate the recipe. I'll be damned if I didn't come really close. This is an excellent dip for veggies or chips, or as a filler for those cute little spiral roll ups. You could just be a savage and spoon it straight into your gob. Nobody will know. Fair warning, much like the original, the pickles cause the dip to break down and get watery after a day or two. Just stir it a few times and you're back in business. Try it. It's killing you not to. 

I'd like it pointed out I did not make any "pickle dip" jokes in this post. I'm growing as a person. I guess if you want a pickle dip joke you'll have to insert it yourself. DAMMIT I WAS SO CLOSE.

Pickle Dip

Ingredients

• 1 pint jar of pickles. 
• 1 lb container sour cream
• 4 ounces cream cheese (we used neufchatel), softened
• 1/4 cup Ranch dressing
• 1/4 cup Italian style bread crumbs
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 teaspoon onion powder
• 1/8 teaspoon turmeric
• 1/2 teaspoon dill weed

Directions

1. Take the pickles from the jar and chop them as finely as you can. Reserve the pickle juice from the jar, you may need it later.
2. In a large bowl, add all the ingredients (except the reserved pickle juice) and whisk the living shit out of it until everything is incorporated.

   

   If I didn't have a whisk, I'd be in a real "pickle."
   Sorry.

3. Give it a taste, if it's not pickly enough for you, (picklishious? pickletastic?) add a couple splashes of pickle juice. Don't get crazy or the dip will get thin.

Good times!

Homebound Day #4: Shelter In Place

So as we enter into day 4 of homebound, we get the notice. The Governor will be ordering to "shelter in place" until further notice. Pretty much you can leave for food, medicine, or doctor visits. Other than that, don't go anywhere if you don't have to. We actually did have to go out, as our dog has Addison's and needs regular injections of a steroid or his kidneys eventually fail and he dies. Other than that, he's the picture of health. He's had Addison's for about 10 years

Look at that face. He's worth it.

We went into town, took care of it, then headed back home. Many places were empty, but the Sam's Club was absolutely jam-packed.

Breakfast was once again a simple affair of toast with butter and Vegemite and a fried egg. The Spud had a toaster strudel. We skipped lunch as we were getting ready to head out for the dog appointment. The daughter had another tray of lunchmeat, fruit and yogurt with a cookie. The Wife had to make a trip to her school for some supplies. While I waited, I got peckish and had a snack:

Sardines in mustard sauce and Ritz crackers. Don't judge me.

The Wife returned home and we had a pretty nice dinner. Corn on the cob, dill bread, pickled dilly beans, and a smoked chicken that one of my student's parents gave me as a gift for rehabilitating his son. This dad does BBQ competitions, so this chicken was crazy good. For dessert, we polished off the rest of the pineapple cake.

Who said teaching is without reward?

There was plenty of chicken left, so I stripped the carcass and stored the meat, and then did what any survivalist would do during the apocalypse: I boiled the carcass to make stock, which I will freeze for later use. 

Celery seed, onion salt, pepper were added.
Bear Grylls can bite me.

So now we head into the weekend and a serious lockdown. I'm looking to download Tabletop Simulator and finding some people willing to do the same, so I can play games with people. I'm also looking at setting up an RPG group to play online.

Stay safe!

Pickled Dilled Beans

     First, let me say that I'm not responsible for naming this recipe. Talk to the author of the cookbook. "Pickled Dilled Beans" sounds cumbersome and kind of dumb. Why not just go with "Dill Pickle Beans?" The other way just sounds tortured. If you want a goofy sounding name, how about "Beans, Dilled and Pickled?" Ok, I'm just babbling now. I'd love to tell you how these taste. I have no idea; we just canned them and put them up on the rack. They look very nice. We did a half batch, which is what you see in the directions. You want more, you need to brush up on your multiplication table. Since this is a canning recipe, I once again beg of you to defer to the fine folks at the National Center for Home Food Preservation for tips on how not to give everyone the squirts. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Pickled Dilled Beans
via Southern Living Little Jars, Big Flavors

Ingredients

• 1-1/2 pounds fresh green or yellow beans
• 3 cups white vinegar (5% acidity)
• 1/3 cup canning/pickling salt
• 3/4 teaspoon dried crushed red pepper
• 12 fresh dill sprigs (didn't have these in the house. We went with 3 teaspoons dried dill weed)
• 3 garlic cloves, peeled

Directions

1. Sterilize 3 pint jars 
2. Wash beans, trim stem ends and cut into 4-inch lengths (if your beans were less than 4 inches to start, I guess you'll have to tape them together or something). 
3. Combine vinegar, salt, red pepper and 1 cup water in a stainless steel saucepan (don't put in the dill yet! You're doing that next). Bring to a boil. 
4. Place 1 clove of garlic and 2 dill sprigs (or 1 teaspoon dill weed) in each of the hot, sterilized pint jars. Pack whole beans tightly in jars (this is where The Wife's freaky little hands come in "handy." She can really get in there and load in those beans). Cover with hot pickling liquid, leaving 1/2-inch headspace. 
5. Seal and process jars in a boiling water canner for 5 minutes.
6. Remove jars from the water and let stand, undisturbed, at room temperature for 24 hours (We totally disturbed our jars. We stood right there and told them at length about the state of the economy). Eventually, you should hear a telltale "thunk" noise when the lid locks down. If it doesn't, you can either reprocess them or just put them in the fridge after they've cooled and eat them. Sealed and stored properly, they should last up to a year. Refrigerate after opening.

Good times!

Rustic Round Herb Bread

     I've got another bread recipe for you today, and you shouldn't be surprised at all when I tell you it came from Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals. Eventually I'm going to go through all the baking recipes and I'll be screwed. I'll have to start looking elsewhere for new and exciting breads to make on Sundays. This particular bread was a lot less time intensive since there is no rising to be done. As always any notes or changes are in blue.

Rustic Round Herb Bread
via Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals

Ingredients

•  2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 cup (4 ounces) shredded reduced-fat cheddar cheese (there's nothing really holding you back from picking a different cheese. I imagine Swiss would give a nice mellow taste.)
• 1 tablespoon sugar
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon rubbed sage
• 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
• 1/2 teaspoon dill weed
• 3 tablespoons cold butter
• 1 egg
• 1/2 cup fat-free plain yogurt
• 1/2 cup fat-free milk (as always, I just used 2%)
• 1/2 teaspoon poppy seeds (this is something I never have in the house. So little of what I cook actually calls for it, I never am willing to shell out the dough for a jar. I did, however have a jar of sesame seeds, so I substituted a little more than 1/2 teaspoon of those instead.)

Directions

1. In a large bowl, combine the first nine ingredients; mix well. Cut in butter until mixture resembles fine crumbs (nope, still haven't bought a pastry blender. Once again I went at it with a couple of butter knives.)
2. In another bowl, whisk the egg, yogurt and milk. Stir into dry ingredients until just moistened (what they neglect to tell you is that the dough will be insanely sticky. You're going to need a scraper to get it all out of the bowl for the next step.)
3. Spoon into a 9" round backing pan coated with nonstick cooking spray (only coat the inside. Coating the outside would be wasteful and foolish.) Sprinkle with poppy seeds (or whatever has been substituted for poppy seeds. Or don't sprinkle anything over the top if you don't want. You're not going to hurt my feelings.)
4. Bake at 400F for 20-25 minutes or until golden brown (mine took 30.) Cool in pan on a wire rack. Cut into wedges.

Good times!