Pickled Dilled Beans

     First, let me say that I'm not responsible for naming this recipe. Talk to the author of the cookbook. "Pickled Dilled Beans" sounds cumbersome and kind of dumb. Why not just go with "Dill Pickle Beans?" The other way just sounds tortured. If you want a goofy sounding name, how about "Beans, Dilled and Pickled?" Ok, I'm just babbling now. I'd love to tell you how these taste. I have no idea; we just canned them and put them up on the rack. They look very nice. We did a half batch, which is what you see in the directions. You want more, you need to brush up on your multiplication table. Since this is a canning recipe, I once again beg of you to defer to the fine folks at the National Center for Home Food Preservation for tips on how not to give everyone the squirts. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Pickled Dilled Beans
via Southern Living Little Jars, Big Flavors

Ingredients

• 1-1/2 pounds fresh green or yellow beans
• 3 cups white vinegar (5% acidity)
• 1/3 cup canning/pickling salt
• 3/4 teaspoon dried crushed red pepper
• 12 fresh dill sprigs (didn't have these in the house. We went with 3 teaspoons dried dill weed)
• 3 garlic cloves, peeled

Directions

1. Sterilize 3 pint jars 
2. Wash beans, trim stem ends and cut into 4-inch lengths (if your beans were less than 4 inches to start, I guess you'll have to tape them together or something). 
3. Combine vinegar, salt, red pepper and 1 cup water in a stainless steel saucepan (don't put in the dill yet! You're doing that next). Bring to a boil. 
4. Place 1 clove of garlic and 2 dill sprigs (or 1 teaspoon dill weed) in each of the hot, sterilized pint jars. Pack whole beans tightly in jars (this is where The Wife's freaky little hands come in "handy." She can really get in there and load in those beans). Cover with hot pickling liquid, leaving 1/2-inch headspace. 
5. Seal and process jars in a boiling water canner for 5 minutes.
6. Remove jars from the water and let stand, undisturbed, at room temperature for 24 hours (We totally disturbed our jars. We stood right there and told them at length about the state of the economy). Eventually, you should hear a telltale "thunk" noise when the lid locks down. If it doesn't, you can either reprocess them or just put them in the fridge after they've cooled and eat them. Sealed and stored properly, they should last up to a year. Refrigerate after opening.

Good times!

Turkey, White Bean and Kale Soup

     One of the big problems after Thanksgiving is figuring out what to do with the leftover turkey. There's only so many turkey sandwiches you can eat. One of the first things I do with the turkey is strip all the meat and then boil the carcass. This leaves me with an extremely rich stock for later use. I wound up using it for this recipe. It's sort of a riff on Tuscan White Bean Soup. I was fairly pleased with the outcome. If you like extra heat, it benefits greatly from a shot or two of Frank's hot sauce. Obviously, you could easily substitute chicken and chicken stock if you don't have turkey on hand.

Turkey, White Bean and Kale Soup

Ingredients

• 1 quart turkey stock
• 1-1/2 cup chopped cooked turkey
• 1 can (15.5 ounce) great northern beans, drained and rinsed
• 4 cups kale, spines removed, chopped
• 1 medium red onion, chopped
• 2 stalks celery, chopped
• 1 clove garlic, chopped
• 1 tablespoon fresh basil, chopped
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes
• 1/2 cup heavy cream
• 1 cup orzo
• 1 tablespoon Ukrainian Village seasoning (from the Spice House) 

Directions

1. In a large pot, add stock, turkey, beans and seasoning. Bring to a simmer.
2. Heat oil in a saucepan, add onion, celery, basil and garlic. Sautee 3-5 minutes or until onions are tender. Add kale, sautee 2 more minutes (the color of the kale will brighten during cooking.  When you see that, you know it's ready).

   

   This is what I'm talking about.

3. Add contents of saucepan to soup pot. Add pepper flakes and orzo and bring to low boil for about 5 minutes. Lower to simmer.
4. Stir in cream. Simmer another 2-3 minutes or until orzo is tender.

Good times!

Slow-Cooker Bean Medley via Taste of Home Slow Cooker

     Occasionally I find myself with an incredible surplus of canned beans. It doesn't appear we're due for an apocalypse, so I need to use them. This recipe from Taste of Home Slow Cooker intrigued me because it uses an ass-load (pardon the pun) of beans. This is the kind of recipe that could conceivably either end a marriage or bring two people closer together than they've ever been. Mutual suffering does that sort of thing. We also added a can of yellow squash because we're daring like that. In the end, this tasted pretty good, but I needed to jazz it up with a bit of hot sauce. On its own, it was a bit sweet for my taste. After the addition of a smoky, salty hot sauce, this beantastic recipe really came together. Then I doubled over in pain and headed to the bathroom. As always, notes and changes are in blue. 

Slow-Cooker Bean Medley
via Taste of Home Slow Cooker

Ingredients

• 1-1/2 cups ketchup (catsup is ok if ketchup is not available in your area)
• 2 celery ribs, chopped (no celery in the house; omitted)
• 1 medium onion, chopped (used two large shallots instead. Why? Why not?)
• 1 medium green pepper, chopped (no green pepper handy, used a yellow pepper instead)
• 1 medium sweet red pepper, chopped
• 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
• 1/2 cup water
• 1/2 cup Italian salad dressing
• 2 bay leaves
• 1 tablespoon cider vinegar
• 1 teaspoon ground mustard
• 1/8 teaspoon pepper
• 1 can (all cans used will be around 15-16 ounces) kidney beans, rinsed and drained
• 1 can black-eyed peas, rinsed and drained
• 1 can great northern beans, rinsed and drained
• 1 can whole kernel corn, drained
• 1 can lima beans, rinsed and drained
• 1 can black beans, rinsed and drained
• 1 can yellow squash with Vidalia onions, drained

Directions

1. In a 5-quart slow cooker (started off in typical fashion here. I didn't read this part and started with a 2.5-quart slow cooker. Then a 3-quart slow cooker. Then I realized I needed a 5-quart but totally didn't give a shit at that point. We were using the 3-quart come hell or high water), combine the ketchup, vegetables, brown sugar, water, Italian dressing, bay leaves, vinegar, mustard and pepper. Stir in the remaining ingredients (who writes recipes like this? Why is it needlessly complicated and wordy? Try this version: "Combine and stir all ingredients in the slow cooker, then have a drink." Simple.)
2. Cover and cook on LOW for 5-7 hours or until onion and peppers are tender. Discard the bay leaves (I never forget to remove bay leaves. My mother used to tell me if you leave a bay leaf in the food, somebody will choke to death. EVEN IF THEY DON'T EAT THE MEAL. They don't even have to live in the same state. Every time you forget to take out a bay leaf, somebody needlessly chokes).

Vancouver: over 40 years of forgotten bay leaves.
Good times!

Slow Cooker Pork Loin and Hominy

     The school year is in full swing, which means the slow-cooker has been brought out for heavy use. Generally we throw together a few things in our cookers on Sunday and eat on them for lunches and dinners during the work week. I started this week with an idea that had been knocking around in my head for a couple of days. Pork and hominy seemed like a good mix, so I decided to use those as key ingredients and give it a generally Southwest feel. I used my own home-canned chili tomatoes. Any canned chili tomato will do. The recipe below is written assuming you're using plain old canned tomatoes. If you find pre-seasoned chili tomatoes, omit the chili powder, cumin and paprika. If you drain the liquid, this makes a decent taco filling. It's also good over rice. It doesn't have a ton of heat, so you can fine tune it as you need.

Slow Cooker Pork Loin with Hominy

Ingredients

• Pork loin, about 3 pounds
• 1 can white or yellow hominy, drained
• 1 can black eye peas or bean of your choice
• 1 quart canned tomatoes, undrained.
• 1 tablespoon chili powder
• 1 teaspoon cumin
• 1/4 teaspoon smoked paprika
• 3 cayenne peppers
• 2 chipotle peppers in adobo sauce
• 1 medium onion, roughly chopped
• 1 can cream of celery soup

Directions

1. Heat some oil in a large pan. Cook loin about 3 minutes on each side, until just starting to brown.
2. Pour tomatoes and spices into slow cooker. Lay the loin, fat side up, on top of the tomatoes. 
3. Spread remaining ingredients over top of loin.
4. Cook 4-5 hours on HIGH or until meat breaks apart easily with a fork.

UPDATE: I have added a YouTube video of the actual cooking process! How exciting! Or not. Depends on how low you set the bar.

Good times!

White Bean, Kale, and Smoked Sausage Soup

     Before I really started cooking, a Dutch Oven involved pulling the covers up over my spouse's head and farting.* Needless to say, the wife did not find that sort of thing anywhere near as funny as I did.

This isn't a big selling card with Hallmark.

     Anyway, last year the wife finally clarified the term by buying me a cast iron enameled Dutch oven for Christmas. She also got me a cookbook to go along with it. I have learned to love this pot. It takes slow cooking to another place entirely. One thing I've learned it does well is soups. Within the cookbook, The Dutch Oven Cookbook by Sharon Kramis and Julie Kramer Hearne, are a number of great soup recipes. I am reprinting one here, along with any notes or changes I made in blue.

White Bean, Kale, and Smoked Sausage Soup
originally: White Bean, Swiss Chard, and Andouille Sausage Soup

Ingredients

• 2 tablespoons butter
• 2 cups peeled and diced Yukon Gold potatoes (I only diced them. My Mom always swore there were important nutrients in the peel. Seemed legit so I never fact checked it. To this day, I never peel a potato. I also didn't use Yukon Gold. I hardly ever have them in the house. I used Russet.)
• 1 cup chopped yellow onion
• 1 cup peeled and diced carrots
• 6 cups chicken broth (Didn't have any chicken stock ready, so I went with 6 cups of water and 4 chicken bouillon cubes. On the upshot, now I don't need to add salt.)
• Two 14.5 ounce cans cannellini beans, drained (I used Great Northern. I figure they're the same color and shape, so close enough is good enough.)
• 8 ounces precooked andouille sausage (about 2 pieces), halved lengthwise then cut crosswise into 1/2 inch strips (I don't really ever have andouille sausage in the house and if I did, I'd be cooking something Cajun. I used one pound of Eckrich Cheddar Smoked Sausage.)
• 2 cups Swiss Chard, washed and cut into 1/2 in strips (I guess I'm defective, but I can't stand Swiss Chard. It tastes like dirt. Any time a recipe calls for Swiss Chard, I just sub in kale. So that's what I did here. I used an equal amount of kale.)
• Salt and pepper to taste (If you made it my way, you probably don't want to add salt)

Directions

1. Over medium-low heat, melt the butter in a 5 1/2 quart Dutch oven. Add carrots, onions and potatoes. Saute briefly, 2-3 minutes.
2. Add chicken broth and turn heat to low. Simmer for 30 minutes, until carrots and potatoes are soft. 
3. Add beans and cook for 5 minutes. Add sausage and greens and simmer for 5 more minutes. 

Serves 6 (Theoretically)

*I mention this because the soup, as I made it, made us a wee bit gassy. And by "a wee bit" I mean we thought we were rotting inside. Cook it my way at your own risk. Mind you, we still keep eating it. It's just that good.
The soup, I mean. Not the gas.

Good times!

Nutritionally Irresponsible Cooking: The Cooking Mixture

     The first time I had this particular dish, I was camping with some friends in Kentucky. We were wrapping up a long day of doing whatever it is we were doing. I remember shotguns and building a barn door. The rest is kind of hazy. Anyway, we were tired and hungry. When the subject of dinner came up, some one suggested "The Cooking Mixture." The rest of the group nodded sagely at this suggestion. I had no idea what the Hell they babbling about. I just sort of shrugged and gave a weak OK. I just wanted to eat.
     A backpack was brought out and from that backpack came an assortment of cans. A cooking pot was located and set upon a small propane stove. Cans were opened and dumped in. A block of Spam was diced and added. Vienna Sausages might have been put in. The whole concoction was set to bubble. A large bag of Fritos was opened and dumped in. Finally, with some ceremony, a bottle of Tabasco sauce was brought out. I estimate about half of it was shaken into the mixture. We ate every last bit. I'm sure this is a direct cause of my low-grade high blood pressure.
     There is no doubt the Cooking Mixture was delicious. It was however, Horrifyingly Unhealthy. The amount of sodium and fat in this dish has to be off the scale. I'm honestly afraid to calculate it. We speculate that the dish is actually healthy due to convoluted logic. We figure that the sodium pushes our blood pressure so high that the fat never has a chance to settle and cause blockages. Granted, if our blood pressure should ever drop, our arteries would immediately harden solid and we'd drop dead on the spot.

QUICK! QUICK! GET ME SOME MORE COO....

        This is one of those recipes that changes depending on who is cooking it at the time. The version I'm showing you today is not exactly how it was the first time I ate it. Why is that? Simple, you're not supposed to remember. It's a fluid recipe, much like my chili. The base remains the same (pork and beans) but pretty much everything else is up for grabs. Throw in some chopped up Slim Jims. How about a bag of Beer Nuts? The sky's the limit!

Ingredients

• 1 can, 15 ounce Beefaroni
• 1 can, 12 ounce Spam, diced
• 1 can, 15 ounce pork and beans or baked beans
• 1 bag,10.5 ounce chili cheese Fritos
• Tabasco sauce

Directions

1. Open cans and deposit into cooking receptacle
2. Apply heat until bubbly (the ingredients, not you)
3. When bubbly, pour in the bag of Fritos and Tabasco sauce to taste (don't be a wuss, put in half a bottle)
4. Serve with copious amounts of cheap, evil-smelling beer.

Good times!