Slow-Cooker Bean Medley via Taste of Home Slow Cooker

     Occasionally I find myself with an incredible surplus of canned beans. It doesn't appear we're due for an apocalypse, so I need to use them. This recipe from Taste of Home Slow Cooker intrigued me because it uses an ass-load (pardon the pun) of beans. This is the kind of recipe that could conceivably either end a marriage or bring two people closer together than they've ever been. Mutual suffering does that sort of thing. We also added a can of yellow squash because we're daring like that. In the end, this tasted pretty good, but I needed to jazz it up with a bit of hot sauce. On its own, it was a bit sweet for my taste. After the addition of a smoky, salty hot sauce, this beantastic recipe really came together. Then I doubled over in pain and headed to the bathroom. As always, notes and changes are in blue. 

Slow-Cooker Bean Medley
via Taste of Home Slow Cooker

Ingredients

• 1-1/2 cups ketchup (catsup is ok if ketchup is not available in your area)
• 2 celery ribs, chopped (no celery in the house; omitted)
• 1 medium onion, chopped (used two large shallots instead. Why? Why not?)
• 1 medium green pepper, chopped (no green pepper handy, used a yellow pepper instead)
• 1 medium sweet red pepper, chopped
• 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
• 1/2 cup water
• 1/2 cup Italian salad dressing
• 2 bay leaves
• 1 tablespoon cider vinegar
• 1 teaspoon ground mustard
• 1/8 teaspoon pepper
• 1 can (all cans used will be around 15-16 ounces) kidney beans, rinsed and drained
• 1 can black-eyed peas, rinsed and drained
• 1 can great northern beans, rinsed and drained
• 1 can whole kernel corn, drained
• 1 can lima beans, rinsed and drained
• 1 can black beans, rinsed and drained
• 1 can yellow squash with Vidalia onions, drained

Directions

1. In a 5-quart slow cooker (started off in typical fashion here. I didn't read this part and started with a 2.5-quart slow cooker. Then a 3-quart slow cooker. Then I realized I needed a 5-quart but totally didn't give a shit at that point. We were using the 3-quart come hell or high water), combine the ketchup, vegetables, brown sugar, water, Italian dressing, bay leaves, vinegar, mustard and pepper. Stir in the remaining ingredients (who writes recipes like this? Why is it needlessly complicated and wordy? Try this version: "Combine and stir all ingredients in the slow cooker, then have a drink." Simple.)
2. Cover and cook on LOW for 5-7 hours or until onion and peppers are tender. Discard the bay leaves (I never forget to remove bay leaves. My mother used to tell me if you leave a bay leaf in the food, somebody will choke to death. EVEN IF THEY DON'T EAT THE MEAL. They don't even have to live in the same state. Every time you forget to take out a bay leaf, somebody needlessly chokes).

Vancouver: over 40 years of forgotten bay leaves.
Good times!