Banana Split Bread

 You can never go wrong with a nice slice of banana bread. However, sometimes you need to shake things up. As luck would have it, we found ourselves with a glut of dried cherries, crushed pineapple, and shredded coconut. It seemed perfectly reasonable to add them, along with chocolate chips into our banana bread batter. Presto! Banana Split Bread! All you have to do is slather it in whipped cream and chocolate syrup and you've destroyed all nutritional value of traditional banana bread! I'm here to help! As always, notes are in (blue). 

Ingredients

• 1/2 cup butter, softened
• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 1/4 cup brown sugar
• 1 egg
• 2 cups flour
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1 cup (2 medium over-ripe) mashed bananas
• 1 tablespoon milk
• 1/2 cup dried cherries (if dried aren't available, you can get away with the same amount of drained and chopped jarred maraschino cherries)
• 1/4 cup crushed pineapple
• 1/4 cup sweetened shredded coconut
• 3/4 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
• For topping: 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon, 1 teaspoons white sugar

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350F (180C, Gasmark 4). Spray a 9x5" loaf pan with non-stick cooking spray.
2. Beat butter with sugars until light and fluffy (if you don't have a Kitchenaid or electric mixer, this will be a PITA). Add egg and beat well. 
3. In a large bowl, mix flour with baking soda, baking powder, salt, and cinnamon. In another bowl, mix banana with milk.
4. Add the cherries, pineapple, and coconut to the banana mixture
5. Add half the banana mixture to the butter mixture, mixing until smooth; add half the flour mixture and mix until smooth. Repeat process with second half of the banana and flour mixtures. 
6. Mix the chocolate chips into the batter
7. Pour batter into loaf pan. In a small bowl (just use the bowl you used for the flour. No sense in dirtying a third bowl), mix the 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon with 1 teaspoon white sugar; sprinkle over top of batter. 
8. Bake at 350F (180C, Gasmark 4) for 60-75 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean (cooking times will vary). Remove immediately to a wire rack to cool

IYKYK
Good Times!

Chicken and Corn Dip

 Goodness, it's been a while since I've posted anything. I guess I've been busy? Lazy? Probably just lazy. Anyway, a few weeks back I threw together a little using odds and ends. It turned out well and for a change I had actually written everything down and not lost the paper I wrote it on. What a triumph. Long story short this dip is good hot or cold and is highly adjustable. Like it hotter? Add more hot. Don't eat meat? Put in tofu. Don't like cheese? Get away from me with that negativity. Try it and tell me what you think. Unless you don't like it and then I don't want to know. As always, notes are in blue.

Chicken and Corn Dip

Ingredients

• 1 cup creamed corn
• 1 cup diced or shredded fully cooked rotisserie chicken
• 1 cup shredded cheddar cheese (feel free to sub in the cheese of your choice. Pepper jack would probably be pretty good here)
• 8 ounce block cream cheese, softened
• 1 teaspoon dried minced onion (you can certainly use fresh onion if desired. If so, go with 1/2 finely chopped onion)
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 teaspoon dry cilantro (if you're one of those people who think it tastes like soap, sub with parsley or basil)
• 1 teaspoon hot sauce of choice
• 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes
• 1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
• Salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. In a medium pan, over medium heat, dump in everything and mix the shit out of it. Stop when the cheese is melted through and the cream cheese is smooth (not counting lumps from the other ingredients, those are fine)
2. Taste and adjust seasoning as needed/desired. Serve hot or cold with crackers or chips, or just scoop it out with your hands like an absolute fucking savage. 

Good Times!

Peanut Butter Gochujang Chicken Noodle Soup

 I'm not entirely sure what inspired this particular recipe, other than the need to use up some leftover chicken. The day was cold and rainy, so soup seemed the way to go. Everything sort of fell in to place from there. We've done peanut soups before and really like them, so I figured I would go with that theme. We had a tub of gochujang paste on hand, so it seemed logical to add some. The rest is history. This recipe comes together in no time and all and is easily made vegetarian by leaving out the chicken (The Wife wisely suggested using tofu cubes instead) and using vegetable stock instead of chicken. In the end, it is warm and filling soup perfect for the cold weather. Anyway, feel free to give it a try and let me know what you think. Unless you don't like it and then please don't contact me. As always, notes are in blue.

Peanut Butter Gochujang
Chicken Noodle Soup

Ingredients

• 32 ounces chicken stock
• 32 ounces water
• 1/3 cup peanut butter (creamy or chunky depending on what you like)
• 2 tablespoons gochujang paste
• 2 cups pre cooked rotisserie chicken, shredded
• 1/2 teaspoon MSG  (if you're one of those people still convinced that MSG is bad, just use salt)
• 1 teaspoon dried cilantro (if you're one of those people still convinced that cilantro tastes like soap, just use basil)
• 1 lb. angel hair pasta
• lime wedges and/or peanuts for garnish

Directions

1. In a large pot, add stock and water. Bring to a low boil.
2. Stir in peanut butter, gochujang, and MSG. Stir until peanut butter and gochujang are completely incorporated.
3. Add chicken and pasta and boil for 4 minutes.
4. Remove from heat and stir in cilantro.
5. Serve with peanuts and lime wedges

Ultimate Peanut Butter & Jelly Zucchini Cake

Sometimes I get strange ideas in the kitchen. Like, I recently made some zucchini cookies and thought it might be a good idea to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with them. As The Wife and I were eating them, I mentioned how good they were and how hilarious it would be to make a gigantic cake version. So we did. And it was a colossal P.I.T.A., but totally worth it. There's a lot of play in this recipe. If you hate raisins, leave them out. Use dried cranberries. Throw chocolate chips in the batter. Use creamy instead of crunchy. Use apple butter instead of jelly. Throw in a layer of bologna slices (don't do that). Most importantly: GREASE THE BAKING PANS REALLY WELL OR THE CAKE WILL SELF DESTRUCT WHEN YOU GO TO REMOVE IT. If you're truly worried about the cake assembly. just use the batter to make about 5,000 cookies. (Cook at same temp, but about 10-12 minutes for cookies). Just remember the most important thing, if you hate it, I don't want to know. As always, notes are in blue.

ULTIMATE PBJ ZUCCHINI CAKE

Ingredients

• 2 eggs, beaten
• 1/2 cup vegetable oil
• 1/2 cup applesauce
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 2 cups flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
• 2-1/2 cups rolled oats
• 2 cups grated zucchini
• 1 cup raisins
• 1 cup crunchy peanut butter
• 1/2 pint jelly of your choice (we used a homemade cinnamon apple. Obviously, don't use KY or petroleum)
• Frosting or icing (optional, but at this point, why not?)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F (190C, Gasmark 5)
2. In a large bowl, combine eggs, oil, applesauce, and the sugars. 
3. In another large bowl, combine the baking soda, salt and spices, and oats.
4. Dump the bowl of dry ingredients into the bowl of the wet and mix to combine. (I hope you've got some form of electric mixer or highly muscular arms, because you're in for some work.) 
5. Add the zucchini and raisins and keep mixing.
6. Grease two 9"x13" baking dishes.
   
7. Divide the batter evenly between the two dishes.
8. Bake at 375 F for 30 minutes. If you have the baking dishes on two different racks, rotate the racks at 15 minutes. After 30 minutes, if a toothpick inserted into the cake comes out clean, you're done. If not, rotate the pans and give it another 5 minutes, repeating until finally done.
9. Remove from oven and let cool for about 15 minutes in the pans.
10. Take a knife or spatula and run it around the edge of each cake to loosen it.
11. BONUS FUN ROUND. You have a couple of options here. If you have a big enough spatula, you can attempt to take the entire cake out at once and transfer it to a wire rack to cool at bit.
    If you lack a steady hand or the equipment to remove the cakes all at once, do this:
    Take a wire cooling rack (you'll need two) and put it over the top of one of the baking pans. Flip it over and pray to the cosmic force of your choice that the cake drops out intact. Do the same with the other cake.
12. THIS STEP IS TOTALLY OPTIONAL AND COSMETIC. (If  you managed to slide your cakes out of the pan without flipping them, congratulations, move to step 13. If you flipped them to get them out and you're a stickler for appearance, you have some extra work and will keep going with this step). Using the same method, flip the cakes back over so it looks like it did in the baking dish. (Ideally, you want the rough top side facing up)

    

    This is what I'm talking about. 
    Ideally, you want both cakes arranged like this.

    
    
13. Take the peanut butter and spread half of it on each cake. It helps if the peanut butter is room temperature, for easier spreading.
14. Spread the jelly on ONE of the cakes. 

    

    Get ready, because the next step is stressful.

    
    
15. Flip the cake with just the peanut butter over on top of the other cake. Now you have the following stack: Cake bottom, layer of peanut butter, layer of jelly, layer of peanut butter, top cake layer.

    

    Thanks to the steady hands of The Wife, 
    this occurred with no screaming other than those of triumph.

    
    
16. GET THE CAKE INTO THE FRIDGE RIGHT THE HELL NOW. If the cakes are even a little bit warm, the peanut butter and jelly will start to break down and leak out. Refrigerate for at least an hour.
17. Once the filling is set, you have the option to ice it. We used some orange icing we had leftover from another recipe. Frosting/Icing this behemoth might be gilding the lily at this point, but you've come this far. Go big or go home.

NOW I AM BECOME DEATH, THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS.
Good Times!

Magic Healing Soup*

 Sometimes, you get sick. If you're me, you get sick 2-3 times during the school year. This year, I got Covid AND an ear infection at the same time, which was all sorts of exciting. One of the good things that did come of it, is one of the people who follows my page (for whatever reason) suggested a base soup recipe. It didn't have specific measurements, so I just sort of followed ingredients and used amounts I felt were appropriate. Then I added a couple of extras because that's what you do with online recipes. You make fundamental changes to them without trying the original recipe, then bitch about how it turned out. (I SUBSTITUTED CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR THE SMOKED SAUSAGE AND  IT CAME OUT AWFUL. ZERO STARS). Anyways, this soup cleared our sinuses in short order and was good enough that we made a second batch the next day. We could not deny we felt much better after eating this soup. Even The Spud cleared her bowl. Give it a try and see what you think. If you hated it, blame the person who suggested this type of soup in the first place. I am an innocent victim. As always, notes are in blue. 

Magic Healing Soup*
(please see disclaimer in above photo)

Ingredients

• 2 lbs chicken (use light or dark meat as preferred. We used breasts since it was what was on hand)
• 2 quarts chicken stock
• 2 potatoes, cut into 1/2" cube OR 1 can (16 oz) Black beans, rinsed and drained (or use both, nobody is looking)
• 1 yellow onion, chopped
• 1 zucchini, chopped
• 7-150 cloves of garlic, chopped. (There is no upper limit to garlic here. We are trying to heal, or at the very least keep vampires at bay.)
• 2 cups prepared salsa (Hot is good. Let's get those sinuses cleared!)
• 1 cup corn (canned or frozen is fine)
• olive oil
• 1/2 teaspoon ground coriander
• 1/2 teaspoon cumin powder
• 1 heaping teaspoon chipotle in adobo
• 1 packed Sazon for soups
• splash of lime juice (around a tablespoon)
• salt and pepper to taste
• Nacho chips for garnish (optional)
• Chili crisp for garnish (optional, but only if you're a big baby)

Directions

1. In a large pan, on medium high heat, add 3 tablespoons of oil and the onion, zucchini, and garlic. Sautee for 5-7 minutes until the veggies are translucent and starting to brown a bit. Turn off heat and set aside.
2. In a large (4-6 quart) slow cooker, put in potatoes (and/or beans), salsa, corn, and chicken.
3. Add the coriander, cumin, chipotle, Sazon, and salt and pepper over the chicken.
4. Add the sautéed veggie mixture to the slow cooker. 
5. Add the stock and lime juice. 
6. Cook on HIGH for 4-1/2 hours.
7. Remove chicken from cooker, shred (the chicken. I'm not looking for a guitar solo), then return the chicken to the slow cooker. 
8. Serve with tortilla chips to either eat on the side, or crumble into the soup. (We crumbled lime tortilla chips in and loved it). 
9. Throw a little chili crisp on top because chili crisp.

Good Times!

Bulgogi Style Pickled Eggs and Sausage

Boy, oh boy do we love pickled eggs. Everyone in the house adores them. The Spud would fight you for pickled eggs. She'd go Cool Hank Luke on pickled eggs. I've made them several different ways without a miss. I figured everyone in the house enjoys bulgogi, so I would use many of the same ingredients in making this batch. You really need to let these sit (IN THE FRIDGE) for minimum two weeks before the flavor really gets in the eggs. Throw these on the next charcuterie board to make a statement. Turn them into so diabolical deviled eggs. Or just pound them straight from the jar. Enjoy!

Bulgogi Style Pickled Eggs and Sausages

Ingredients

• 2 dozen eggs
• 2 cups white vinegar
• 1 cup water
• 2 tablespoons gochujang
• 2 teaspoons garlic salt
• 1 teaspoon grated ginger
• 2 teaspoons garlic powder
• 1 tablespoon soy sauce 
• 1 teaspoons sesame oil
• 1 teaspoon brown sugar
• 1 large white onion, halved and sliced
• 1 pack (12-16 ounces) smoked sausage, cut into 1" slices
• 2 empty sanitized quart jars with lids (or one half gallon jar if you have one)

Directions

1. Boil and peel the eggs using whatever method you think works best (regardless of the method used, 30% of my eggs always look like they were peeled with a shotgun).
2. In a pot, combine everything but the onion and sausage and bring to a boil. Remove from heat.
3. In each jar, start by putting down a layer of 3-4 eggs. Then add a layer of onion and sausage pieces. Repeat until about 1/2" from the top of the jar. (There is a very real possibility you won't be able to fit a full dozen eggs in the quart jar. I think we were able to get 10-11 eggs per jar. We lost a couple during boiling and The Spud stole at least one. However, you will be guaranteed that only the best looking eggs go in.)
4. Carefully pour the liquid into the jar until everything is submerged. Put on the lid and let cool. 
5. Once the jar has cooled, store in the refrigerator for at least two weeks before eating.

Good Times!

Clear the Fridge Pasta Salad

There comes a time in life when you get the call.  The call from a neighbor asking inviting you over for a cookout. Well, not one to ever show up empty-handed, I asked if he wanted me to bring anything. He said no. I said, that's not an option, please choose between mac & cheese or pasta salad. He went with the salad. So naturally I made six hundred pounds. It was pretty tasty and will make a solid addition to any cookout, picnic or pot luck. If you don't like Basalmic vinaigrette, feel free to swap in Italian or any dressing like that. I suppose you could even go totally wild and use ranch or Caesar dressing for a real gastric bludgeon. As always, if you try it, let me know what you think unless you don't like it. Then I don't want to hear about it. As always, notes are in blue.

Clear the Fridge Pasta Salad

Ingredients

• 2 lbs elbow macaroni
• 1 red onion, chopped
• 1 cup shredded carrot 
• 1 cup roasted red/orange/yellow pepper, chopped (feel free to use jarred roasted peppers if you don't want th extra work)
• 1 can black olives, drained and halved
• 3 ounces green olives, halved
• 1 jar (12 ounces) marinated artichoke hearts, drained and chopped
• 1 cup crumbled feta cheese
• 6 ounces mozzarella cheese, cut into small cubes
• 6 ounces pepperoni, diced
• 1-1/2 cups Basalmic vinaigrette dressing (we originally used a from scratch recipe then realized the bottled stuff was fine, Start with 1 cup of the dressing, then adjust to taste if you want more)
• Salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. Cook pasta according to directions, but stop and drain a minute before the suggested time. 
2. In a big foil pan, throw in everything and toss the living shit out of it.
3. Give it a taste. If you want more dressing or salt and pepper, add it. If you want less, you're screwed.I guess you can add more of everything else?

Good Times!