Ultimate Peanut Butter & Jelly Zucchini Cake

Sometimes I get strange ideas in the kitchen. Like, I recently made some zucchini cookies and thought it might be a good idea to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with them. As The Wife and I were eating them, I mentioned how good they were and how hilarious it would be to make a gigantic cake version. So we did. And it was a colossal P.I.T.A., but totally worth it. There's a lot of play in this recipe. If you hate raisins, leave them out. Use dried cranberries. Throw chocolate chips in the batter. Use creamy instead of crunchy. Use apple butter instead of jelly. Throw in a layer of bologna slices (don't do that). Most importantly: GREASE THE BAKING PANS REALLY WELL OR THE CAKE WILL SELF DESTRUCT WHEN YOU GO TO REMOVE IT. If you're truly worried about the cake assembly. just use the batter to make about 5,000 cookies. (Cook at same temp, but about 10-12 minutes for cookies). Just remember the most important thing, if you hate it, I don't want to know. As always, notes are in blue.

ULTIMATE PBJ ZUCCHINI CAKE

Ingredients

• 2 eggs, beaten
• 1/2 cup vegetable oil
• 1/2 cup applesauce
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 2 cups flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
• 2-1/2 cups rolled oats
• 2 cups grated zucchini
• 1 cup raisins
• 1 cup crunchy peanut butter
• 1/2 pint jelly of your choice (we used a homemade cinnamon apple. Obviously, don't use KY or petroleum)
• Frosting or icing (optional, but at this point, why not?)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F (190C, Gasmark 5)
2. In a large bowl, combine eggs, oil, applesauce, and the sugars. 
3. In another large bowl, combine the baking soda, salt and spices, and oats.
4. Dump the bowl of dry ingredients into the bowl of the wet and mix to combine. (I hope you've got some form of electric mixer or highly muscular arms, because you're in for some work.) 
5. Add the zucchini and raisins and keep mixing.
6. Grease two 9"x13" baking dishes.
   
7. Divide the batter evenly between the two dishes.
8. Bake at 375 F for 30 minutes. If you have the baking dishes on two different racks, rotate the racks at 15 minutes. After 30 minutes, if a toothpick inserted into the cake comes out clean, you're done. If not, rotate the pans and give it another 5 minutes, repeating until finally done.
9. Remove from oven and let cool for about 15 minutes in the pans.
10. Take a knife or spatula and run it around the edge of each cake to loosen it.
11. BONUS FUN ROUND. You have a couple of options here. If you have a big enough spatula, you can attempt to take the entire cake out at once and transfer it to a wire rack to cool at bit.
    If you lack a steady hand or the equipment to remove the cakes all at once, do this:
    Take a wire cooling rack (you'll need two) and put it over the top of one of the baking pans. Flip it over and pray to the cosmic force of your choice that the cake drops out intact. Do the same with the other cake.
12. THIS STEP IS TOTALLY OPTIONAL AND COSMETIC. (If  you managed to slide your cakes out of the pan without flipping them, congratulations, move to step 13. If you flipped them to get them out and you're a stickler for appearance, you have some extra work and will keep going with this step). Using the same method, flip the cakes back over so it looks like it did in the baking dish. (Ideally, you want the rough top side facing up)

    

    This is what I'm talking about. 
    Ideally, you want both cakes arranged like this.

    
    
13. Take the peanut butter and spread half of it on each cake. It helps if the peanut butter is room temperature, for easier spreading.
14. Spread the jelly on ONE of the cakes. 

    

    Get ready, because the next step is stressful.

    
    
15. Flip the cake with just the peanut butter over on top of the other cake. Now you have the following stack: Cake bottom, layer of peanut butter, layer of jelly, layer of peanut butter, top cake layer.

    

    Thanks to the steady hands of The Wife, 
    this occurred with no screaming other than those of triumph.

    
    
16. GET THE CAKE INTO THE FRIDGE RIGHT THE HELL NOW. If the cakes are even a little bit warm, the peanut butter and jelly will start to break down and leak out. Refrigerate for at least an hour.
17. Once the filling is set, you have the option to ice it. We used some orange icing we had leftover from another recipe. Frosting/Icing this behemoth might be gilding the lily at this point, but you've come this far. Go big or go home.

NOW I AM BECOME DEATH, THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS.
Good Times!

Magic Healing Soup*

 Sometimes, you get sick. If you're me, you get sick 2-3 times during the school year. This year, I got Covid AND an ear infection at the same time, which was all sorts of exciting. One of the good things that did come of it, is one of the people who follows my page (for whatever reason) suggested a base soup recipe. It didn't have specific measurements, so I just sort of followed ingredients and used amounts I felt were appropriate. Then I added a couple of extras because that's what you do with online recipes. You make fundamental changes to them without trying the original recipe, then bitch about how it turned out. (I SUBSTITUTED CIGARETTE BUTTS FOR THE SMOKED SAUSAGE AND  IT CAME OUT AWFUL. ZERO STARS). Anyways, this soup cleared our sinuses in short order and was good enough that we made a second batch the next day. We could not deny we felt much better after eating this soup. Even The Spud cleared her bowl. Give it a try and see what you think. If you hated it, blame the person who suggested this type of soup in the first place. I am an innocent victim. As always, notes are in blue. 

Magic Healing Soup*
(please see disclaimer in above photo)

Ingredients

• 2 lbs chicken (use light or dark meat as preferred. We used breasts since it was what was on hand)
• 2 quarts chicken stock
• 2 potatoes, cut into 1/2" cube OR 1 can (16 oz) Black beans, rinsed and drained (or use both, nobody is looking)
• 1 yellow onion, chopped
• 1 zucchini, chopped
• 7-150 cloves of garlic, chopped. (There is no upper limit to garlic here. We are trying to heal, or at the very least keep vampires at bay.)
• 2 cups prepared salsa (Hot is good. Let's get those sinuses cleared!)
• 1 cup corn (canned or frozen is fine)
• olive oil
• 1/2 teaspoon ground coriander
• 1/2 teaspoon cumin powder
• 1 heaping teaspoon chipotle in adobo
• 1 packed Sazon for soups
• splash of lime juice (around a tablespoon)
• salt and pepper to taste
• Nacho chips for garnish (optional)
• Chili crisp for garnish (optional, but only if you're a big baby)

Directions

1. In a large pan, on medium high heat, add 3 tablespoons of oil and the onion, zucchini, and garlic. Sautee for 5-7 minutes until the veggies are translucent and starting to brown a bit. Turn off heat and set aside.
2. In a large (4-6 quart) slow cooker, put in potatoes (and/or beans), salsa, corn, and chicken.
3. Add the coriander, cumin, chipotle, Sazon, and salt and pepper over the chicken.
4. Add the sautéed veggie mixture to the slow cooker. 
5. Add the stock and lime juice. 
6. Cook on HIGH for 4-1/2 hours.
7. Remove chicken from cooker, shred (the chicken. I'm not looking for a guitar solo), then return the chicken to the slow cooker. 
8. Serve with tortilla chips to either eat on the side, or crumble into the soup. (We crumbled lime tortilla chips in and loved it). 
9. Throw a little chili crisp on top because chili crisp.

Good Times!

Bulgogi Style Pickled Eggs and Sausage

Boy, oh boy do we love pickled eggs. Everyone in the house adores them. The Spud would fight you for pickled eggs. She'd go Cool Hank Luke on pickled eggs. I've made them several different ways without a miss. I figured everyone in the house enjoys bulgogi, so I would use many of the same ingredients in making this batch. You really need to let these sit (IN THE FRIDGE) for minimum two weeks before the flavor really gets in the eggs. Throw these on the next charcuterie board to make a statement. Turn them into so diabolical deviled eggs. Or just pound them straight from the jar. Enjoy!

Bulgogi Style Pickled Eggs and Sausages

Ingredients

• 2 dozen eggs
• 2 cups white vinegar
• 1 cup water
• 2 tablespoons gochujang
• 2 teaspoons garlic salt
• 1 teaspoon grated ginger
• 2 teaspoons garlic powder
• 1 tablespoon soy sauce 
• 1 teaspoons sesame oil
• 1 teaspoon brown sugar
• 1 large white onion, halved and sliced
• 1 pack (12-16 ounces) smoked sausage, cut into 1" slices
• 2 empty sanitized quart jars with lids (or one half gallon jar if you have one)

Directions

1. Boil and peel the eggs using whatever method you think works best (regardless of the method used, 30% of my eggs always look like they were peeled with a shotgun).
2. In a pot, combine everything but the onion and sausage and bring to a boil. Remove from heat.
3. In each jar, start by putting down a layer of 3-4 eggs. Then add a layer of onion and sausage pieces. Repeat until about 1/2" from the top of the jar. (There is a very real possibility you won't be able to fit a full dozen eggs in the quart jar. I think we were able to get 10-11 eggs per jar. We lost a couple during boiling and The Spud stole at least one. However, you will be guaranteed that only the best looking eggs go in.)
4. Carefully pour the liquid into the jar until everything is submerged. Put on the lid and let cool. 
5. Once the jar has cooled, store in the refrigerator for at least two weeks before eating.

Good Times!

Clear the Fridge Pasta Salad

There comes a time in life when you get the call.  The call from a neighbor asking inviting you over for a cookout. Well, not one to ever show up empty-handed, I asked if he wanted me to bring anything. He said no. I said, that's not an option, please choose between mac & cheese or pasta salad. He went with the salad. So naturally I made six hundred pounds. It was pretty tasty and will make a solid addition to any cookout, picnic or pot luck. If you don't like Basalmic vinaigrette, feel free to swap in Italian or any dressing like that. I suppose you could even go totally wild and use ranch or Caesar dressing for a real gastric bludgeon. As always, if you try it, let me know what you think unless you don't like it. Then I don't want to hear about it. As always, notes are in blue.

Clear the Fridge Pasta Salad

Ingredients

• 2 lbs elbow macaroni
• 1 red onion, chopped
• 1 cup shredded carrot 
• 1 cup roasted red/orange/yellow pepper, chopped (feel free to use jarred roasted peppers if you don't want th extra work)
• 1 can black olives, drained and halved
• 3 ounces green olives, halved
• 1 jar (12 ounces) marinated artichoke hearts, drained and chopped
• 1 cup crumbled feta cheese
• 6 ounces mozzarella cheese, cut into small cubes
• 6 ounces pepperoni, diced
• 1-1/2 cups Basalmic vinaigrette dressing (we originally used a from scratch recipe then realized the bottled stuff was fine, Start with 1 cup of the dressing, then adjust to taste if you want more)
• Salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. Cook pasta according to directions, but stop and drain a minute before the suggested time. 
2. In a big foil pan, throw in everything and toss the living shit out of it.
3. Give it a taste. If you want more dressing or salt and pepper, add it. If you want less, you're screwed.I guess you can add more of everything else?

Good Times!

Renaissance Faire Garlic Mushrooms

 Back in the day, The Wife and I used to visit the Bristol Renaissance Faire in Wisconsin annually. Life has since gotten in the way. We moved a few hours away and have not made it back in over 15 years. We would go in costume and everything. One of The Wife's favorite treats there was garlic stewed mushrooms. I am not a fan of mushrooms, but she adored these. I have on and off attempted to approximate those mushrooms and this is the closest I've gotten. This does have a lot of liquid in it, so you could probably double off the mushrooms and onions and still be fine. Alternatively, have a good piece of crusty bread on hand and just dip in in the liquid. Either way, it's a fast and easy recipe for mushroom lovers. Just have a mint handy when you're done because these will give you breath that can slay a thousand elves.

Renaissance Faire Garlic Mushrooms

Ingredients

• 8 ounces mushrooms, sliced thick (or leave them whole if you really want. That's how they were at the faire)
• 1/2 large onion, chopped
• 6 cloves garlic, chopped
• 1 stick butter
• 1 cup beef stock (or vegetable stock if you don't do meat)
• 1/2 teaspoon smoked Cherrywood salt (in the event you can't find this, just throw in 1/2 teaspoon of salt and a few dashes of Liquid Smoke)
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic pepper
• 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
• 1 teaspoon cornstarch slurry (1/2 teaspoon corn starch, 1/2 teaspoon water, mixed)

Directions

1. In a medium saucepan, over medium heat, melt the butter. 
2. Add the onions and garlic and cook, stirring occasionally until the onions are translucent. 
3. Add the mushrooms, cook 2-3 minutes.
4. Add the stock, salt, garlic pepper, and Worcestershire sauce.
5. Bring to a simmer and let simmer for 5-7 minutes. 
6. Remove from the heat and mix in the slurry. 

Good Times!

One Pan Chicken and Rice

Certain recipes evoke core childhood memories. This is certainly one of them. Chicken and rice in a pan with some random veggies and pasta sauce. My mom used to make this regularly. She had no real printed recipe for it. Things just got thrown in a pan and heat was applied. Often, some of the rice would be crunchy and underdone. Other sections of the rice would be big clumps. However, it tasted good and was filling. The green olives were an odd addition, but they added a nice bit of zing to the flavor. 

Core Childhood Memory

It this gourmet? No, not at all. I use canned sauce here. I almost never used canned sauce. Everything in this recipe was about getting a meal together and on the table as quickly and easily as possible. This is comfort food, plain and simple. As always, notes are in blue.

One Pan Chicken and Rice

Ingredients

• 4 chicken breasts, about 2 lbs. (bone in or out, it doesn't really matter. You can even use thighs if you prefer. In any case, make sure they are skinless)
• 2 cups white rice
• 3 cups water or chicken stock
• 1 onion, cut into about 1" pieces
• 1 bell pepper, cut into about 1" pieces
• 1 can mushrooms (6.5oz), drained.
• 1/2 cup green olives
• 1 can (24 oz) pasta sauce (we used Hunt's Garlic & Herb)
• 2 teaspoons garlic powder
• 2 teaspoons dried Italian seasoning.
• Grated parmesan cheese

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F (190C, Gas Mark 5)
2. In a 9x13 baking dish add the rice and water/stock
3. Lay the chicken on top of the rice. 
4. Sprinkle the garlic and Italian seasoning over the chicken.
5. Distribute the vegetables around the pan. 
6. Pour the pasta sauce over the top of everything.
7. Cook uncovered for about 1 hour, or until the chicken and rice are both done. (a little bit of charring on the veggies is normal)
8. Garnish with parmesan cheese.

Everything benefits from a bit of cheese.
Good Times!

Slow Cooker Chicken and Potatoes in Garlic Cream Sauce

I have a love/hate relationship with my slow cooker. I love the convenience of being able to just set and forget a meal. I hate the fact that much of what comes out of it tastes much like anything else that comes out of it, and the fact that much of what comes out is not visually appealing. Did that make sense? Probably not. In any case, it seems I can get a slow cooker dish to TASTE good, but not to LOOK good. This one is no exception. It also requires a little stovetop work as well, which is usually a deal breaker for me. I just didn't think throwing raw onion would work here, though. That said, this dish smelled AMAZING and tasted really good. If it's not garlicky enough, throw some garlic powder in there. Go nuts. This is a pretty forgiving recipe. Some of you nicer people said it looked fine, but to me it looks like it was shaken out of a diaper.  And with that ringing endorsement, enjoy. As always, notes are in (blue.)

Slow Cooker Chicken and Potatoes
in Garlic Cream Sauce

Ingredients

• 6 potatoes (about 2 pounds), cleaned and quartered. (use whatever potatoes you want. We went with plain old russets. If you want to peel them, feel free. We generally don't.)
• 2 lbs boneless, skinless chicken breasts
• 1 can (14.5 ounce) cream of broccoli soup
• 1 envelope (1.2 ounce) Herb/Garlic soup mix
• 1 block (8 ounce) cream cheese, softened (we use neufchatel to keep the fat down)
• 1 onion, finely chopped
• 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
• 1 teaspoon hot sauce of choice (or red pepper flakes. Or nothing if you're a big baby.)
• Olive oil
• Smoked paprika
• Salt and pepper

Directions

1. In a pan, heat a couple tablespoons of olive oil to medium-high heat. Add the onions and cook until they turn golden.
2. In a bowl, add the onions, cream cheese, soup, soup mix, Worcestershire and hot sauces. Whisk until the cream cheese is completely incorporated. 
3. Rub the chicken with some paprika and salt and pepper. 
4. In a 5 quart slow cooker, put in the potatoes first. Then lay the chicken breasts on top of that. Pour the sauce over the chicken.
5. Cook on HIGH for about 4-1/2 hours. If you do LOW, probably go with 7-8 hours.
6. Keep an eye on it. You're wanting the potatoes to be done and the chicken cooked through. If it looks like it's starting to dry out at the halfway point, add a splash of water (or chicken stock, or even dry white wine if you're feeling rowdy.)
7. Give everything a gentle stir at the end to make sure the sauce is covering everything before serving.

Good Times!