Deconstructed
This term translates loosely into "too lazy to combine the ingredients." Technically, a bag of flour, a bag of peanuts and a bag of grapes is a "Deconstructed PB&J Sandwich." Knock that pretentious stuff off. Deconstruction is what you do when you're done playing with Legos.
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| Now that's deconstructed |
This word just feels vaguely inappropriate. Mouthfeel sounds like something that would cost $50 extra in a massage parlor. It's even worse when you consider it in your own mouth. I feel violated. "That sausage sandwich had a greasy mouthfeel." It sounds nasty. Even if you say you loved the mouthfeel you still sound like some sort of deviant.
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| If you have to ask, you can't afford it. |
This term just smacks of conceit. People are just applying it everything now. Artisan cheese. Artisan bread. Artisan toothpaste. It just means you used some goofy way to prepare it. Just because you used the combined body heat of 42 naked Swiss virgins to bake your bread, it doesn't make it artisan. It makes it pretentious. You used fancy ingredients? Super. Doesn't make it artisan. Otherwise I could call my cat food "Artisan Feast."
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| "Hang on, the roast is almost done!" |
This word doesn't make a bit of sense in its context. Tasty? No. Food is not toothsome.
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| Shelley Duvall is toothsome. |
I will not apply any word to food that I can apply to my crawlspace.
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| Ed Sheeran saying makes it 1,000 times worse. |
Whenever I hear this word used, I immediately imagine someone sitting at the table, long tendrils of saliva oozing out of their open mouth. They breathe heavily, creating wet, sucking noises you'd expect to hear in a tuberculosis ward. A puddle of drool slowly collects on their plate. See? Totally not appetizing. Honestly, anybody openly drooling at my table is going to be asked to leave.
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| Yup, time to go. |
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