Banana Split Bread

 You can never go wrong with a nice slice of banana bread. However, sometimes you need to shake things up. As luck would have it, we found ourselves with a glut of dried cherries, crushed pineapple, and shredded coconut. It seemed perfectly reasonable to add them, along with chocolate chips into our banana bread batter. Presto! Banana Split Bread! All you have to do is slather it in whipped cream and chocolate syrup and you've destroyed all nutritional value of traditional banana bread! I'm here to help! As always, notes are in (blue). 

Ingredients

• 1/2 cup butter, softened
• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 1/4 cup brown sugar
• 1 egg
• 2 cups flour
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1 cup (2 medium over-ripe) mashed bananas
• 1 tablespoon milk
• 1/2 cup dried cherries (if dried aren't available, you can get away with the same amount of drained and chopped jarred maraschino cherries)
• 1/4 cup crushed pineapple
• 1/4 cup sweetened shredded coconut
• 3/4 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
• For topping: 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon, 1 teaspoons white sugar

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350F (180C, Gasmark 4). Spray a 9x5" loaf pan with non-stick cooking spray.
2. Beat butter with sugars until light and fluffy (if you don't have a Kitchenaid or electric mixer, this will be a PITA). Add egg and beat well. 
3. In a large bowl, mix flour with baking soda, baking powder, salt, and cinnamon. In another bowl, mix banana with milk.
4. Add the cherries, pineapple, and coconut to the banana mixture
5. Add half the banana mixture to the butter mixture, mixing until smooth; add half the flour mixture and mix until smooth. Repeat process with second half of the banana and flour mixtures. 
6. Mix the chocolate chips into the batter
7. Pour batter into loaf pan. In a small bowl (just use the bowl you used for the flour. No sense in dirtying a third bowl), mix the 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon with 1 teaspoon white sugar; sprinkle over top of batter. 
8. Bake at 350F (180C, Gasmark 4) for 60-75 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean (cooking times will vary). Remove immediately to a wire rack to cool

IYKYK
Good Times!

Ultimate Peanut Butter & Jelly Zucchini Cake

Sometimes I get strange ideas in the kitchen. Like, I recently made some zucchini cookies and thought it might be a good idea to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with them. As The Wife and I were eating them, I mentioned how good they were and how hilarious it would be to make a gigantic cake version. So we did. And it was a colossal P.I.T.A., but totally worth it. There's a lot of play in this recipe. If you hate raisins, leave them out. Use dried cranberries. Throw chocolate chips in the batter. Use creamy instead of crunchy. Use apple butter instead of jelly. Throw in a layer of bologna slices (don't do that). Most importantly: GREASE THE BAKING PANS REALLY WELL OR THE CAKE WILL SELF DESTRUCT WHEN YOU GO TO REMOVE IT. If you're truly worried about the cake assembly. just use the batter to make about 5,000 cookies. (Cook at same temp, but about 10-12 minutes for cookies). Just remember the most important thing, if you hate it, I don't want to know. As always, notes are in blue.

ULTIMATE PBJ ZUCCHINI CAKE

Ingredients

• 2 eggs, beaten
• 1/2 cup vegetable oil
• 1/2 cup applesauce
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 2 cups flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
• 2-1/2 cups rolled oats
• 2 cups grated zucchini
• 1 cup raisins
• 1 cup crunchy peanut butter
• 1/2 pint jelly of your choice (we used a homemade cinnamon apple. Obviously, don't use KY or petroleum)
• Frosting or icing (optional, but at this point, why not?)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F (190C, Gasmark 5)
2. In a large bowl, combine eggs, oil, applesauce, and the sugars. 
3. In another large bowl, combine the baking soda, salt and spices, and oats.
4. Dump the bowl of dry ingredients into the bowl of the wet and mix to combine. (I hope you've got some form of electric mixer or highly muscular arms, because you're in for some work.) 
5. Add the zucchini and raisins and keep mixing.
6. Grease two 9"x13" baking dishes.
   
7. Divide the batter evenly between the two dishes.
8. Bake at 375 F for 30 minutes. If you have the baking dishes on two different racks, rotate the racks at 15 minutes. After 30 minutes, if a toothpick inserted into the cake comes out clean, you're done. If not, rotate the pans and give it another 5 minutes, repeating until finally done.
9. Remove from oven and let cool for about 15 minutes in the pans.
10. Take a knife or spatula and run it around the edge of each cake to loosen it.
11. BONUS FUN ROUND. You have a couple of options here. If you have a big enough spatula, you can attempt to take the entire cake out at once and transfer it to a wire rack to cool at bit.
    If you lack a steady hand or the equipment to remove the cakes all at once, do this:
    Take a wire cooling rack (you'll need two) and put it over the top of one of the baking pans. Flip it over and pray to the cosmic force of your choice that the cake drops out intact. Do the same with the other cake.
12. THIS STEP IS TOTALLY OPTIONAL AND COSMETIC. (If  you managed to slide your cakes out of the pan without flipping them, congratulations, move to step 13. If you flipped them to get them out and you're a stickler for appearance, you have some extra work and will keep going with this step). Using the same method, flip the cakes back over so it looks like it did in the baking dish. (Ideally, you want the rough top side facing up)

    

    This is what I'm talking about. 
    Ideally, you want both cakes arranged like this.

    
    
13. Take the peanut butter and spread half of it on each cake. It helps if the peanut butter is room temperature, for easier spreading.
14. Spread the jelly on ONE of the cakes. 

    

    Get ready, because the next step is stressful.

    
    
15. Flip the cake with just the peanut butter over on top of the other cake. Now you have the following stack: Cake bottom, layer of peanut butter, layer of jelly, layer of peanut butter, top cake layer.

    

    Thanks to the steady hands of The Wife, 
    this occurred with no screaming other than those of triumph.

    
    
16. GET THE CAKE INTO THE FRIDGE RIGHT THE HELL NOW. If the cakes are even a little bit warm, the peanut butter and jelly will start to break down and leak out. Refrigerate for at least an hour.
17. Once the filling is set, you have the option to ice it. We used some orange icing we had leftover from another recipe. Frosting/Icing this behemoth might be gilding the lily at this point, but you've come this far. Go big or go home.

NOW I AM BECOME DEATH, THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS.
Good Times!

Slow Cooker Honey Wheat Bread

     I do love my slow cookers. I use them for so many different things. However, there was one thing I never thought to try: bread. It seemed to me that there would be no possible way to bake bread in a slow cooker without it ending up super damp and mushy. Not surprisingly, I was totally wrong. I've managed to find a couple recipes that turn out some surprisingly good bread. I love it because it means I can bake on a hot day without having to turn on the oven! This particular bread has a touch of sweetness and is a great breakfast bread. It actually manages to have a good crust and a super nice crumb. Best of all, I was able to make it without using their method of putting a second container into the cooker! Fair warning, I needed considerably more flour than the recipe called for. As always, notes and changes are in blue. 

Slow-Cooker Honey Wheat Bread
(via Slow Cooker Magic in Minutes)

Ingredients

• 3 cups whole-wheat flour (I needed considerably more than this)
• 2 cups warm milk
• 3/4-1 cup all-purpose flour (I needed considerably more than this)
• 1/4 cup honey
• 2 tablespoons canola oil
• 1 envelope active dry yeast
• 3/4 teaspoon salt

Directions

1. Spray a 1-quart casserole, or other high sided baking pan with nonstick cooking spray (totally didn't to that. I just lined a 1.5 quart slow-cooker with parchment paper and sprayed it with non-stick spray)
2. Combine 1-1/2 cups whole-wheat flour, milk, 1/2 cup all-purpose flour, honey, oil, yeast, and salt in a large bowl. Beat at low speed of electric mixer 2 minutes. 
3. Add remaining flour. If mixer has difficulty mixing dough, mix in remaining flour. (Holy crap did I have difficulty. The amount of flour called for in the recipe will deliver a sticky mess. I needed close to another cup and a half of flour. I just did a 50/50 mix of flours to make up this difference. Just don't freak out when the original recipe doesn't yield a nice, smooth dough.)
   Mix until dough is smooth and elastic (using my KitchenAid and dough hook, this took about 6-7 minutes in total)
4. Transfer to prepared dish. Place dish in slow-cooker. (As I mentioned in step 1, I was not going to do that. I just shaped the dough into a ball and put it into the parchment lined slow-cooker). Cover and cook on HIGH 3 hours or until edges are browned.
   (If you are doing it my way, here are a few tips. After 3 hours, take out the loaf, flip it over, lay a paper towel over it, put the cover back on and let it go another 45 minutes to hour. This will get rid of any moisture on the top and give the top a bit of a crust without having to throw it under the broiler at the end.
5. Turn out on a wire rack to cool. 

Good times!

Applesauce Cheddar Quick Bread

     We eat an alarming amount of bread in this house. The Wife loves her bread. The Spud really, really likes her bread. I certainly enjoy bread. We embrace gluten lovingly and with all our beings. We love it enough that we eventually started using the hashtag #sundaysareforbaking. That makes it serious. I think. Maybe not. This particular bread is from an ancient canning book that still gets a lot of mileage in our house. It's a great quick bread. If you make your own applesauce, which we do, it's even better. The timing on the bread is a little iffy. It took us way longer to bake than the book called for. This is a fantastic breakfast bread, spread with a little sweet butter or marmalade. Perhaps top it with my Mulberry Jam? I imagine it would make a dynamite peanut butter and jelly sandwich, too. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Applesauce Cheddar Quick Bread
via BH&G Home Canning Cook Book

Ingredients

• 1/2 cup butter
• 2/3 cups sugar
• 2 eggs
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup applesauce (why not try my Peach Bourbon Applesauce!)
• 3/4 cup shredded Cheddar cheese
• 1/2 cup chopped walnuts (omitted. The Wife is not a huge fan of nuts in her bread.)

Directions

1. Cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy (maybe I'm not doing this for long enough, because I have never been able to achieve light and fluffy consistency. I always end up with something on par with cake frosting)
2. Add eggs, beat well.
3. In a separate bowl, stir together flour, soda and salt. Add to the creamed butter mix. Stir in the applesauce, cheese and nuts (if using)
4. Turn into a greased loaf pan (what am I, a wizard? I never got a Hogwarts letter so I'm not really up on my Transfiguration and Polymorph spells. How about I just dump the mixture into a loaf pan?)
5. Bake at 350F (180C, Gasmark 4) for 50-55 minutes (fair warning, this may take way longer than the stated time. It took me closer to 75-90 minutes. Just run it for the 55, then check it with a knife. If it comes out clean, you're fine. If it comes out wet, you're not done. If it comes out covered in blood and ichor, your oven is possessed.) Cool 10 minutes in the pan. Remove to finish cooling on a wire rack.

Add caption

Cheddar Apple Bread

     Every now and then I come across a recipe that doesn't seem right. I mean, it looks good in theory, but something is off about it. This bread recipe was a perfect example. It looked great on paper. I followed most of the instructions. Then I was staring at a mixing bowl full of what amounted to dust. There was no liquid to turn it into dough. I figured maybe because I used dried apples instead of fresh. Then I realized grated apples still wouldn't produce enough liquid to make a dough. I called over The Wife for a consult. She agreed the recipe was wonky. We made an executive decision, and based on other recipes, added some yogurt and milk. The end result was fantastic. A bread that's good and crusty on the outside, but soft on the inside. Toast up a big slab of this and slather it with butter and you've got yourself a winner. I suggest making it using my suggestions, but feel free to try the original recipe. Let me know if you have any success. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Cheddar Apple Bread
originally Old English Cheese & Apple Loaf
via The Art of Bread

Ingredients

• 1 teaspoon oil, to grease pan (we just used nonstick cooking spray)
• 3-1/2 cups unbleached flour (regular white flour, right?)
• 1 tablespoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 4 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 4 apples, peeled, cored and grated (we used about 2 cups dried apples, chopped)
• 4 ounces cheddar cheese, grated
• 2 eggs, beaten
• 1 cup plain yogurt
• 1/2 cup milk
• rolled oats, to sprinkle (totally forgot about this)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350F (180C, Gasmark), grease a 9x5x3" baking pan.
2. Sift flour, baking powder and salt together in a large bowl. Rub butter into the flour mixture quickly with your fingertips until the mixture resembles the texture of coarse breadcrumbs (using your fingertips? How about one of those dough cutters? Why make things harder and messier than it needs to be?)
3. Stir in the apples and cheese into the flour mixture. Add the beaten eggs until evenly blended (ok, if you have skipped my optional steps, you may find yourself staring at a bowl of clumpy and mostly dry flour. This was my WTF moment. Something very important seemed to be missing from the recipe. Like something to make it into a dough. The fact that the next step refers to "spooning the batter" indicates something the consistency of dried Play-Doh was not what I was looking for. Just go ahead and mix in that milk and yogurt now.) Mix until evenly blended.
4. Spoon the batter into the pan (see? I told you. "Spoon." You'd be better off with a broom and dustpan if you don't add some liquid) Sprinkle with oats (I was so pissed about this recipe seemingly missing ingredients that I totally forgot about the oats.)
5. Bake for 1-1/2 to 2 hours (we went for about 1-3/4 hours) until golden brown and well-risen. Turn out on a wire rack to cool.

Good Times!

Ham and Cheese Bread

     You probably know by now that I don't always have top of the line ingredients on hand. That's not really my thing. It's nice to have fancy meats and cheeses and stuff like that, but it's also nice to be able to pay the mortgage and utilities. I often find recipes that I end up avoiding because I never have the ingredients on hand, or more likely, I can't seem to justify the cost of the ingredients. That's probably why you don't see more recipes with Gruyere on my pages. Anyways, I found a bread recipe and wanted to make it for some time, but never had the key ingredients. Finally, I just cracked and used super-cheap alternatives. I couldn't have been happier with the results. I ended up with a nice, crusty bread perfect for sandwiches! As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Ham and Cheese Bread
adapted from Torta Di Testo Di Prosciutti E Formaggio
via The Art of Bread

Ingredients

• 2 teaspoon (1 envelope) active dry yeast
• 1/3 cup plus 2 tbsp water (I ended up using 4 tbsp water for whatever reason. Maybe I used too much flour.)
• 3-1/2 cups unbleached flour (I just used plain old white flour from ALDI. I didn't have time to take the Rolls Royce out for "special" flour)
• 1-1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
• pinch of freshly grated nutmeg (even this amount was noticeable. If you're not a fan of nutmeg, just omit this)
• 1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened (a stick of generic margarine microwaved for 20 seconds, you say? Done!)
• 4 eggs, beaten
• 5 ounces ounces sliced prosciutto, chopped (lah-de-dah! Prosciutto! Let me break out the good china! I'm going to be honest. I used a pack of Buddig honey ham)
• 5 Emmental, dicedounces sliced prosciutto, chopped (seeing as all my liquid assets are tied up in long term investments in yacht and gold futures, I used an equal amount of shredded pepperjack cheese)

Directions

1. Sprinkle yeast into water in a bowl. Leave for five minutes (they should really be more specific. I left the kitchen and got as far as the driveway before I realized I couldn't finish the recipe from out there. Even though the recipe didn't say to return, I did); stir to dissolve.
2. Mix flour, salt, pepper and nutmeg in a large bowl (I used my KitchenAid, so that was my large bowl). Make a well in the center and add the dissolved yeast and everything else. 
3. Mix until you've formed a soft, sticky dough (as mentioned, this took a little extra water to achieve). Turn out onto a lightly floured surface. Knead until silky and elastic, about 10 minutes (I just slapped the dough hook on the mixer and let it take care of things while I had a drink or six.)
4. Put the dough in a clean bowl and cover with a dish towel. Let rise until doubled in size, about 2 hours. Punch down, then let rest for 10 minutes. 
5. Shape the dough into a round loaf. Place on a lightly oiled baking sheet (I used a pizza stone and a thin spray of cooking oil) and cover with a dish towel (they had to specify dish towel? Was there a chance I'd chuck a beach towel over it? Maybe a washcloth?). Proof until doubled in size, about 1 hour.
6. Bake in an oven preheated to 350F (180C, Gasmark 4) for 1-1/2 hours, until golden brown (yeah, I know this seems like a long time, but it's right. You'll need every minute of it), cool on a wire rack.

Good Times!

Peanut Butter Cap'N Crunch Cookies

     The other day I had a weird existential moment. The dog was barking, The Spud was screaming and I was slowly losing my mind. For whatever reason, the sanest thing to do was not head for the liquor cabinet, but to the kitchen. With total mindlessness, I just started baking cookies. No clue why. I didn't even want cookies. It just seemed like the right thing to do. It was like an out of body experience. I was barely aware of what I was doing. I grabbed a cookbook to check how much flour and sugar I'd need and then I went to work.  I started to get strange looks from The Wife when I grabbed a box of Cap'n Crunch. The end result of this transcendental experience was a batch of really tasty peanut butter cookies with a sweet crunch. Totally worth it. As always, notes are in blue.

Ingredients

• 1 cup creamy peanut butter
• 1/4 cup vegetable oil
• 3/4 cup packed brown sugar
• 1/4 cup white sugar
• 2 eggs
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup Cap'n Crunch cereal (Peanut Butter Crunch would really step it up. I'd stay away from Crunch Berries for this recipe, though)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350F (180C, Gasmark4)
2. In a mixing bowl, combine peanut butter and oil. Add sugars and mix.
3. Add eggs and vanilla. Mix some more.
4. Add flour, baking powder and salt. Mix some more.
5. Add Cap'n Crunch. Mix until incorporated.
6. On 2 two ungreased baking sheets (if you have a silpat mat, I'd recommend using it here. If these cookies stick at all, you're going to be screwed), drop tablespoons of the dough about 2" apart on the sheets. (The dough will be oily. Don't panic, that's normal.)
7. Bake for 10-12 minutes or until the tops look like they're cracking. Cool for a couple of minutes before transferring to a wire rack. (BE SUPER CAREFUL WHEN TRANSFERRING THE COOKIES! Until they finish cooling, they are unstable at a molecular level. Not even joking. Rough handling will cause them to totally fall apart. Once they're totally cooled, everything will set and solid.)

Good times!

Apple Gingerbread

     Let's get this straight. Calling this recipe "bread" is not accurate. This is leaning well into "cake" territory. Especially because I decided to frost it. Everything is better with frosting. EVERYTHING. New York strip steak? Slap a layer of buttercream frosting on that bastard. Trust me on this. As for this recipe, it is dense and moist (I really hate that word since it can also describe my underwear after a day of yardwork) and delicious (unlike my underwear after a day of yardwork). As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Apple Gingerbread
(via Taste of Home EveryDay Light Meals)

Ingredients

• 2/3 cup sugar
• 1/3 cup unsweetened applesauce (we used our own homemade sweetened applesauce made with brown sugar whisky)
• 1 egg
• 3 tablespoons molasses
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup whole wheat flour
• 2 teaspoons ground ginger 
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1/8 teaspoon ground allspice
• 1/2 cup reduced-fat plain yogurt (none on hand, we used sour cream)
• 1-1/2 cups chopped peeled Granny Smith or other tart apples (we used an equal amount of our home-made Spiked Apples)
• 1 cup plus 2 tablespoons reduced-fat whipped topping (omitted)
• 1 can store-bought buttercream frosting. HELL YEAH.

Directions

1. In a mixing bowl, combine the sugar, applesauce, egg and molasses; mix well. 
2. Combine the flours, ginger, baking powder, baking soda and spices; add to the molasses mixture alternately with yogurt (sour cream), beating until just combined (because I'm lazy, I just put all the dry ingredients in the bowl for my KitchenAid, put all the wet ingredients in another bowl, then poured the wet ingredients in while the mixer was running). Fold in the apples.
3. Pour into an 8-inch square baking dish coated with nonstick cooking spray (I used a round dish just to be difficult). Bake at 350F (180C, Gasmark4) for 30-35 minutes or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean (ours took about an hour. I think it may be due to the extra liquid in our canned apples.)
4. Cool on a wire rack, Cut into squares, top with a dollop of whipped topping (feeling exceptionally lazy, I took a can of buttercream frosting and frosted the entire thing like a cake. Next time I think I'll make some cream cheese frosting for it!)

Good times!

Whole Wheat Bread

     I do believe we've found our favorite wheat bread recipe so far. Most of the wheat bread recipes we've found have resulted in breads that, while tasty, were dense enough to hammer nails. This particular recipe, with a couple changes (firstly we omitted the nuts. The Wife is not a fan of nuts in her bread), resulted in a beautiful loaf of soft, delicious bread with just a hint of sweetness. I used this for a salami and provolone sandwich with some red onion and spicy brown mustard and it was amazing. Truly this bread is fantastic and could easily supplant Shaker or Sally Lunn for our weekly loaf. The first loaf we made didn't even survive two days in our house! You need this bread. Even if you're gluten intolerant, it's worth the pain. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Whole Wheat Bread
(via Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals)

Ingredients

• 2-1/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1-1/4 cups whole wheat flour
• 3/4 cup finely chopped walnuts (omitted)
• 2 tablespoons brown sugar
• 1 package (1/4 ounce) quick-rise yeast
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup water
• 1/3 cup reduced-fat plain yogurt (no yogurt on hand, we used sour cream)
• 2 tablespoons butter

Directions

1. In a mixing bowl, combine 1 cup all-purpose flour and the rest of the dry ingredients (I used the bowl from my KitchenAid, since that's where I'd be doing the mixing/kneading).
2. In a saucepan, heat water, yogurt (sour cream) and butter to about 120-130F (I just heated until the butter melted in. Either way, let it cool to 110F or below before you move to the next step)
3. Pour liquid ingredients into dry ingredients. Beat until smooth. Add enough remaining all-purpose flour to form a soft dough (we always wind up using all the flour). Turn out onto a floured surface; knead until smooth and elastic, about 4 minutes (On the KitchenAid, I used the dough hook the entire time. I turned it on low, added the liquid, then slowly added the remaining flour and let it knead for about 2-3 minutes)
4. Shape dough into a ball and place on a baking sheet coated with nonstick cooking spray (we used a lightly greased pizza stone). Cover and let rest in a warm place for 20 minutes. (I highly suggest lightly scoring an "X" into the top of the ball with a knife to prevent a mushroom shaped bread. Unless you're into that sort of thing, then do what feels natural)
5. Bake at 400F (200C, Gasmark 6) for 25-30 minutes, (we generally go about 27 minutes) or until golden brown. Turn out on a wire rack to cool.

Good times!

Swedish Rye Bread

     There seems to be a sharp division on rye bread. It's like pumpernickel. People either love it or hate it. There is no middle ground. Those people who don't like it are totally entitled to their opinions. They are however, totally wrong. Rye bread is great. Especially this rye bread. Granted, this bread will qualify as a PITA due to the 2+ hours of rising time. It's worth the wait. The recipe makes 3 loaves and the loaves freeze really well. Just wrap each loaf in plastic shrink and then in a layer of heavy aluminum foil. When you're ready, just take it out and let it get back to room temperature on it's own. This is a good, hearty bread with just a touch of sweetness. You'll love it. Or you're wrong. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Swedish Rye Loaves
via Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals

Ingredients

• 1/4 cup old-fashioned oats
• 1/3 cup packed brown sugar
• 1/4 cup molasses
• 5 tablespoons butter, divided (we omitted the 1 divided tablespoon of butter for reasons that will become apparent)
• 2 teaspoons salt
• 2 cups boiling water
• 3 cups bread flour (theoretically, if you use any flour for bread, doesn't it count as "bread" flour? I hope they meant white flour, because that's what I used)
• 2 packages (.25 ounce each) of active dry yeast
• 3 cups rye flour
• 1 teaspoon caraway seeds (omitted. The Wife is not a fan of bread with seeds)

Directions

1. In a bowl, combine the oats, brown sugar, molasses, 4 tablespoons butter and salt; stir in boiling water. Let stand until mixture cools to 120-130F, stirring occasionally.
2. In a large mixing bowl, combine 2 cups of bread flour and yeast. Add the molasses mixture. Stir in rye flour and enough of the remaining flour to form a medium stiff dough (we used all the flour called for in the recipe and a tiny bit more). Turn out onto a floured surface; knead until smooth and elastic, about 6-8 minutes (we did this entire step in our KitchenAid with the dough hook. I plan on using that thing until it explodes)
3. Place in bowl covered with non-stick cooking spray, turning once to coat the top. Cover and let rise in a warm place until doubled, about 1 hour.
4. Punch down dough, cover and let rise in again until doubled, about 30 minutes. 
5. Punch down dough, Turn out onto floured surface and divide into three portions. Shape into loaves (I went with round loaves because it's the easiest and very rustic looking. Everybody loves that rustic looking stuff). Place on baking sheets covered with nonstick cooking spray (I used a pizza stone and everything came out wonderfully). Cover and let rise until doubled, about 30 minutes (I know! The rising times qualify this as a PITA. This is the last rise. I promise. This will be totally worth it. Unless you don't like rye bread, in which case you just wasted a bunch of time and ingredients).
6. Cut a shallow cross across the top of each loaf to prevent uneven expansion during baking, Bake at 375F (190C, Gasmark5) for 25-30 minutes, or until golden brown (our oven consistently takes 35 minutes to cook these loaves)
7. Cool on wire racks
8. Melt remaining butter; brush over loaves and sprinkle with caraway seeds. Cool. (Omitted)

Good times!

Spiced Gatehouse Tea Bread

If you've never read any of the Redwall books by Brian Jacques, you're really missing out. I even devoted a whole blog post to his dedication to describing food. Go read his books; you won't regret it. Lately, we've been dabbling with a few of the recipes from an actual cookbook that he released some time ago. I mention it in the post linked earlier. Check that out, too. The first one we tried was a tea bread. This is a fantastic breakfast bread. Toasted and slathered in butter and/or honey, you've got a real treat. It also is a very good looking bread, just loaded with fruit. Make it and sit around pretending you're a mouse and it's like you're living the book! As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Spiced Gatehouse Tea Bread
via Brian Jacques The Redwall Cookbook

Ingredients

• 3 cups mixed dried fruit, preferably 1 cup each raisins, currants and golden raisins (no currants on hand so we went with dried cranberries instead)
• 1-1/2 cup hot brewed tea (we used pomegranate tea)
• 4 packed teaspoons brown sugar
• 1-1/2 cups whole wheat flour
• 1-1/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 tablespoons pumpkin pie spice or 2 teaspoons each cinnamon, ginger and nutmeg 
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 egg, beaten
• butter, for greasing pan

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375F (190C, Gasmark 5). Butter an 8-cup, preferably nonstick loaf pan (I suspect the book may have a typo. I've never seen an 8 cup loaf pan. That's huge. I am thinking they meant 8 inch loaf pan, because that's what I used and it was the perfect size. Go me.)
2. Place the dried fruit in a large bowl, Pour the hot tea over the fruit, stir in the brown sugar, and let the mixture cool for 5 minutes.
3. In another bowl, whisk together the flours, spices, baking powder and salt. Stir the dry ingredients into the fruit mixture, then stir in the egg until well combined (I did the final mixing in the KitchenAid because I 'm lazy and didn't want to do it by hand)
4. Scrape the batter into the pan, level the surface and place it in the top third of the oven. Bake for about an hour, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. 
5. Let the loaf cool in the pan for about 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack.

Good times!

Cinnamon Raisin Sweet Rolls

     Let me come out and warn you right off the bat that this recipe is a P.I.T.A. There's a bunch of steps, and rolling and brushing and separating and dividing. It also takes like 3 hours start to finish including rising time. I will also tell you these things are the bomb-diggety, yo. They are just wonderful. They are soft and chewy and gooey and frosted and wonderful. I mean holy shit, wow, are they good. They just are a colossal pain in the ass to make. Totally worth it, though. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Cinnamon Sweet Rolls
via Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals

Ingredients

• 2 medium potatoes, peeled and diced
• 1 package (.25 oz) active dry yeast
• 1/2 teaspoon plus 1/4 cup sugar, divided (I realized that I have no recollection of including the 1/4 cup sugar. I did not realize it until I re-read the recipe. That tells me it probably wasn't necessary. Or maybe it was and I just forgot. Who knows.)
• 1/2 cup evaporated milk
• 1/4 cup honey
• 3 tablespoons canola oil (omitted)
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon butter flavoring (omitted)
• 4 tablespoons butter/margarine only if you're following my changes
• 5 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 egg whites, lightly beaten, divided
• 1-1/4 cups packed brown sugar
• 1/2 cup raisins
• 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• For Glaze
• 1-1/2 cups confectioners' sugar
• 3 tablespoons milk
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions

1. In a saucepan, cook potatoes in 1-1/2 cups water until very tender. Drain, reserving 3/4 cup of cooking liquid. Mash potatoes; set aside 1 cup (if you have extra, find some use for it. My suggestion is loading it on a spoon and unceremoniously launching it at your spouse)
2. In a mixing bowl, dissolve yeast in warm reserved liquid. Add 1/2 teaspoon sugar; let stand for 5 minutes
3. Add the milk, honey, oil (if using), salt, butter flavoring (or butter), sugar, 2 cups flour (screwed up again here. I totally didn't add any flour in this step. I added it all at once later. No harm done as far as I can tell), and potatoes. Beat until smooth. Stir in enough remaining flour to form a soft dough. Turn out onto a floured surface and knead until smooth and elastic, 6-8 minutes (or just throw the dough hook on the KitchenAid and let it do the work). Place in a bowl coated with non-stick cooking spray, turning once to coat. Cover and let rise in a warm place until doubled, about 90 minutes.
4. Punch dough down. Turn onto a lightly floured surface. Roll into an 18"x13" rectangle (my rectangle was 20"x14" because I'm a total badass). Brush with some of the egg whites.
5. Combine brown sugar, raisins and cinnamon; sprinkle over dough to within one inch of the edges. Roll up jelly-style, starting with the long side. Pinch seam to seal. Cut into 18 slices (we ended up with 16 slices because I didn't feel like measuring. I just started cutting shit in half). Place cut side down (technically if you're slicing dough, everything except the ends is cut on both sides) in two 9" square baking pans (I willfully ignored this and used to regular baking sheet which resulted in these wonderful round rolls). Brush with remaining egg white, Cover and let rise until doubled, about 30 minutes.
6. Bake at 350F (180C, Gasmark 4) for 20-25 minutes or until golden brown (we went 23 minutes and were very pleased). Cool on a wire rack.
7. Combine glaze ingredients and drizzle over cooled rolls. 

Good times!

Focaccia

     I don't think I'd be able to live with a gluten intolerance. I like bread way too much. I don't have the willpower to resist it. I'd eat a loaf of garlic bread and then sit in the bathroom for an hour screaming and cursing my existence. Then I'd go eat a stack of waffles. Circle of life and all that. Anyway, I've been meaning to try my hand at focaccia for some time and finally found a nice recipe hiding in one of my Frugal Gourmet cookbooks. This particular recipe takes about three hours from start to finish, so make sure you've set aside enough time for this. It's not particularly labor intensive, it just has a lot of rising time. It's totally worth it, as it makes a bread with a lightly crisp crust and a soft middle. It's very flavorful and seems like you could do all sorts of wonderful things with toppings. I'm calling it a winner. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Focaccia
via The Frugal Gourmet Cooks Three Ancient Cuisines

Ingredients
Dough

• 2 packets quick-rising dry yeast
• 2 cups tepid water
• 1 tablespoon sugar
• 4 tablespoons olive oil (use as many virgins as you like)
• 1/2 cup vegetable or salad oil (salad oil? Is that what you get when you wring out lettuce?)
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 5-1/2 cups unbleached white flour (I don't believe I've ever had that in the house. I went with regular old bleached white flour)

Topping

• 3 cloves garlic, peeled and crushed (I used 4 cloves, and grated them. Take that, Frugal Gourmet!)
• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 1 teaspoon dried rosemary, whole
• 1 tablespoon kosher salt (I used a Tuscany salt and pepper mixture in a grinder. Very tasty stuff)
• Sun-dried tomatoes. The recipe didn't call for them, but The Wife suggested them. They look great, but don't stay on the dough for shit. You pick up the bread and the tomatoes unceremoniously fall off. Not sure what to do to hold them in place. Maybe toothpicks or rubber cement. 

Directions

1. Dissolve the yeast in tepid water. Add the sugar, olive oil, vegetable oil, and salt. Mix in 3 cups of the flour and whip until the dough begins to leave the sides of the mixing bowl, about 10 minutes (Whip? Whipping dough? Is that a thing? I don't have a whipping attachment for the KitchenAid, so I used the dough hook for the entire procedure)
2. Mix in remaining flour by hand or with a dough hook and knead the dough until it is smooth. Allow the dough to rise twice, in the bowl, and punch down after each rising (I went with about an hour for each rise. The dough will at least double in size)
3. Oil 2 baking sheets, each 18x13"(totally didn't bother measuring. I only own two baking sheets so measuring is kind of moot). Using your fingers, press the dough out to the edges of the pan. Allow to rise for about 30 minutes.
4. Preheat oven to 375F (190C, Gasmark 5)
5. Brush with the garlic mixed with the oil for topping. Sprinkle with rosemary and kosher salt on top (or whatever else you decided to chuck on there). Bake for about 20 minutes (We did 20 minutes exactly and the bread came out golden with a nice bottom crust. Kind of like a diaper)

Good Times!

Yogurt Corn Bread with Peanut Butter Filling

     There is absolutely no reason to buy corn bread mix in a box. It's really not hard to make. It's even easier when you have a good recipe to work with. This is one of those recipes. I can say that because I stole it from someone who knew what they were doing. I especially like the idea of filling the corn bread with peanut butter. With a smear of jelly, you've got an instant breakfast. I may try filling these with savory stuff like ham, eggs and cheese for self contained breakfasts! As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Yogurt Corn Bread
with Peanut Butter Filling
adapted from The Frugal Gourmet Cooks American

Ingredients

• 3/4 cup flour
• 1-1/2 cups cornmeal
• 4 teaspoons baking powder
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 2 eggs, beaten
• 1-1/4 cups milk (Amazingly, we were totally out of milk. We went with 1-1/2 cups plain yogurt instead)
• 1/4 cup vegetable oil
• Peanut butter, crunchy or smooth depending on what you like. (if you just want plain cornbread, just leave this out)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 400F (200C, Gasmark 6)
2. Place all the dry ingredients in a mixing bowl and mix with an electric mixer. Add the liquids and mix until smooth.
3. At this point, if you want plain old corn bread/muffins, just pour what you have into a greased 8x12" pan or put about 3 tablespoons of batter in individual muffin tins and cook for 30 minutes. 
4. If you wanted the peanut butter filling, grease a muffin pan and put 1 tablespoon of batter in the bottom of each tin (this may not fill every pan. We only were able to fill 10 of the 12 slots on our muffin pan). Place 1 tablespoon of peanut butter in the tin on the batter. Cover with another 2 tablespoons of batter. 
5. Cook for 30 minutes (baking times may vary)

Good times!

Bagels!

     For the longest time, our house has had a huge stockpile of bagels. Our local market carries Pepperidge Farm overstock, so we could get bags of six bagels for 99 cents! Our freezer was stuffed. Lately, they haven't been stocking the bagels, so I was forced to take drastic measures and make them myself. I once again turned to my trusty copy of Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals. There just happened to be a pretty good looking bagel recipe. While the bagels are really, really good, they are a bit labor intensive, pushing P.I.T.A. status. It's worth the effort, though. You end up with bagels with a nice crust and a chewy middle. I'm talking deli-delicious. As always, any notes or changes are in blue. 

Bagels!
via Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals

Ingredients

• 1 tablespoon active dry yeast (2 of the little packets)
• 1-1/4 cup warm (110-115F) water
• 3 tablespoons canola oil (we used vegetable oil)
• 3 tablespoons sugar
• 3 tablespoons, plus 1/4 cup honey, divided (we omitted the other 1/4 cup of honey, as you'll only use it for boiling the bagels. It just seemed wasteful)
• 1 teaspoon brown sugar
• 2 teaspoons salt
• 1 egg
• 4-5 cups bread flour (we use 5 cups every time)
• 2 tablespoons dried minced onion
• 2 tablespoon sesame seeds
• 2 tablespoons poppy seeds (omitted. We didn't have any on hand)
• 2 tablespoons garlic powder

Directions

1. In a large mixing bowl, dissolve yeast in warm water. Add the oil, sugar, 3 tablespoons honey, brown sugar, salt and egg. Mix well. Stir in enough flour to form a soft dough. Turn out onto a floured surface and knead 8-10 minutes (we mixed and kneaded everything in the KitchenAid. If we have it, we're going to use it until it explodes.) Cover and let rest for 10 minutes.
2. Shape dough into 12 pieces. Roll each piece into a 10" rope (we just set out a tape measure on the counter to make it simple). Form bagels by overlapping the ends; pinch to seal. Place on a lightly floured surface. Cover and let rest for another 20 minutes.
3. In a large post bring 8 cups of water and remaining honey to a boil (again, we left out that extra honey. Honey is expensive and I don't think I'm really losing anything by not using it. Maybe once the Bugatti gets back from the shop, we'll try it with the extra honey). Drop bagels, one at a time (that is dumb. The pot will hold three! I boiled three at a time), into boiling water. Boil for 45 seconds. Flip the bagels and boil for another 45 seconds. Remove bagels and allow to drain. 

   

   See? Plenty of room.

4. Place bagels on baking sheets lined with parchment paper (2 times in a row I forgot to buy parchment paper. We used foil sprayed with nonstick cooking spray and nothing terrible happened). Sprinkle with the minced onion, sesame seeds and garlic (or whatever topping you choose).
5. Bake at 425F (220C, Gasmark 7) for 12 minutes. Flip bagels and cook another 5 minutes (the cooking time was pretty accurate, but keep an eye on things as cooking times may vary).

Good Times!

Shaker Bread

     I hope I never develop a gluten intolerance, because I love bread dearly. I love baking bread. I imagine The Wife, in large part, stays with me because I regularly bake bread. We could easily just sit and stuff our faces with hot buttered bread. This particular bread, a "Shaker Daily Loaf," comes out of one of my old Frugal Gourmet cookbooks. It's a simple, yeasty bread that toasts well and has a great crust. This would be a rock solid PB&J bread. As always, notes or changes are in blue.

Shaker Bread
via The Frugal Gourmet Cooks American

Ingredients

• 2 packages fast-acting dry yeast
• 1/4 cup warm water
• 1-3/4 cup milk
• 3 tablespoons butter
• 2 tablespoons sugar
• 2 teaspoons salt
• 5 cups all-purpose flour
• Soft butter for greasing the bowl and top of dough, about 2 tablespoons (or if you're like me and counting calories, just use non-stick cooking spray instead)

Directions

1. Dissolve the yeast in warm water in a large mixing bowl. Warm the milk and melt the 3 tablespoons of butter in it. Stir in the sugar and salt and allow to cool to lukewarm. Add this to the yeast bowl along with 3 cups of the flour. Beat until smooth (I used the KitchenAid since I am too lazy to do the beating/mixing by hand)
2. Add the remaining flour and knead on a floured surface until smooth and elastic, about 10 minutes (3-4 minutes on the KitchenAid if you're using the dough hook)
3. Place the dough on a plastic counter and butter the top of the dough with half of the remaining butter. Cover the dough with a very large stainless steel bowl and allow to rise until double in bulk (let it rise for about an hour. That should double it. As for the plastic counter nonsense, I just took the dough out of the mixing bowl, sprayed the bowl with nonstick cooking spray and rolled the dough in it and then left it in the bowl with a towel over the top.)
4. After the dough has risen, punch down and shape into two loaves for loaf pans (spray the pans with nonstick cooking spray). Again brush the top of the dough and allow to rise until doubled in bulk (this will be about 30 minutes. I skipped the butter brush and just put a little cooking spray on the tops of the loaves)
5. Bake at 400F (200C, Gasmark 6) for 30 minutes (this took exactly 30 minutes for us. Cooking times may vary)

Good Times!

Banana Nut Bread

     There's nothing like remembering you had a bag of bananas sitting on the counter for a week. You go to pick them up and they just sort of snap off their little connectors, exposing the mushy banana. You're screwed. You can't just throw them out; you spent good money on them. The only logical course of action is to make banana bread. You can never go wrong having a loaf or six of banana bread in the house. You may have seen The Wife's Banana Bread Recipe. This is not the same thing at all. Using whole wheat flour seems to really change things up. Both are really good and I'd welcome either on my plate. Make them both and let me know which you like more. As always, notes and changes are in blue.

Banana Nut Bread
via Taste of Home Everyday Light Meals

Ingredients

• 2 tablespoons butter, softened 
• 3/4 cup sugar
• 1 egg
• 1 egg white (what the hell am I going to do with ONE egg yolk? I just went ahead and used the whole egg)
• 2 cups (about 4 medium) mashed ripe bananas
• 1/4 cup unsweetened applesauce (we used our own apple butter)
• 1/4 cup honey
• 1 tablespoon vanilla or rum extract (we used vanilla extract and I drank some rum for good measure)
• 1-1/3 cup all-purpose flour
• 2/3 cup whole wheat flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 cup chopped pecans

Directions

1. In a mixing bowl, beat butter and sugar for 2 minutes or until crumbly. Add egg, then egg white (or just 2 eggs if you're a lazy bastard like me), beating well. Beat on high speed until light and fluffy (It's too bad the recipe totally neglects to mention you're using a mixer. Granted, you might be a robot with speed settings. I just used the Kitchenaid on speed 4. Anything higher than that and it sounds like somebody is trying to land a Harrier in the kitchen and I'll be cleaning batter off the ceiling)
2. Stir in the bananas, apple sauce, honey and extract. Combine the flours, baking soda and salt; stir into banana mixture until just moistened. 
3. Pour into 9x5x3 inch loaf pan coated with nonstick cooking spray. Sprinkle with nuts. 
4. Bake at 325F (170C, Gasmark 3) for 60-65 minutes (this took almost 90 minutes in our oven. Cooking times will vary) or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean.
5. Cool for 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack.

Good times!

Too Damned Easy Cookie Stuffed Brownies

     The more I do this whole food blog thing, the more fancy recipes I see. One thing I have always been mystified by is the baking layers inside of layers trick. I always figured it was too complicated to bother with. It never occurred to me that the process could be dumbed down so far that even I could convincingly pull it off using nothing but a couple boxes of mix. It can be done! The Wife was terrified when I went to make these, knowing exactly how bad they would be for us. Naturally, they tasted fantastic and we greedily shoved one after another into our faces. I anticipate you'll do the same. Shovel them into your own face, I mean. It would just be weird if you tried shoveling them into ours. As always, notes are in blue.

Too Damned Easy
Cookie Stuffed Brownies

Ingredients

• 1 - 10 ounce box of store bought chocolate chip cookie mix (ideally the cheapest you can find. I found one on special for 80 cents)
• 1 - 18 ounce box store bought brownie mix (I went with Duncan Hines Dark Chocolate Fudge brownie mix I found on sale for 99 cents. Such a deal!)
• Glass of wine. (You deserve it for putting together a dessert for under two bucks. Take the money you saved and get a couple bottles of Boone's Farm)

Directions

1. In a bowl, prepare cookie dough according to directions on the box. Take 12 teaspoons of dough and roll them into balls. Go ahead and eat the rest of the dough right out of the bowl.
2. In another bowl, prepare brownie batter according to directions on the box (use the "cake" style brownie that uses an extra egg, if they give you that option in the directions. Otherwise, just add another egg and hope for the best)
3. Spray a muffin pan with nonstick cooking spray. Fill each muffin cup with half the brownie batter.
4. Put a ball of cookie dough into each muffin cup, pressing it down into the brownie batter

   

   At this point you would be forgiven for just getting a spoon and eating it as is.

5. Us remaining brownie batter to completely cover the cookie dough in each cup. If there's any brownie batter, go ahead and eat that right out of the bowl, too.
6. Cook according to the directions on the brownie box (for us it was 350 for about 20 minutes), or until a toothpick inserted into the the cup comes out clean.

Good times!