Homebound Update #2

So, I'm on day two of being homebound. (It's day three for The Wife and Spud. I had to go into school Monday for a few hours to grab my resources to take home). So far, we have made it without screaming or throwing each other out windows. Basically, we have enforced a schedule upon ourselves. As The Wife and I are both basically running our classrooms from home, we have to make ourselves available from 9-2. This is also peak Spud Time. Here's the rules so far:

For Adults

1. You must get out of your pajamas and into actual clothes for the day. They don't necessarily have to be school appropriate, but they can't be what you woke up in.
2. You must maintain the same level of hygiene you would maintain during a normal work week.
3. No more than one snack bag of chips per day.
4. No drinking before 2pm. 
5. One room a day will be cleaned thoroughly
6. The last 1-2 hours before bed must be completely devoid of electronics except for music. That is quiet grown up time for games, reading, or "other."

For The Spud

1. Adult rules 1-3 apply to you.
2. You will follow a weekday schedule:
   9am-11am: Educational time (worksheets, reading, practicing numbers and letters, etc.)
   11am-12pm: Snack and free time
   12pm-1pm: nap or quiet activity time
   1pm-2pm: Educational time (flash cards, educational electronic toys, educational video like NatGeo or PBS)
   2pm-4pm: free time and helping with clean-up. Baths when appropriate.
   5pm-6pm: Utilize the free streaming from zoos and aquariums
   6pm-7pm: Garbage TV time (My Little Pony, Glitter Force, Voltron, She-Ra)
   7pm or so: Wrapping up and bed time.
3. The schedule is flexible when weather will allow us to go outside.

It seems to be working for everybody so far. As far as food, we have been working through the corned beef and cabbage I made on Sunday. It has been utilized for three meals as well as snacks:

Colcannon from Sunday became the mashed potato topping for a shepherd's pie yesterday!

The cabbage and potatoes became the side dish for smoked sausages tonight!

The corned beef became Reuben snack bites!

We are also trying to keep spirits up with snacks and desserts. I found a box of pineapple upside-down cake mix (with a can of real pineapple enclosed!) lurking in the back of a cabinet. The Spud helped me assemble it and it turned into a serviceable dessert!

Doesn't look like much but it works.

So that's where we are right now. Things look grim as far as returning to school. Looking more and more like the remainder of the year will be online learning. Stay safe and we will stay in touch!

Product Review: Wise Company Creamy Pasta and Vegetable Rotini

     Given the weather lately, the idea of keeping emergency rations in your home is not a terrible idea. The area where I live is prone to some violent outbursts of weather, most of which will knock the power out. If you don't have the luxury of a Generac system to back-up the power to your home, eventually you're going to lose the food in your refrigerator and freezer. Your options become a bit limited at this point.

Well, yes. Technically this is always a possibility. 

     You could go with canned goods, but they are bulky, heavy and won't keep for a super-long time. The cans could rust. You could lose your can opener. What I'm talking about is honest-to-goodness survival rations. There's always the old standby of military MRE (Meal, Ready-to-Eat. Or as my military friends would call them: Meals, Rarely Edible). I'm going to take a look at the emergency rations from Wise Company. Why? They sent me a free sample, to be quite honest. If you check the site you can request a sample, too (fair warning, it's going to require you to talk to a live sales person). The two advantages to Wise Company food that I saw was that they only require water to make and they have a 25 year shelf-life. Let us get started with the review.

Well, the packaging is nice. That's a good start. Made in the USA, too!

     They sent me Creamy Pasta and Vegetable Rotini. First off, the title is both redundant an incorrect. Rotini pasta is redundant. The alternative is there was vegetable rotini in the bag. There was not. I'm going to overlook this goof since if I were starving to death, I wouldn't even care if it was spelled phonetically. Theoretically, this bag is supposed to feed four adults. Let's flip the bag over and take a look at the back for some nutritional information!

Seems legit.

     210 calories a serving isn't too bad. This isn't really a calorie powerhouse unless you eat the whole bag and you're still 1200 calories shy of average daily intake. However, remember you're just looking to survive. You won't do that if you eat the whole bag because one serving is 800mg of sodium, 33% of your suggested daily allowance. For the most part the ingredients aren't too horrifying.  Let's tear open the bag and see what it looks like.

I thought the silica packet would add a nice bit of flavor but the wife made me take it out.

     The wife and I took a whiff of the contents and both reached the same conclusion that it smelled quite a bit like Ramen noodles. That's not a bad thing at all. There seemed to be a goodly amount of carrots and peas in there and the noodles looked decent. So far so good. Next we needed to prepare it. This couldn't be easier. All you need is a pot and 4 cups of boiling water.

You more than likely won't have access to an electric kettle to boil your water in an emergency.
In that case all you need is a pot, water and fire.

     We boiled up the water, dumped it in and gave it all a stir. The initial impression was that we had just created soup. However, we needed to put a lid on it and let it sit for 15 minutes, presumably to soak up all the water.

Theoretically, this will become creamy in around 15-20 minutes.

     After 15 minutes we took the lid off, and as per instructions, let the pasta sit for a couple more minutes. Creaminess was not achieved. We had vegetable soup. Now, if you're looking for survival, this may not be a bad thing. The broth will certainly fill you up. As it was not an emergency, we drained off the excess water and were left with the Creamy Pasta and Vegetable Rotini.

4 servings, my ass. Somebody is going to have to starve to death.

     If you drain the water, there's no way this is four servings. We were able to put together two shallow bowls. In fairness, this is for survival, not for luxury dining and we did drain the water. The final test remained. We needed to eat it. The carrots still had a bit of snap. The peas were a bit mushy but that was to be expected. The pasta held up well and wasn't too mushy. The flavor? Not bad. Kind of like high end Ramen with a thin cream sauce. If this was the only food we had available, I wouldn't be put out at all to eat it for a few days. It looked and tasted real. This is not something that can be said for many emergency rations or MREs. If you've ever had the tuna MRE you know what I'm talking about.

Final Review

Product: Wise Company emergency ration 

Cost: A bucket of 60 entrees (enough for 1 person for a month) is $134.99. If you're splitting this two ways, it's only about $1.13 per person per meal. That's reasonable enough considering the type of food you're dealing with.

Flavor: Not what you would call "flavor-packed," but not too bad.

Appearance: This is actually some good looking emergency food. 

Would I Buy It?: I can't justify buying the year package, no matter how cool that would be. However, for under $150 I could have 1 month of emergency food that will keep 25 years. That's not terrible. The wife and I are strongly considering getting a single case for the next weather-related calamity. I'd certainly be happy to throw these in my pack if I were camping.

Good times!

Fundamentally Horrifying Foods That I Have Eaten

     There comes a time in every one's life where they are presented with a food they find fundamentally horrifying. The reasons for this visceral horror may vary. It could be a questionable ingredient. It could be an odd blend of flavors. Maybe it's the color or texture. Sometimes it's the presentation. Whatever the reason may be, the food is repellent. When faced with this type of food you have two options:

     Or you can go for the gusto and attempt to conquer your fear and digestive system. I have been confronted with a number of questionable dishes in my time and in most cases have made a genuine attempt to see if it's truly as bad as it would appear. Here are a few examples:

Haggis

This is one of the more infamous horrifying foods. For those who aren't familiar with haggis, here is the definition from Merriam-Webster:  a traditionally Scottish dish that consists of the heart, liver, and lungs of a sheep or a calf minced with suet, onions, oatmeal, and seasonings and boiled in the stomach of the animal. I agree, it sounds absolutely vile. It doesn't look particularly appetizing either, even the version I had. However, the taste is surprisingly good. For lack of a better comparison, it's kind of like corned beef hash, but made with everything that's left over after they make hot dogs.

Gefilte Fish

Let's hit the definition from dictionary.reference.com first:  a forcemeat of boned fish, especially such freshwater fish as carp, pike, or whitefish, blended with eggs,matzo meal, and seasoning, shaped into balls or sticks and simmered in a vegetable broth, and often served chilled. OK, only moderately horrifying. That is, until you get to the chilled part. That means that these babies are swimming in a big vat of fish flavored gelatin. Check that picture again. Not very pretty. The consistency is sketchy, too. It's very much like a firm sponge. However, add a touch of horseradish and you've got a shockingly tasty dish!

Pickled Herring in Cream Sauce

No definition is needed here. Everything you need to know is in the name. It took me a while to get past this dish. It is visually unappealing. It doesn't smell particularly good. Even in concept it is unpleasant. However, you throw a hunk of this on a Triscuit and power it down and it's not half bad. It's not half good, either. You definitely need something crunchy to offset the texture of this dish. It's quasi-firm pieces of fish slathered in cream. The consistency is fairly hard to get past.

     So will you be a better person for eating these? Probably not. There's a good chance you'll be thoroughly repulsed. However, you can at least say you gave them a fair chance. Plus, there's also the possibility you'll find something you like that you can eat in front of friends and family in order to make them sick!

Good times!

Hosting Large Parties

    In the last year, I decided it would be a great idea to start hosting large parties at my house. This was largely due to a misplaced sense of laziness. I figured if I hosted the party, I could drink with impunity and didn't have far to go to get to my bed. I completely miscalculated. Hosting a party is a, as a previous student of mine used to refer to it, "metric fuck-ton" of work. Where did I go wrong? After a couple more attempts, I figured out what to do to keep the workload to a minimum but still make sure everyone has a good time.

Don't Try To Do Everything Yourself
This is where I went wrong the first time around. I tried cooking enough for everyone, even though people were bringing food. I made labor intensive stuff, too. Far Breton, pan bangat, pizzas completely from scratch, egg rolls, crab rangoon, hot wings. I lose track. I got it all out and it was a hit, but I was exhausted and it ended up being too much food.

Now I keep the food simple. I stick with what's popular with my group. The triple slow cooker comes out and holds a couple of dips and a warmer for hot wings. I might make a pizza. Maybe do a chili bar. I know everybody who shows is generally bringing something, so now I just cook the favorites. I'm done trying to impress a large group.

Have Room In The Fridge
People are going to bring stuff that needs to be kept cold. With my group, it's usually cases of Bud Light, but there you go.

"I need you to make some space in the fridge."

If you're lucky, it will be cold outside and you can just leave the beer on the patio. If not, have coolers ready to go. You don't want stuff melting all over the counter.

Have Enough Ice

This is hugely important. Even if you have an ice-maker on your fridge, it's not going to be enough. Assume you'll need about a pound of ice per person attending. If there's a blizzard, you can always break icicles off the eaves and throw snow in cups. Just don't run out!

Have Enough Booze

I don't expect people to bring booze to my parties. Maybe beer, because I don't really keep it in the house. For a party, I will have at least a fifth of each of the following: rum (spiced and flavored), vodka (plain and at least one flavored), tequila (silver), bourbon (cheap), gin, and a couple liqueurs (Bols, Campari or something like that). I also make sure I have plenty of mixers. Sodas, vermouth (sweet and dry), grenadine, rose's lime juice, bitters, sour mix, etc. I also have a mini-kegerator that I'll load with a 5L mini-keg of some fun beer (usually Kostrizer or Oberon). 

Be prepared to grab car keys or arrange rides. My house has lots of futons, so I can have people crash there. Be responsible. People don't come back to your events if they get DUIs or die.

Realize No Matter How Much Entertainment You Have, Everybody Is Staying In The Kitchen

I had the poker table ready to go. I had the dartboard ready to go. I had the living and game rooms ready to go. Nobody left the kitchen/dining room. 

The fact that this is our dining room tends to keep people in the area.

I actually like it this way. It keeps the damage to a minimum.  Everybody stays in a big, loud group while they eat and drink. It warms the cockles of my heart. Even the sub-cockle region.

Accept That You're Not Going To Sit Down

This drives my wife batty. I don't sit while I'm entertaining. I'm on the move. I'm keeping platters full and empty plates moving toward the trash. I'm swapping out empty bottles and mixing cocktails. Clean as you go. You want to be able to just go to bed when everyone leaves.  I generally don't sit down until almost everyone has left. Then I sit and the alcohol I've been imbibing all night finally hits and I pass out at the table.

Good times!