Cucumber-Jalapeno Hot Sauce

 Holy shit did the garden throw a lot of cucumbers at us. There's only so many cucumber sandwiches, or tomato/cucumber/onion salad you can eat. I decided to use the vast surplus along with the bumper crop of jalapenos were also blessed with. The end result was a rock-solid hot sauce. It starts with an unmistakable cucumber flavor. Then the heat builds quickly but then levels off with a nice sweet finish. This would be great with fish or chicken. Or, as The Wife prefers, unceremoniously shoveled into her gob with Aldi Lime Nacho Chips. To each their own. This recipe will yield about 2-1/2 pints of sauce. 

Cucumber-Jalapeno Hot Sauce
aka Green Meanie

Ingredients

• 2 decent sized cucumbers, peeled, seeded, and chopped
• 12 jalapenos, chopped (I suppose if you're a HUGE BABY you could seed them to cut down on the heat, but then why are you even looking at a hot sauce recipe?)
• 1 medium onion, chopped
• 1/4 cup lime juice
• 3/4 cup water
• 2 cups white wine vinegar
• 1 tablespoon dry cilantro
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 tablespoon garlic powder
• 1 teaspoon amchoor (dried mango) powder

Directions

1. In a medium pot, combine all ingredients. Bring to a boil. Reduce to a simmer for about 10 minutes.
2. Pour mixture into a blender or use an immersion blender to blend until as smooth as possible.
3. Feel free to strain the sauce if you want something closer to a liquid-only hot sauce, or leave it as-is for something closer to a thin salsa.
4. If you plan on canning this sauce, we went with 5 half pint jars, 1/4" headspace, and 12 minutes in the boiling water bath. As always please go to the National Center for Home Food Preservation and brush up on canning so you don't accidentally kill anyone.

Good times!

Pickle Dip

 Some time ago I happened on a wondrous product at our Sam's Club. It was a Taste of the South Fried Pickle and Ranch Dip. It was delicious and reasonably priced. However, our Sam's is almost 30 minutes away. It wasn't always practical to pick it up. I decided to replicate the recipe. I'll be damned if I didn't come really close. This is an excellent dip for veggies or chips, or as a filler for those cute little spiral roll ups. You could just be a savage and spoon it straight into your gob. Nobody will know. Fair warning, much like the original, the pickles cause the dip to break down and get watery after a day or two. Just stir it a few times and you're back in business. Try it. It's killing you not to. 

I'd like it pointed out I did not make any "pickle dip" jokes in this post. I'm growing as a person. I guess if you want a pickle dip joke you'll have to insert it yourself. DAMMIT I WAS SO CLOSE.

Pickle Dip

Ingredients

• 1 pint jar of pickles. 
• 1 lb container sour cream
• 4 ounces cream cheese (we used neufchatel), softened
• 1/4 cup Ranch dressing
• 1/4 cup Italian style bread crumbs
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 teaspoon onion powder
• 1/8 teaspoon turmeric
• 1/2 teaspoon dill weed

Directions

1. Take the pickles from the jar and chop them as finely as you can. Reserve the pickle juice from the jar, you may need it later.
2. In a large bowl, add all the ingredients (except the reserved pickle juice) and whisk the living shit out of it until everything is incorporated.

   

   If I didn't have a whisk, I'd be in a real "pickle."
   Sorry.

3. Give it a taste, if it's not pickly enough for you, (picklishious? pickletastic?) add a couple splashes of pickle juice. Don't get crazy or the dip will get thin.

Good times!

Summer Vegetable Quiche with Potato Crust

 So the garden is totally out of control. We are being buried alive in vegetables and are desperately doing everything we can to stay ahead of it. I have to be honest. I'm getting really fucking tired of squash and zucchini. This was a moment of inspiration. I'd seen similar recipes, and decided to do something similar. There's really not much to say. It uses up a bunch of veggies, is easy to put together, and tastes pretty good. I like mine with a liberal splash of Tabasco sauce. If you're desperate to use up some veggies, this is a pretty solid way to go. It works for pretty much any meal of the day. Give it a try and let me know what you think, unless it's critical, then don't tell me. As always, notes are in blue.

Summer Vegetable Quiche with Potato Crust

Ingredients

I may have used jarred garlic when I made this. Don't judge me.

• 1 bag (24 ounce) frozen O'Brien style hash brown potatoes
• 1 cup finely chopped zucchini
• 1 cup finely chopped yellow squash
• 1/2 cup finely chopped onion
• 3 cloves garlic, finely chopped
• 3 cups of chopped kale, stems/spines removed
• 1 cup shredded white cheddar cheese (honestly pretty much any cheese would work here)
• 3 eggs
• 1/2 cup evaporated milk
• 2 teaspoons Italian seasoning
• 3 tablespoons olive oil
• salt

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 425F (220C, GasMark 7)
2. Defrost the potatoes and squeeze out as much moisture as humanly possible. Seriously, squeeze the shit out of it like it owes you money. Get physical. Consider it therapy. Give a primal scream as you do it. 
3. Grease a 9" cast iron skillet (or a pie pan if you don't have the cast iron) Take the potatoes and form a even layer to serve as the crust. Bake for 25 minutes or until the potatoes start to brown.
4. While the crust is cooking, in a large pan, heat oil over medium heat. Add garlic and onions. Sauté for 3-5 minutes, or until the onion starts to get translucent. 
5. Add the zucchini and squash and sauté about 5-7 minutes or until tender.
6. Add the kale and sauté until the kale is wilted

   

   Wilting in progress.

7. In a bowl, add eggs, evaporated milk, cheese, and seasonings. Beat until all is mixed evenly.
8. When crust is done, remove from oven and lower temperature to 350F (177C, GasMark 4).
9. Spread vegetable mixture evenly in crust. Slowly pour in milk/egg mixture. Lightly move the mixture around with a spatula to make sure the liquid and cheese is fully incorporated.
10. Cook for 30 minutes or until top is starting to brown.

    

    It occasionally looks like I know what I'm doing!

    You can poke it with a knife and if it comes away clean, you're done. 

Good times!